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DES Trans
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trinity
Non-Binary
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Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Feb 11, 2016 21:31:45 GMT 8
Wife is ok. Her Dad is going to pass very soon. I personally need to rebalance from the battles and just get quiet with God.
Its unhealthy to be in warrior mode too long. Ego creeps in. The flesh is so deceptive, subtle, intoxicating.
Tome to withdraw, regroup, support the family.
Anger still burns. I need to rise above it.
Best of love in Christ.
That momentary Avatar, thats what it looks like between heaven and earth. Those are the light tunnels into heaven, and those are not stars. They were spirits and it scared the crap out of me. Thats as much as I will say.
Probably irresponsible for me to tell you. But its all real, i was surprised to see this pic.
Trinity
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Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
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trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Feb 16, 2016 6:10:20 GMT 8
Prayer support for Ativan is badly needed. To not go over the edge, to be delivered from current conditions and be spared further hardship, to receive good news and a new home in a happy and healthy environment. Too much at stake here so please pray the promise in, it is in Gods will, we just need it finalized.
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Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Apr 3, 2016 22:06:51 GMT 8
I have had a rather interesting discussion of late with my wife and kid.
They see how far the anger has undermined my relationship with Christ. How poisoned my mind has become and is becoming.
And then I see people like Lee and LJ and their wonderful and pure and simple and innocent faith, and I have to ask myself...
What have I done to myself. Oh Lord, what have I done.
I need my purity, my truth, my innocence, my joy, my Christ.
It will come to pass. Its all part of growing up, isn't it. Part of trans puberty, its all just a part of growing up trans.
Come Lord Jesus, let us commune together again, let us find our joy, let us walk together hand in hand in the deepest part of the unicorn forest, as we have walked from the beginning, and as we shall walk again in the world to come, if you are willing.
Take our hearts and make them one, withdraw the poison of the world and flesh and devil, take up your place in our hearts, and let us truly understand. Take back your church Lord Jesus, purge it of the illness within it, it is not of you, let us not be distracted by the errors of those who do not understand, let us overcome all with Love, let us walk upon the water of the Spirit, let us know the heart of God, and be protected as you are, like when they wanted to throw their stones, they could not do it. Protect us so that when we walk among the stone throwers, we walk in love, heads held high, and not even distracted for a moment by their errors, and perhaps they will turn, face their fears, and follow you in heart and soul and mind.
And Lord, for me, please take the sword out of my heart and hands, and replace it with you mouth, your eyes, your heart, your soul, your passion, so that I as your warrior of trans, can be pure in heart, in peacemaking, and in love.
That is my prayer oh Lord. Let what I feel and know and the gifts you gave me and the sight that I have be seen as yours, for all that I am and have is yours, and you are mine, and we will live together. My gifts of the psychic things are nothing, they are for you, they are yours, use them as you want, they are not mine, they are not of me, they are simply open eyes, and nothing more.
I surrender my heart and soul to you Lord Jesus, all of me, take my fear, let me be wise so that I do not offend you, nor the people of the steet when I must be stealth and hide myself from them to protect my family from them, let me have the wisdom to know what to do. Thank you for my sight, that I can see it, and thank you for the gentle rebuke of my family, calling me out on my faith, and on my bitterness. Let it be gone in the wind, let me forgive them one and all, even those who persecute us, for you said that is Your way, to love, and to forgive.
Let us walk together upon the water of the Holy Spirit, let us all walk together in You, let us be diamond hearts of trans, and let your light burn deep inside us, so that they know you, and how wonderful you are.
Thank you Lord for hearing our heartcries, end the hate against us, bring us back to you, open the doors of your church to us again, as Isaiah did for the eunichs, it is time I pray that others will understand that same heart, and know your heart and will.
Love to you Lord. I hope I have not dirtied your Name, I am so sorry for that. It has been hard Lord Jesus, it has hurt.
I love you.
Love to all here.
Trinity Satin Joy
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Post by Annys on Apr 11, 2016 16:15:42 GMT 8
If Jesus Christ himself gave us a very simple test: "A good fruit cannot come from a bad tree, and bad fruit cannot come from a good tree." But I talk to my own brother and it only ever causes pain.... should I stop talking to my brother?
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jasonmitchellemail@gmail.com
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EchelonHunt
Avatar by @hitsukuya
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Post by EchelonHunt on Apr 11, 2016 17:37:11 GMT 8
Context is needed to fully understand your situation and how to help you from here onwards. What is your relationship with your brother? What causes pain? We are here for you.
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Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Apr 11, 2016 17:57:59 GMT 8
If Jesus Christ himself gave us a very simple test: "A good fruit cannot come from a bad tree, and bad fruit cannot come from a good tree." But I talk to my own brother and it only ever causes pain.... should I stop talking to my brother? When you pray for him, what do you sense deep in your heart, in your core?
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Post by Annys on Apr 12, 2016 0:14:22 GMT 8
If Jesus Christ himself gave us a very simple test: "A good fruit cannot come from a bad tree, and bad fruit cannot come from a good tree." But I talk to my own brother and it only ever causes pain.... should I stop talking to my brother? When you pray for him, what do you sense deep in your heart, in your core? Loss, more than anything else. It's been over a decade since we've even tried to speak, but I've been reaching out to people who are emotionally important to me. It was differing interpretations of religion that drove us apart in the first place. He has called me a "heathen" to my face. He didn't say that directly last night, but it was still there in the undertones that he disapproves of everything about how I look at the world. The hardest part of it all is he likes to present himself from a position of a better Christian than anybody else ever I'm not sure if this relationship can be healed, or perhaps even should be?
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Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
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Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Apr 12, 2016 0:22:10 GMT 8
You're showing more Christian love than he is. I walked away from friens, now extended family, all Christians in name. Some in heart. But not immediate family. Best to pray for him, turn him over to God, and ask God to open his eyes. Talk to God... But dont allow yourself to be abused or minimized. And its very painful, no doubt. And it doesnt sound right. He should love unconditionally, not scorn.
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Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
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Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
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Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Apr 12, 2016 0:24:11 GMT 8
On an unrelated note, Prayer for the forum would be good....
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DES Trans
14,576
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 11, 2016 22:45:38 GMT 8
From my facebook. Some of you dont know my story. Its posted in hidden places, away from public eyes.
For 55 years i was told it was not ok to be trans. I tried to hide it, but body language and wiring simply cannot be overcome, my central nervous system was not programmed as a male. I am a DES born child, my body and mind was created trans in the womb by this drug.
Not all of us know why we are born trans, but i do know why, for me.
As a child who was so androgynous that everyone always had to play "guess their pronoun", i was menatally tortured by the children around me. I knew i was different, but i never could figure it out.
In third grade a worm was drowning in a mud puddle. I saw it, i was sad for the worm, so i saved it. I heard in my head clear as if spoken in my ears "I love you because you have compasdion for my worm."
A moment later came a blow to my back as i was pushed into the mud puddle.
Nearly 50 years later, after trying so hard not to be me because of the church's condemnation of effeminacy, i was sitting in my Camaro crying, having had multiple mental shutdowns while i was secretly trying to transition and beginning hormones, for i simply couldnt go on any more without it. Gender dysphoria had broken me in cruel ways only someone born with it could fathom, and the social programming and monumental betrayal of these select doctrines of the church, a church i so badly wanted to be immersed in, as i was immersed in Chist, in my heart...these things had wounded me to the point of giving up.
So as i sat in my street legal racecar with my head on the sterring wheel once again words were spoken into my mind. Two little words.
"Trust Me".
That, my darlings, is why I am still alive.
And that is why the demonization of Trans is evil.
I choose to live by the One who said "Trust Me", and "I love you". The One with the ultimate diamond heart. The One that loves you, for He created you trans, so you can love others, and change lives.
Trinity Satin Joy
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Laura J
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Post by Laura J on Sept 14, 2016 9:57:53 GMT 8
I've read that experience you had before Trin, it's really moving.. it reminds me of one I had..
One of those deciding first moments, more like months, when I started behaving in a non binary way was when I was about 13-14. I didn't understand it then at all, but since I've been out and able to look back knowing my true nature, so many things through the years have become so vivid, and understood now. My first non binary behavior was when I would sneak my mom's women's magazines and fashion magazines into my room, and instead of doing what normal teenage boys would do with a women's magazine, I would spend hours reading article after article, and gazing longingly at the makeup Ad's and models, studying they're hair cuts, jewelry and makeup, I was just drawn to it like a moth to a flame. I never dared tell anyone about it. In that day and age I was bullied enough as it was, I was terrified to give anyone more fuel for that fire, so I kept my secrets, year after year, until I almost forgot them myself. But there came a point a few years ago when I couldn't get rid of the feelings, and it almost killed me hiding any longer.
Now I'm a new person, the person I should have been able to grow into as a kid, but couldn't.. But better late than never, and I can't imagine going to the grave never being able to really be me.. Thank goodness I don't have to..!
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7,160
Trinity
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14,576
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 21, 2016 0:36:49 GMT 8
Prayer support requested please, I need strength to get through the present trials, life is strenuous to say the least and I need to blow the stress safety valves.
Wish my faith was stronger, its eroded since HB2, I never recovered from that betrayal.
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