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Post by Cynthia13 on Dec 6, 2014 12:03:17 GMT 8
I do see your shifts from time to time, but I know what and who to look for. I don't necessarily see based on gender. To me it's the heart of the person that truly matters. We see you as a kind and gentle soul. One whose compassion and acceptance provides them with a safe place to be whoever they may be knowing there will never be any judgements.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2014 12:10:49 GMT 8
The power of the emotions of Satinjoy have been astounding to me. That I had this immense wellspring of love and emotion and frivolity and raw sensuality, and that it was not allowed to be not only expressed but nourished or loved by the old man that is me, is really a travesty. It is social programming at its very worst, backwards values, when that which loves passionately is crushed under the foot of what I call the neanderthals. The healing takes so long, the more I let her out though, especially at work, the more I feel like a real person, and the more intolerant I am of bullying, like the other day when my boots were riduculed and instead of the me that normally protects, Satinjoy just destroyed the remark be refering to the one who said it as my dear, which is now natural anyway there. funny that one is now an ally. Cool.
So you see the swings, the fluidity. Thats really cool, since how we feel may not be what others will see, like the day Satinjoy was in full female control during the big board meeting, and I just wanted to die. Maybe now I can just let her out. I am tired of letter her be shit on.
Blessings dear one
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Post by Metamorph on Dec 6, 2014 12:18:40 GMT 8
<deep breath>
I don't know if I will be comfortable leaving this up. I don't know why I feel like the fact that we have DID is something that must be kept secret. It just doesn't typically feel safe to reveal it. I'm also hesitant because if I open that up, it starts slipping out. Already I have used "we" once in this post instead of I. The others in me are all different genders - male, female, genderfluid, and genderless, but that's just how they are. It's not really what makes them distinct from each other.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2014 12:27:08 GMT 8
<deep breath> I don't know if I will be comfortable leaving this up. I don't know why I feel like the fact that we have DID is something that must be kept secret. It just doesn't typically feel safe to reveal it. I'm also hesitant because if I open that up, it starts slipping out. Already I have used "we" once in this post instead of I. The others in me are all different genders - male, female, genderfluid, and genderless, but that's just how they are. It's not really what makes them distinct from each other. I missed this, I better read the earlier posts... Meta dear, you are totally safe, even if uncomfortable. Not judged, not in any way attacked or invalidated. Just be you. You is plural and singular in language, isnt that interesting? You are you. But of course I have no understanding, but I know the terror I had of revealing being trans. Wouldnt you rather that you feel safe enough to express the whole of you? And if anyone screws with this section I will truly eat them for breakfast, don't underestimate the protective wrath of the fairy. And sh'e will protect the whole of you and your right to feel good about the whole of you, regardless of who they are or how they need to act out or protect. And you are protected by others here to, I assure you. Breath darling, breath. Another facet of the trans diamond, something special. The foolish in the world may judge, we dont. We think its cool.
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Post by Cynthia13 on Dec 6, 2014 12:54:54 GMT 8
Metamorph, I've shared my DID truth with very few people, but don't necessarily hide it or advertise it at this point either. I am who I am and if someone doesn't like it? Well that's their issue, not mine. For way too long we've kept secrets that bind and hurt us. My truth is that I have DID. I didn't ask for it so why feel ashamed or guilty or bad in any way about having it? I'm actually feeling honored to have so many protectors living within me. Our combined individualities are amazing. This being said I do fear the wrong people finding out such as work, but if it happens I'll deal with it then. I will say all of me feels safe here. Trinity has been a huge support and guide here on this forum for me. The support and acceptance we've received so far has been wonderful.
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Post by EchelonHunt on Dec 6, 2014 23:06:22 GMT 8
Ativan, I always enjoy reading your posts. As always, full of insight. My mother has a habit of talking badly of those who struggle in daily life, despite the fact she has anxiety and panic attacks from driving in heavy traffic, going to great lengths to avoid busy roads as a result, even if it is a longer journey.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2014 1:16:40 GMT 8
In society, mental disorders (the wrong way, again to describe them) are often looked on as illness, as if it catching, like it will spread somehow. Gender issues are very much the same. Society, from movies and TV on up, generations to generation, have this idea that many disorders are going to erupt into a raving lunatic. That somehow someone elses difference in gender is wrong and they might catch it, that it will wreak havoc among them... Even those who do have outbursts know the difference between them and simply raging fools who fail to understand what a mental disorder is. Differences in sexuality was once considered a disorder that needed drastic measures to 'cure'. Gender is finally getting out from under this. 21st century, the intelligence we could have, it is at our fingertips, yet the ideas persist. I think it's just a part of the human condition in dealing with fear. I've seen people dying of cancer and non of the friends show up because somehow they are afraid that they will catch it even though their intellect knows otherwise.This feeling I have at home of being a family is also the same as this forum has quickly turned into. I hope it lasts, that it stays, even for those who move on. They can look back and see it if they care to. It sets this forum apart from the other ones who continue to operate as they always have, because that's the way they always have. We have something different here. A new way to have a forum of this sort. It's like having a discussion around the dinner table with family. A perspective that is tolerant. It isn't hard, but it isn't going to be easy to keep, as well. A mission of a sort I suppose... But isn't that what a real family is? A home for us, it is more than just another forum. Ativan I share those feeling Ativan, it's pretty darned terrific and I hope it stays that way too.
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Post by Taka on Dec 8, 2014 20:05:23 GMT 8
the most fear i see is fear of oneself. the one who doesn't visit a friend who has cancer, because they're too afraid of saying the wrong thing, of being disgusted and accidentally show it, of appearing less than perfect. the one who doesn't post on a friend's fb page when the firend got sick. because it's a mental illness, and those aren't supposed to be talked about right? they're afraid of writing words of encouragement and love because it might be wrong.
we're so afraid of being hurt and rejected, that we avoid situations where we fear we are even more likely to hurt a friend. in the end, we lose the friendship, words that are never said cannot heal. misunderstandings that aren't cleared up fester.
society is terrified of itself, and keeps hurting itself. most people never realize that attacking the weaker members, the ones who stick out, is no different from self harm. my feelings are wrong, so i cut myself. our society is wrong, so we cut ourselves.
a functional society is one where all understand that we are nothing without all of us together. one where greed is seen as a mental illness, and the one with an odd personality is allowed to share of their riches. harmony can't be achieved with only one note. we need all to hear the symphony the way it's supposed to be.
does society have did though? maybe it does. there are so many different groups making different decisions without talking. almost as if they don't realize that the other components are there, and they can make a difference as well.
but now i'm just rambling. looking forward to the day when society suddenly realizes it had gender dysphoria as well...
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2014 23:08:07 GMT 8
Ativan, I always enjoy reading your posts. As always, full of insight. My mother has a habit of talking badly of those who struggle in daily life, despite the fact she has anxiety and panic attacks from driving in heavy traffic, going to great lengths to avoid busy roads as a result, even if it is a longer journey. That irrational fear of traffic is an age related thing. My spouse used to ride behind me on my motorcycle all over the country, she drove everywhere on the freeways, she was fearless. Now she takes all the back roads and whenever I'm driving and she's the passenger she is constantly flinching and bracing for impact as if we are about to be hit.I feel bad for her and jokingly tell her that when I'm "Driving Miss Daisy" she should have her own steering wheel and pedal cluster on her side if it would make her feel safer. I suspect that it has everything to do with a need to control and when the reality sets in that not everything around is not something that can be controlled then it sets (mostly cis women) up for this irrational fear syndrome.
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