inherit
209
0
Jun 18, 2021 23:16:57 GMT 8
1,584
Jennifer (Tink)
1,717
Jul 27, 2016 6:39:50 GMT 8
July 2016
jennifer
MTF
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
|
Post by Jennifer (Tink) on Aug 15, 2016 11:08:46 GMT 8
Been feeling very ..... bleh today. Not sure what it is. Just unorganized and unfocused in my head today.
Going to try and get some sleep and hopefully things will clear up tomorrow.
|
|
inherit
209
0
Jun 18, 2021 23:16:57 GMT 8
1,584
Jennifer (Tink)
1,717
Jul 27, 2016 6:39:50 GMT 8
July 2016
jennifer
MTF
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
|
Post by Jennifer (Tink) on Aug 16, 2016 0:01:53 GMT 8
Woke up this morning refreshed and with a clear head. Feeling very strong and sexy female today.
Hoping that I get the female trainer I like for PT tonight
:rawr:
|
|
inherit
209
0
Jun 18, 2021 23:16:57 GMT 8
1,584
Jennifer (Tink)
1,717
Jul 27, 2016 6:39:50 GMT 8
July 2016
jennifer
MTF
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
|
Post by Jennifer (Tink) on Aug 16, 2016 3:44:36 GMT 8
Still feeling strong and sexy even even after my first day back in the office Starting to feel like the real me.
|
|
inherit
131
0
1
May 3, 2024 8:54:16 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,577
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
|
Post by Trinity on Aug 16, 2016 5:34:18 GMT 8
Get me those boots. I have the hair somewhere...and most of the rest lol
Feels like I am detransitioning. Its the hormones. Way off.
I dont like that.
T.
|
|
inherit
209
0
Jun 18, 2021 23:16:57 GMT 8
1,584
Jennifer (Tink)
1,717
Jul 27, 2016 6:39:50 GMT 8
July 2016
jennifer
MTF
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
|
Post by Jennifer (Tink) on Aug 23, 2016 2:12:12 GMT 8
|
|
inherit
4
0
Jul 11, 2019 20:09:26 GMT 8
1,471
Taka
1,648
Nov 18, 2014 3:23:40 GMT 8
November 2014
taka
sooty
he and they work best
rather fluid
|
Post by Taka on Aug 24, 2016 2:50:38 GMT 8
my gender feels absolutely normal and comfortable.
|
|
inherit
2
0
Jul 29, 2022 6:47:09 GMT 8
940
Laura J
1,103
Nov 17, 2014 22:37:43 GMT 8
November 2014
mark
Human being
|
Post by Laura J on Aug 25, 2016 9:47:20 GMT 8
I feel no sense of gender, just my overall personhood as myself. I know my brain is technically about 25-35% masculine with the rest feminine, and I guess if I spent time analyzing myself I'd end up with that self-description, but Ivebeen trying very hard lately not to dwell on myself, but instead use my energy in more outward ways, just trying to enjoy day to day life, and think about more positive things..
|
|
inherit
131
0
1
May 3, 2024 8:54:16 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,577
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
|
Post by Trinity on Aug 26, 2016 5:21:32 GMT 8
Completely sh'e.
Regardless of the outer clothes.
Those don't matter right now.
|
|
inherit
131
0
1
May 3, 2024 8:54:16 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,577
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
|
Post by Trinity on Aug 28, 2016 0:14:52 GMT 8
I went out full out sh'e at the merting last night. I wanted to be pretty. So I wore the wig.
I seldom do that now, i dont like to add something not me to create anything like a costume or crossdressing. Its neither. No more than an old lady with a wig is crossdressing. Its just fixing my hair better to be more pretty.
I forgot how sh'e can turn heads.
It felt good, natural, and it is.
Then i dropped the wig and flipped andro, very fast, in moments.
They think its so cool. Its literallycseeing gender morph in front of your eyes.
Andcits all very strong in self now.
So I was very androgyne in the train.
Nobody ever sits next to me when I break the binary rules
They think its cool. The thought processes change, body language, everything.
How does my gender feel?
Real. Uniquely me.
|
|
inherit
217
0
Jan 22, 2024 13:25:05 GMT 8
2,316
Yuki
1,762
Aug 24, 2016 11:03:57 GMT 8
August 2016
violynne
Non-Binary
They/Their/Them
Pansexual
|
Post by Yuki on Aug 28, 2016 0:38:43 GMT 8
I'd rather sit next to someone like you, who breaks the binary gender rules, than someone who does whatever society tells them to do. I'd see you as a real person and probably someone who wouldn't judge me for being me. (Even when I'm presenting as cis female, people still know something is up with me anyway. I was never good at understanding social rules, let alone following them.) I'd see the "normal" people as dangerous, judgmental.
Anyway, the first day or so as identifying as agender, it felt great! Like home. But now, my mind wants to go back to old habits... which means reverting to viewing myself as female even though I don't want it to and it makes me uncomfortable. But I just have to correct it, and make a new habit of viewing myself as nonbinary. Which means being conscious of how I see myself constantly for now.
But... that's just how my mind wants to view me. How I feel is definitely genderless. The name is growing on me, too. So I feel like Kai.
|
|
inherit
125
0
May 13, 2023 1:13:57 GMT 8
1,523
Valerie
1,358
Sept 28, 2015 3:08:16 GMT 8
September 2015
soullessdhampir
Female
trans woman
Feminine
More androgynously feminine
She/Her
Pansexual
|
Post by Valerie on Aug 28, 2016 2:03:24 GMT 8
Anyway, the first day or so as identifying as agender, it felt great! Like home. But now, my mind wants to go back to old habits... which means reverting to viewing myself as female even though I don't want it to and it makes me uncomfortable. But I just have to correct it, and make a new habit of viewing myself as nonbinary. Which means being conscious of how I see myself constantly for now. But... that's just how my mind wants to view me. How I feel is definitely genderless. This is how I been feeling lately! You've put to words better than I can! Honestly I been battling so much of just giving up on my journey, and reverting back to living as male, and just dealing with it. Mostly because it just feels easier. But also because no matter what I'm always gonna be viewed as male anyways, which is really frustrating! Like even if I am dressed, or presenting more male it doesn't mean I'm male! It's just that I wish the world kept expecting that to be androgynous or agender, you have to dress genderless! Like what the hell does that even look like? I just wanna dress, & present as anyway I want. Leave me be! Honestly I've been really struggling, & battling my gender lately. Like I keep doubting myself & questioning is even any this worth it? Just go back to being a feminine male, but honestly viewing myself as male is uncomfortable. I love being genderless. That's just how I view myself. I don't see myself on the "linear gender spectrum" that goes from male to androgynous to female. I see myself more as just idk... Ummm existing outside of the binary system, and just chilling out in the hey, don't box me or label area. Idk I don't know how to describe, or think of words I'm thinking of. But I honestly I haven't been feeling much of my gender lately. I ask myself this question every day, "how does my gender feel today" I never know how to answer other than I don't know just feel genderless. Maybe it's just been a lot stress, & low key depression blocking me from accurately analyzing myself. Because I've been very lost, and self doubting in many areas lately. But I do know last weekend when I got all femmed out I was absolutely in heaven within my outfit, and makeup.
|
|
inherit
217
0
Jan 22, 2024 13:25:05 GMT 8
2,316
Yuki
1,762
Aug 24, 2016 11:03:57 GMT 8
August 2016
violynne
Non-Binary
They/Their/Them
Pansexual
|
Post by Yuki on Aug 28, 2016 12:34:59 GMT 8
It's hard! I don't really consider myself to be questioning anymore, even though for me it's still technically "new". But, I think I knew what I was the moment I found out there were other genders. But I spent all of that time denying it. Because it was "easier" to be cis. So, I tried to get even more feminine stuff than I used to. Partially because I wanted to try that out... and partially because I wanted to force myself to be as cis female as possible. I'm "different" in so many ways. So much to explain to people, already. I didn't want another. I'm tired of people treating me like I'm full of crap about every part of myself, when I know I'm not. It's hard. So, I wanted just one thing that was "normal". Like you said, though... it's uncomfortable. It makes me feel worse on the inside. Even if I want to dress feminine some days, that doesn't mean I want to be female. I was trying to be as "normal" as possible, trying to fit into society as much as I could. Until my hubby and I were talking about going to pride, and I looked up what all was going to be there. And seeing those pictures of all of those LGBT people perfectly happy being themselves... that looked like where I belong, and I longed for that. Not for blending in with society. So, I talked about it with my husband. And no matter how hard it gets, I'm not going to give up and go back to being something I'm not.. I know I'm not any happier that way. Sure, it's simpler. But not better. I do understand feeling depression from stress... and feeling kind of blah about everything. That happens to me a lot, and it's always kind of worrying when it happens. When the stress calms down and the depression goes away, you'll feel better and back to your normal self again. Back on topic... The friends are gone now and, yeah, while they were here I kinda slipped back into seeing myself as female.. because that's how I identified when I knew them. Plus I was too busy being anxious in general (hello social anxiety, and meeting people that you've talked to for years but have never actually seen.) to correct it. But, maybe I didn't see myself as female as much as I would have before, because I was a little more comfortable than I normally would have been if this happened even a few weeks ago. So there's that. I think I have an idea of what I need, and I'm going to work on it, but I don't know how to put it into words. Not without writing a whole novel, anyway.
|
|
inherit
209
0
Jun 18, 2021 23:16:57 GMT 8
1,584
Jennifer (Tink)
1,717
Jul 27, 2016 6:39:50 GMT 8
July 2016
jennifer
MTF
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
|
Post by Jennifer (Tink) on Sept 1, 2016 3:58:19 GMT 8
Feeling very vulnerable, upset, angry and confused today. And I don't know exactly why Side note: Violynne I love your profile picture :hugs: -- Jenn
|
|
inherit
209
0
Jun 18, 2021 23:16:57 GMT 8
1,584
Jennifer (Tink)
1,717
Jul 27, 2016 6:39:50 GMT 8
July 2016
jennifer
MTF
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
|
Post by Jennifer (Tink) on Sept 1, 2016 19:20:03 GMT 8
Woke up in my favorite sleep shirt, put on my new leggings and sitting having breakfast. After yesterday, still feeling very vulnerable so staying away from most people today. Let's see how the day goes.
Feminine side coming out in full force this morning.
A little worried about tomorrow. Family coming home and concert tomorrow night ....
Need to center myself.
:hugs:
-- Jenn
|
|
inherit
131
0
1
May 3, 2024 8:54:16 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,577
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
|
Post by Trinity on Sept 2, 2016 0:24:59 GMT 8
Woke up in my favorite sleep shirt, put on my new leggings and sitting having breakfast. After yesterday, still feeling very vulnerable so staying away from most people today. Let's see how the day goes. Feminine side coming out in full force this morning. A little worried about tomorrow. Family coming home and concert tomorrow night .... Need to center myself. :hugs: -- Jenn Visible feminine side can be triggers, and you are loaded with them darling, and I understand I have been there.
Cutting back a little is cutting back, but has nothing to do with how you feel or what you show, its just using the safety nets in kind of a controlled fall. You already jumped out of your plane, you need your parachute.
So you can show what you want and go for the small gains. Let them, AND YOU, get used to what the small incremental feelings are.
There is a mourning process involved with being trans, the old person dies and is born new into a different everything, the bravery involved is huge, you need to be aware of the immense psychological drain that takes, the energy it pulls.
But you can be you under the clothes you show. I work as a male, or a male andrygyne, yet, I am a full transition nonbinary trans*** whatever. I don't wear male things under these clothes, its a womans body, just like it is for any woman that shows up to work in a business suit. Just heavier weighted to the he side of it. And I relate to others here in business as a guy.
Its very hard, its dissapointiing, its depressings. I have had both feet over the edge 8 times, the forum pulled me back. My closest friends pulled me back, they were worried sick over me. Many times.
But we walk through the process, feel the feelings, breathe out the fear, use every tool we have as a coping mechanism. Getting out for walks, feeling our bodies, breathing the air as we get out of the closed environment.
I have many coping skills in full swing, I dance the diamond tightrope leading away from the forest edge and into the heart of the forest. I use them all, every day, every tool I have, I use. And it works.
Trans, NB, is big stuff, very big stuff, emotional dynamite. ANd that's ok, we learn how to handle dynamite, to be sure, and do it well, better and better.
But like a good fighter we don't lead with the chin, we don't present an underbelly where it can be taken out by a blow or harsh word or a trigger. We find the safe paths through the forest that lead away from the edge, my edge is insanity, homelessness, starvation, prostitution, drugs, and eventually death. It can happen in a matter of a week with me, I came from a place of great pain and desperation. I avoided the edge by taking it slow, and hiding in plain sight, and I have paid a heavy price for what I believe in. I transitioned publically on the job in Florida, to genderqueer, it cost me, it was worth the price, but I wont pay that again here. I'd rather find other ways. It does not invalidate my identity, its being smart, playing the game to win in the long haul.
Play it to win. I can't tell you what to do, nothing like that, I am not in your shoes. But I identify with the anxiety, the fear, and the dysphoria, and this is what worked for me.
Read the whole fairy treehouse thread. You'll see the patterns, see what happened to me. You wouldn't believe what it was in the previous forum, the treehouse thread was tame compared to the agony I went through before.
But you don't have to go through that, my case was severe, everything was at stake. My life was at stake.
So, feel, be. And reveal what should be revealed, nothing more, so that you can catch up with yourself, you are a baby on a treadmill, slow down, learn to crawl first honey, then you will walk with your head held high.
Trinity
|
|