Things that suck (rant zone)

[Deleted]

I see an mtf transition dream. Far from something not to be happy about, it's a complete transformation and very real.

[Deleted]

Jan 17, 2015 6:26:55 GMT 8 bhhfmm said:

Jan 17, 2015 4:53:14 GMT 8 @jamie said:

I would have given you a thumbs down for this statement Jaime. But I can't. So I gave you a thumbs up. But OMFG? Really? Remember? We have seen your pictures. OMG if we could all just be so lucky as you. But we all see ourselves different than the rest of the world sees us. I think you mentioned working in the oilfield one time and I used to run the oilfield and if I ever saw you on a sight I wouldn't even give a second thought about who you are. Now I would because I know what you look like and would mention this sight and who I am. But really you should be proud.  

I worked at the state port for a small import/export company for bulk materials mostly. And to me, I'm not no where near as nice looking as you all seem to think.

Anyhoo, just to show you, this is what I looked like back then in '06. It was prelaser but two years hrt and taken aboard a ship in the tally office.

I think you're pretty dang good looking sweet pea!

[Deleted]

Things that suck? Well, for me it's just the whole gender dysphoria thing. So often I see a woman in the street, a shop, wherever, and I say to myself, "That's what I should have been." I have to work so hard just to approximate what others do naturally, what they can't help but do.

[Deleted]

Perhaps that will change for you dear, given time.

:-)

[Deleted]

One lives in hope. I try to remain upbeat and usually succeed.

[Deleted]

Jan 17, 2015 6:26:55 GMT 8 bhhfmm said:

Jan 17, 2015 4:53:14 GMT 8 @jamie said:

I would have given you a thumbs down for this statement Jaime. But I can't. So I gave you a thumbs up. But OMFG? Really? Remember? We have seen your pictures. OMG if we could all just be so lucky as you. But we all see ourselves different than the rest of the world sees us. I think you mentioned working in the oilfield one time and I used to run the oilfield and if I ever saw you on a sight I wouldn't even give a second thought about who you are. Now I would because I know what you look like and would mention this sight and who I am. But really you should be proud.  

I worked at the state port for a small import/export company for bulk materials mostly. And to me, I'm not no where near as nice looking as you all seem to think.

Anyhoo, just to show you, this is what I looked like back then in '06. It was prelaser but two years hrt and taken aboard a ship in the tally office.

I freakin' hate hard hats. Helmet laws suck and hahat "safety" crap sux just as much. they just screw my hair up too much. Sweat is one thing playing guitar but only half the hair sweaty sux.

 I would rathe die than have messed up hair if crap wants to fall on my head. I would rahter die than have really messed up hair anyway. Messed up hair would kill me from embarassment anyway.  Yeha, A ittle premadonna her. So sue me.

[DCW]

Struggling with being unable to orgasm. Spent two hours last night trying to achieve an orgasm and failed.

It's hard for me to express how difficult this loss is for me - it was probably the single biggest go/no-go risk factor for SRS (I discussed it at length with my therapist - being able to orgasm was vital for me and any risk would mean no SRS for me - and got reassurances that what I experience now was impossible.)

Worse, I get people insisting that it has to be because I don't actually want to orgasm - that it has to be psychological, etc.

[Deleted]

Definitely does not encourage me to entertain srs fantasy.

Oddly though, I go boom from being taken from behind. By, ummm, well it never gets tired but you can wear it out...

Girl boom from penile nerve endings for me is not easy.
Without causing you more pain, did they alter the hormone mix to try to do something there?

Dunno. Wild guess that a little t might help.

But it's only a wild guess.

So sorry dear, really.

[Leena]

Jan 29, 2015 9:18:29 GMT 8 DCW said:

Struggling with being unable to orgasm. Spent two hours last night trying to achieve an orgasm and failed.

It's hard for me to express how difficult this loss is for me - it was probably the single biggest go/no-go risk factor for SRS (I discussed it at length with my therapist - being able to orgasm was vital for me and any risk would mean no SRS for me - and got reassurances that what I experience now was impossible.)

Worse, I get people insisting that it has to be because I don't actually want to orgasm - that it has to be psychological, etc.

Maybe now that you are much more like a woman, you have to be in the right mood...

Wanting orgasm is not the right mood, while I can not easily really explain what that is, simply wanting orgasm isn't really the right mood even if you are a cis guy…though it might work if you are a cis guy...

[DCW]

That just doesn't make any sense for me.

IT doesn't really matter, though, because no amount of trying anything works. A lot of things increase the arousal to the point where the inability to orgasm is exceedingly frustrating.

And in the past I didn't even need arousal to reach orgasm. I deeply miss that.

[Deleted]

Feb 7, 2015 3:56:05 GMT 8 DCW said:

That just doesn't make any sense for me.

IT doesn't really matter, though, because no amount of trying anything works. A lot of things increase the arousal to the point where the inability to orgasm is exceedingly frustrating.

And in the past I didn't even need arousal to reach orgasm. I deeply miss that.

I know for certain that SRS surgeons don't remove the prostate during surgery as that's attached to the lower end of the bladder and the urethra runs straight through it. In fact that little number still has everything to do with a post-op orgasm, but if the body is totally devoid of any T whatsoever, then the prostate collapses like a balloon without air and becomes totally ineffectual for any kind of orgasm. Believe me I know that most post-ops run much lower T levels than do cis women and they bitch about low libido and an inability to achieve an orgasm. I can verify this because having been surgically castrated several years ago that left me effectively in the same boat as any post SRS woman and it wasn't until I accepted the idea that a small amount of T would not in any way alter my transition, but would restore the prostate and increase my libido just enough to be able to enjoy an orgasm again. I use .02ml testosterone cream from a compounding pharmacy that is prescribed for me by a naturopathic doctor for a few days before a date. She deals with aging women and it was she that turned me onto this.

[Deleted]

I give up. This is my rant. I'm so freakin' tired. Don't know what to do anymore. NO I'm not in any danger of self harm. But I am so fucking tired. I am so emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. And then not to mention so freakin' psychologically exhausted. There are only a couple of people that keep me going. For those I am forever grateful. I could never do the suicide thing but a girl can wish not to wake up or something else.... Right?

Nobody worry. I'm just really exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Just a little rant. OMG I hate ranting.

[Deleted]

Time for you to watch death race or a bond flick and be the bond girl and let your hair down.

[Deleted]

Feb 7, 2015 7:39:29 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Time for you to watch death race or a bond flick and be the bond girl and let your hair down.

Who Trinity? Me? Time for me to push the limits. I got a gig tonight. My hair is always down. Maybe something I ain't ever tried before but a little main veining with Mr. Brownstone. These musicians are hard core and I gotta do a lot of catching up to do but they play almost like me and I know most of their songs by ear. I don't have to worry about drug tests anymore because I can't drive commercially anymore. Maybe it's time to really let my hair down and let it all hang loose and get just as freaking wild as I was in the eighties. Maybe even more so... Main Veining with all the blood I have given in the last year. Maybe a little Mr. Brownstone and a little bit of meth after all I drank. Ah screw it I think I like a little "Candy Cane." Only problem it is expensive. But it will kill the alcohol.

Sorry but the horn is honking. It is time to go. Thank Gawd I got all my shit ready earlier. Now I'm gonna' go have a Good Time. this band is badass and I hope I can keep up. But maybe they need to keep up with me.  

Just checked the limo out. OMFG! What I want is there. A little toke a little snort. Sterile needles and all. I think I will leave the main veining alone though. Smoke, snort and drink is my style. But before a gig snort and smoke is the high life. 56 miles to the real high life. Always keep the limo waiting especially if the band calls you.  I really got to go so Nighty night everyone. Me and my BF will be traveling to NOLA in freaking style. He does do the main veining and I hate it but at least he uses clean needles. Limos never get pulled over.  Anyway good night all. I really gotta go because I'm pushing the time. 

[Taka]

try watching a metal mass on youtube. it's a real thing in finland, christians who love metal enough to take it to church instead of leaving church for it. or just listen to bach, he must have been totally heavy metal back in his day.

just trying to cheer up the kid who was chased out of church for the wrong reasons...