The difference betweed DID and Gender identity(s)

[Deleted]

Thoughts about the diff between the two, where DID is multiple personalities and separation

I personally totally don't have this, I am fully blended in components.  But I know others sense more separation, and under stress my female side if you will goes and hides under my male side.  The male protects h'er.

Thoughts my dears, want to get a discussion cooking here, and I am expecting a friend to chat....

[Metamorph]

Well, DID is generally assumed to be caused by trauma. (I know there are some who believe there can be non-trauma based DID). It seems generally DID identities serve functions besides just gender. For example, a DID part might carry the emotion for the person. Also, in general someone with DID has quite a few parts. Also DID tends to have other facets. It has other types of dissociation, PTSD, memory issues, etc.

[Cynthia13]

Trinity, you have my attention I can only speak to the DID side of this equation since this is my perspective. Personally, my DID was created from childhood trauma and became my coping mechanism throughout my life. I have only recently discovered this about myself and am learning as I go. Mine also presents in conjunction with PTSD and memory issues; mainly lost time. At this point I am mostly aware of my parts and communication helps calm my mind and allows us to function together. They, however, hold most of my memories and I do not currently have much access to them. Each part serves a purpose or has a "job" that allows me to function "normally".
After many discussions with Trinity I feel that there are some similarities in the thought process, communication and bringing ourselves back to our "core" especially when stressed.

[Taka]

that's really interesting.
will people always be talking to the same you, or does someone else occasionally take over and leave you wondering what really happened?

it's difficult for me to understand, because i always have all of my memories.
except for stress related stuff like not remembering what i had for dinner yesterday...

i seem to have components that come and go as they like. sorts of personalities that i can't control at any given time.
but they still seem to be right there within me, and not really separate. like i'm some sort of shape shifter and the shapes only have different moods or ways of relating to people.
and they have nothing to do with gender.
gender is still something i'm far from understanding how works.

[Cynthia13]

At this point I'm usually aware of the conversations going on, but not always the one having them. Depending on the situations and who I'm talking to other parts of me become active. I've had several moments, especially when my sons were teenagers, that I have no recollection of the conversations. It was so bad that I had to have someone in the room with me when I spoke to them about important decisions so they could replay what I had or hadn't agreed to. I didn't know about my DID at the time, just thought my sons were manipulating me or I was going crazy. I now know that my 16 year old part, Sara, was the one in control during those times. Can you imagine the drama created when a 16 year old is trying to parent 2 more teenagers?

[Taka]

oh my. that must have gotten disastrous at times...
right now, i'm feeling seriously thankful that i have the good memory that i have.
you probably have good enough memory too, but when you're no you? yeah, that sounds like it would be confusing to others and yourself alike.

would be so weird if a part of me just left me behind and went and did their own thing.

not that i'm in control of much more than my memory.
i do control my actions, but reactions are much more difficult.
particularly the emotional ones.

[Cynthia13]

Yes, it can be a bit tricky at times, but humorous too. Like when my teenagers contact ex boyfriends... several interesting conversations have arose. It's a lot better now. When things do happen I can ask my parts what the heck they were thinking or what was said/done and they usually comply with information. I've worked to get them to trust me so I stay much more in the loop now.
Emotions are another issue altogether. For me emotions were used against me so often that my natural reaction became to numb myself to them or go to anger as my automatic response. Emotions became so foreign to me that I have trouble identifying what I'm feeling so it's hard to react well.

[Taka]

that's nice of them.
and of yo too. i'd be angry enough to try to kill anyone who messed with me like that.
maybe that's why i've never done any complete splitting... not in my genetic code or something.

i'm very emotional, in the way that i have lots of feelings.
but i have problems with reacting consistently to different things.
the same thing can make me angry, hurt or laugh, depending on.
there's also some trouble with my empathetic ability. i usually know what others feel, mirror emotions etc.
but on some days, a whole lot of it just shuts off, and i'm, left wondering how i'm supposed to understand what someone else wrote or said, how to relate to it, what they're really feeling, how to react. and i can't feel all those warm fuzzy feelings that are the common proof of love.
a bit like, what's the point with hugs?

[Cynthia13]

I've come to understand that my parts are here to protect me and that's been their main purpose since each were created. Hard to get angry with them if they're desire is to protect. It also helps to understand that they act based on their emotional maturity. I can't expect a young child or teenager to act like an adult...

I am not an emotional person at all. Emotions make me shut down, more often than not. I am empathetic to others, read people very well and can sympathize with their pain or joy, but also confused by why some things make others so emotional.
Warm fuzzy feelings are tough... If I do get them for another person I'm reserved waiting for them to fail or hurt me so I have a lot of difficultly attaching to people, even my children at times.

Hugs were very hard for me to accept. I joined a support group who are a bit hug crazy at times and I found it very difficult to release myself to it for a long time. For me though, physical contact came at a very high price so for someone to hug me i wanted to know what they wanted from me. Turns out they wanted nothing but to let me know they cared for / about me, without strings of any kind.

[Taka]

hugs have been difficult emotionally.
possibly the same way that you feel about them.

but it's a little bit weirder when the emotional reaction is "why's this child hugging me?" or "your annoying, get lost." with no emotion attached, of any kind.
i know that i'm supposed to hug back when my daughter hugs me, but i only do it because i know i'm supposed to, anything else would hurt her. and i have no reason to want to hurt her, so i hug. just without emotion. and that is weird. makes me feel like i've lost myself, dropped my heart somewhere and can't find it.

i hope you will participate in all parts of the forums.
i'm sure you have a lot to teach us, things that many of us don't have much experience with, but are still a part of the big picture.

[Cynthia13]

I've actually had both of those reactions to hugs and had to laugh when i read them. It's good to know I'm not the only one with that reaction. It's hard for me to admit these reactions about my child's hugs... because I'm "supposed" to be attached and all sorts of emotionally connected to them. I'm finding that I never learned how to safely, or even rationally connect with others so when I try or I feel like I'm supposed to I tend to blame these "inadequacies" on me. This has thrown me into tailspins of not being "normal" or "sane".
If I can step back and think about it though I can be kind to myself and know that I didn't learn it, so I have to now decide if I want to and go from there. It helps when I can stop kicking myself long enough to accomplish this. I also have to remember that I didn't learn "mothering" from my mother so how can I give what I never learned to give?

I'm sure I'll be participating elsewhere on the forum. I've been reading a lot and just waiting for something to pull me to reply.

[Taka]

there's nothing insane about lacking the emotion.
with no emotions, you can make better and quicker rational decisions.
but you can also unintentionally push people away or hurt them.
it's good to meet someone who understands what i'm talking about though,
most people don't get it when i try to explain about the emotions that sometimes just disappear without a trace.

your story will be interesting to read when you feel like telling more of it.
i don't know many people with did.

do your other parts have emotions?

[Cynthia13]

Yes my other parts handle several emotions, some of which scare the heck out of me. My youngest part is between 1 1\2 -2 years old and is crippled by fear, spends most of his time in a corner in fetal position being strangled by an unknown hand. I'm working with him and gaining trust, but it's a long road.
Others hold very dark moments of sadness, anger, and my 4 year old holds pure innocents and joy. I have a teen who holds very deep loving emotions for who she believes is her soul mate.

It's interesting that I can often feel these, but as an outsider looking in. Empathetic to their emotions but separated just the same.

[Cynthia13]

It sounds like you've found an incredible balance.
I'm still exploring and learning about my parts and am only at the point of earning their trust so far. They've spent a lifetime protecting me. They've done an exceptional job so far because if it weren't for them I couldn't have survived.
Thankfully, we work mostly together. I often present as a mix of a few of us. Most people can't see a shift or they assume I'm in a mood of some sort. Those close to me whom I trust know some of my parts, I've shared stories or characteristics to help friends see the shifts otherwise we go mostly unnoticed which is exactly their point in existence. I've shared their writings which show the conversations that go on in my head.
The most interesting thing I've realized recently is that my sister also has DID, although not clinically diagnosed. Her parts know mine and mine know hers. Many were created at the same time frame. Hers were hidden under years of addiction. Our parts are similar, protective and soothing too each other. This connection has strengthened our relationship. 
It's astonishing to me the power of the mind.

[Deleted]

Dec 6, 2014 11:37:22 GMT 8 Cynthia13 said:

It sounds like you've found an incredible balance.
I'm still exploring and learning about my parts and am only at the point of earning their trust so far. They've spent a lifetime protecting me. They've done an exceptional job so far because if it weren't for them I couldn't have survived.
Thankfully, we work mostly together. I often present as a mix of a few of us. Most people can't see a shift or they assume I'm in a mood of some sort. Those close to me whom I trust know some of my parts, I've shared stories or characteristics to help friends see the shifts otherwise we go mostly unnoticed which is exactly their point in existence. I've shared their writings which show the conversations that go on in my head.
The most interesting thing I've realized recently is that my sister also has DID, although not clinically diagnosed. Her parts know mine and mine know hers. Many were created at the same time frame. Hers were hidden under years of addiction

I would never have known if you had not confided in me, when I came out and trusted you with my big secret, and showed you the creatures thread and my pic.  But once I knew, I enjoy guessing who's got the controls.  Its really cool.

It does present as mood.  But I see more when i am nearby.  I wonder what they think of me, that would be an interesting discussion to eavesdrop on.

My he component, while integrated and not in separation, protects Satinjoy and takes over whenever any threat of any kind is around.  Also in genderfluidity I havea tendency to relate to the person I am chatting with in the same gender.  Right now, oddly, I feel more he than she, socially.   Relationally.

Do you see my shifts my dear?  I am curious, how do you see me, since you actually see me, and have seen my picture in full presentation fully female.

Blessings dear friend of trans.