inherit
51
0
Dec 19, 2014 12:17:49 GMT 8
1,707
Leena
2,309
Dec 19, 2014 12:12:25 GMT 8
December 2014
veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on Mar 8, 2022 14:34:40 GMT 8
Was feeling like a female all last week.Today I was feeling like guy and now tonight (in my timezone it's 10:32pm) I feel both genders (female/male).I'm very confused. Mine used to flip around a lot like that, and that can be confusing. It really became less so the longer I thought and wrote about it.
I eventually discovered some patterns. For me, it turned out that I mostly just didn't want to do some things and go some places as obviously nonbinary/trans. Still don't really.
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0
1
May 18, 2024 9:37:08 GMT 8
4,666
Ativan Prescribed
8,479
Jan 9, 2015 10:22:46 GMT 8
January 2015
ativanprescribed
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Mar 8, 2022 15:25:48 GMT 8
It really takes time and thinking things through to undo the conditioning that the social construct has put everyone through. For some it is their truth because they simply don't have any realization that it is nothing more than a social construct, they see the reflection of the diamond, yet they fail to see past that reflection and miss the inner facets that sparkle. The true brilliance of a diamond isn't the reflections on the surface, but the reflections of the facets inside, ask them to draw a diamond and they draw the outside of one, ask someone who sees past that and they draw the inner beauty of the diamond. For them they see the outside of a person, they miss the inner beauty of the person as a whole, the social construct is this seeing only the outside of people, the construct doesn't allow for the brilliance of an individual to shine. I think for most NB they want to see that brilliance, a lot of them want the world to see the inner beauty, but the social construct blocks that as if it doesn't exist and yet for the people who can't see past the blocked view, they have a hidden idea of what it actually is. Its the social construct that for them they are forced in a way to make a choice, either know and try to see the inner beauty or become afraid and have this fear of it because they fear so many unknowns, to me I think it must hurt, it has to be painful to live in fear of any unknown. In bigots there is this fear and you can tell by the way they use that fear to bully people, its their way of fighting back the unknown, to try and make it non existent, to try and make others fear it as they do. It just has to be painful to be afraid of others because they are different, what a shameful and painful way to go through life... and calling them out brings this sudden fear of their own guilt to the surface, they deny that they are being a bigot, because they know that others know they are for all practical purpose, just small and scared of something that is different. But to be that person who looks and wants to know more about what is at first an unknown, what a sense of wonder it has to explore what is different, it becomes an expression of their soul. NB and anyone that society deems to be 'different' has this ability to see beyond the fact that yes there is different everywhere and that by the simple discovery of those differences, it releases that part of their soul that has that inner brilliance and they simply shine as people. I look at people and I want to see what makes them shine, I don't want to or care about who or what they might look like, everyone wears a disguise that suits them, its whats makes them shine that is the true measure of a person, thats what I want to see. It makes me sad when people come here with a beaten down story to tell, but I know that so many people also discover that what beats them down is a nothing and that they find their inner brilliance and shine and so many people have come and gone with this forum and it amazes me the story they them come away with, its finding others and finding that inner knowledge that people ideed do have a brilliance to themselves, it stops the anxiety of being different of being NB, they begin to shine and their stories change to ones not of despair but of finding that brilliance within. It isn't so much in the words or what is written, its in the way the dialogue changes, the story changes, its seeing that dark cloud dissipate and the way they shine or begin to shine, there isn't just one way, but it's in finding their way that is what this forum does for so many people. So anyone who is new or is struggling, write about it, even if there is little to no response, you are being heard and the journey of self discovery sometimes doesn't need anything more that just knowing that others are reading and sometime sharing your words. By telling your story, by sharing those things that are important to you, you do realize that you are indeed important and there is a way for you to simply shine as a person as an individual, sure we are a group of people, but it's that individual brilliance that is so amazing see. It's about finding your path and hopefully it is going to be the high road you travel on.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on May 4, 2022 6:32:49 GMT 8
sh'e, they.... mild dysphoria, release from huge stress, I want to let my hair down and relax tonight.
We'll see.
That shift is still there with me, I've been in warrior mode too long, time to feed the whole me again, been too long that I have not taken care of my own needs too, too much pressure from the outside, time to reset.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on May 19, 2022 5:29:13 GMT 8
Dysphoria is high
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inherit
51
0
Dec 19, 2014 12:17:49 GMT 8
1,707
Leena
2,309
Dec 19, 2014 12:12:25 GMT 8
December 2014
veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on May 19, 2022 8:18:02 GMT 8
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inherit
519
0
Jul 4, 2022 20:18:56 GMT 8
1,352
Becky
1,514
Mar 19, 2018 2:50:15 GMT 8
March 2018
rebeccas
Demigirl
Androgynous
In private, feminine
They/Their/Them
(she/her/hers in safe spaces)
Queer
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Post by Becky on May 23, 2022 21:10:34 GMT 8
*HUGS* Me too, recently. We're all in this together.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on May 24, 2022 3:35:43 GMT 8
*HUGS* Me too, recently. We're all in this together. It's different for me now, very different. Much easier.
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0
Dec 19, 2014 12:17:49 GMT 8
1,707
Leena
2,309
Dec 19, 2014 12:12:25 GMT 8
December 2014
veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on May 27, 2022 5:06:21 GMT 8
Had to run a few errands at places where I knew I was going to be called by my legal name and they did. I'm at the point now that I'm finding myself putting off doing things like this. I guess I have been for awhile.
I wish it didn't make feel compelled to tone things way down, but I am rarely in mood that I feel up to outing myself to random people.
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inherit
60
0
1
May 18, 2024 9:37:08 GMT 8
4,666
Ativan Prescribed
8,479
Jan 9, 2015 10:22:46 GMT 8
January 2015
ativanprescribed
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on May 27, 2022 8:20:20 GMT 8
Sounds more like it is time to change your legal name, or past time. It's sorta like the last thing on your list to do, become who you are, finalize what you are doing. I don't have a grasp on what it is like though, I have no plans to change my name at all. But it seems like you have just a tiny toehold on your old life keeping you from being who you have been working hard to be. The last and final steps on any journey are the hardest it seems but the entire point of the journey is in taking those last steps.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on May 27, 2022 9:39:19 GMT 8
When it starts to become a safety thing or big discomfort, then the question is what's holding us back.
I never wanted to change my name either, nor my sex on ID's, but I did insist on it for insurance.
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inherit
51
0
Dec 19, 2014 12:17:49 GMT 8
1,707
Leena
2,309
Dec 19, 2014 12:12:25 GMT 8
December 2014
veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on May 28, 2022 2:21:31 GMT 8
There are a lot of reasons I'm nervous about doing it, but if I had it done, I would feel much more comfortable doing a lot of things.
I guess part of what holds me back is why I want it done in the first place. I'm not at all comfortable talking to cis people about trans stuff. I will have to talk to a lot of people during the process.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on May 28, 2022 3:08:26 GMT 8
There are a lot of reasons I'm nervous about doing it, but if I had it done, I would feel much more comfortable doing a lot of things. I guess part of what holds me back is why I want it done in the first place. I'm not at all comfortable talking to cis people about trans stuff. I will have to talk to a lot of people during the process. Personally I got used to that until it just became no big deal. I have very seldom had a negative response. In the beginning I did have problems with it though, at work specifically. Interesting all those people are gone from that place.
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inherit
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0
1
May 18, 2024 9:37:08 GMT 8
4,666
Ativan Prescribed
8,479
Jan 9, 2015 10:22:46 GMT 8
January 2015
ativanprescribed
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on May 28, 2022 4:00:16 GMT 8
You have to talk mainly to people who are helping you to do the name change, no explanation needed. Just smile at them, don't answer stupid irrelevant questions, just smile at them. Once its done its a never have to deal with the dead name again pretty much, most legal docs are going to be changed in the process and those that aren't are a simple thing to do, people change their names for a lot more than trans reasons, its just not that unusual. A lot of people go by a different name than their birth name to begin with for various reasons, my business name was different just to make it easier than the alphabet soup real name, its really not hard to do and I had a set of docs using that name, to be able to legally sign legal docs for business. It's like nicknames, some people go by those totally and others use various names for different situations, I really don't think twice about what people use for names, and never think what they go by is really their birth name. You'd be surprised to know the names of people you have met in life who go by something other than their birth name....
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inherit
51
0
Dec 19, 2014 12:17:49 GMT 8
1,707
Leena
2,309
Dec 19, 2014 12:12:25 GMT 8
December 2014
veronicalynn
She/Her
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Post by Leena on May 29, 2022 8:52:48 GMT 8
Personally I got used to that until it just became no big deal. I have very seldom had a negative response. In the beginning I did have problems with it though, at work specifically. Interesting all those people are gone from that place. I guess it just comes up so infrequently I never get used to it. While I have had some negative experiences, they haven't often been with people I was needing to talk to.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 16, 2024 7:57:51 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,583
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on May 31, 2022 9:47:19 GMT 8
Personally I got used to that until it just became no big deal. I have very seldom had a negative response. In the beginning I did have problems with it though, at work specifically. Interesting all those people are gone from that place. I guess it just comes up so infrequently I never get used to it. While I have had some negative experiences, they haven't often been with people I was needing to talk to. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I go by Trinity in public regardless of how I look. It's pretty in your face trans, just not in business. Its a stand your ground kind of thing and I get accepted and respected for it. And even in business, sure I switch to the other name, but I also have come in very trans presenting and nobody even blinks, not any more. But everyone knew anyway once the owner of the company put the word out that if anyone had a problem with it they should come talk to her in her office, and nobody ever wanted to do that..... one did, and it did not go well for him. A second one also did, and accused me of some kind of sexual advance bullshit, and he wound up getting canned later on and self desctructed, he had some big problems.
All the bad ones had things happen that were not good for them, the ones that didn't care, they did well at that place and now I freelance for them.
Go figure.
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