(TW) Eating Disorders/ recovery

[Trinity]

Oct 16, 2017 7:34:21 GMT 8 Valerie said:

Oct 16, 2017 5:42:37 GMT 8 Trinity said:

No finger honey.

Good for you for eating!
You go to OA yet?

No I haven’t. Would I be allowed to go? I wouldn’t wanna be judged, or people look down on me for not eating.

Theyd love you.  Nobody will judge at all.  

[EchelonHunt]

Oct 16, 2017 7:34:21 GMT 8 Valerie said:

No I haven’t. Would I be allowed to go? I wouldn’t wanna be judged, or people look down on me for not eating.

Of course you would be allowed to go! OA is a safe place, where nobody will judge you or look down on you.

[EchelonHunt]

I've come to accept I have BED. A few weeks ago, I've had binge-eating episodes, I would be past the point of feeling uncomfortably full that I would be eventually overcome with sleepiness and pass out for 4-5 hours. I was rapidly gaining weight which made me spiral down even more.

Recently, I've had binge-eating episodes but I've managed to control myself that I stop when I start to feel that uncomfortably full feeling and I don't end up sleeping for 4-5 hours afterwards. In doing this, my weight (mainly my waist measurement) has been maintaining which is a huge relief.

I've noticed the triggers for it are mostly depression caused by bottom dysphoria. I can't do much about bottom surgery because it's a long way off... the best I can do is just plan short-term and have a long-term plan (e.g. bottom surgery in 2-3 years) and hope it all comes together in the future.

[Valerie]

I realized my eating disorder has been outta control. I got to point where I got addicted to caffeine pills & could only get myself to eat if I had taken caffeine pills. I’m now at point where I will not eat at all unless I got caffeine in me. But I realized my problem now. No more caffeine pills for me but I will still have coffee, green tea, and energy drinks and eat. But I been starving myself again.

[Leena]

Dec 5, 2018 1:39:34 GMT 8 Valerie said:

I realized my eating disorder has been outta control. I got to point where I got addicted to caffeine pills & could only get myself to eat if I had taken caffeine pills. I’m now at point where I will not eat at all unless I got caffeine in me. But I realized my problem now. No more caffeine pills for me but I will still have coffee, green tea, and energy drinks and eat. But I been starving myself again.

It seems you sometimes take things like this to extremes, have you considered avoiding doing that?

There's a reason most people have 3 meals a day around specific times. Why do you feel you need to do differently?

[Valerie]

Dec 5, 2018 3:34:08 GMT 8 Leena said:

Dec 5, 2018 1:39:34 GMT 8 Valerie said:

I realized my eating disorder has been outta control. I got to point where I got addicted to caffeine pills & could only get myself to eat if I had taken caffeine pills. I’m now at point where I will not eat at all unless I got caffeine in me. But I realized my problem now. No more caffeine pills for me but I will still have coffee, green tea, and energy drinks and eat. But I been starving myself again.

It seems you sometimes take things like this to extremes, have you considered avoiding doing that?

There's a reason most people have 3 meals a day around specific times. Why do you feel you need to do differently?

I don’t like the way taste of food or way it feels in my stomach. I starve myself to get skinny, and the hunger feeling feels better to me than food in my stomach. When I eat I try to have 500 to 1000 calories a day.

The reason I got addicted to caffeine pill is bc I was taking caffeine pills and not eating and I lost a lot of weight that way from all caffeine burning my fat but it was also making me nauseous from taking so many caffeine pills on empty stomachs to point I was avoiding food bc of nausea. I know none of this is rational and it’s life with an eating disorder. Whenever I eat I feel disgusted with my self.

[Leena]

Dec 5, 2018 3:41:45 GMT 8 Valerie said:

Dec 5, 2018 3:34:08 GMT 8 Leena said:

It seems you sometimes take things like this to extremes, have you considered avoiding doing that?

There's a reason most people have 3 meals a day around specific times. Why do you feel you need to do differently?

I don’t like the way taste of food or way it feels in my stomach. I starve myself to get skinny, and the hunger feeling feels better to me than food in my stomach. When I eat I try to have 500 to 1000 calories a day.

The reason I got addicted to caffeine pill is bc I was taking caffeine pills and not eating and I lost a lot of weight that way from all caffeine burning my fat but it was also making me nauseous from taking so many caffeine pills on empty stomachs to point I was avoiding food bc of nausea. I know none of this is rational and it’s life with an eating disorder. Whenever I eat I feel disgusted with my self.

You are already skinny.

I have more of a tendency to go to the other extreme and do feel disgusted when I do that.

Exercise is lot better than dieting or caffeine for burning off fat anyway. It's also harder to go to extremes with, because you will pay the next day if you do to too much.

[Valerie]

Dec 5, 2018 4:04:45 GMT 8 Leena said:

Dec 5, 2018 3:41:45 GMT 8 Valerie said:

I don’t like the way taste of food or way it feels in my stomach. I starve myself to get skinny, and the hunger feeling feels better to me than food in my stomach. When I eat I try to have 500 to 1000 calories a day.

The reason I got addicted to caffeine pill is bc I was taking caffeine pills and not eating and I lost a lot of weight that way from all caffeine burning my fat but it was also making me nauseous from taking so many caffeine pills on empty stomachs to point I was avoiding food bc of nausea. I know none of this is rational and it’s life with an eating disorder. Whenever I eat I feel disgusted with my self.

You are already skinny.

I have more of a tendency to go to the other extreme and do feel disgusted when I do that.

Exercise is lot better than dieting or caffeine for burning off fat anyway. It's also harder to go to extremes with, because you will pay the next day if you do to too much.

I know I am! But I’m afraid of gaining weight. I know I’m thin but I’m not thin enough to me. I wanna be 140/145lbs I’m almost there. 155lbs is too close to 160

[Leena]

Dec 5, 2018 4:07:12 GMT 8 Valerie said:

Dec 5, 2018 4:04:45 GMT 8 Leena said:

You are already skinny.

I have more of a tendency to go to the other extreme and do feel disgusted when I do that.

Exercise is lot better than dieting or caffeine for burning off fat anyway. It's also harder to go to extremes with, because you will pay the next day if you do to too much.

I know I am! But I’m afraid of gaining weight. I know I’m thin but I’m not thin enough to me. I wanna be 140/145lbs I’m almost there. 155lbs is too close to 160

Believe me, I know the feeling of not thin enough to me.

I set a target of 200lbs for myself that I have not been able to get to. Made it as something I wanted to get to before trying HRT even. It really doesn't matter to anyone but me. I'm likely not going to get there. Doesn't mean I'm going to go the opposite direction either and completely blow this and go back to being close to 300lbs either. I'll keep doing my exercising as that's what keeps me from getting there. I enjoy my walks and my dancing anyway. Find some sort of exercising you enjoy doing and it won't seem like that...

[Ativan Prescribed]

I tend to eat later, morning is not a good time for me to eat, I just don't like how bloated and tired that it makes me feel.
Luch is a too busy with stuff from the morning caffeine and that lasts until a few hours before bed, and I slow down enough to eat more than a small bit of food.
And that has turned into fresh fruit and that can be the filler to stop the huge meal making I do when I'm hungry.
If I just go ahead and make a meal, I can eat enough for a few days at once, and feel like crap for doing it.
My weight doesn't change though, stays right where it is and has for the last year and a half, since changing my diet up to healthier stuff.
But I could cut out some more junk food really late at night, but it's my comfort food time and that is a hard one to break, I don't eat much crap stuff, but it is always late when I do, not a good plan.
If I get busy and have a lot to do, the anxiety that builds keeps me from eating and I start to lose weight, and it becomes a thing on it's own, I can't eat enough food it all tastes bad.
Just the small of food can cause me to not eat if it is something greasy smelling, fast food makes me want to vomit, seafood places might actually do that at times, but that's an allergy.
I've gotten to where making anything cooked is usually with more olive oil than it should be, but then that is good for me, the bad saturated fat stuff is all but gone.
But I still don't lose weight, and I feel fine and my diabetes stuff is in the high normal range now and stays there most of the time.
I think it is the binge big meals that get me, seriously, like last night I had enough vegetables and rice for three people, but I did eat a lot less junk food, like pretty much none.
But I can still feel all that food and I want to eat but just a handful of blueberries was a little to much, which makes me thing I'll be more hungry later and want to make a bunch of food again.
And I just might, but then will I not want to eat for a week? Probably not...
But as far as eating disorder, I think I am on an edge, there aren't very many things I'll eat and there never really has been, Had my times, but short lived for crap food.
In search of the food that cuts weight and tastes good and that I won't overeat, maybe something from the Jetsons could work.