What are you doing right now?

[Ativan Prescribed]

Just finished up a KDrama, Doom at Your Service, one of the best ones they have.
While there isn't a lot of doom involved, one of the main characters is doom just the same.
Its more of a life and romance sort of thing.
Best is the background music though, the entire OST is really good stuff.

[francxs]

Sitting in the hospital with my 98-year-old dad. He's not doing so well. It's hard to know how this is going to turn out but it's not impossible he's in his final decline. If so, it will be the third parent we've seen down this road in the past 18 months.

Hard emotional work.

Mercifully, he's in a hospital across the road from my office. I can bring my work and sit by the bed for long periods of time as he sleeps and be here when he's able to talk.

[Trinity]

Nov 5, 2024 4:31:29 GMT 8 francxs said:

Sitting in the hospital with my 98-year-old dad. He's not doing so well. It's hard to know how this is going to turn out but it's not impossible he's in his final decline. If so, it will be the third parent we've seen down this road in the past 18 months.

Hard emotional work.

Mercifully, he's in a hospital across the road from my office. I can bring my work and sit by the bed for long periods of time as he sleeps and be here when he's able to talk.

So sorry to hear this, but what a blessing that you can be so close by for him.

Big hugs.

[francxs]

Nov 5, 2024 12:27:29 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Nov 5, 2024 4:31:29 GMT 8 francxs said:

Sitting in the hospital with my 98-year-old dad. He's not doing so well. It's hard to know how this is going to turn out but it's not impossible he's in his final decline. If so, it will be the third parent we've seen down this road in the past 18 months.

Hard emotional work.

Mercifully, he's in a hospital across the road from my office. I can bring my work and sit by the bed for long periods of time as he sleeps and be here when he's able to talk.

So sorry to hear this, but what a blessing that you can be so close by for him.

Big hugs.

Yes. It is. And he is dying. That much is clear now. Thanks for your good wishes.

It it interesting to me (and kind of reassuring) that it was really important to be comforted by my wife as my femme self this morning. Very lucky to have that.

[Trinity]

Lots on my plate, not going to bitch about it but I'm pretty much silent lately.

MRI for the spine, scenario is worse than expected, they will do the thoracic part this week, and suspect a compression fracture or fractures at the least, with a procedure to inject cement to rebuild vertebrae if that is found.  It is likely.  When I bend, you can hear the bones clicking, its pretty weird and very painful depending on how I move.

Still working on my cane, it's really cool looking, I want to redye the head with black dye and then go over that with gold after a light sand, and more water based polyurethane after that, loving how this is turning out.  And it definitely helps.

Got a handicap permit, odd thing is Florida is so full of handicap folk that the spots are often full.  I noticed that I get more  respect now with the cane from different people, especially vets.

Meanwhile my wife's auto immune disorder from mold is severe and we are out of the retirement home, we are going to sell out and regroup, and are trying to figure out if we are pinned down in Florida or could move north to a state that doesn't tax social security.  I am likely to retire or have to retire in February, December will determine everything for me/us as I find out if I get my contract renewed.  There is a good chance I will, but an equally good chance that I won't.  With chronic pain levels as high as they are now from the broken back, however it goes is ok with me anyway.

The hurricane was a financial disaster and we are way underwater now, but I should have time to work on the house and if we can get it sold, we can pay off the debt and make it, we will need to downsize and a lot hinges on if I get that contract or not.

So, wild, living with my daughter in her guest bedroom, working my butt off on the houses despite being supposed to rest, but honestly, circumstances and no help from others physically and no money to pay for anyone to help forces me to keep working until the pain redlines.

Lots of fun.  Good news is my gynecologist, who I think I will lose in January because of medicare cutting of trans women support, well, she wrote me a nice script and I think I can get enough estrogen to hold out until the supreme court rules against trans seniors genocide by the republican party.  But who knows there, its in God's hands.

Fun fact.  Spinal compression fractures in the elderly with osteoporosis, which is me, has a 50% mortality rate in 3 years, and its 90% death rate in 8 years.  I plan on beating those odds and keeping quality of life, the wild card and this is what kills the seniors, is the amount of pain I may have to endure.  I think the fractures wont be bad, its the scoliosis/lesthesis (which is horrid)/and the forminal stenosis in my lower back from the lesthesis or however you spell it when the vertebrae is no longer lining up with each other but are off like jenga blocks on the base - dang that sucks.  But its the lower back problems that are the worse, the other is ok as long as I keep perfectly straight and don't lift anything like a grocery bag.  Which of course, is not likely to be realistic.

Fun.  Life comes at you fast.  But all this could end up with a cabin in Tennessee or North Carolina or something up in the mountains, nice fire in a fireplace, play some music, not worry about fixing anything, feeding the birds and maybe see some snow once in a while, but not very much.

Who knows.  Anything can happen.  Or we stay stuck in Florida, but I can't see that working out very well with my wife's autoimmune disorder that she got from the mold.  Which, if I had been able to stay on top of everything even though I work 7 days a week 12 hours a day for years, then she would not have gotten sick, but it was just impossible to handle it all and we went under physicallly, psychologically, and financially.

Oh well.  Its that old Gambler song, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, when to run, and then time enough to count the cash that's left when the dealings done.  And once we sell out, I am sure we will be just fine that way.

Thought I would update.  My emotions are flat, I'm just kind of over it with everything right now, just need to get through the days.  I'm tired of the trans warrior thing, tired of all the bullshit hate from all over and all the lies, tired of the whole darned thing and I just want to get out from under this stuff and live a quiet life by myself with my wife and family and be left alone.  Enough is enough, on this round of the deal, I fold.

Love and hugs.
-Trinity