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Post by Trinity on Feb 18, 2021 22:36:59 GMT 8
I think the greatest battle we have is acceptance.
Acceptance of who we really are, acceptance by loved ones of who we really are, acceptance that society is filled with bigotry, acceptance that we have a family of support in the lgbtq community that is very diverse, acceptance that there are consequnces to being trans or nonbinary.
What do you struggle the most with accepting? How far along the path have you come?
THe serenity to accept the things we cannot change, changing the things we can, and knowing the difference. A prayer, for those who pray, asking for this.
Do you know the difference, and have you a measure of serenity in facing the darkness, and accepting the joy as well.
It can be just as hard to accept the joy as it is to accept the sorrow.
Accepting a gift for some of us is hard, because we don't feel that we deserve it or we cannot reciprocate and that makes us feel bad, when the truth is we should accept the gift with joy so that our joy will be the joy of the giver of the gift, who gave it because they wanted us to feel that joy without worrying about reciprocation. This is a lesson I am learning now.
Accepting the joy of being who we are, escaping living a lie and bowing down to those who would have us live a lie, which comes from evil, I believe, we were born as we are, it is physical it is not a choice or a sin, what we do with it is.
Accepting that some others can't handle it, my wife is cis, straight, when I get to a certain point, she can't handle it, I walk the diamond tightrope that cuts the feet but the wings are spread to fly and stay balanced and I get to keep her love, and that means everything to me. I accept this.
And what is the fruit of acceptance, what will it give us?
Knowing what to fight and when, what to accept and what to not accept, and not letting it all steal our joy in living and being. Isn't that the real key to walking the paths of the unicorn forest? To learning to be free of the matrix, but able to live inside of it?
Hugs
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Post by Leena on Feb 19, 2021 3:34:41 GMT 8
I struggle the most my past self's acceptance of people that are not accepting. I wouldn't welcome new people like that into my life now, but most of my family and old friends are not accepting and likely never will be but I can't turn off caring about them for some reason.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Feb 19, 2021 10:31:50 GMT 8
I've always been the odd one outside the norm, whether my innate sense of gender or just in how I approach life in general. I've taken the path less traveled most of my life and that sometimes has been the path that others just fear to do at all. Acceptance for me is not a requirement of self, I have always relied on my sense of who who I am and how to get things done. I've been in jail, in psyche units, never actually had any convictions of other than just the most minor of things, and the psyche units, best they could come up with was depression. And thats my real enemy in life, I stop to dwell on the wrongs and have a hard time getting to the right, I can overwhelm my sense of doom and it can be very hard to break away from it. But like always, I can manage to eventually bounce back and go into my usual take no prisoners type of attack on life, sometimes its just easier to slam through the bullshit and I can easily do that. Society is a failure for most everything, it uses the worst that people have to offer, while individual people have attributes that rise above the fray. Society is for all practical purposes, in fear of things that it has no reason to be in fear of, it is always looking under the rocks for the boogieman it just knows has to be hiding right around the corner from it. Out of the ordinary, it cowers behind a ton of what if shit that simply isn't a factor, it seldom actually encourages growth of the human spirit, show some and it tells you to go sit down. So acceptance for me is acceptance of self, fuck societies archaic and outdated and less than intelligent response to those who dare to step to the edge, to go outside societies box, to dare the spirit of just living. For me society is not that much different than dealing with a two or three year old child, the constant but why from a child has more substance than society can muster. It's one of the most pivotal of things that holds people back is the immature and stubbornly infantilism that society thrives on, people as individuals are just fine, stick them together into this supposed adhesiveness of society and everyone has to dumb down just to deal with it. Somebody has to just be the grownup in the room that society cowers in fear of change, it needs someone to take it by the hand and not sooth it but kick its ass out the door and into reality, it needs to move out of its mothers basement. Myself, I'm past the point of accepting society and have never gave a rats ass about it accepting me, the day it takes a long look in the mirror and sees the horrible reflection of stupid and hate it thrives on, that will be the day it grows up and becomes the adult it so desperately needs to be.
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Post by Trinity on Feb 19, 2021 10:48:48 GMT 8
To me, us being accepted by the Matrix is far less important than us accepting ourselves for who we are. Without that I think we are in trouble.
Its when the Matrix actually comes for us that it becomes a problem, when they are able to inflict real harm. And of course we know my own story and just how much harm they did get to inflict, a variety of matrixes in play there. Subsets of the matrix. Wolf packs in a way.
Not letting it get to you is the big thing, for me. I can't handle news anymore, and the last four years of hell in this country really did a number on my head. It's still doing a number on it.
Disempowering folk that are lying by recognizing the lie is important, countering with truth is important, there's a lot we can do....
I don't do enough of it. I do some, to challenge it, for sure. That's a lot better than doing nothing and hiding.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Feb 19, 2021 11:03:41 GMT 8
It's a telling thing when in the news I see that Wendy's is starting up the chicken sandwich war and thats news is before something trump moo'd about.
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Post by Droomvlucht on Feb 19, 2021 17:29:35 GMT 8
If you totally accept yourself and the situation you're in it can also make you inactive. If you refuse to accept then you're more likely to change something.
I'm very good in accepting my bad sides and in forgiving others and accepting how society works. I'm a bit too lazy sometimes, that's for sure🙃 But the positive side is that I am okay with my dysphoria and that I'm doing relatively well functioning in a society that is not particularly designed for non-binary people/co-mothers.
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Post by Trinity on Feb 20, 2021 2:46:11 GMT 8
If you totally accept yourself and the situation you're in it can also make you inactive. If you refuse to accept then you're more likely to change something. I'm very good in accepting my bad sides and in forgiving others and accepting how society works. I'm a bit too lazy sometimes, that's for sure🙃 But the positive side is that I am okay with my dysphoria and that I'm doing relatively well functioning in a society that is not particularly designed for non-binary people/co-mothers. Good point.
But if a situation is producing pain or evil, then it should be fought, right? And if a part of who you are is hurting people, same thing...
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Post by Droomvlucht on Feb 20, 2021 3:56:19 GMT 8
If you totally accept yourself and the situation you're in it can also make you inactive. If you refuse to accept then you're more likely to change something. I'm very good in accepting my bad sides and in forgiving others and accepting how society works. I'm a bit too lazy sometimes, that's for sure🙃 But the positive side is that I am okay with my dysphoria and that I'm doing relatively well functioning in a society that is not particularly designed for non-binary people/co-mothers. Good point.
But if a situation is producing pain or evil, then it should be fought, right? And if a part of who you are is hurting people, same thing...
Yes that's true. That's the most difficult one for me. I accept myself, the people I love accept me as I present myself now, but would they still do that if I changed my presentation? Pretty sure they wouldn't understand and therefore I probably won't change. And I am accepting that fact, the fact that there's a disbalance there. acceptance that there are consequnces to being trans or nonbinary. What did you mean by this?
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Feb 20, 2021 4:32:15 GMT 8
Others need to accept you just as much as they want you to accept them. It isn't politics, its individualism, society rules by the majority wins idea when in fact that kills off individualism. They celebrate you if you come up with something innovative that works for them, chastise you if you go against their grain or flow. But in a truly open society, everyone is seen as the individuals they are and innovation is celebrated and cultivated. society has evolved into one that causes all sorts of stagnation, it celebrates fashion innovation if they can all use that fashion even when it doesn't work for them as individuals. Step out of line with fashion or presentation as you see fit and they don't like it if it isn't something that the whole of society can use as presentation or fashion. If they can use it then it good, if they can't use it it is bad, but the individualism in stepping past the wants of society is considered being out of line and looked down on, killing individualism for themselves at the same time. This works well if you are a herd of sheep and need to stay in the same general area so you are not eaten by wolves, the herd mentality, you are yelled at and others see what they think of as frightening, what if all us sheep just did that and wandered a little to far from the herd? Part of the reason I would imagine that sheep have never evolved much beyond just sheep. It isn't that they so much care about you wandering a little farther away, its that it frightens them because they perceive that it might bring the wolf closer to them. So they remain in close quarters to one another and become scared if any of the flock strays to far, they could care less about the one that strays, they are just frightened little woolly things that are concerned only for themselves, strength in numbers, that is until they are being circled by a pack of wolves and need that innovation to save them, in other words, they cut the black sheep out until they see value in being a black sheep themselves, that the wolves don't see the black sheep as food because of all the white sheep they are staring at. Lambchops. If they really wanted to be safe, they would figure out that not being seen as easy to over run frightened little animals would be key to survival, but then sheep herds depend on the sheepherders for safety, because they never evolved to the point of being able to defend against wolves, and the sheepherder doesn't care so much about the individual wandering sheep other than the very same reasons, let one get out there and the wolves will then make their job harder to manage, they are nothing more than herd managers and do nothing to help the evolution of sheep. On the other hand, if you are not perceived as being a sheep like the rest, then you are free to live as you want and don't need to have the herd for survival, because all the wolves are looking for is the herd and to be able to pick one ot two off at a time. The individual sheep can roam at will because to the wolves, they are but a morsel compared to that big herd. This comes down to family and friends, they aren't so much concerned for your wellbeing as they are for theirs, if others knew about you, what would the others think of them then?
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Post by Leena on Feb 20, 2021 5:25:03 GMT 8
Yes that's true. That's the most difficult one for me. I accept myself, the people I love accept me as I present myself now, but would they still do that if I changed my presentation? Pretty sure they wouldn't understand and therefore I probably won't change. And I am accepting that fact, the fact that there's a disbalance there. I'm not sure anyone who doesn't accept you if you change your presentation really accepts you.
It is hard letting go of those that don't truly accept you though. I moved very far away from those that don't, but I still answer the phone when they call. Not in my house is what they said when I was younger. I had been respecting that, though if they ever do visit my place, I'm not hiding anything.
I'm really done hiding. It's not even a totally viable option at this point, my appearance is quite a bit different even if I wear clothes from the men's department. I do hope I can find some people in real life that truly accept me, and I still think meeting them as I am now is the most likely way to find them.
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Post by Droomvlucht on Feb 20, 2021 5:31:28 GMT 8
I'm not sure anyone who doesn't accept you if you change your presentation really accepts you. Maybe accept is the wrong word. They love me and they would keep doing that but they also wouldn't understand and rather would have me keep presenting as a woman, not identity myself as non-binary. I hope this too!
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Feb 20, 2021 9:14:24 GMT 8
They have expectations of you being as they want, do they meet your expectations of them as you want? If who the want you to be isn't you, then are they for real themselves, how can they expect others to be as they want them to be and not be as the others would like them to be, this in my mind makes them not real as people, just cardboard cutouts that they put their pictures on. And they put their cardboard cutouts out there with all the other cardboard cutouts of smiling faces all basically just using that cheesy smile people use when they aren't really smiling but are trying to make you think they are. Telling others how to be is deflection from the fact that they are shallow and haven't any real clue to the fact that they are indeed shallow, they have opinions formed from others opinions, not much based on real facts that people can and deserve to be themselves and not just another cardboard cutout.
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Post by Droomvlucht on Feb 20, 2021 14:46:26 GMT 8
They have expectations of you being as they want, do they meet your expectations of them as you want? If who the want you to be isn't you, then are they for real themselves, how can they expect others to be as they want them to be and not be as the others would like them to be, this in my mind makes them not real as people, just cardboard cutouts that they put their pictures on. And they put their cardboard cutouts out there with all the other cardboard cutouts of smiling faces all basically just using that cheesy smile people use when they aren't really smiling but are trying to make you think they are. Telling others how to be is deflection from the fact that they are shallow and haven't any real clue to the fact that they are indeed shallow, they have opinions formed from others opinions, not much based on real facts that people can and deserve to be themselves and not just another cardboard cutout. I think my wife would always say that she wants me to be who I want to be, apart from taking my responsibilities towards my family. I just don't want to make it hard for her. So that makes it my own choice. I'm still myself. Very much, I'd say. It's only the representation that feels a bit unbalanced. Well, maybe that also defines me a lot.
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Gender: FTM Non-Binary
Pronouns: He/His/Him
Orientation: Queer
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Post by nyx on Feb 21, 2021 3:09:13 GMT 8
They have expectations of you being as they want, do they meet your expectations of them as you want? If who the want you to be isn't you, then are they for real themselves, how can they expect others to be as they want them to be and not be as the others would like them to be, this in my mind makes them not real as people, just cardboard cutouts that they put their pictures on. And they put their cardboard cutouts out there with all the other cardboard cutouts of smiling faces all basically just using that cheesy smile people use when they aren't really smiling but are trying to make you think they are. Telling others how to be is deflection from the fact that they are shallow and haven't any real clue to the fact that they are indeed shallow, they have opinions formed from others opinions, not much based on real facts that people can and deserve to be themselves and not just another cardboard cutout. I think my wife would always say that she wants me to be who I want to be, apart from taking my responsibilities towards my family. I just don't want to make it hard for her. So that makes it my own choice. I'm still myself. Very much, I'd say. It's only the representation that feels a bit unbalanced. Well, maybe that also defines me a lot. I think there is truth in both lines of thought. On the one hand, the ones that love us deeply will not stop doing so, even if we change a bit. Change is happening all the time, and changing looks won't change the fact that you are you and the ones that love you will always know this even if they react differently, on the inside nothing changes. But it is a fair choice to say you don't want to try it now. But, maybe it's not a decision for eternity. Maybe you will change your mind, maybe you won't, but don't forget there is plenty time to find out what is the best for you and your life. And maybe, your wife won't experience it as hard, it can also be fascinating to try new things. But for now, I'd suggest don't push yourself into a corner. It is sometimes totally ok to be unsure... I think.
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Post by Leena on Feb 21, 2021 8:50:34 GMT 8
I'd like to give my family and some of my old friends at least a chance to accept me as I am now, before concluding they won't be accepting based on things they said in the past.
I don't know I could have transitioned around them though. At least I didn't want to have to deal with people trying to talk me out of it. Most people here aren't in a position to do things the way I did though. I had to move far away from home because of work reasons anyway, and while it did initially make things easier, it was pretty lonely and it feels strange at times talking to people that are assuming I'm living a different life than I am.
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