kdkorz10211
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Gender: Androgyne
Pronouns: Ze/Hir
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kdkorz10211
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Post by kdkorz10211 on Nov 18, 2015 12:27:48 GMT 8
There is nothing in this world I crave more than to be visible. Not to have people look at me and instantly understand my gender, because that can never happen. There is no cultural standard for an intermediary between man and woman, slightly heavier on the woman side. But I can get to a place where people question. Where people cannot immediate place me within a box. Where people are confused. It's the best that I can hope for.
There is nothing in this world I fear more than to be visible. Right now, everyone sees me as a cis woman unless I tell them otherwise (and even then, I'm sure many of them still think of me as a woman). It is my choice, my power to reveal the truth of who I am. When I am visible, that choice will be taken away from me. I will be forced to constantly confront the reactions of a world that doesn't understand. And there is very real danger in that.
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trinity
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Post by Trinity on Nov 18, 2015 18:52:02 GMT 8
And great reward...
The bittersweet honey of trans
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Post by Trinity on Nov 18, 2015 19:25:59 GMT 8
Good topic.
Socially i change to suit the environment. Both visibly and in how i react out there. But there is a consciousness of self, of core, that remains.
Its not a mask or hiding, i reveal parts of me as i choose to. If the reason for that is fear, life is less wonderful. If its false the same is true.
But if its part of me feeling comfortable and wanting to play then i am cool with it.
For me visability pivots around fear or freedom or facing the fear.
Been there done that. Still doing that.
It has its rewards and its price, all the choices do. So we often do what we are ready for, we find that edge where we push past the fear.
Almost a dance with it.
But we dont have to reveal unless we are ready. I choose who i open myself to. Its not to anyone empowered to harm me or my family, nor push past loved ones needs in selfishness. Only now does my wife see me as i truly am. Without my hair on, but with the short cut that is clearly h'ers. She sees me. It took 3 years to reveal it ever so gently and slowly.
A dance...on an edge. Knowing where it is. Not stepping off it nor running away from it.
Walking the diamond tightrope of trans. It may cut your feet, but not forever, and it is dazzling in the sun. A walk of great value, a priceless balance of self, of gender, of revelation.
Trinity
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kdkorz10211
Junior Member
Posts: 80
Gender: Androgyne
Pronouns: Ze/Hir
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136
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Nov 24, 2016 12:57:02 GMT 8
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kdkorz10211
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Nov 17, 2015 13:27:02 GMT 8
November 2015
kdkorz10211
Androgyne
Ze/Hir
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Post by kdkorz10211 on Nov 21, 2015 15:31:40 GMT 8
The diamond tightrope of trans... I really like that image. I have plenty of experience with cut feet and precious few moments of sparkling. I just hope that as my transition progresses I can sparkle more and really feel like me.
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Post by Trinity on Nov 21, 2015 21:54:24 GMT 8
You will hon. Stay and chat and watch your world open to you.
☺
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Anato
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anonbear
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Post by Anato on Nov 28, 2015 10:44:52 GMT 8
It's a guessing game. Sometimes people understand and sometimes they don't and you never know who will respect you or try to hurt you. I hate to say it but it can be just as bad in the trans community sometimes. People are tough.
At least here you are among like minded people. We get it.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2015 9:10:54 GMT 8
Today I presented fully as myself. I felt visible. Petrified, exhilarated, amazed. And I got a new profile picture.
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Post by Trinity on Dec 4, 2015 9:20:28 GMT 8
I am thrilled for you honey. You look terrific.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2015 18:44:09 GMT 8
Cherie, you look amazing! Good for you!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2015 11:03:38 GMT 8
And most amazingly, by presenting as fully female, I think I have confirmed that I am non binary. I am not sure being a cis gendered woman is who I am. I really believe I am both man and woman. Bigendered non binary. And even more importantly, I feel happy about that!
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Post by EchelonHunt on Dec 5, 2015 11:38:57 GMT 8
Presenting fully as yourself as the first time is quite exhilarating, isn't it? I presented fully myself at a recent Pride event, it made my heart soar with happiness and such euphoria that I intend to take steps to presenting myself full-time for a lack of a better word. I can see your happiness radiating from your profile picture, its so beautiful
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Post by Trinity on Dec 5, 2015 12:39:25 GMT 8
And most amazingly, by presenting as fully female, I think I have confirmed that I am non binary. I am not sure being a cis gendered woman is who I am. I really believe I am both man and woman. Bigendered non binary. And even more importantly, I feel happy about that! Bingo! Never did the wig thing tonight...got hit on by two cis guys anyway. Felt great, just being me. Im getting into this really cool style now, kinda lnow what works. Oddly without mascara it fails. Thetes this balance, just the right mix and i blend, get read girl, but feel whole and very sh'e. But no a woman. A transperson. You're gunna love this. Welcome to the real you. You took the red pill. Yeah getting out there clarifies stuff a lot. Enjoy it. ☺
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2015 21:17:54 GMT 8
Presenting fully as yourself as the first time is quite exhilarating, isn't it? I presented fully myself at a recent Pride event, it made my heart soar with happiness and such euphoria that I intend to take steps to presenting myself full-time for a lack of a better word. I can see your happiness radiating from your profile picture, its so beautiful You are so right. It's what I love about that photo. I felt amazing. The reason I feel good about it is that it was so normal. And knowing that normality stabilizes the male part of me. It is no longer some amazing unobtainable dream, just a normal day. And no one noticed at all. People asked us how you ladies were doing. So the happiness radiates, and my male essence radiates the same now.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2015 21:19:37 GMT 8
And most amazingly, by presenting as fully female, I think I have confirmed that I am non binary. I am not sure being a cis gendered woman is who I am. I really believe I am both man and woman. Bigendered non binary. And even more importantly, I feel happy about that! Bingo! Never did the wig thing tonight...got hit on by two cis guys anyway. Felt great, just being me. Im getting into this really cool style now, kinda lnow what works. Oddly without mascara it fails. Thetes this balance, just the right mix and i blend, get read girl, but feel whole and very sh'e. But no a woman. A transperson. You're gunna love this. Welcome to the real you. You took the red pill. Yeah getting out there clarifies stuff a lot. Enjoy it. ☺ Bingo is exactly right trinity.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2015 4:24:30 GMT 8
There is nothing in this world I crave more than to be visible. Not to have people look at me and instantly understand my gender, because that can never happen. There is no cultural standard for an intermediary between man and woman, slightly heavier on the woman side. But I can get to a place where people question. Where people cannot immediate place me within a box. Where people are confused. It's the best that I can hope for. There is nothing in this world I fear more than to be visible. Right now, everyone sees me as a cis woman unless I tell them otherwise (and even then, I'm sure many of them still think of me as a woman). It is my choice, my power to reveal the truth of who I am. When I am visible, that choice will be taken away from me. I will be forced to constantly confront the reactions of a world that doesn't understand. And there is very real danger in that. You do know that is sort of a paradox right? Or a conundrum or when I read it, it kind of made me dizzy. Let people see you how they want to see you. Yeah it is elating when you get called Ma'am or Sir when that is how you feel. But... you know who you are and what you are gender wise. The world Hon is ignorant to gender. So don't worry about the world. Worry about yourself. You see yourself how you want to see yourself. We see you as to how you want to be seen as the real you. We understand gender. The rest of the world don't. Oh there are a few that do and they are good people but may get some terminology wrong so cut them some slack at least. As long as they are being malicious about it. I know people that don't really understand but are in the LGBT community and I know a couple of straight people that do understand that don't know the terminology. And I know some guys that are wild about a Chick with a D..k but have no idea what descriptions to use when I first met them. Now they do. She and her. Some have been bi and I told them use the pronouns as to how I dress. But if someone calls me a Shemale or Tranny, I can't fault them for that because that means they are open minded and have watched some of us on porno films or did a google search. I won't judge them I just politely educate them and then they know. It's all about patience with ignorance. Ignorance not in a bad way but in the true meaning. The best thing I can tell you is try to educate. If the world don't understand, do like I do and carry a Taser and or pepper spray. I carry it in my purse. Of course even in an open minded area like I live in, LGBs are way more accepted than Ts. But seriously. You are who you are. Never let anyone take that away form you. Instill that within yourself and truly believe it and no one can take that away from you. We as trans are special. We see and feel both sides. Not too many people can say that. My Gay friends can't even say that. But you know who you are and we know who you are and you are family so don't feel so bad. Just do like I do and tell society to go and Screw off.
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