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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2015 2:37:34 GMT 8
Dedicated for any twelve step related thoughts and needs.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 16, 2015 19:11:26 GMT 8
My mom had some hard times after I was born. She got into some hard drugs and ended up in prison for a while. When she got out she stayed sober for 24 years. She sponsored many people in AA and helped them get clean. She's done so many good things for people, and worked hard to get a high-paying job creating proposals for an engineering company. A few years ago she was laid off, but was able to get a new job rather quickly. The first day of this new job she got into an accident which totaled her car and messed her up where she had to use a walker for a while. She got impatient with getting health care and just started eating muscle relaxers. It got to the point where she started having seizures, and then started lying to me about it. Then she started drinking again.
I came out to her, and she was supportive; she even gave me some of her jeans and offered to take me with her to get our brows done. I needed $300 from her one day to get stuff done at the clinic and get my prescriptions, but she gave me the runaround as if to get out of giving me anything. Since then I haven't talked to her, and I refuse to until she cleans up or shows some genuine effort to do so. I could really use her support right now, but I don't even recognise her anymore. I tried telling her husband to take her into a recovery clinic, but he won't do it. He's too worried about her being mad. So, all any of us can do is just wait to see if she cleans up or ends up dead. I tried and tried to help her, but she just kept on.
So, I have to do this alone. I may have friends who aren't opposed to my transition, or threatened by it, but none of them actually try to play an active role. I know that my mom, in her right mind, would be doing everything she could to help me. This is the most important thing in my life right now, and I have no one to rely on. My dad lives four or five hours from me, but he doesn't help, either. The only thing that keeps me distracted is writing... or sleeping.
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Post by LivingTheDream on Jan 17, 2015 0:09:30 GMT 8
My experience with transition and my experience with recovery have some profound commonalities. Chief among them are the ideas of powerlessness and unmanageability, and acceptance of life on life's terms. In both instances the chaos and despair of my life had to become existential before I could become willing to accept drastic change and become teachable, and in both experiences acceptance of myself as I truly am and others as they truly are became the foundation stones of a better life. The steps come from the tradition of spirituality and Christianity, for me transition came from the traditions of science based medicine and psychology and is more secular in nature. But for me the connection of the spirit, or perhaps a melding of conscious and unconscious thought, have resulted in the synthesis of a new human being. I am not the person I was prior to my defeat as a going concern and the growth into a sober person. Neither am I the same person who cried out in desperation, fear, and pain and found answers and solace in the transgender community. The steps of AA are not a formula for transition, but they are a formula for finding unsuspected strength and discovery of acceptance of persons, places, and things. For me sobriety had to precede transition. I needed the tools of self examination, honesty, and acceptance of things as they are to find the courage and resources to completely restructure my world. I was reading an article that was referenced on the non-binary area of Susan's the other day www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm "Group Three (G3) is composed of natal males who identify as female but who act and appear normally male. We can hypothesize that prenatal androgenization was sufficient to allow these individuals to appear and act normally as males but insufficient to establish a firm male gender identity. For these female-identified males, the result is a more complicated and insidious sex/gender discontinuity. Typically, from earliest childhood these individuals suffer increasingly painful and chronic gender dysphoria. They tend to live secretive lives, often making increasingly stronger attempts to convince themselves and others that they are male." It described me pretty succinctly until I imploded. What saved me besides finding out that I was neither unique or even particularly rare, was the training in self examination and acceptance I received as an alcoholic in recovery. How normal people figure it out is beyond me. I may add to this later, but for now this is enough. Peace, Julie I will try to keep this short, trying not to derail this thread. Never really had a problem with alcohol, well, except for a few months right after my mom died and ofc was during then that I turned 21, but that's beside the point, and never used any other drugs cept cigs. Those I think perhaps are somewhat comparable with other substances, in my instance, but again, thats a different post for a different time. I saw that article awhile ago over there as well. G3 is pretty damn accurate of me as well. I read that and was like, yep, check, did that, lol, throughout most of it. I guess really the only part that doesn't sound like me was wanting to play with girls toys, I guess I could've, idk, idr that young, always had boys toys, loved playing sports, video games, but the rest of it basically fits me to a t.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2015 1:54:42 GMT 8
My mom had some hard times after I was born. She got into some hard drugs and ended up in prison for a while. When she got out she stayed sober for 24 years. She sponsored many people in AA and helped them get clean. She's done so many good things for people, and worked hard to get a high-paying job creating proposals for an engineering company. A few years ago she was laid off, but was able to get a new job rather quickly. The first day of this new job she got into an accident which totaled her car and messed her up where she had to use a walker for a while. She got impatient with getting health care and just started eating muscle relaxers. It got to the point where she started having seizures, and then started lying to me about it. Then she started drinking again.
I came out to her, and she was supportive; she even gave me some of her jeans and offered to take me with her to get our brows done. I needed $300 from her one day to get stuff done at the clinic and get my prescriptions, but she gave me the runaround as if to get out of giving me anything. Since then I haven't talked to her, and I refuse to until she cleans up or shows some genuine effort to do so. I could really use her support right now, but I don't even recognise her anymore. I tried telling her husband to take her into a recovery clinic, but he won't do it. He's too worried about her being mad. So, all any of us can do is just wait to see if she cleans up or ends up dead. I tried and tried to help her, but she just kept on.
So, I have to do this alone. I may have friends who aren't opposed to my transition, or threatened by it, but none of them actually try to play an active role. I know that my mom, in her right mind, would be doing everything she could to help me. This is the most important thing in my life right now, and I have no one to rely on. My dad lives four or five hours from me, but he doesn't help, either. The only thing that keeps me distracted is writing... or sleeping. It sounds like either alanon of acoa might be helpful. I have no alanon experience, and late sobriety slips have my full attention, have been the last ten years. I have not had a drink in over thirty, nor grass in over twenty- nine. It's a baffling disease, very sneaky, very dangerous. Any day sober is a gift to us and everyone around us.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2015 1:58:01 GMT 8
It sounds like either alanon of acoa might be helpful. I have no alanon experience, and late sobriety slips have my full attention, have been the last ten years. I have not had a drink in over thirty, nor grass in over twenty- nine. It's a baffling disease, very sneaky, very dangerous. Any day sober is a gift to us and everyone around us. Sure, it would be. I grew up going to club meetings. I don't need the support, personally, but it would do her good to go back. The problem is, she's not ready yet, and you can't make anyone do anything if they're not ready to get help.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2015 2:25:50 GMT 8
It sounds like either alanon of acoa might be helpful. I have no alanon experience, and late sobriety slips have my full attention, have been the last ten years. I have not had a drink in over thirty, nor grass in over twenty- nine. It's a baffling disease, very sneaky, very dangerous. Any day sober is a gift to us and everyone around us. Sure, it would be. I grew up going to club meetings. I don't need the support, personally, but it would do her good to go back. The problem is, she's not ready yet, and you can't make anyone do anything if they're not ready to get help. I know. So sorry.
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Post by Laura J on Jan 17, 2015 7:29:30 GMT 8
I'm Mark, I'm an alcoholic....
I posted a comment a few days ago, but deleted it, as I'm not sure what I feel about sharing about my alcoholism.?
I just am so grateful to those who have helped me, taken time for me. It's been just priceless.. I'm still at a loss of knowing where I fit into it all.?
I love the group support, it's so moving, and I share many of the others past experiences..
I just don't have any issue with alcohol at this time.? That part of me, of my past, feels dead and buried and I just rarliy give it any thought at all.? If say, I were to take a next step and have a sponsor, I don't know what the purpose of it would be.? I'm not struggling with it now.. My health and very life is dependent on never drinking again, and I feel overwhelmingly that I must make that my reality, and so far in the past 2 years, I have.
Am I wrong, is the disease fooling me into complacency.? Or is it truly dead and buried and behind me.? My wife drinks wine, theres always wine in the fridge, I never even look at, or desire it in the least.? If the disease is patiently waiting, ready to attack, it's not done so in the past 2 years of my sobriety.? Will I feel the same in 3 years, 4,10..? I don't know.? All I know is I feel free from it now, and for quite a while now.
I'll just end this by saying that I'm unsure of what the correct next step should be for me, or if one is needed at this time.?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2015 22:57:25 GMT 8
The key will be vigilance, willingness.. there is also a spiritual way out from alcoholism.
The tricky part is in the cunning nature of it. With a new liver you would....?
The ism is difficult, the way it works me and others like a puppetmaster.
I lose sanity without the meetings. My last several weeks here are riddled with alcoholism exacerbated by estrodiol cypionate.
Took me over the edge, was hard to get back. Now I am stable, but only contingent on making some real changes inside, in lifestyle, work, vision of who I want to be, everything is on the table right now, for self examination. I am quite embarrassed, but sober. Meetings, chats with Julie, seeing you. That gives me a fighting chance for a meaningful life, that and everyone else here.
I am monitoring my emotional response to the ecyp. Seeing what it does, dropping emotional reasoning. Withdrawal is destabilizing, I don't consciously physician steer, the endo does his thing. I don't want a dose change I want everything to stabilize instead. My body is changing and it's so important to me to see it.
But...I need to watch it. Estrodiol in me is both addictive and narcotic, and that is why I don't try to take control from the endo.
Sounds like rationalisation,at be, have no clarity here, just monitoring it now. I am way past the point of no return with estrodiol cypionate.
But I am on guard now...
And the choice for you is yours to make regarding aa, I can only share how it works for me.
Blessings my dear.
Trinity
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Post by Taka on Jan 20, 2015 1:20:05 GMT 8
assuming that addiction has a genetic component, you'd better not think you can ever be rid of it. i don't know those 12 steps you keep talking about, but the point is still easy in the end. it's not about stopping, but to never begin again.
i'm only here because of that article though. that therapist should try growing up in a community where all females wear a skirt on sundays. dismissing such a huge group of people. makes me want to stab someone. and i really miss anything at all about nb people. stupid. outdated.
but good for those of you who can actually recognize something or other in the presented narrative.
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Post by Laura J on Jan 21, 2015 10:29:15 GMT 8
I'm going to decline to post more here.. I know the priciples you all state are true and a solid treatment for alcoholism, I'ev already done 5-6 of the steps alone in the past 2 years..
I'm just not on the same page as many on this..
My health is just too ailing most of the time to even consider drinking anything.. I know it's difficult to understand, but it just takes too much of my energy going through this, and it's like beating a dead horse in my mind..
If I can't get a new liver sometime relitively soon, none of it is going to matter.. If I do get a liver transplant, then I'll be on so many meds and seeing doctors so often, drinking won't even be a second thought.?
At this point in time, it's just seeming like a waste of time and effort, which may be in short supply for me..? I don't think about drinking anymore, and I don't really want to talk about it all the time now.?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2015 11:30:20 GMT 8
OK number 1 is never go back to the old days. Any of ya'll and I love you all and wish you the very best. So number two. I love alcohol. I love narcotics and I hate meth though. I do love a good "Scooby Snack" though. And narcotics. I really hope the best for everyone in AA, NA or any 12 step program. Beat it. You have my respect. I don't really want to beat it though. Sorry my dear friends but I would rather it beat me. Sorry but a little down right now. It is that time of month. we gotta' go sometime an the sooner the better for me right now. Don't worry. I will never do the big "S" But death son t scare me at all. Maybe even a little relief.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2015 18:13:25 GMT 8
OK number 1 is never go back to the old days. Any of ya'll and I love you all and wish you the very best. So number two. I love alcohol. I love narcotics and I hate meth though. I do love a good "Scooby Snack" though. And narcotics. I really hope the best for everyone in AA, NA or any 12 step program. Beat it. You have my respect. I don't really want to beat it though. Sorry my dear friends but I would rather it beat me. Sorry but a little down right now. It is that time of month. we gotta' go sometime an the sooner the better for me right now. Don't worry. I will never do the big "S" But death son t scare me at all. Maybe even a little relief. If you can handle it enjoy it. If it turns on you and you want out, we can help. Nobody quits unless they desperately want to get sober. Party safe my dear.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2015 18:16:08 GMT 8
I'm going to decline to post more here.. I know the priciples you all state are true and a solid treatment for alcoholism, I'ev already done 5-6 of the steps alone in the past 2 years.. I'm just not on the same page as many on this.. My health is just too ailing most of the time to even consider drinking anything.. I know it's difficult to understand, but it just takes too much of my energy going through this, and it's like beating a dead horse in my mind.. If I can't get a new liver sometime relitively soon, none of it is going to matter.. If I do get a liver transplant, then I'll be on so many meds and seeing doctors so often, drinking won't even be a second thought.? At this point in time, it's just seeming like a waste of time and effort, which may be in short supply for me..? I don't think about drinking anymore, and I don't really want to talk about it all the time now.? No worries Mark. Remember you don't have to join to drop in and.visit me in the meetings. Anytime dear. Just drop me a line.
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Post by Taka on Jan 21, 2015 21:13:01 GMT 8
and here i am again, despite not even knowing how to get addicted. i just remembered this really scary story i once read, by a comic creator who seems to only create crazy characters. not sure if alcoholics would appreciate it, but it does show how scary it is, this disease that some of you have to deal with. and how impure love can be... bato.to/read/_/217643/koi-wo-shimashou_v1_ch6_by_half-baked-scanlations
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2015 6:42:34 GMT 8
OK number 1 is never go back to the old days. Any of ya'll and I love you all and wish you the very best. So number two. I love alcohol. I love narcotics and I hate meth though. I do love a good "Scooby Snack" though. And narcotics. I really hope the best for everyone in AA, NA or any 12 step program. Beat it. You have my respect. I don't really want to beat it though. Sorry my dear friends but I would rather it beat me. Sorry but a little down right now. It is that time of month. we gotta' go sometime an the sooner the better for me right now. Don't worry. I will never do the big "S" But death son t scare me at all. Maybe even a little relief. If you can handle it enjoy it. If it turns on you and you want out, we can help. Nobody quits unless they desperately want to get sober. Party safe my dear. Thanks Trinity. I can handle it though. I do use a little judgement and believe me if the time comes that I can't, I will lean on friends.
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