inherit
51
0
Dec 19, 2014 12:17:49 GMT 8
1,707
Leena
2,309
Dec 19, 2014 12:12:25 GMT 8
December 2014
veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on May 14, 2021 0:33:59 GMT 8
Happy: I wore subtle eye makeup and purple-painted nails to my second COVID vaccination and got compliments! Not so happy: This second shot is kicking my butt! I'm more than ready to feel normal again. My appointment for my second shot is today.
I was debating taking off my nail polish, but I think I'll keep it on now. I found some that's clear with really small silver sparkles. I kind of like nail polish that's subtle like that.
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0
Dec 19, 2014 12:17:49 GMT 8
1,707
Leena
2,309
Dec 19, 2014 12:12:25 GMT 8
December 2014
veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on May 14, 2021 6:29:53 GMT 8
My appointment for my second shot is today.
I was debating taking off my nail polish, but I think I'll keep it on now. I found some that's clear with really small silver sparkles. I kind of like nail polish that's subtle like that.
Well, at least that's over with. The guy who gave me the shot gendered me as a guy. People knowing my legal name tends to make them gender me as a guy despite how I'm presenting. Now I'm going to be stuck showing this card with that name on it even if I do change it legally later. Makes me have mixed feelings about places requiring it.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 13, 2024 23:20:30 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,582
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on May 14, 2021 10:31:09 GMT 8
My appointment for my second shot is today.
I was debating taking off my nail polish, but I think I'll keep it on now. I found some that's clear with really small silver sparkles. I kind of like nail polish that's subtle like that.
Well, at least that's over with. The guy who gave me the shot gendered me as a guy. People knowing my legal name tends to make them gender me as a guy despite how I'm presenting. Now I'm going to be stuck showing this card with that name on it even if I do change it legally later. Makes me have mixed feelings about places requiring it.
I have no desire to change my ID. And its a little strange, because my gender is listed as male on everything but my health insurance, which is listed female.
As far as I am concerned I am now medically female, trans female sure but that's the case here, and I have no problem at all with having the differences with the ids.
that being outed stuff at medical places is a big deal. It became dangerous to me once in NY, I was being treated and female, my wife called me he, and I had trouble with the guy doing the tests after that.
People don't realize that deadnaming or misgendering with pronouns can endanger trans women. Its no joke.
Neither is being outed by someone in a street gang. I'm lucky that the only thing that happened to me was that a kid spit in my face. They had surrounded a teenage girl and we got on a bus before anything happened, but that was one hell of a dangerous day in new york. For her as well I would think, but she just ignored them.
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0
1
May 15, 2024 6:51:29 GMT 8
4,665
Ativan Prescribed
8,475
Jan 9, 2015 10:22:46 GMT 8
January 2015
ativanprescribed
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on May 14, 2021 10:40:21 GMT 8
Happy: I wore subtle eye makeup and purple-painted nails to my second COVID vaccination and got compliments! Not so happy: This second shot is kicking my butt! I'm more than ready to feel normal again. I was feeling like near death from my shot, the J&J one shot dose, took a couple days but I am doing better each day more or less, still having some long haul effects, but I feel so much better I don't dwell on them at all anymore, they will likely go away and if they don't, there's other things I can do as well, and I am.
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51
0
Dec 19, 2014 12:17:49 GMT 8
1,707
Leena
2,309
Dec 19, 2014 12:12:25 GMT 8
December 2014
veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on May 14, 2021 21:38:18 GMT 8
that being outed stuff at medical places is a big deal. It became dangerous to me once in NY, I was being treated and female, my wife called me he, and I had trouble with the guy doing the tests after that.
People don't realize that deadnaming or misgendering with pronouns can endanger trans women. Its no joke.
It can be dangerous, but didn't really feel like that in this situation. It was more just awkward. A lot of things are. It rarely is a problem though, but we tend to remember our negative experiences a lot more for whatever reason.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 13, 2024 23:20:30 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,582
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on May 15, 2021 2:52:45 GMT 8
that being outed stuff at medical places is a big deal. It became dangerous to me once in NY, I was being treated and female, my wife called me he, and I had trouble with the guy doing the tests after that.
People don't realize that deadnaming or misgendering with pronouns can endanger trans women. Its no joke.
It can be dangerous, but didn't really feel like that in this situation. It was more just awkward. A lot of things are. It rarely is a problem though, but we tend to remember our negative experiences a lot more for whatever reason.
Yeah this.
But wait till a derelict comes up to you with a flower some time and say you are pretty.
That happened to me once, homeless guy, had a flower from somewhere, a rose, and he saw me and randomly gave it to me and told me I was pretty, and then went his way.
Made my entire year.
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704
0
Feb 21, 2024 9:02:26 GMT 8
408
Iona
293
Mar 6, 2019 21:43:50 GMT 8
March 2019
jos
Non-Binary
transfeminine / agender
She/Her
She/her//they/them
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Post by Iona on Sept 8, 2021 9:26:28 GMT 8
Overwhelmed. So happy to have started. Utterly terrified that our marriage won't survive it. But it would be at least as hard for us if I was going to shove it all back down and hide it away again.
Just so scared now.
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0
1
May 15, 2024 6:51:29 GMT 8
4,665
Ativan Prescribed
8,475
Jan 9, 2015 10:22:46 GMT 8
January 2015
ativanprescribed
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Sept 8, 2021 10:29:28 GMT 8
So long as you are both being honest and especially open about your feelings, things will work their way forward. Maybe too much 'what iffing' is causing you to be nervous and filled with anxiety over what is an unknown, but realize that much of that unknown is actually known and you have gone over it already. It can be nerve wracking to be taking steps forward when you are not sure of your footing, talking it out is the way to feel more secure, she is taking the steps along with you, do what you can to be stepping in unison.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 13, 2024 23:20:30 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,582
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 8, 2021 10:55:36 GMT 8
It is terrifying, it was for me.
And there's a difference between low dose, no dose, and high dose.
I did high dose and my sex life went bye bye and if my wife had really needed that she would have gone bye bye too.
Personally I have a huge advantage, I don't have to be out she all the time, I seldom am outside she with here, sure my hair is long right now, but the boobs are covered up outside and I don't act particualarly girly and the racecar didn't go away either, street race car that is.
The same familiar things we do together we still do, and maybe some more, the things that are love language we still do, and maybe I work harder at it as well.
I go with the gut, when I feel in my spirit she needs more time, she gets it, when I feel the pull that she needs something from me, I provide it. We know each other, we are one.
I'm not a top, so we lost all that, but the intimacy is still there. I took it glacially slow though, not so much with the hrt which was full out from the start, ramped up safely of course, but with the whole transition thing, and the problem with nonbinary transition is that I don't think we can predict where its going, and theres the boomerang effect. I could have gone all the way she, I didn't and I am glad I didn't. Its just so much easier to just be myself and free.
I don't cheat, what I need physically I provide for myself, the E took the edge down on that too.
You probably are ahead of the game, she knows you dress she I am sure, the pic in the garden tells me you've been yourself a long time and now its E added in.
You grow boobs and do no op, if she perceives you as a guy and needs to focus on the guy part, then fine. The only thing physically guy with me is what's in between my legs, if that's what she needs to see and know is there, then fine, its a price I can pay even though I am physically binary trans.
Its easy to give here the presentations she needs, and the things she needs.. What does your wife need? Perhaps you can ask her.
One hard thing when they love you is if they think you can only be happy if you go all the way and are holding back for them, they may just let you go, because they love you and don't want you to be in pain.
Its all about communication, love, taking it slow, seeing what works and what doesn't, keeping boundaries where it can sinc up.
At least, thats how it worked for me, and this is where the gender therapist came in, because he was all over that, as was Ativan and Patty, the three slowed me down enough for my wifes feelings to catch up. And my wife really cant handle other trans people, she gets uncomfortable and afraid, and that's ok, she doesn't need to be around when I see my friends, and she is supportive of my friends as well, she just can't handle it.
What she can handle, I live. What she cant, I don't put in her face. And over the years it got easier.
T blockers may be problematic, I don't use them, I use high estrogen levels. Everything needs to be weighted, and there's room for creativity, trans or nb isn't one size fits all, its taylored imo to what your own truth is and taking care of that.
And if God put you with your wife, and is also in your marriage (He is in mine) then there is that much going for you as well, so long as you don't get in with the condemnation crowd. As far as I am concerned, trans is a medical condition, requiring certain adjustments to live comfortably and healthily.
Lots of communication, lots of love. And they may not say anything, often communication is in the unspoken things, which being married, you will know.
I hope that helps.
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131
0
1
May 13, 2024 23:20:30 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,582
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 9, 2021 11:07:45 GMT 8
You ok there Hana?
Reach out to us if you need to, its what this place is still here for.
hugs
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inherit
704
0
Feb 21, 2024 9:02:26 GMT 8
408
Iona
293
Mar 6, 2019 21:43:50 GMT 8
March 2019
jos
Non-Binary
transfeminine / agender
She/Her
She/her//they/them
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Post by Iona on Sept 10, 2021 23:11:15 GMT 8
You ok there Hana? Reach out to us if you need to, its what this place is still here for. hugs Had a really tough few days. Lisa doesn't think she can be with me any more. The transition thing is certainly a big part of it, but it goes far beyond that. I've been getting increasingly insular and slightly agoraphobia for the last couple of years. But it's really been since we moved here. I love it here, but it's very rural, and we're isolated and I think I've been scared of the geography of the place. For better or worse I spent 16 years getting used to a big city, and I've felt lost here, like I don't belong. And I realise I've been wholly dependent on Lisa - and neither of us can live like that any more. I'm already trying to change things, reaching out to friends locally, restarting a trivia night, going to go to church on Sunday even. I feel like I'm waking up, which is a good thing. But it means I've gone back to the beginning, transition-wise. I know I was hoping that it would fix me, and then I could sort my life out. But I realise I need to sort my life out first, and then I can properly assess what I really want and need. I know I want to transition to some degree, and I think low dose e probably will be the way I will go, but I am going to wait for a month, maybe three, and see how I feel. It is not nice at all - but this is the right thread for it. I've been swinging between a weird euphoria and total despair for the last couple of days, but I think I'm levelling out now.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 13, 2024 23:20:30 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,582
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 11, 2021 2:09:17 GMT 8
Massive hugs
Transition is intense, going into it without your head together I don't think is a good idea, you can do it later, but for me at least it was extremely stressful.
Sure there are folk that basically kill their old life and start a new one, but you can't run away from yourself and your issues and they come with you.
So getting at the roots of everything is crucial, so is relationship building, and if you get into a scenario where codependency is choking your relationship, then its time to find out what to do about it, take some actions, like get hold of the book Codependent No More and find out if there is stuff there that can help you mentally so you can get to the next level of quality living.
And for me a therapist was necessary.
You have a lot on your shoulders, shrug off what doesn't belong there and preserve what does and what increases the quality of your life.
Just huge hugs, and please share, at least you can talk to us and vent or cry here, or laugh too.
For me, after I transitioned for a long time, like years of that, it just became my body and gender, part of who I am, the core me never changed but I did learn to accept all of myself for who I really am.
Codependents anonymous, if it seems appropriate, can help with enmeshment if that is an issue for you.
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51
0
Dec 19, 2014 12:17:49 GMT 8
1,707
Leena
2,309
Dec 19, 2014 12:12:25 GMT 8
December 2014
veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on Sept 11, 2021 2:49:18 GMT 8
The transition thing is certainly a big part of it, but it goes far beyond that. I've been getting increasingly insular and slightly agoraphobia for the last couple of years. But it's really been since we moved here. *Big Hugs*
Rural life isn't for everyone. It can be hard to feel like you belong unless you are from there, if almost everyone else lived there their entire life. I only fit in the small town my parents moved me to once I stopped talking about where I was from and I can't imagine moving somewhere like that as an adult.
I don't know simply waiting is a good idea. It's very easy to hope something will change, but there has to be a catalyst of some kind or else you will just be in the same situation but the month on the calendar will be different. I really wasted a lot of time waiting and thinking I could sort things out without transitioning, and I hate to see someone else do the same thing. I wasn't in a relationship though, and am really glad I wasn't.
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0
1
May 15, 2024 6:51:29 GMT 8
4,665
Ativan Prescribed
8,475
Jan 9, 2015 10:22:46 GMT 8
January 2015
ativanprescribed
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Sept 11, 2021 9:26:18 GMT 8
I agree with trinity and Leena, you have to have your shit together before you can find your way on the path forward, regardless. Moving to the rural is one of those things where the space between people makes it seem like you are a loner just because of that space. I live in a town that has three hundred people but an influx of summer people, two distinct versions of humanity to be sure, I don't really live like either of them. I do however guard myself as to who I am and thats really more like the locals are, they are not so much guarded as they lack that need to be opinionated about anything, except for the weather, a distinct rural thing and the common link between people it seems. But rural people are no different than city people, city people don't see a mass of people, they see the space between people, where rural just see others and the space, it tends to make you stick out more just by the effect of it. But do they care or are in your business? No, people generally are about themselves and nit much else until you interact with them. You aren't so much suffering agoraphobia as you are just staying away from what the area has to offer, be involved, be a part of it, be seen and people accept you for who you are and it happens readily, that fear of people is actually a city thing, the rural its a chance for everyone to be a part of the whole in that area. You can't and shouldn't be dependent on your wife, she shouldn't depend on you to remain the same, if you are indeed growing apart, thats one thing, but if you are pushing each other apart thats a whole different thing. Growing apart can be fixed by simply including each other in aspects of things you are not involved in, pushing apart can be solved by not making your things wholly yours and let her be as involved as she wants to be. While these things tend to become complicated on the surface, they are in general often looked over simple things that can easily be taken care of, really the more complicated you make something, it doesn't matter its just more string on that giant ball of string, its still just a ball of string. Life can be a complicated thing to have or it can be seen as the simple things and lots of them, often the correct answer to a question isn't a complicated answer but the simplest answer you can find, you balance out the complications until what is left remains the answer. The key to life is finding the balance and the more complicated it becomes, the more you have to not eliminate those things but let them just be what they are, which is often a bunch of the same old same old, you can lump them together and when you do that, its not a lot of complications but a few lumps of complicated things that seen for what they are become easy to manage and that keeps things in balance, which is the key to having a better everything, there is always the bad, but there is always more good, set the bad to the side because it usually has a way of being more of a nothing and enjoy the good, strive for the good always, the biggest difference between city and rural is that city is hard to turn down the noise of everything, and in the rural its hard to be heard over the quiet. When you are stepping forward, it pays to know if you are about to step in shit or not, it isn't so much a thing about stepping forward as it is a thing about not having to stop to clean that shit off your foot, you know? The saying is to boldly go not blindly go, we all have to go forward and to go blindly is the fools errand, to go boldly is to keep an eye out for the shit piles on the path, the ability to see shit before you step in it is key to everything when being bold. Only you know what your wife is to you and whether your love is important enough to take her hand in reassurance and stop long enough to listen before you move forward again.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 13, 2024 23:20:30 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,582
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 11, 2021 10:35:35 GMT 8
Only you know what your wife is to you and whether your love is important enough to take her hand in reassurance and stop long enough to listen before you move forward again. This. Big time.
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