inherit
131
0
1
May 3, 2024 8:54:16 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,577
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 2, 2016 0:26:32 GMT 8
Wow I missed all these nice posts, I ve been that busy.
I love the responses about the train thank you so very much
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inherit
209
0
Jun 18, 2021 23:16:57 GMT 8
1,584
Jennifer (Tink)
1,717
Jul 27, 2016 6:39:50 GMT 8
July 2016
jennifer
MTF
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
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Post by Jennifer (Tink) on Sept 2, 2016 0:32:11 GMT 8
Thanks Trinity That's exactly what I needed to hear (seriously) :HUGS: -- Jenn
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inherit
131
0
1
May 3, 2024 8:54:16 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,577
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 9, 2016 20:08:15 GMT 8
With the change in the hormones, I feel very sh'e, emotionally, physically, psychically.
Oops, I fell of my tightrope. It doesn't change that I am an androgyne, but it takes me into a different place with it mentally.
I'll talk more about this later.
Blessings, my dear ones
Trinity- Satin Joy - Perry
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inherit
131
0
1
May 3, 2024 8:54:16 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,577
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 9, 2016 20:54:46 GMT 8
With the change in the hormones, I feel very sh'e, emotionally, physically, psychically. Oops, I fell of my tightrope. It doesn't change that I am an androgyne, but it takes me into a different place with it mentally. I'll talk more about this later. Blessings, my dear ones Trinity- Satin Joy - Perry Let me clarify how I feel.
I call it sh'e. But its just a way to describe it, using binary visual terms.
How I feel, is sensual, physically girl, and very loving and emotional, in a Fairy kind of way.
That's not being a girl, that's being a me, with these very nice and valued feelings.
Lets see how things level off - there's a bunch of stuff going on right now and I am chatting off line about it.
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inherit
209
0
Jun 18, 2021 23:16:57 GMT 8
1,584
Jennifer (Tink)
1,717
Jul 27, 2016 6:39:50 GMT 8
July 2016
jennifer
MTF
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
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Post by Jennifer (Tink) on Sept 9, 2016 21:05:57 GMT 8
Feeling very feminine but forced to hide it from view.
I know who I am internally but not being able to show it, act like it or just generally express it is very depressing. I don't mean just clothes / jewelry. Just in the way I act. How I interact with people.
Tough to explain or talk about. Most of you have an idea what I am referring to. Just feeling down about it today.
I have noticed a fall off of my productivity at work, at physical therapy, just general lifestyle. And it scares me to hell.
Trying to fight through it but not succeeding. The dysphoria is strong today.
Thankfully I am working from home and wife is at work, daughter is at school and son is working. So a little "me" time may help. But it's in my office, alone. I may be able to do it locked away in this dark office, but that isn't who I am. I am an outgoing, loving person. Where has she gone? Yes I say she because I am at the point that I want to change pronouns. But again, this isn't the time to do that yet. Except for this forum.
I chose the name Jennifer for a reason. The female side of me is much more dominant than the male. Thankfully I can express that here. Hopefully in time (long time) that will manifest itself in the physical world.
I know you have said that as long as I know who I am that is all that matters. Yes that is mostly correct but not being able to express that in a way that causes people to go WTF happened to you is a difficult path to navigate in the forest.
:hugs:
-- Jenn
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inherit
131
0
1
May 3, 2024 8:54:16 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,577
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 9, 2016 21:26:15 GMT 8
Its not all that matters. Its a way of coping with a hard reality that comes with the realization of who we truly are, and that is a birth, and we learn to crawl, walk...
My darling you are learning to cry, and to hold your arms up to be held. That is good, it is enough for the moment, as we carry you through this, you and all that have their arms held high, crying to be picked up.
Yes the me time will help, as you seek to balance, and to ease your dysphoria. It gets better in time, for for the now, its the little things.
Looking in your eyes and seeing you. The whole you, the repressed parts of you labeled she, that should never have been repressed to begin with, but because of the matrix, you had to hide.
Don't hide it from you, and when you have your time, enjoy it to the max, there are many moments in a day to validate and feel your gender. I do it, I go in the bathroom for a moment at work, look into my eyes, and see all of who I am, to strengthen me. And they can't see as much as you might thing, let the controls go a little, over your body, little things will help you, not in the visuals, but in your feelings.
Release your feelings. Its ok to feel.
Just thoughts my dear. Things I had to do to help me, others may do things a lot differently, its just sharing my own path away from the edge and the pain.
Trinity
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inherit
209
0
Jun 18, 2021 23:16:57 GMT 8
1,584
Jennifer (Tink)
1,717
Jul 27, 2016 6:39:50 GMT 8
July 2016
jennifer
MTF
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
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Post by Jennifer (Tink) on Sept 11, 2016 1:15:33 GMT 8
Feeling again very on the feminie side but somehow much happier today. I don't know how to explain it but I am feeling peaceful and calm today. And sexy I tried on the sweater I had bought a few weeks ago and I didn't realize it was actually the perfect sweater I was looking for. Kind of hard to explain it without a picture. This sweater brown longer tails on the side and shorter in the back. Love it and can't wait to wear it at some point :hugs: -- Jenn
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inherit
131
0
1
May 3, 2024 8:54:16 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,577
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 11, 2016 3:32:40 GMT 8
Solidly androgyne and glad i dialed back my shot dose.
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inherit
209
0
Jun 18, 2021 23:16:57 GMT 8
1,584
Jennifer (Tink)
1,717
Jul 27, 2016 6:39:50 GMT 8
July 2016
jennifer
MTF
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
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Post by Jennifer (Tink) on Sept 11, 2016 5:41:17 GMT 8
Is there a term past sultry. I think I'm at that point lol
And extremely horny. Not sure how I am going to get through the evening. Going to be hard :blushes:
-- Jenn
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inherit
209
0
Jun 18, 2021 23:16:57 GMT 8
1,584
Jennifer (Tink)
1,717
Jul 27, 2016 6:39:50 GMT 8
July 2016
jennifer
MTF
Female
She/Her
Pansexual
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Post by Jennifer (Tink) on Sept 12, 2016 1:48:23 GMT 8
Oddly enough, not feeling anything today. Not even like neutral, just nothing and I can't explain why.
Very strange and disconcerting feeling.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 3, 2024 8:54:16 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,577
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 12, 2016 4:03:26 GMT 8
Not unusual.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 3, 2024 8:54:16 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,577
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 13, 2016 0:16:43 GMT 8
I couldnt pick an avatar that captured it, then i hit this one.
Thats exactly how i feel. All the time.
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inherit
217
0
Jan 22, 2024 13:25:05 GMT 8
2,316
Yuki
1,762
Aug 24, 2016 11:03:57 GMT 8
August 2016
violynne
Non-Binary
They/Their/Them
Pansexual
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Post by Yuki on Sept 13, 2016 2:01:40 GMT 8
I'm thinking neutrois. That's a new one for me. So far, I've been feeling just genderless... no gender, at all. And I've seen and heard the term neutrois before and never thought much of it.
Today, I feel kind of drawn to it. Like maybe I do have a gender after all, and neutrois is it. I don't know. Need to do more research into what neutrois means to different people.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
Deleted
inherit
guest@proboards.com
22
0
May 3, 2024 21:02:28 GMT 8
Deleted
0
May 3, 2024 21:02:28 GMT 8
January 1970
Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2016 2:23:42 GMT 8
Female still. Pretty much normal for me.
You really want to know what's messed up? When I tried and even still at times try being masculine, I hate it and fail miserably at it.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 3, 2024 8:54:16 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,577
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on Sept 13, 2016 4:49:45 GMT 8
I stopped trying to act anything. And I dropped the labels, androgyne is a convenience label, I am more complex than that. Way more complicated than a label.
So I won't push being male, I may look like one, I may relate like one, around other guys, talking football and steaks and girls and stuff, I enjoy that too. And sometimes I enjoy talking about the guys, the hunks, I get turned on by the biceps, I like that feeling of being protected too, I want to feel safe. Ironically with my son in law around, I do feel safe, I am sure his protective instinct has kicked in, I know he appreciates the sacrifices we made to give them a new start.
But the labels, they may comfort, but they limit. Its reassuring to have an identity you can point at, but for me, I would be cheated out of things. This morning I have a 2 day beard, that makes me no less sh'e, no less trans. I need to shave though, and am dying to shave my legs, I hate having hair there or in the pits.
Nah the reason I threw the thread is because our perceptions of ourselves often change. Even the ftms and mtfs are feeling shifting around, feelings surface that they try to assign to gender roles defined by the matrix, by the machines that keep us in the dream world....
We are so dynamic, and repression for some was so habitual, cause girls had to be girly and boys don't cry and all that other social bs. So the first thing to do is to feel.
How does your gender feel? What is your gender? How you physically feel? What you want? How you want to be perceived? How you identify as belonging to one gender or the other or none socially, a sense of being same as, belonging with, same as?
I have none of these that I can work with, I have a constant I call my gender, that is sh'e, its physical, emotional, its my own rules and definition and perception of self, a combination of many traits that are hard to pin down. The matrix assigned these attributes on a scale, colors of the rainbow between pink and blue. But I wear a trans ring, my colors are them all, at the same time, just like my blue pink white pink blue ring, the diamond in the center of it all.
So I ask how your gender feels, and feel how mine feels.
Mine feels sensual, emotional, loving, kind, wise, protective, and strong, and very 70's she, and very androgyne he, simultaneously.
Nonbinary me. Transitioned, and happy about it. Transitioned to me. Not to a woman. To sh'e, and I am happy to be h'er.
Hormones are subtly up. So is my emotional depth, and I like that, so the balance adjustment is ok. I just need to be very careful with my levels right now, that affects my gender, and its the dance on the diamond tightrope of nonbinary trans.
Loving blessings....
Trinity
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