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Leena
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She/Her
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Post by Leena on Dec 17, 2020 3:48:51 GMT 8
i think i'm a bit of a unique person in terms of how i handle myself? I don't usually correct people either. I just pretend I didn't hear it most of the time. I much prefer being gendered as a woman to being gendered as a guy, though I'm often just not gendered lately. I kind of like that in general, I don't like how some people feel the need to say sir like every other word.
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Ativan Prescribed
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ativanprescribed
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Dec 17, 2020 7:25:42 GMT 8
I tend to refer to other people as they most of the time, I am always a he to people and it doesn't bother me in the least, but I give everyone else a they because it works regardless. They is not just a NB pronoun, if you don't know another person's gender, they is the go to one used by most people, even when they deny that to people who request it be used as a pronoun because they are bigots who refuse to allow others to be who they are, as if it is up to them to determine and say. Again, they is not a plural for the simple reason that if you don't know a gender, you tend to use it. Say you see someone off in the distance and there is no way to know gender, no cis binary gender orr otherwise, if you refer to them to someone else, people will call them they and not think twice about it, when you don't know, people are they. I get a kick out of people who use ma'am and sir in conversations, its giving people a title of sorts and its irritating to others for the most part, like sir, Sir as in a knight of some sort, sir as in a pseudo title of authority, who even demands to be called a sir? Or Ma'am for that matter. I'll use like an educated title for people like Dr, but screw people who demand a sir, they do and its a pretty much guarantee that I will tell them fuck you or fuck that, I have yet to encounter anyone in my life who deserves to be even be called sir, wtf is that anyways? And Ma'am is like some damn old deep southern bullshit thing that is reserved for those who deserve the title, haven't run into anyone in my life that deserves it and doubt I ever will, these kinds of dubious at best pseudo titles are fake in their meaning and their origins are so old they defy meaning. Life is just much easier if I refer to people as they, because it works and people know exactly what you mean and if they don't, I don't care, they can go back under their rocks they crawled out from and look it up on the internet, google their brains out for all I care. It's time for people to just get over it and stop with pretending they know a persons gender and prefered pronouns, if it comes right down to it, I kinda like the idea that bigots can be just called assholes and forget gendering them the way they prefer, which I will use the wrong one if I hear them bitch about pronouns.
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akaslendy
New Member
Posts: 13
Gender: Non-Binary
Presentation: Androgynous
Pronouns: They/Their/Them
Orientation: Homosexual
Orientation: i'm very attracted to women - but like... ???
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Sept 17, 2020 21:19:06 GMT 8
September 2020
akaslendy
Non-Binary
Androgynous
They/Their/Them
Homosexual
i'm very attracted to women - but like... ???
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Post by akaslendy on Dec 17, 2020 23:36:21 GMT 8
i don't know where you live/grew up but i was raised in the south (in the USA) and there is very much so a culture of respect here when using terms like sir or ma'am. it's just how i was raised. people don't normally demand it or expect it, they just do it. especially the more rural you go. you ask for things with a sir, ma'am, and please. you accept things with sir, ma'am, and thank-you. but i'm also someone who was raised to hold the door open for the people behind me, carry groceries for elderly people, pay for someones groceries if they are just a few cents off and are buying what they need for the week.
i've found that most people if you use sir or ma'am throughout a conversation that might have started negatively then it can turn it around. they hear you respect them, even on a baseline of - you are a human being and it makes their day better. but it's a personal thing.
i think everyone has the right to use what terms they wish. as long as they aren't derogatory. even then, we all have free will and if someone says something that is a slur, all we can do is scold them and tell them why it's wrong. try to educate them and if they choose not to learn well, i'd just stop being near that person myself.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Dec 18, 2020 10:10:30 GMT 8
I'm from Minnesota and mostly the use of sir and Ma'am are heard as derogatory, people are people and unless someone has an actual title like Dr, or a judge who gets your honor in their courtroom, using one like sir or ma'am is like saying it with your teeth gritted and is heard as almost the same way. I know its different in different parts of the country and in certain situations, but its not said so much as a sign of respect in the south as it is pretty much the same as we greet people with a howyahdoing and then there is the seeyah, nobody ever says how they are doing and seeyah is the same as later or goodbye, its automatic talk and its just as irritating to hear like when in a large group of people one more person shows up and each and every person has their version of howyahdoing and thats the most common one used, so you get to hear all these people say the same thing and they aren't asking about the person, but just using the local slang phrase for hello, but when you hear people say sir or ma'am, others will turn and look to see who it is being said to because they either deserve it or they are very from deserving respect of much any kind. But the same here as it is all over in the country and as it is in most all cultures, you hold the door for people and you help others carry a load if they need help, and if you live out west you touch the tip of your hat brim and say howdy like others say hi, and if the females are older then it is appropriate to use ma'am as you touch your hat brim, and thats the abbreviated version of tipping your hat or taking your hat off in the presence of a lady, but since we are not a part of the british empire, most all of those commonalities have gone to the wayside or have changed to a very much shortened version. We do not have sir's in this country, as much as some organizations tilt in that direction, no... knighthood is not a thing here so why would you use sir, the title of a knight? And since madam is also the owner of a whorehouse, why use that title for anyone else? So the roots of it are long gone or never were here, and using the shortened version of madam which is ma'am, is seen as very derogatory up here, but was still used even in the sixties and died out after that, some males demand sir and that gets a fuck you from most everyone because those who think they are a sir in some way are generally just asshats and don't deserve even a mister as a title, so when you hear either of those being used, you look to see who the asshole is that said it and look to see the asshole they addressed it to, regional differences is all. But the common courtesies are still here and just the other day I gave up my place in line at the Post Office where I had been standing for a good ten minutes just to pick up and carry a box to someone's car because they were having difficulties with the size and weight, you'd think I could get my spot back in line but I didn't make it an issue and was surprised that the person who was behind me didn't off my spot back, it isn't as if the line had even moved, I held an older womans arm to walk her to the PO just recently because she was having trouble with being dizzy, again it isn't a big deal and if I ever asked if someone would help steady me, I fully expect someone would, I have seen more than a few times kids like early teens carry things out of like the grocery store for people and expect nothing in return, its a common courtesy and its automatic for most people. I've travelled all over this country and in others and its the most common thing that I've see everywhere is the ability to help others when they need it and you can help to just do it and ask for nothing, this is paying it forward, someday you will need assistance of some sort. But the other thing that is common is that people also do it for themselves because it makes them just feel better to help others, even trump supporters will occasionally actually help someone else because they can although in respect to getting something is still going top be there, but they understand paying forward. As far as like a negative situation or conversation needing adjustment, here we smile and drop the aggressive posture and offer something in the effort to turn it around, saying sir or ma'am is going to have the opposite effect in a tense situation, in those instances if it is very tense, you might as well just tell the other person that you think little of them and that they are assholes, the result is the same, sir and ma'am is a very snide thing to say when you don't absolutely mean it in a good way. But when I was traveling in the SE, I used both terms because when in rome... same as out west, even though I was wearing a baseball hat or none at all, you touch the brim or the place it would be and use a ma'am when talking to a lady, to a man, whatever works, generally it isn't going to be sir. It's like spending time in Canada and you pick up on the local versions of lingo they tend to use, use the words they use for stuff, in Mexico and central america, you most certainly use whatever seems to be the local use of words if you want to not be seen as so much of an outsider. The rules of language differ wherever you go, but the one thing I will never use is ma'am unless I know for a fact that they accept it as a nicety and I will not use sir unless they are in fact a person who has been knighted by their queen, one of the very best reasons for why we will never have a king or queen is because nobody is royal in this country, democracy is what we live under and even though they do in the UK and Canada, they still have this useless void in society that is the royals.
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akaslendy
New Member
Posts: 13
Gender: Non-Binary
Presentation: Androgynous
Pronouns: They/Their/Them
Orientation: Homosexual
Orientation: i'm very attracted to women - but like... ???
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0
Dec 8, 2020 5:53:45 GMT 8
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akaslendy
13
Sept 17, 2020 21:19:06 GMT 8
September 2020
akaslendy
Non-Binary
Androgynous
They/Their/Them
Homosexual
i'm very attracted to women - but like... ???
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Post by akaslendy on Dec 23, 2020 21:02:33 GMT 8
But when I was traveling in the SE, I used both terms because when in rome... same as out west, even though I was wearing a baseball hat or none at all, you touch the brim or the place it would be and use a ma'am when talking to a lady, to a man, whatever works, generally it isn't going to be sir. very true. i visited washington, DC and people were very much so not small-talkers. but here people chat, in the line at the groceries, waiting for the bus, while waiting for something at the counter, etc. but in washington people just are so focused. it's not like they are trying to be rude, it's just culturally different. in the same way i was raised within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (mormons) and so they called each other, Brother x and Sister y, or they use the persons official title like Bishop. it was always just a little strange going from Brother and Sister to having to say Mr and Ms. it's all just culture.
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koiandras
New Member
Posts: 39
Gender: Ambigender (Agender Woman / Libramasculine)
Presentation: Female
Presentation: Tomboy-femme
Pronouns: She/Her
Orientation: Bisexual
Orientation: Bisexual/Orchidian
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Nov 2, 2021 0:09:49 GMT 8
November 2021
koiandras
Ambigender (Agender Woman / Libramasculine)
Female
Tomboy-femme
She/Her
Bisexual
Bisexual/Orchidian
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Post by koiandras on Nov 2, 2021 19:03:03 GMT 8
I've told a couple of people but I'm not bothered about telling people in general. It feels like something private and since I'm still good with she/her and people are used to me looking somewhat tomboyish and man-spreading when I sit, I don't feel that how they perceive me is so far off how I feel about myself, even if it's not quite accurate.
(For example, my work automatically added me to an all-female support network on Teams at the start of the pandemic and that bothered me because I felt like I was female... kind of, or mostly. That was one reason I started to look into why it bothered me.)
I just feel happy to understand the layers now and have the terminology to describe my inner experience better, that's all.
Happy to discuss it with people who are interested and willing to do so, but I just don't think it's others' business in my case.
That being said, I think it completely depends on how non-conforming your gender expression is, as to whether it feels necessary to come out, and/or how important it is to you for others to recognise your gender identity when your gender expression does conform.
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