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Post by Malachite on Feb 26, 2015 10:23:00 GMT 8
Thanks everyone for your prayers and positive energy. This is no doubt, a thorn in my flesh, and a constant struggle for me. A good thing is that at least the temptation fornication is not something I will have to worry about anytime soon, because there obvious has to be a second person to do that act with (which I don't), lol, so it is out of sight, out of mind. Funny enough, while I'm on the subject, I was watching a Baptist wedding on Youtube that a pastor I watch on there hosted. The young man was so excited and happy that he kept fidgeting around so much that they actually had to edit that part out (well, that and the first 15 minutes nothing was really happening), but when it finally came time for the kiss, they kissed so long and so passionately that the pastor actually had to tell them that was enough (in a joking manner of course. The wife grabbed her husband's hand to rush from the alter, and the pastor told them to slow down, lol! It was very cute. Not to be intrusive on their feelings, but if I ad to guess, they were "ready" to consummate the marriage, and I can't blame them, haha! All of this to say that I can't wait for the day I get married (poor woman, lol!) Until then, I hope I can keep the flesh under control with God's help.
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Post by Malachite on Mar 17, 2015 5:02:42 GMT 8
Hi again! Sorry for the double post, but I just need some more encouragement for a different matter. I just got off the phone with my sister, who happens to be a pastor of the charasmatic church I attend. We were talking about spiritual things, based off of something I said the other day to a member in the church, stuff that really isn't importing to rehash at the moment, but there was one part where she brought up me being transgender (without her saying the actual term). She said something along the lines of "You can change everything on the outside, but you can't change the way your Creator made you on the inside." Basically, I'm pretty sure she was saying that no matter what I do, I will always be a female. I'm pretty sure that is what she was saying because she said something similar in 2012 when I officially came out to her. Actually, back then she told me that even if I got the surgeries, that wouldn't make me happy, and she was against it then. Anyways, since she brought the conversation up, I basically asked her if she wanted to "go there". She shyed away from it and started to bring the conversation back to the other spiritual things we were discussing, personally I believe because she is not ready to have that conversation from a practical standpoint (as in I will actually BE transitioning in the near future), but I sense that she feels that in her spirit. I just told her that I know who I am and God has confirmed me, but she really didn't even address it. As a backstory, I grew up with her as my spiritual leader, but when I actually made the decision for myself to be a Christian a couple of years ago, I find that some of my beliefs have differed from hers.
Although I am sure of myself that God has confirmed me as a man, I cannot help but to doubt because of my upbringing and going to her for spiritual guidance in the past, and even now. I have to constantly keep assuring myself that I can be transgender and Christian. I know I can, but the with all of the opposition from people like my sister and others who disagree, it can be mentally tiring to always have to reassure my identity.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2015 5:09:49 GMT 8
Will post later on this.
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Post by Malachite on Mar 17, 2015 5:49:40 GMT 8
I am looking forward to it, especially as a charasmatic yourself.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2015 6:53:50 GMT 8
I have the same problem you do malachite. relatives often seem to feel that they have free access to our lives and our genders. I believe most of the time they are not thinking correctly or clearly about what our needs are they are looking at what their needs are instead. there is likely to be resistance to change in either way based on losing the familiarity of what they're used to and grew up with.
physically you know you are on sound grounds. but the idea that they would know your gender better than you do is absurd. we have to look at the totality of Scripture in order to determine whether it's right for us to transition.that includes whether we are going to be alone and unhappy the rest of our lives because we did not transition or whether we choose to live a fulfilling life that touches other lives because of our happiness and the finding of a mate whose life intersects ours and blends together.this to me is more pleasing to the Lord than a life of loneliness and bitterness. legalism is crushing and legalism that is not based on fact is even worse.it becomes a club.
the question is whether she's hearing through her own flesh or really is wired into the spirit. only only you know the truth as to what the Spirit is speaking to your own heart.
it becomes a question of what is she speaking from as a center. dogma her own fear or something else that is more important that we should be paying attention to. unless we know the motive behind what they are saying how can we really know what the truth is. it may simply be an exercise in control from the person offering help.
Scripturally I'm sure you know the answers that you need. the stakes are very high when it comes to transition because of some of the things being irreversible. so the bottom line is that you have to be absolutely sure that you want to do this.
I personally wouldn't dream of interfering with that choice but I also would say something if deep down in my heart thought something was wrong.
it's a judgement call on your part. but biblically I don't think that she's correct. she does not know what God's plan was for you nor the spirit that he put into your body nor the purpose he had in doing that. that purpose is what you need to find out I would say.
these are just ideas I do not want to control what you think about transition in the Bible. just trying to get your mind working.
Trinity.
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Post by Malachite on Mar 17, 2015 7:49:14 GMT 8
I have the same problem you do malachite. relatives often seem to feel that they have free access to our lives and our genders. I believe most of the time they are not thinking correctly or clearly about what our needs are they are looking at what their needs are instead. there is likely to be resistance to change in either way based on losing the familiarity of what they're used to and grew up with. physically you know you are on sound grounds. but the idea that they would know your gender better than you do is absurd. we have to look at the totality of Scripture in order to determine whether it's right for us to transition.that includes whether we are going to be alone and unhappy the rest of our lives because we did not transition or whether we choose to live a fulfilling life that touches other lives because of our happiness and the finding of a mate whose life intersects ours and blends together.this to me is more pleasing to the Lord than a life of loneliness and bitterness. legalism is crushing and legalism that is not based on fact is even worse.it becomes a club. the question is whether she's hearing through her own flesh or really is wired into the spirit. only only you know the truth as to what the Spirit is speaking to your own heart. it becomes a question of what is she speaking from as a center. dogma her own fear or something else that is more important that we should be paying attention to. unless we know the motive behind what they are saying how can we really know what the truth is. it may simply be an exercise in control from the person offering help. Scripturally I'm sure you know the answers that you need. the stakes are very high when it comes to transition because of some of the things being irreversible. so the bottom line is that you have to be absolutely sure that you want to do this. I personally wouldn't dream of interfering with that choice but I also would say something if deep down in my heart thought something was wrong. it's a judgement call on your part. but biblically I don't think that she's correct. she does not know what God's plan was for you nor the spirit that he put into your body nor the purpose he had in doing that. that purpose is what you need to find out I would say. these are just ideas I do not want to control what you think about transition in the Bible. just trying to get your mind working. Trinity. Thank you for your response, Trinity! When I look back on my life, I have been so much more fruitful and productive for Christ once I accepted myself as a man that I ever was pretending to be a woman. I spoke to my atheist friend about the situation, and she thinks my sister is in denial, and doesn't really want to open up her heart to see where I am even coming from. We have had this discussion in the past where I told her that being transgender is a documented thing backed by some doctors and psychiatrists, but she doesn't accept that being those sources are in the secular realm. I just feel it in my spirit that this is the path I have chosen, and God has given me the OK to go down this path, with Him as the driver of course. I know she isn't ready to deal with this subject, as she is a very reserved person when it comes to her family. I also think that she will probably feel some shame and embarrassment with her pastor friends, which is ultimately not my problem, but still. I just wish I could shake off this shameful feeling that I have.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2015 7:49:49 GMT 8
I may have more again,,want to pray and think more. That was knee jerk posting, brainstorming.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2015 7:57:05 GMT 8
Shameful feeling. Drill deep.my dear. Someone probably installed that in you. If it's conviction by the.holy ghost, that's different and extremely important. But if it's manmade shame, you should look for the source, spiritual, enemy of our souls, you, or...
Be careful in that though.
Talk it out dear.
The root of shame. Hmmmm.
I feel interference and I know it's the enemy, and the holy spirit is saying be careful and don't misrepresent what he is saying.
Pray...
Seek his thoughts...
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Post by Malachite on Mar 17, 2015 8:15:38 GMT 8
I don't feel the shame is the conviction of the Holy Spirit, but rather the ramifications of what will happen after I officially come out to my family with plans to transition: being looked down upon, my other sister possibly forbidding her kids to be around me, my mother becoming infuriated and saddened, the possibility of having to move out: either because my mom kicks me out or the mental hell they give me is too much.
My sister's words can cut like a sharp knife. Growing up under her preaching, she would throw around the words "the spirit of homosexuality" or something similar, and she would tell me that I am dealing with a homosexual spirit. i felt some shame about that back then, but that type of preaching stuck with me. Even to this day, I get triggered when i hear the word "homosexuality". Even when I first came out, she said that I had a masculine spirit attached to me, and have built up a wall because of the things that I have went through as a child. I asked her what kind of things, ands he saids he didn't feel like getting into it. She things being transgender is a branch of homosexuality, and equates the two. i feel like this is part of ther eason why I feel ashamned. I'm not ashamed of being transgender, because I had no choice in the matter, but the responses to my condition make me feel shameful.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2015 8:57:19 GMT 8
More later. I disagree with this theology.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2015 8:57:37 GMT 8
Hers...
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2015 9:21:04 GMT 8
Rough path. Spirit attaching. Rather enemy leveraging advantages and he's good at it. All he'll broke loose when I came out. The enemy is great at cutting trans off from Christ using a thousand methods of flesh, theology, ans spirit influence to do it. It's easy prey for him, a huge stronghold of bigotry and ignorance, so easy to leverage and create cruelty and hell.
Your words and insight ring true. It will take the in filling of Christ and the holy spirit to overthrow it, or overcome it.
I can't start spouting scripture but I know it's there. And unless they do a serious study of homosexuality and contexts ie kjv translation of effeminate instead of cult male prostitute... nope.
I think all lascivious behavior is out of bounds biblically. But two gay people living a pure life? No, I cannot condemn that.
And disregarding the science of trans is foolish.
So attaching or possession by homosexuality or a male spirit.
I don't buy it.
Interference though is definite I caught the whiplash,,there's a whole war around you and the Lord is directly protecting you. I am certain of this. Follow him close you need all of him. As do I.. Trinity
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Post by Laura J on Mar 17, 2015 9:59:56 GMT 8
I don't feel the shame is the conviction of the Holy Spirit, but rather the ramifications of what will happen after I officially come out to my family with plans to transition: being looked down upon, my other sister possibly forbidding her kids to be around me, my mother becoming infuriated and saddened, the possibility of having to move out: either because my mom kicks me out or the mental hell they give me is too much. My sister's words can cut like a sharp knife. Growing up under her preaching, she would throw around the words "the spirit of homosexuality" or something similar, and she would tell me that I am dealing with a homosexual spirit. i felt some shame about that back then, but that type of preaching stuck with me. Even to this day, I get triggered when i hear the word "homosexuality". Even when I first came out, she said that I had a masculine spirit attached to me, and have built up a wall because of the things that I have went through as a child. I asked her what kind of things, ands he saids he didn't feel like getting into it. She things being transgender is a branch of homosexuality, and equates the two. i feel like this is part of ther eason why I feel ashamned. I'm not ashamed of being transgender, because I had no choice in the matter, but the responses to my condition make me feel shameful. A few things I have learned that have greatly reduced or eliminated any guilt from being trans and being Christian As for your sister saying you have a masculine spirit.? There are only 2 religion's on the planet that believe in male/female spirits, Islam and Mormonism.. In scriptures referring to homosexual sin, many agree that meant male prostitutes, and pagon rituals that included sexual worship. It was also referee as excess in sex, and used as both heterosexuality and homosexuality. It was NOT used towards loving relationships of any couples attempting to live Godly lives The bible is full of passages including in them trans or gender variant followers, and used them in some pretty incredible tasks to further the Gospel.. Please don't let anyone make you feel guilty about anything.. Religions judge your works.. Jesus frees you from them..! Please don't give up, and let anyone use God as a weapon against you, when in reality, God is your shield from them.. Blessings.
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Post by Malachite on Mar 17, 2015 10:44:06 GMT 8
Rough path. Spirit attaching. Rather enemy leveraging advantages and he's good at it. All he'll broke loose when I came out. The enemy is great at cutting trans off from Christ using a thousand methods of flesh, theology, ans spirit influence to do it. It's easy prey for him, a huge stronghold of bigotry and ignorance, so easy to leverage and create cruelty and hell. Your words and insight ring true. It will take the in filling of Christ and the holy spirit to overthrow it, or overcome it. I can't start spouting scripture but I know it's there. And unless they do a serious study of homosexuality and contexts ie kjv translation of effeminate instead of cult male prostitute... nope. I think all lascivious behavior is out of bounds biblically. But two gay people living a pure life? No, I cannot condemn that. And disregarding the science of trans is foolish. So attaching or possession by homosexuality or a male spirit. I don't buy it. Interference though is definite I caught the whiplash,,there's a whole war around you and the Lord is directly protecting you. I am certain of this. Follow him close you need all of him. As do I.. Trinity I cannot truly buy her argument either when it comes to this. She things part of the reason why I feel this way is because my father was never really around. My sister has a heart for the Lord, but I think she just does not want to accept it. My mind has felt like a war every day. I am mentally tired, and I haven't even began my journey. On the homosexual topic, I can affirm Christ-centered same-gender relationships, based on the principles of accommodation (the paper I pmed you a while back). Sure you can find some scriptures on that, but the trans topic? You have to search hard, but even with what I've seen in there, the Bible even seems trans-affirming. She had surgery a couple of months ago because she had fibroids. It would have been cruel of me to say that since God doesn't make mistakes (which she also told me today as I'm recalling), I am against her getting surgery because he wanted those fibroids there for a reason. Sorry, even though it causes you physical pain, you can't go outside of God's will and try to "correct" that. That is just harsh and unloving, yet this standard is/will be applied to me for my transgender identity, and that is unfair. Laura JI'm trying not to give up, but it is such a battle. Even if I do have a masculine spirit, so what? I'm a masculine man, so that is expected, lol. There's nothing wrong with masculinity and femininity, especially when used in reverence to the all mighty God. As I look in Romans 1, those were some truly wicked people, and in my conscious, I could not equate a Christ-centered homosexual couple to reprobates, like some pastors would. As I was telling Trinity, the Bible does seem trans-friendly. The story about how Jesus healed the blind man comes to mind, and I believe it is very possible that some people are transgender so the works of God can be manifested inside of them. I need God's shield more than ever now that I know transitioning is the path I want....no, *need* to take.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2015 19:07:11 GMT 8
Youve got me going now.
the whole question of how we are born how he has chosen to knit us together in the room and whether we are required to live with these situations instead of taking action to correct them all because someone labels it is God's will that we were born that way is fairly preposterous and obvious.
the tools are being used on you are the same tools that are used in codependent relationships to trap a person and to control them the way out of codependent relationships is througb the spirit.
These weapons which are in play become weapons of fear used on both you and on her and this fear is the fear of change and being different. It is the fear of changing the status quo and the fear for the FTM of making a mistake when the FTM according to the family members perception would be more happy in a marriage and raising children. That is the great fear of any family member who has an FTM with them. I think it's the greatest difficulty for those who have to go through that.
that is a discussion best suited for other FTMs. however it plays a part in here with your sisters controlling behavior.
when someone who is Pentecostal begins to drift into self and speak from their own flesh as opposed to the Holy Spirit they leave themselves wide open for controls by other spirits. These are not necessarily benevolent at all. I have had several direct visions or auditory experiences and those were always directly with Jesus himself we don't want to listen to any other spirit. However prior to salvation I was intercepted by an angel and helped directly with alcoholism as I will end up walking into in a a meeting to get a free cup of coffee shortly thereafter because the angel told me I would be helped as I had fallen asleep wondering how I was going to survive alcohol. But that was in a face to face meeting, not someone speaking through someones mouth. Subject of another conversation, but I have seen people that were pentacostal and had opened themselves up seeking the gifts of the Spirit wind up speaking from another spirit altogether. We saw this with Peter.... the Lord rebuked the spirit inside him, spoke right to it, not even to Peter.
But when a Pentecostal begins to operate channeling another spirit trouble most assuredly will come error will come into the church and people will be harmed. Charismatic must be handled very carefully according to the same rules set down in Acts.they talk of testing the spirits.what was going on was channeling.but as time has gone on we have learned to directly work with God himself through prayer and meditation and leave the medium levels out.
the gifts of the Spirit are all gifts based on compassion or need. I have several of these gifts one of which is word of knowledge which means I know some things before they happen.its not divination its from God.one of the other gifts is gift of discernment which is the gift of being able to identify a spirit are there within a person or disembodied from it.
a person with this gift will pick up on your personal masculine spirit but this is not to be confused with a demonic spirit from outside.you cannot be filled with the Holy Ghost and possessed by a demonic spirit.they don't dance.
you need to figure out what God's purpose was in birthing you in that family with this set of different conditions to further their understanding of God and of what compassion really means and what they're supposed to do with it now.it's going to take a lot of strength but I'm sure you have the so called balls to do this.
if you are certain you are right and in the center of God's will it is extremely unwise to back off but you will need to be as wise as serpents and innocent as a dove.
everything you speak will need to come from the Holy Spirit as opposed to taking the bait and speaking from fear or anger based on what your needs are that are being threatened.
living trans is not an easy walk believe me I know this but if it is ordained that we do, if our body was constructed the way that they are constructed which means an alteration through hormones or surgery later to bring it into agreement with the spirit that is within us or whatever it is it that causes our body dysphoria to redline on pain.
that's not a thorn in the flesh that's a recipe for a psych ward if you fight it too much.I fought it for decades because of the church and it nearly killed me.I'm still dealing with trouble from this and the trouble is not from the written word it is from so-called normal people who the use dogma and portions of the Word without looking at anything relevant to its application and context, to attempt to make me conform to their idea of cis gender normalcy. They feel normal, so we should feel normal. And they get to define normal as what they feel, and what others feel as abnormal because they dont feel it. Bull cookies.
there are plenty of eunuchs in the Bible and plenty of references to them being saved.we are not eunichs and there are questions as to the reason why a person would be a eunuch in terms of gender correction or forced castration, etc.but the acceptance level by Christ for them is obvious.
changing a culture of judgement that interferes in codependency is extremely difficult.the only thing you can do is change your self in order to meet those needs and objectives to do what is right for you, what is healthy for you.
you will need to be a warrior.
the instructions are in the Bible to do that.
fatigue and wearing you down is another tool of the enemy, recharge yourself whenever you can. I would suggest you lean on us for spiritual and emotional support and we will gladly lovingly help you as you walk this path that the Lord has given you to walk.
We suffer, living Trans, do we not? And its only because of the hostility out there. The incredible ignorance. Legalism, control. And the enemy leveraging it all, he is the one that created this web that tortures trans people, he is darn good at it too. It enrages me, what was done to my brothers and sisters and others, it cannot be His plan, as with the tares that were sown into the feild the Lord planted, He said "tares did this". Because this world is controlled by the S guy, and that makes us angels that have invaded hell itself. So we must be warriors and very aware of the protection of the One who sent us here, for a reason, a season, and a blessing. There will be blessings, there are promises He made us, and He will keep them. Your family entanglement is a classic trans scenario, one I do not have the life experience of enduring, but others on forum have, and we can all help you get through this.
Blessings
Trinity
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