inherit
131
0
1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Oct 15, 2017 7:30:08 GMT 8
Ice cold thread here.
Ideation got high today. Its stupid, really dumb, but it did.
I found out a flipping butter knife leaves a mark on your wrist for an hour or two.
Obviously i am not gunna cut my wrist with a butter knife. I dont even know what i was doing screwing around like that.
Too many dead transfolk in the last years.
And that fucking polititian that is gleefully destroying peoples lives is a big part of the problem.
Its all I can do to refrain from cursing this guy.
I wont. But he really takes the cake for a cruel asshole.
Vent, vent.
A butter knife. Wtf.
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inherit
60
0
1
May 18, 2024 9:37:08 GMT 8
4,666
Ativan Prescribed
8,479
Jan 9, 2015 10:22:46 GMT 8
January 2015
ativanprescribed
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Oct 15, 2017 7:53:03 GMT 8
That's the what if scenario, you push it to the edge and then back off, it lets you test it out. If it is kinda like a test run, then it's bad, if its just to know it can be done, then likely good. Just knowing there is an escape means it's one more thing you don't have to worry about. Sounds weird, I know, but it lets you relax about it, you don't have to dig up ideas, routes, plans. It's kinda like standing on the RR tracks as a train is coming, and while it is still way off, you imagine it. You step off to the side and that scenario is plausible, it's a plan, it's tucked back away again. I have a multitude of plans, every time they ask me if I do, I tell them that, just saying you have A plan is bad. If you have all kinds of them and don't use them, it's good, you aren't afraid of it, it isn't consuming you, you shoved it to the limit and now it's done. Just knowing you have a lot of escape paths allows you to concentrate on the world around you, see it with more clarity. It isn't against you, it doesn't have that power, you can take that away any time you want. When the fears are gone, and a good way to take them on is head on, you take away the power they have over you. Be better than the fears and they lose, you have better things to do than to sit around wondering if you could off yourself, it is right there. But if you also see it for what it is, you take that away, you gain and the fears lose. It's true, to be fearless. Running scared is no way to go through life. Does this make sense? It makes all the sense in the world for me, I have fears, I work on getting rid of them, not around them. Suicide is a one way thought process, and you can get tangled up in it, the fears that you might is high, the fear that it is the end is high. But reality is, it just isn't that way. I know, I've tried to off myself several times, and my lifestyle can be a death wish as it is. I've learned from the mistakes of letting that fear of suicide takes over, that fear wants you to do it, it wants you to die. Once you face it head on, you take the power it has over you away, you can go on with the things you need to get done, living life.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Oct 15, 2017 8:02:54 GMT 8
I retired... Then the ny plan blew up. All my friends there. I am so fucked over. And nobits not ok.
So I get back and its like, ok, you retired, that means your gunna die, thats next.
The knifecthing was wierd, i was pressing down hard, didnt move it. But it was like i had to force myself to pull back, it was fd up.
My kis both have been here, when we got stalked. One in the tree going to jump, the other a knife. Both to the wards.
No I wont do anything...
More later gunna go.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Oct 15, 2017 9:48:21 GMT 8
Talked to the wife, not about suicide, but about depression and triggers. She listened.
Told her we need to focus on what we did, not what still has to get done.
Sheesh we got wiped out. Seriously, 2017 has been a rough ride.
And yet... I need skull sessions, time out.
Im fine, hope i didnt trigger the forum.
But at a 41% attempt rate, and 3 dead friends personally, we need to talk about this stuff.
I'm getting my head back.
Depression sucks. Even mild depression. It still sucks.
Bitch over.
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