Dealing with the unexpected results.

[DCW]

A very large part of my regrets is that I really didn't have a good picture going in and my professionals gave me bad information. A great example is that I'm accepting I'm anorgasmic and, two years since SRS, this is likely permanent - I will most likely never be able to reliably orgasm. Making it more difficult for me is that this concern was one of the reasons that I did not want SRS in the first place, but I came to believe it was no longer a risk because of my therapist and multiple endos asserting such.

[Ayla]

I can understand your regret particularly when this was a concern pre op and you discussed this with your medical professionals. Do they know whether this is a random physical or emotional issue that can be addressed? Sometimes it feels like the medicos are committed to procedures when they may be better positioning themselves as real advisors who ensure that the risks and potential solutions are fully discussed and understood pre surgery.

While not quite as bad - when I had a bilateral breast reduction I was told that I could experience minor, if only temporary, loss in nipple sensitivity. 2 years later, only minor sensitivity has returned which is very hard to deal with as at one stage I could be brought to orgasm through my nipples. Perhaps studs may help but my wife would not be happy so I know that I cannot try this. Now this wouldn't be much of a problem without low dose hrt also greatly diminishing my sex drive.

Having said all this, I am still in a much better place than I was pre trans diagnosis and pre hrt. The dysphoria was dominating every thought and covering me in a blanket of grey and stress.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Ayla]

.. And another regret - premature FFS. In this case I was told to wait until I saw the impact of hrt before deciding on FFS. But I was in a hurry .....

Anyway after 3 operations of 6.5, 4 and 1.5 hrs for upper, lower and follow up repairs and scar revisions and 4.5 years, I am finally ok with my new face. In truth nothing prepared me for the physical and emotional trauma ..... it was massive. I think that I should have waited. Surgery always seems to be the quickest and easiest solution. I don't think that I will ever forget the recovery period and when finally looking at a badly bruised and unfamiliar face thinking WTF have I done?

Safe travels

Aisla

[Deleted]

I am sitting here with a pair of A cups which I am grateful to have and with the opposite equipment between my legs to what my body is programmed to want.

The thought that comes to mind is the role that my mind plays in the sensual experience that I now equate to a female… boom…

The anatomy is so different, its probably presumptuous to even comment, but the way my mind works to get to boom is so very important. As is being relaxed, not worrying too much, giving myself permission to feel the feelings, to let nerves fire where the bundles are, but its not connected to the equipment. Its connected to me.

And the sensuality and silks and satin and all that other delicious stuff is not dependant on equipment or the other things. Its dependant on whether I want to enjoy it. Different for an mtf, I sexualize the nylon, I get off on the look of the lingerie and the way it feels. Maybe you can too.

As to the therapist and peer pressure, that is very upsetting. My endo railed against that stuff this morning, he is very displeased with it. He lands hard on the shrinks being involved and knowing what the hell they are doing. My shrink is against any surgical stuff for me. The hormones however are absolutely necessary.

It’s a tough assignment dear, not one anyone wants to have, but one everyone is taking notice of and learning from for the good of all trans. A sacrifice you should not have had to make but one that will help others because you are not hiding what happened from us.

I hope you get your boom back. My booms are not predicatable either. But when I have them, omg. Cant when I am tired, have to be in the right mindset. And I cant get screwed…. not in wedlock, and not vaginally, its all from the back and using a machine. No tender lips on the neck, none of the stuff I need as a transsexual mtf. I get intimacy with the wife, a lot of it, and I’ll take it. Its human companionship of the finest kind, but with her…. No booms. For either of us.

I hope it gets better for you. But these mind keys, permissions, there may be something there for you. If I may be so bold, since I am not wired the way you are.

I cant even have my real face. My real face has no beard. But I can see past it. I have to.

The big danger is for me to fall into self pity or depression. Dangerous levels of either. I can do that, oh poor me I am trans, oh poor me this hurts, etc. I am not saying you are doing that. But I most certainly fall into that trap. I need to be at peace, my sister in law had a bowel resection and it didn't heal back together. She is hanging in there, lots of prayer going on, and is finally stopping leaking so much and digesting herself. She has an open wound, and may not be able to eat for months. She has to have intravenous food at 8 grand a day for each bottle. And nothing to drink. It starts the juices flowing in her, which drain into her abdomen. Broken pipeline. Ruptured and they cant go in right now to fix it without probably killing her.

Perspective there. Compared to that....my stuff is surely nothing.

But I really feel for you, and hope you find support here to carry you through it all.

Hang in there.

Trinity Satin Joy.

[DCW]

Everyone wants to point to emotional and that it's because I'm unhappy with having a vagina, but that doesn't explain why it persists when I am happy that I had SRS and very much in the mood, i.e. the "I Need To Get Off Now" state. I think the popularity of that explanation is because it lets them claim that I am to blame for my own suffering (when it comes to the results of procedures like this not being satisfactory, blame seems to be a really big thing in our communities.)

My sympathies about the nipple sensitivity. Mine just hurt. I know that's supposed to only happen if growth is about to or happening, but it's been persistent for the 5+ years that I've been on HRT and I've had very little growth. It's likely fair to say it's not the growth anymore.

FFS is something that I've very much wanted for a long time. I was put off of it by those same professionals who insisted "there is no data about the long-term risks of such surgery on men" (and that I had reason to believe I'd be permanently denied HRT if I had FFS.)

Edit to reply to Trinity's post (posted while I typed this): That was the reason I had to get out of most trans communities and unload about 75% of my friends who were trans - the focus became about blame, in particular trying to place all of the blame on me, and how I had no right to feel this way when others would give anything to have SRS, etc.

[Ayla]

In my view we have the right to feel any way we choose to feel. If we are authentic who has the right to tell us that we are wrong for doing so?

My thoughts are with you. Surgery is complex, the results are often unpredictable and we often don't have all of the necessary information when we sign up for it. Given that the medical profession is conflicted in that they they often have a financial incentive to operate, we do need more info and we do need to take our time and consult with a number of experts.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Deleted]

Jan 9, 2015 5:03:04 GMT 8 DCW said:

Everyone wants to point to emotional and that it's because I'm unhappy with having a vagina, but that doesn't explain why it persists when I am happy that I had SRS and very much in the mood, i.e. the "I Need To Get Off Now" state. I think the popularity of that explanation is because it lets them claim that I am to blame for my own suffering (when it comes to the results of procedures like this not being satisfactory, blame seems to be a really big thing in our communities.)

My sympathies about the nipple sensitivity. Mine just hurt. I know that's supposed to only happen if growth is about to or happening, but it's been persistent for the 5+ years that I've been on HRT and I've had very little growth. It's likely fair to say it's not the growth anymore.

FFS is something that I've very much wanted for a long time. I was put off of it by those same professionals who insisted "there is no data about the long-term risks of such surgery on men" (and that I had reason to believe I'd be permanently denied HRT if I had FFS.)

Edit to reply to Trinity's post (posted while I typed this): That was the reason I had to get out of most trans communities and unload about 75% of my friends who were trans - the focus became about blame, in particular trying to place all of the blame on me, and how I had no right to feel this way when others would give anything to have SRS, etc.

Yeah blame is useless.  I was looking for ways to make you feel better.

[Deleted]

Dcw what is the best way we can support...help...meet your needs? We really want to do that. I cannot imagine what you have been through. It's horrifying to me.

What can I do to make you feel better? Can we help? I can pray, I know how to do that...

We wanna help.

Our hearts are with you....

Trinity

[DCW]

I don't even know now.

I am certain my therapist and endos still tell their other clients/patients that they never had anyone have problems or regret SRS, even though it isn't true.

[bhhfmm]

Jan 9, 2015 6:18:22 GMT 8 DCW said:

I don't even know now.

I am certain my therapist and endos still tell their other clients/patients that they never had anyone have problems or regret SRS, even though it isn't true.

They're selling a service and I imagine those that fully transition typically get more therapy, etc. KS used to say that most of those that said they didn't need surgery changed their minds sooner or later. I imagine due to pressure. I am so glad I quit therapy years ago. I started getting the feeling that there wasn't a whole of honesty and frankness going on.  I think I can deal with things on my own much better than with the wrong influences. That's one thing I like about this forum, there isn't the pressure or constant cheerleading to do stuff you might be hesitant about.

[Deleted]

This is why I have an unpopular, no bullshit therapist and endo. I pay people to tell me the truth, not what I want to hear.


The trouble is getting one like that isn't easy.

Sucks, the scenario. Makes me mad but it's not at dcw.

Ways to help you. Let us know.

[DCW]

I stayed in therapy for a long time because that was an endo-enforced requirement for staying on HRT. It was pointless - at first, there just wasn't anything to talk about, then I hit the BS of "well, if I say this it could cause worse problems..." It began with being told that if I changed doctors to anyone but the specific one in Raleigh, NC, then I "wasn't following qualified medical advice" anymore (an important phrase in the SoC.)

When therapy reaches that, it's just complete BS anymore. The vital element of a productive therapist-client relationship is lost at that point.

[Deleted]

Wtf

That's your choice not there's

That's just totally uncool of them.

I don't know enough of your story yet, but it sounds like hell so far.

Ama. Two kids to the wards on that one for suicide prevention. My kids.

Irrelevant bit it's a club if used. A hammer.

[Deleted]

Jan 9, 2015 6:27:31 GMT 8 bhhfmm said:

Jan 9, 2015 6:18:22 GMT 8 DCW said:

I don't even know now.

I am certain my therapist and endos still tell their other clients/patients that they never had anyone have problems or regret SRS, even though it isn't true.

They're selling a service and I imagine those that fully transition typically get more therapy, etc. KS used to say that most of those that said they didn't need surgery changed their minds sooner or later. I imagine due to pressure. I am so glad I quit therapy years ago. I started getting the feeling that there wasn't a whole of honesty and frankness going on.  I think I can deal with things on my own much better than with the wrong influences. That's one thing I like about this forum, there isn't the pressure or constant cheerleading to do stuff you might be hesitant about.

Doctor Bowers said the same thing to me and is still hanging on to my pre-op consultation fee claiming that "I will e back, they always do." She can hang on to it until hell freezes over, it isn't ever going to happen!

[DCW]

My therapist claimed that Brassard only ever had one patient have a complication of any sort. Though she never explained further, I have a reasonable guess - there was a patient years ago, when Menard was still part of the practice, who had a life-threatening complication from SRS (colon perforation.) There are plenty of others who had complications and needed follow-up care, but my therapist didn't see that and insisted they didn't exist.

I get a lot of remarks about "the packet from Brassard lists the risks." The trouble is when you've dealt with a therapist who has already taken the time to convince you that the risks are no loner real - that they only ever happened with surgeons and techniques common before around 2000, etc. Further, I didn't receive my surgery packet from Brassard's office until after nine weeks before my surgery date, which was the deadline to send the final payment and to cancel and not lose $10,000 USD. The check had been sent by the time I received that information. I had pestered Suzanne via e-mail about the packet every couple weeks from November to February, but it was still March before I received it.