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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2014 7:01:45 GMT 8
Yes it makes sense to me Jamie!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2014 7:02:28 GMT 8
Transfemale. Freaky phonne.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2014 12:25:13 GMT 8
Hmmm I have always been a blend. I would dream of nursing my baby from as early as I can remember. I was frightened of what most saw as the role of boys, but I loved to build, loved to read. I did not hate my penis, I never felt my body was deformed. At puberty I was creeped out by what happened. Became a fisherman, loved the esprit de corps of the fleet. Tried to be gay, Tried not to be gay. Worked in the woods, field spliced wire rope and took pride in the rough and tumble. Studied biology and came to revere life. Climbed mountains, rode motorcyles all over North America. Hiked in the western US, Alaska, Canada, New Zealand, elsewhere. Almost almost always alone, almost always an observer. Raised a family. Studied computer science. Consulted across the US. Moved to the east, nearly died of dysphoria. Moved back West, came much closer to death. Found and embraced the truth, told my daughter and was embraced. Became Julie in heart and spirit and body. But I do not want to kill or abandon who I was. There were lessons there, and joy, and tears. Perhaps one day there will be integration. I don't know, nor is it important. I am a beautiful and joyous woman/man/child. I have learned to love, to empathize, to care. I want nothing more from my life than to be a friend. Today I am not alone, today I am never alone for you are all in my spirit. I feel your presence, I am involved in your journeys. Today I live a woman. But I no longer need to deny or discard anything that is useful. You people have taught me well that the authentic presentation is one lacking artifice, and embracing truth. The truth of who I am is simply that I am. Both who and how are not nearly as important as the fact that I am a pilgrim and a seeker. It is enough and more than enough. Julie I never though my body as deformed either. Maybe not right but... Kind of like Bailey Jay. Yeah, I know the hole porno thing but sue me, I'm a rocker and rock and porno go hand in hand it's just an image. But this woman is smart and still seems confused by gender. And she has a husband and everything. But I never judge. We all do what we have to do to make a living. I've let people screw me for an extra dollar or two. Not literally but I've kept my mouth shut to customers when I wanted to tell them to go "F" off because some of the crap spewing out of their mouth. Even now thinking of HRT I don't think I would ever consider SRS. I don't know why. Even HRT I would probably be an emotional basket case.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2014 0:31:45 GMT 8
I never though my body as deformed either. Maybe not right but... Kind of like Bailey Jay. Yeah, I know the hole porno thing but sue me, I'm a rocker and rock and porno go hand in hand it's just an image. But this woman is smart and still seems confused by gender. And she has a husband and everything. But I never judge. We all do what we have to do to make a living. I've let people screw me for an extra dollar or two. Not literally but I've kept my mouth shut to customers when I wanted to tell them to go "F" off because some of the crap spewing out of their mouth. Even now thinking of HRT I don't think I would ever consider SRS. I don't know why. Even HRT I would probably be an emotional basket case. Jamie, HRT helped me evolve into who I am. But hormones or no hormones, corrective surgery or none. You will always be beautiful and hold gifts of empathy and understanding. You will always be loved.J Yeah by your mother! We love you too honey, don't mind me but I just had to set the record for the first and hopefully only snarky remark on this site. Go ahead and paddle me if you must! (puke)
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Post by bhhfmm on Nov 24, 2014 2:53:02 GMT 8
This something I've always had difficulty with. I see so many say they feel like females, always felt that way, etc. Me, I still haven't figured out just what that is supposed to feel like. Most of the time, I feel like a freak, very different from most. I do present myself as a woman, but I don't proclaim anything, I allow people to perceive what they will and its usually that I'm a female. I do prefer female pronouns and while the wrong ones can sting a little, its not a huge hit for me anymore and I make allowances for who its coming from and the circumstances. I don't worry about what I should do or how I should act as far as masculine/feminine goes. I still will do all the typically male stuff I did before as far as work around the house, helping someone else fix something or whatever. I still don't care to cook and clean and I am about the farthest from being into clothes you can get without being a nudist. I guess that is why I tell people that I'm either a monster or an alien/human hybrid and let 'em think I'm nuts if they're brave enough to ask.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2014 3:27:46 GMT 8
This something I've always had difficulty with. I see so many say they feel like females, always felt that way, etc. Me, I still haven't figured out just what that is supposed to feel like. Most of the time, I feel like a freak, very different from most. I do present myself as a woman, but I don't proclaim anything, I allow people to perceive what they will and its usually that I'm a female. I do prefer female pronouns and while the wrong ones can sting a little, its not a huge hit for me anymore and I make allowances for who its coming from and the circumstances. I don't worry about what I should do or how I should act as far as masculine/feminine goes. I still will do all the typically male stuff I did before as far as work around the house, helping someone else fix something or whatever. I still don't care to cook and clean and I am about the farthest from being into clothes you can get without being a nudist. I guess that is why I tell people that I'm either a monster or an alien/human hybrid and let 'em think I'm nuts if they're brave enough to ask.
That's what is really so attractive about you Jaime, you are just who you are, the real thing and you don't hide under a lot of delusional thinking like so many trans folks do. I think a lot of us here didn't start out thinking we were non binary, I was strictly MtF but then I began thinking outside of the usual group think box and began to look at my own reality and found that I really fit somewhere in the middle ground, and that's why I moved myself over into the non binary forum which reflects more of my own self ID. Before that I had no idea of the concept non binary, it seemed rather foreign to me until I considered it's real meaning. You and I are a lot alike in our thinking, there is nothing freakish about you at all, you are just being real outwardly and true to yourself. And just between you and me you are lucky to be such a nice looking marsh monster!
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Post by Taka on Nov 24, 2014 18:18:45 GMT 8
before modern society, the only male stuff that women didn't do was... what was it really? husbands would leave the farm to go fishing, the women would do both a woman and a man's worth of work. my grandma taught my mother and she taught me, how to fix all kinds of things in the house. everything inside the house is a woman's responsibility, apart from carpentering it seems. unless the husband is away and it has to be done. maybe daughters do that? nobody found it weird that a daughter would panel the living room. two uncles and an aunt on my father's side have all been sailors. single mothers would leave their child(ren) to their grandparents so they could work somewhere far away from home. to earn money from a job they couldn't get anywhere nearer.
anyway... were we talking about male and female something? there are male and female sex organs and other sex characteristics. but i've again failed to see any other differences between male and female.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2014 19:23:10 GMT 8
What exactly does being female mean? Is it based on your sex chromosomes, your genitalia, being able to bare children or how people treat you? Or something else. I mean there are plenty of people walking the earth FAAB, who are not XX... they still think of themselves as being female. There are individuals with ambiguous genitalia who were FAAB and some of them know that they are female. There are plenty of women who can't have children for any number of reasons... they are still female.
This may be delusional but I am female, not trans-female. I occasionally get sad because I can't have children, but that connects me to other women who can't have children. Lots of trans women get caught up with this idea of the universal sisterhood of women, and they focus on the things that haven't experienced and can't experience.
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Post by Taka on Nov 24, 2014 19:48:26 GMT 8
universal sisterhood of women... the big drama queen club of women who feel they're more womanly than all the other women (who should have no right to even call themselves human)? women put each other down all the time. they're probably much better at it than men. it's a universal truth that is reflected in almost all literature written by or directed at women.
i'm so happy that i don't feel much compelled to define myself within this abusive system. i was never girly enough, woman enough etc etc etc. now i am just right as the person i am.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2014 20:07:09 GMT 8
What exactly does being female mean? Is it based on your sex chromosomes, your genitalia, being able to bare children or how people treat you? Or something else. I mean there are plenty of people walking the earth FAAB, who are not XX... they still think of themselves as being female. There are individuals with ambiguous genitalia who were FAAB and some of them know that they are female. There are plenty of women who can't have children for any number of reasons... they are still female. This may be delusional but I am female, not trans-female. I occasionally get sad because I can't have children, but that connects me to other women who can't have children. Lots of trans women get caught up with this idea of the universal sisterhood of women, and they focus on the things that haven't experienced and can't experience. And I would fight tooth and nail for your right to be female. Being mtf is just not the same for all of us. And, like other gender issues, we sometimes think we are right, others wrong, then try to change perceptions. This is wrong when contrary to one's truth. There are fully transitioned females, there are transfemales, there is everything. It is each of our truths. I am mtf transfemale. Df is female. Df is not conflicted about who she is, neither am I. If either was to feel threatened the thread goes toxic. That destroyed the matrix. The purpose of the thread was to expose this and crush the root cause, disbelief in another's gender identity. It is safe, revealing, and I am jealous of df for getting it young. And for having neo...I want neo... In another destiny, for me. Total immersion into.female. it would've the term transwoman painful. Now I finally understand. Blessings, Df, stay with us, let's get some mtf threads cooking. Ahhh if only my boobs would grow more. They hurt now...there Is hope.
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Post by Taka on Nov 24, 2014 20:49:29 GMT 8
i may have written harshly about women. i just... have bad experiences. growing up not fitting the "woman" mold was rarely fun.
there are good women too. i should have mentioned them as well. and how i see no difference between different types of women. spicy or boring or with too many parts or too few parts. anyone who calls themselves a woman is one. unfortunately gender identity doesn't make a person good or bad. trans and cis should have the same ratio of drama queens to victims of bullying and harassment.
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Post by EchelonHunt on Nov 24, 2014 21:24:00 GMT 8
You weren't harsh Taka, I can relate. It was akin to living hell when I was growing up, having all these expectations and standards thrown at me. I didn't want to be a girl or a woman. I guess that's why Britney Spears song hit so hard with me when I was a youngster. "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman." Haha, I was like, "Yeah, not yet. More like NEVER!"
But now I am dealing with the expectations and standards expected of men, manhood, what have you. One thing I do not mind is that I'm invisible, men don't stare at me anymore. I have always hated being the centre of attention just for looking like a girl or (sorry if I offend anyone) a lesbian. When I had my hair cut very short, I was perceived as "butch" even though I didn't identify as such, people still saw me that way.
Ah, thankfully, those years are long gone now.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2014 22:50:33 GMT 8
I asked my Goddess for a gift, to make me female. She did, the old part of me died when I started bleeding after surgery. I remember it being cold and grey, the world shrouded in mist. I came close to leaving but I didn't, but since then I've never doubted.
I'm scared and haunted and compelled by misty and foggy days now. I can feel the edges of things when the walls of the world pull in close.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2014 22:54:40 GMT 8
universal sisterhood of women... the big drama queen club of women who feel they're more womanly than all the other women (who should have no right to even call themselves human)? women put each other down all the time. they're probably much better at it than men. it's a universal truth that is reflected in almost all literature written by or directed at women. i'm so happy that i don't feel much compelled to define myself within this abusive system. i was never girly enough, woman enough etc etc etc. now i am just right as the person i am. Oddly enough having observed what you are saying all my life I feel a perfect sense of agreement as I could have written exactly what you have stated here Taka. Women are infinitely more critical of one another than men are. Just the other day I heard one woman comment to another about how the woman standing in line ahead of them was too fat to be wearing jeans with sparkly designs on the back pockets, because it drew attention to what a fat ass she has.
Back when I was seriously considering full MtF transition this kind of criticism that emanates from the sisterhood was incredibly threatening as I watched women taking each other apart as just a matter of a few contemptuous offhand comments, as if it's expected of them and it's ok to behave that way. I thought if cis women do that to each other, how much worse will it be for a trans woman? One can hardly blame you for wanting out of that scene!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2014 1:48:20 GMT 8
You weren't harsh Taka, I can relate. It was akin to living hell when I was growing up, having all these expectations and standards thrown at me. I didn't want to be a girl or a woman. I guess that's why Britney Spears song hit so hard with me when I was a youngster. "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman." Haha, I was like, "Yeah, not yet. More like NEVER!"
But now I am dealing with the expectations and standards expected of men, manhood, what have you. One thing I do not mind is that I'm invisible, men don't stare at me anymore. I have always hated being the centre of attention just for looking like a girl or (sorry if I offend anyone) a lesbian. When I had my hair cut very short, I was perceived as "butch" even though I didn't identify as such, people still saw me that way.
Ah, thankfully, those years are long gone now. Ummm. Let's see, no op hormone transitioned mtf here. Tits and balls.. Lesbian? Straight? Bi? Binary concepts? Me. Like that better. If this language offends let me know. T and a are frequently spoken of in theater...
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