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guest@proboards.com
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Apr 29, 2024 14:45:19 GMT 8
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Apr 29, 2024 14:45:19 GMT 8
January 1970
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2015 19:47:58 GMT 8
Been a great few days. I am really firing with the higher E. I have never felt so good. Then the validation and genuine support I received from women in my team was really quite unexpected. My spirit sang. I know that it shouldn't matter, but it did and it does. Feeling so very, very happy. Sometimes I feel that I may well move to andro f rather than andro m which is where I thought I would find equilibrium. This puzzles me. Is it the E or does it just take me more time to find my way? Safe travels Aisla That's wonderful! Either way it's great that you're finding your way towards that place where you feel at home with yourself.
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131
0
1
Apr 19, 2024 4:09:58 GMT 8
7,159
Trinity
DES Trans
14,574
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Dec 16, 2015 1:19:29 GMT 8
Another unexpected buzz came from the 2 young female digital media types sitting next to me at breakfast. They presented as quite andro casual and I saw them come together to whisper, then both looked at me then chatted again. I think the combination of my clear polished and shaped nails, moisturised skin, shaped brows, pony tail and zero facial hair caught their attention. Great to be read as andro trans. I now seem to be able to read folk and read nuance and messaging much more readily than I was able to do pre HRT. It is also more and more obvious to me that while I can still play the binary alpha male my reality is far more fluid and more andro if not F. Similarly my connection with and the opinions of my female friends and colleagues are now far more important than those of the guys. Safe travels Aisla Nonbinary is complex isnt it? I feel a shift today. But as time goes on awareness builds. Variables. Wife, hrt, fear, business enviro, peer pressure. Love, sex, attraction, jeaolosy, physical and social dysphoria, identification with others isolation, loneliness, romance. Doesnt it all impact our social gender and self perception? It does me. In the middle of the night, staring at the mirror peeing on Spiro...the answer looks back at me. And i personally like what i see, if my hair is forward. I so relate to the nb vids. I like being pretty but always go back to my blended center. God i love being trans. ☺
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inherit
131
0
1
Apr 19, 2024 4:09:58 GMT 8
7,159
Trinity
DES Trans
14,574
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Dec 27, 2015 0:34:28 GMT 8
I am a bit of a mess at the moment.
Raw nerve...anxious, dysphoric, angry, upset, vulnerable, sad.
How long can i keep this up.
Today anyway.
I think i went too far on something and feel embarrassed and ashamed. I was too revealing but i thought it would be helpful to understand me.
Trinity
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inherit
131
0
1
Apr 19, 2024 4:09:58 GMT 8
7,159
Trinity
DES Trans
14,574
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Dec 27, 2015 3:44:49 GMT 8
Wow sh'e is strong in me today. I surrender, its time.
I feel like what I think a lesbian person might feel like.
Hey, rationalizing into a box again. Cut that out Trin.
But sh'e is super strong, and I think I like it.
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131
0
1
Apr 19, 2024 4:09:58 GMT 8
7,159
Trinity
DES Trans
14,574
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Jan 7, 2016 19:57:25 GMT 8
Kid woke me up again and i yelled at. Now i feel bad.
Im very emotional and really sensitive. Last night i got blamed for moving into this basement because of the codependency here taking us down. That does not seem fair.
Some stuff came up yesterday reminding me of psychic things. I was talking to A. about it. The stuff i felt was confirmed, so i still have it, it was interesting to say the least.
Slept an extra hour, will draw emotional nurturing from here, as you each share i feel happy. When i feel like this i just want to sit back and watch you play.
The worst thing for me is the abandonment fears. But its like Kira said, we were kinda dead before. Better to live true.
I was once asked if i had no social or emotional restrictions would i be living as sh'e.
Yes.
But id go out as he even so. Sometimes being a guy has an advantage. And thats really what i am doing.
Warmest of loving hugs to every single one of you.
Trinity....Satinjoy
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Jun 29, 2023 11:06:51 GMT 8
228
LivingTheDream
276
Nov 19, 2014 22:31:27 GMT 8
November 2014
livingthedream
Female
She/Her
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Post by LivingTheDream on Feb 17, 2016 14:20:50 GMT 8
A random old lady waved me over today at work. She then told me that she thought I was a waitress, cuz she thought I looked like a girl from a distance, "corrected" herself after.......she also apologized and added that she has vision problems.....................
So I went from yay (tho I was a girl) to nooooooooo when corrected self to omfg why you gotta say that you can't see well omg, just stop already!!!!
*usually this would be a all around horrible thing but I don't really try to pass at work; I kinda half-ass it there, lol, and yesterday I went looking less than my best you can say. I think I look my most manliest at work and am almost always sir'd there so being told she tho I was a girl like that is a win for me imo! Even after she went on to knife me and then twist and yank it out during that convo, overall it was still a good way to start the day
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131
0
1
Apr 19, 2024 4:09:58 GMT 8
7,159
Trinity
DES Trans
14,574
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Feb 17, 2016 19:00:46 GMT 8
Clueless huh. I get sirred unless I am wigged. even in full makeup. I hate it.
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Jul 11, 2019 20:09:26 GMT 8
1,471
Taka
1,648
Nov 18, 2014 3:23:40 GMT 8
November 2014
taka
sooty
he and they work best
rather fluid
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Post by Taka on Feb 17, 2016 23:06:47 GMT 8
was dreaming happy dreams, which were broken into a feeling of loss when the right equipment failed to materialize. everything was perfect except for that part though. made me curl up in bed wanting to cry even in the dream.
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0
Apr 10, 2016 22:45:47 GMT 8
635
Shan
1,959
Feb 4, 2016 3:52:26 GMT 8
February 2016
shan
Non-Binary
Any as long as it's polite
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Post by Shan on Feb 17, 2016 23:58:20 GMT 8
A random old lady waved me over today at work. She then told me that she thought I was a waitress, cuz she thought I looked like a girl from a distance, "corrected" herself after.......she also apologized and added that she has vision problems..................... So I went from yay (tho I was a girl) to nooooooooo when corrected self to omfg why you gotta say that you can't see well omg, just stop already!!!! *usually this would be a all around horrible thing but I don't really try to pass at work; I kinda half-ass it there, lol, and yesterday I went looking less than my best you can say. I think I look my most manliest at work and am almost always sir'd there so being told she tho I was a girl like that is a win for me imo! Even after she went on to knife me and then twist and yank it out during that convo, overall it was still a good way to start the day Count your blessings, if you are at work not even trying to pass and the old gal made a mistake like that, it means that you have made it to the summit and the rest of the trip is going to get easier, so take it as a big plus.
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150
0
Apr 10, 2016 22:45:47 GMT 8
635
Shan
1,959
Feb 4, 2016 3:52:26 GMT 8
February 2016
shan
Non-Binary
Any as long as it's polite
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Post by Shan on Feb 18, 2016 0:01:37 GMT 8
Clueless huh. I get sirred unless I am wigged. even in full makeup. I hate it. There's some things that only full FFS can change on most of us due to years of masculinization, not worth crying over really.
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Apr 10, 2016 22:45:47 GMT 8
635
Shan
1,959
Feb 4, 2016 3:52:26 GMT 8
February 2016
shan
Non-Binary
Any as long as it's polite
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Post by Shan on Feb 18, 2016 0:02:42 GMT 8
was dreaming happy dreams, which were broken into a feeling of loss when the right equipment failed to materialize. everything was perfect except for that part though. made me curl up in bed wanting to cry even in the dream. We've all been there Taka, you're not a loner having dreams like that.
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131
0
1
Apr 19, 2024 4:09:58 GMT 8
7,159
Trinity
DES Trans
14,574
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Feb 18, 2016 6:30:11 GMT 8
was dreaming happy dreams, which were broken into a feeling of loss when the right equipment failed to materialize. everything was perfect except for that part though. made me curl up in bed wanting to cry even in the dream. I left a lullaby for a better dream...
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4
0
Jul 11, 2019 20:09:26 GMT 8
1,471
Taka
1,648
Nov 18, 2014 3:23:40 GMT 8
November 2014
taka
sooty
he and they work best
rather fluid
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Post by Taka on Mar 21, 2016 9:12:32 GMT 8
dreams again... it wasn't a bad dream at all, but my brain doesn't seem to know any limits at all. even making medical impossibilities realistic, and doing it with people i know.
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inherit
4
0
Jul 11, 2019 20:09:26 GMT 8
1,471
Taka
1,648
Nov 18, 2014 3:23:40 GMT 8
November 2014
taka
sooty
he and they work best
rather fluid
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Post by Taka on Apr 5, 2016 21:29:57 GMT 8
it gave me a good laugh, this story a colleague told me, though it isn't really a happy thing.
overprotective parents are bad, no matter what. there are those that will guilt their kids into focusing so much on school, they never have time for friends, or protect them from all fun because it's dangerous. and then there are those who are told that their kids don't do shit in school, and the parents proceed to protect them from ever having to do anything in school... (one of the staff has a kid in this school. i don't think having mom here helps that kid in any way whatsoever)
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inherit
131
0
1
Apr 19, 2024 4:09:58 GMT 8
7,159
Trinity
DES Trans
14,574
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Apr 15, 2016 5:33:35 GMT 8
As i was being grilled on a bid review today my professional self esteem took blow after blow. It is a painful process.
It suddenly occurred to me that deficits in job ability have nothing to do with my value as a person.
My value instead is based on something far greater than a job.
Its based on self respect for being me, trans, survivor, sober, father, husband, friend, and my love of God.
And the blows to the ego are lessened, because i do what i do because of love.
I dont know what twist my path may take, but i do know this...
Others do not determine my worth.
Only love can do it.
And that is what keeps me here. I cant walk away from those i love.
Trinity
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