Wormmms
Junior Member
Posts: 72
Gender: Other
Pronouns: They/Them
Orientation: Bi/Ace
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Post by Wormmms on May 14, 2017 18:59:22 GMT 8
I'm completely out to my roommate and my girlfriend, both of them use my correct pronouns and I can talk to them about everything. My other roommate (bless her) noticed that I changed my pronouns on my social media and asked if she should start using them. I panicked and told her no because I'm not to everyone yet, and that I'd tell her when she should (I should have just told her yes). I'm also out to one of my close friends, but I have issues talking to her about this in depth so I haven't asked her to use my pronouns yet.
I'm not out to my family. My sister and mom might suspect something though. The same is true for my wider circle of friends. I'm DEFINITELY not out at work.
I love how it feels to say "my pronouns" this is the first time I've been able to really do that :,)
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Post by Maka on May 14, 2017 20:00:15 GMT 8
My sister and mom might suspect something though. People that close to you always feel what's up with you, that way or the other. When to say things straight and how to do that is a totally different matter, and it is you who decide the time and words, or whether it worth it at all. It depends on many things, it depends on your mood, on phase of the moon, on actually feeling that anything you expose out of you to others will be totally right with you.
Kinda weird thing, dunno...
:hugs:
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Wormmms
Junior Member
Posts: 72
Gender: Other
Pronouns: They/Them
Orientation: Bi/Ace
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Nov 10, 2021 14:17:45 GMT 8
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Bi/Ace
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Post by Wormmms on May 15, 2017 13:19:28 GMT 8
My sister and mom might suspect something though.People that close to you always feel what's up with you, that way or the other. When to say things straight and how to do that is a totally different matter, and it is you who decide the time and words, or whether it worth it at all. It depends on many things, it depends on your mood, on phase of the moon, on actually feeling that anything you expose out of you to others will be totally right with you. Kinda weird thing, dunno... :hugs: Mmm, yeah, agreed. I definitely tend toward being kind of cagey so I don't think any one person has a full picture of what's going on with me. Rather, everyone has little pieces that I've chosen to disclose to them because I felt the need to in the moment. I guess when you think about it that way it's kind of hard to qualify what "out" is. Am I "out" to my roommate who knows I prefer they/them but doesn't know the particulars of my gender identity? Am I "out" to the people in my life who suspect that I'm not cis but with whom I haven't had a clarifying conversation with? I feel pretty closeted most of the time, even when I'm talking to people I'm supposedly out to. I would imagine it'll start getting better if/when I start talking to more people about it.
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Post by Taka on May 15, 2017 14:49:26 GMT 8
i'm not changing my pronouns yet, neither am i telling people i'm nb. instead, i just keep being myself. at some point, people will start realising it's more than just a preference.
people rarely speak about what it's like to be a man or a woman. they seem to assume that the experience is somewhat similar. it's not too visible that i'm not a woman, but i try not to make points about it. instead i'd rather live life as if nb is the nost normal thing ever.
that actually works btw. i don't feel closeted at all, i just feel free.
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Quill
Junior Member
Posts: 55
Gender: Agender
Presentation: Female
Pronouns: She/Her or They/Their/Them
Orientation: Demisexual
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Post by Quill on Jun 26, 2017 19:21:38 GMT 8
I'm out to my spouse and one friend. This forum is kind of the next step for me (I wanted somewhere I knew I'd be accepted).
Eventually, I'd like to share who I am with other people in my life, but I feel hesitant about it.
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Post by Avery on Jun 26, 2017 21:49:28 GMT 8
I'm out to my spouse and one friend. This forum is kind of the next step for me (I wanted somewhere I knew I'd be accepted). Eventually, I'd like to share who I am with other people in my life, but I feel hesitant about it. This is exactly where I was when I joined. I've told maybe a dozen people now, members of a trans focus group and some close friends, but still no family. The forum helped me get the confidence and "sureness" to tell more people. I've even asked a few people to use my correct pronouns. I'm getting there.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2017 2:45:08 GMT 8
I put "No" even though I'm technically out to my wife and a few online people...but that doesn't feel like it counts yet because I haven't told anyone else.
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loveliving
Junior Member
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Posts: 63
Gender: Gender Neutral
Presentation: Dress Masculine, look female
Pronouns: Meredith
Orientation: Homosexual
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Post by loveliving on Aug 24, 2017 10:02:37 GMT 8
I'm kinda out. I've told my wife, her side of the family except her dad. Have told several people at my church, because it in o&a. Also some really close friends.
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Post by Becky on Mar 23, 2018 9:55:47 GMT 8
I have only come out here on the forum, and that tiny step felt wonderful. I would really like to come out to my wife, but I don't know how to have that conversation or what the result would be. Frankly, I'm so excited by beginning to get comfortable with myself, I would love to stand in the middle of the street and shout it out loud!
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Petri
Junior Member
Posts: 92
Gender: Non-Binary
Presentation: Female
Pronouns: They/Their/Them
Orientation: Pansexual
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Post by Petri on Mar 24, 2018 2:32:56 GMT 8
Im out to my partner and my closest friends, I really want to come out to my mother and my sister and at work though. It's on the tip of my tongue quite often. It feels so good when people use the right name and pronouns. Im too scared.
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Post by Trinity on Mar 24, 2018 7:24:34 GMT 8
Im out to my partner and my closest friends, I really want to come out to my mother and my sister and at work though. It's on the tip of my tongue quite often. It feels so good when people use the right name and pronouns. Im too scared. Everyone is usually scared. But you being out to your partner and closest friends is huge. I lost my closest friends when I came out, they are gone, decades of relationship went up in smoke, because of me being a sh'e. And I am ok with that, it's not even sad at this point, its the way things go. Life trans. When I look at what is important to me, it comes down to safety. Am I entrusting someone worthy of my trust with my gender identity, or am I putting myself in a position to be harmed, or for my family to be harmed? And then, it comes down to, how much harm, and how much harm is there in me remaining stealth. That is a priviate choice for everyone who is born trans, and I don't believe there is a right or wrong choice there, everyone copes as best they know how to do. The hardest thing for me was coming out to my wife. We survived it, and she knows I work publically as a trans female, and that she can't really take part in that life. We have our boundaries. And this is a setting of our boundaries, and a big one. Thanks for sharing this. I have not come out to one of my sisters yet. I could, but, it seems irrelevant. I'm just me, she can take it or leave it.
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Post by Trinity on Mar 24, 2018 7:37:55 GMT 8
I have only come out here on the forum, and that tiny step felt wonderful. I would really like to come out to my wife, but I don't know how to have that conversation or what the result would be. Frankly, I'm so excited by beginning to get comfortable with myself, I would love to stand in the middle of the street and shout it out loud! I had help from a gender therapist working through coming out to my wife. In my case, I had been living stealth male, beard and everything, and had hidden it from her. It was excruciating to come out with her, I don't think I will ever forget it, she would have left me if it had not been for a divine intervention experience that happened to her. She was basically told not to be afraid to stay with me. So I had some pretty expert advice. I also had advice from the forum, a lot of it, and a lot of support for a couple years during the process. I had slowed my transition down to glacial, it took about a year just to shed the beard. My kids actually screamed the first day they saw me without it. They had never seen me without a beard, a beard I wore to disguise my gender identity and to try to rid myself of it. But getting comfortable with yourself, and not being ashamed, is huge. That's a really big step, just relaxing into being you. Medical transition is another conversation, I am full transition but live socially in all presentations, it makes my loved ones more comfortable and has no bearing on my gender identity, that is a constant. Sometimes I free up more than others, but I got off my back about it. I won't tolerate being called "shameful" for being effeminate again. They can go to hell for that. Although, that's really only the programming from the matrix, this machine world that governs gender expression. So its great that you are out on the forum, now you can let your hair down and your feelings out in here, and find and express your truth. One place we do that is the what creature are you in the unicorn forest thread. its pretty dead, but easily revived, its a way of storytelling your gender as you interact with others in the unicorn forest, its a metaphor or who we are.
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Post by Becky on Mar 24, 2018 7:55:24 GMT 8
Trinity, thank you for sharing your own experiences with coming out. My wife and I currently seem to have a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” system, and it’s an okay way to tread water for the time being. I have this recurring fantasy that she’ll come out as FTM non-binary (not actually a stretch, based on how she presents herself), so that we can live as a gender-flipped couple. That’s probably unrealistic, but perhaps we can take baby steps to camisole-and-eyeliner TV nights at home (no pun intended). I’m not sure I can bank on God giving her a vision…
This uncomfortable status quo is why I’m here. I knew I needed some sort of support network, and even thought about starting my own blog. This forum has been an absolute Godsend for me.
Based on your advice, I think I’m going to slap on some lipstick and go frolic in the unicorn forest…
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Post by Trinity on Mar 24, 2018 8:20:16 GMT 8
Trinity, thank you for sharing your own experiences with coming out. My wife and I currently seem to have a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” system, and it’s an okay way to tread water for the time being. I have this recurring fantasy that she’ll come out as FTM non-binary (not actually a stretch, based on how she presents herself), so that we can live as a gender-flipped couple. That’s probably unrealistic, but perhaps we can take baby steps to camisole-and-eyeliner TV nights at home (no pun intended). I’m not sure I can bank on God giving her a vision… This uncomfortable status quo is why I’m here. I knew I needed some sort of support network, and even thought about starting my own blog. This forum has been an absolute Godsend for me. Based on your advice, I think I’m going to slap on some lipstick and go frolic in the unicorn forest… Camisole and eyeliner at home, lipstick, on tv night.... Sounds like heaven, really. Mostly I hang out in jeans and a cami. Or a nightgown and satin robe most of the day. That's the thing, if you can live like that comfortably, its fantastic. It took years for me to get there with my wife. But I sleep in her arms, as me. I don't give a rats ass what pronoun she uses on me. I just want to be my truth, and in her arms. And I am. Glad you are here. Actually I don't do the makeup in the house. Pushes her too far, no need for it, as long as my mirror shows me sh'e, i don't care. And it does.
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Post by Yuki on Mar 24, 2018 8:26:32 GMT 8
I'm not out to family. Pretty much the only reason I'm not, right now, is the fact that my mom lives here. And the fact that there has been a lot of drama recent and stress so I feel like now isn't the right time, because no one can really handle much more right now. So... later.
Because I don't want close family, like my mom to know, I'm not out to ANY family. I don't want her to hear it through anyone else.
I am out to friends.
And occasionally to new people I meet, as long as I'm sure they're far enough removed that they won't be talking to my family any time soon. Lol
If I worked, idk if I would be out there. It would depend on where I worked, I guess.. if people I worked with seemed trans friendly or not.
And I'm out to my husband. A trans support group here that also has a support group for family and partners really helped with that. He really just needed to meet and be around other trans and nonbinary people so he could understand better and it didn't seem so strange and scary. Now he's pretty cool about it.
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