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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2015 20:50:03 GMT 8
Within a few moments of my first drink I was hopelessly addicted. It was a happy switch, and i could finally be with others without being self conscious, without that hate of me.
within a few moments of coming to the theater and experiencing acceptance from others rather than hate, I was hopelessly addicted.
An interesting article indeed. Something to ruminate on perhaps, instead the hate ball, or the transition ball, or any other ball.
ruminate on the love ball.
You all do know that this is the ONLY place i have EVER felt any kind of acceptance of me as Satinjoy, the only place I ever did not have to hide who I am. And its a lot more than acceptance that I feel here...
I have love at home for my other components, but not for Satinjoy. Except now Fuzzy loves Satinjoy too. That means a lot to me. I am locked in my study right now because my other kid cant stand the sight of me, nor could my wife.
If only I had learned to accept myself when i was young, instead of trying to do it now in my late 50's.
Oh well.
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Post by Taka on Jan 27, 2015 21:50:28 GMT 8
sadly, the people you meet with in person, without this huge separating wall of internet and distance in between, are the one who make the greatest impact. if everybody around me decided to hate me, not even the internet could help.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2015 5:41:24 GMT 8
sadly, the people you meet with in person, without this huge separating wall of internet and distance in between, are the one who make the greatest impact. if everybody around me decided to hate me, not even the internet could help. Wanna' bet? I think Jamie and Taka could be friends either way, internet or person. Some people you just connect with and others you don't. The great thing about the internet is that we know everyone, especially on this sight, in a most intimate way. We know each other's hearts and what is actually inside. We are true friends with one another, not because of looks, or popularity because I have no idea how popular anyone is in their own circles. Actually I could care less even. But we know each other. May not know faces, may not know the cars we drive, may not know each other's families or what kind of pedigrees we have in the way of diplomas on the wall and I don't care. I could care less what anyone here does or has done or what they have behind or in front of their name. I could care less what age any of you are. I love you all in the purest way, as friends or brothers and sisters. Ok so Taka. I have to challenge you on this. Who the hell could ever hate you? Maybe if they don't know you and have preconceived notions of whatever but those people don't know you and probably will never get to know you. A lot of people don't know me, I could care less whether they hate me or not. They can hate me but they can't eat me. I would rather let someone that loves me eat me. . I know, bad Jamie. But that is me.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2015 6:48:13 GMT 8
sadly, the people you meet with in person, without this huge separating wall of internet and distance in between, are the one who make the greatest impact. if everybody around me decided to hate me, not even the internet could help. Ummm, good luck with them hating you. I sincerely doubt its possible for them to do that. They'd have to be totally nuts. And the wall of distance and internet? "there is no wall" ? Hearts connecting know no distance. Maybe I am not making sense, the idea of hate directed at Taka infuriates fairies.
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Post by Taka on Jan 29, 2015 14:16:05 GMT 8
funny how you react to hypothetical statements. people don't hate me, except maybe a few who don't feel too good about me. i doubt they actually hate me, they aren't very passionate about ruining my life. they just avoid me, and that's ok with me.
but i still believe it's true that if a person were to be hated, of feel like they're hated, they couldn't keep going for very long. one good person can be all it takes to be saved, but if they don't meet such a person, then things will be difficult. internet or therapists won't help.
i was saved by a few good people around me. they told me i was actually worth something, even when they knew that i'm not perfect. it's still kind of new to me, to not have to be perfect. everything that wasn't perfect about whatever i did was criticized at home, so i've had some bad complexes to deal with. and it took a person i could meet face to face, to learn some self worth. internet never helped too much with that, it's hard to belive what people say if it never seems to work that way irl.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2015 19:49:18 GMT 8
funny how you react to hypothetical statements. people don't hate me, except maybe a few who don't feel too good about me. i doubt they actually hate me, they aren't very passionate about ruining my life. they just avoid me, and that's ok with me. but i still believe it's true that if a person were to be hated, of feel like they're hated, they couldn't keep going for very long. one good person can be all it takes to be saved, but if they don't meet such a person, then things will be difficult. internet or therapists won't help. i was saved by a few good people around me. they told me i was actually worth something, even when they knew that i'm not perfect. it's still kind of new to me, to not have to be perfect. everything that wasn't perfect about whatever i did was criticized at home, so i've had some bad complexes to deal with. and it took a person i could meet face to face, to learn some self worth. internet never helped too much with that, it's hard to belive what people say if it never seems to work that way irl. Ummmm..... Hmmmm. Well, here's the thing. The pain levels I had in the last two years have been horrible. Psych pain. Irl there are those who love me either as hubby or daddy or son. Or friend or aa guru or coworker. Or passionate caring fairy that hid in Cynthia office when it was too much to bear. They cut me off from her at work by the way. But there is still lunch off premises. But, that is different than in here. Don't get me wrong Cynthia is a close friend and very supportive of Satinjoy. It is only in here that Satinjoy is flirted with, told she is pretty by someone with lust in their eyes, where she is touched...Sootball touching eyes of the fairy while a verbal thing is one of the most loving gestures ever written imo. So the internet, you, and you collectively not only Taka, can and do make a difference to me. If I had no support irl, realistically, I'd fall. But reality is I need everything, sometimes just to get through the day. Which is better now for me, but why is that? Isn't it because you carry me and others on your strong shoulders? Because you help? Because I help? I got to help one or two. Even if only one, it brings meaning to it all. We don't even know the lives touched by ours here. We think we do, but there are many that do not speak, but draw strength from us. You are loved here. By many. I have always feared loving anyone not my own family. Still do, still deeply conflicted about it, the feelings get deep. In here I feel like it's scary, over the boundaries, safe, but not safe either. But it makes a difference. It brings a sad smile right from my core. Love to all Trinity Satin Joy
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Post by Taka on Jan 29, 2015 21:36:56 GMT 8
didn't say you can't use the internet to fill in the holes in your heart. it's better than drugs at least.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2015 3:57:34 GMT 8
didn't say you can't use the internet to fill in the holes in your heart. The lives we change, the hearts we heal..
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Post by Cynthia13 on Jan 30, 2015 4:00:09 GMT 8
Just reading through this thread today and I gotta say I'm surprised the direction this one took. I'm so accustomed to the 12 step rooms that I expected the same kind of thing here. Nice change though... I don't have an addiction, but have family affected by it, seen and lived through the turmoil it creates. I've been involved in Nar-Anon for almost 6 years. It's saved my life and my relationships. I'm stepping away from it now, just became too much for me. I feel there's a time and place for everything and when we want or need help, it's available. If not, free will allows us to decide that too.
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Post by Taka on Jan 30, 2015 4:37:43 GMT 8
i don't know anything about the 12 steps, and they look kinda odd to me the way i got them presented.
like these
it's good to look to god for help, but most people will find that the will must come from within the person themselves. and even god can't help those who don't believe in any god. where does this leave them?
and these
what if you were born with these shortcomings in order to overcome them, and learn to live strongly with them. what if they aren't really defects of character, but actual character traits that will make you a better or worse person depending on how you choose to use them? transsexual and gay are often seen as defects, do we ask him to remove these? i'm never going to pray to god again, to make me into someone i'm not. he made me the way i am, and i'll have to find purpose in every imperfection. addiction is also a shortcoming of society just as much as the person themselves. rats apparently take much better care of each other than people do.
pretty much thinking that every person is their own responsibility, while we all share responsibility of including each other instead of excluding those that aren't just the same as us.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2015 6:54:55 GMT 8
i don't know anything about the 12 steps, and they look kinda odd to me the way i got them presented. like these it's good to look to god for help, but most people will find that the will must come from within the person themselves. and even god can't help those who don't believe in any god. where does this leave them? and these what if you were born with these shortcomings in order to overcome them, and learn to live strongly with them. what if they aren't really defects of character, but actual character traits that will make you a better or worse person depending on how you choose to use them? transsexual and gay are often seen as defects, do we ask him to remove these? i'm never going to pray to god again, to make me into someone i'm not. he made me the way i am, and i'll have to find purpose in every imperfection. addiction is also a shortcoming of society just as much as the person themselves. rats apparently take much better care of each other than people do. pretty much thinking that every person is their own responsibility, while we all share responsibility of including each other instead of excluding those that aren't just the same as us. Transsexuality and gay are not perceived as Character defects. It all comes down to what hurts others.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2015 10:03:21 GMT 8
Also, some define that power greater than self as the group conscious.
Character defect sometimes are surely there for a reason.
I once surrendered my arm.alone to god and he pinned it to the table. I gave up and walked away, leaving the drink.And going to a meeting.
There is a lot to it all.
Blessings
Trinity Satin Joy
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Post by Taka on Jan 30, 2015 18:24:31 GMT 8
Transsexuality and gay are not perceived as Character defects. It all comes down to what hurts others. maybe. but it still looks really fishy from the outside. and hurting others is sometimes even necessary in order to fix yourself up. i have many character defects, but only one of them seems to be something which might be better to get fixed. and seriously. trans and gay have been considered horrible defects to rid people of. in my own family, the kids seem to be either defect or superhuman. or that's what we were treated as. whose definitions are you even using? "character defects" really has a whole lot of definitions. different in every culture. not wanting to die in battle would be a serious defect for a viking. keeping your riches to yourself has been seen as a mental illness in many hunter-gatherer communities. i just don't get how those steps are supposed to work. if there's any benefit in this way of thinking about oneself.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2015 18:32:53 GMT 8
Culture, hmm.
In the states I have never heard of gblt listed in character defects.
Intolerance is taboo.in aa.
The seven deadly sins are what they use as guidelines, nothing more really.
Taking responsibility for how are lives touch and have touched others is key. And making amends to those we hurt.
Usually related to how alcoholism destroyed our lives.
The steps were essential for me, I could not and can not remain sober without them.
Me falling over the edge recently is an example of what goes wrong when I lose focus on that.
This time I was lucky...
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Post by Taka on Jan 30, 2015 18:47:45 GMT 8
seven deadly sins? okay. they should have just written that then.
but wouldn't it be better to focus on loving yourself? nobody would ever want to give in to addiction if they truly loved themselves. or to say it another way. you already know how much god loves you, so how could you ever dare harm what god loves so much?
still having troubles with the reasoning... only focusing on sin, or not sinning. that's just weird.
(not saying you shouldn't use this tool if it works for you)
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