Why are you non-transitioning or non-op?

[Leki]

I would love to know.

[Kelly]

I'm non-op for a bunch of reasons. Partly medical - anaesthesia and I really don't get along.. And partly because I don't need it to feel a whole person. Who I am defines me, not what I may or may not have in my pants.

[Ayla]

Is it possible for any of us to be non transitioning?

In a sense just our inquiry, our search to understand, to accept and to express our gender represents a search for authenticity, and self authorship, which is in itself transformative. As such I think that I will always be transitioning.

Medical and surgical treatment may also be part of our transformation but I think that they are optional rather than requirements.

safe travels

aisla

[Deleted]

I can never decide how I feel about GRS. I'm unsatisfied with the current level of it. Maybe it's as good as it's ever going to get, but I dunno... It doesn't sound like enough to me. I want a vagina identical to a cis girl's. I don't want to have to dilate to keep it from collapsing. I want to get periods. I want the whole package, and I don't think I could be happy with anything less. I may not be thrilled with what I have now, but it's functioning, doesn't require any maintenance, and doesn't make me any less a woman. So perhaps I'll keep it until the day GRS advances.

[Deleted]

Honestly? I don't know. I got little boobs. HRT wouldn't take care of facial hair anyway. I am kind of leary that HRT would make me a total freaking basket case. Believe me I am emotional enough now. I am considering the HRT though but a little bit at a time. As for SRS. Nah. Kind of like Kelly, I don't need it to make me whole. Even HRT I don't know about right now. So in all honesty I don't know. I'm me if that matters. Not saying I will always be or feel this way and tomorrow may change everything and be ready for SRS. But for now I'm just me.

[BlueConstancy]

Honestly, I'm not sure what transition would *look* like for me. I think I have basically zero chance of convincing uneducated cis people to understand "agender" well enough to let me live that way, and the more clue-ful of my friends and family are also the ones likely to assume I'm doing this b/c it's trendy or my wife did or whatever. We'll see how I feel in a few more years of living like this.

I know exactly which surgeries I would want (and which I don't), but insurance won't cover removing "healthy" organs and I don't have the energy to fight with medical professionals to get the letters etc. even if we did have the savings to pay cash. Maybe someday, again. I try not to think about it, since it also frustrates me extremely that those same medical professionals pushed me to have wisdom teeth, appendix, and gallbladder removed "in case they cause problems," but goodness forbid I want to apply that reasoning to another set of organs. If insurance would cover it - and it'd be cheaper than paying for the fix after there WERE problems! - I'd do it in a heartbeat.

[Deleted]

I've said this before and if it's any consolation I'll say it again, I had all the letters and even had a pre-op consultation with Dr. Bowers and changed my mind at the last minute, that's 20K I didn't have to spend, a lot of pain I didn't have to endure and loads of ongoing maintenance (dilating) I'll never have to do. My hat's off to those who wish to go that route, I know it's a driven necessity for some but I opted out of that route and I'm glad I did.

[ChaoticTribe]

I had two surgeries and I regretted doing so. I am currently working to restore my body to its prior state... surgery certainly would speed things along a great deal, but I am working with my body and attempting to heal myself without going through any more surgeries because I feel that I have already done unnecessary things to myself.

If possible I want to continue in the kindest and gentlest route that I can and not harm myself further through trauma such as cutting, scarring, etcetera. If it becomes necessary then I would get implants but right now my breasts are actually beginning to fill out again and since cells reproduce by dividing, the progress should get more rapid and noticeable as I continue. If I cannot achieve normal looking results then I would opt for surgery but I do not want to do that to myself.

[Deleted]

Dec 1, 2014 13:18:58 GMT 8 @pikachu said:

I can never decide how I feel about GRS. I'm unsatisfied with the current level of it. Maybe it's as good as it's ever going to get, but I dunno... It doesn't sound like enough to me. I want a vagina identical to a cis girl's. I don't want to have to dilate to keep it from collapsing. I want to get periods. I want the whole package, and I don't think I could be happy with anything less. I may not be thrilled with what I have now, but it's functioning, doesn't require any maintenance, and doesn't make me any less a woman. So perhaps I'll keep it until the day GRS advances.

It's rare that cis women have to resort to dilating. Tbh if my spouse who is very inquisitive and always asks a lot of questions hadn't been in the room when I was talking to Bowers back in the day I would have gone with it and probably lived to regret my choice. We had a long discussion following that meeting until it dawned on me that what I was planning was totally unimportant and would never change me or who I am. Sometimes surgeons and other transgender professionals don't divulge all that there is to know about the side effects and aftermath of their procedures, after all we are that industry's bread and butter $$$ and they don't want us squirming off their operating table.

[Deleted]

My ex seemed to have no idea, either. She talked about wanting to get GRS all the time during the last several months we were together, and I assumed she had done a bunch of research on the subject and knew what she was talking about since she was so obsessed with it and at that time, was my only source of information on anything trans. I looked up to her when it came to trans issues. When we met, she was already a year on hormones and I knew absolutely nothing on the subject, so she sort of took me under her wing. Then after we broke up and I started doing my own research, wow... I wondered if she had really researched anything at all. She seemed misinformed about nearly every aspect of GRS. It scares me to think what would have become of me if we had stayed together and I had blindly followed whatever route she went down. *cringes*

[Deleted]

Dec 9, 2014 1:54:53 GMT 8 @pikachu said:

My ex seemed to have no idea, either. She talked about wanting to get GRS all the time during the last several months we were together, and I assumed she had done a bunch of research on the subject and knew what she was talking about since she was so obsessed with it and at that time, was my only source of information on anything trans. I looked up to her when it came to trans issues. When we met, she was already a year on hormones and I knew absolutely nothing on the subject, so she sort of took me under her wing. Then after we broke up and I started doing my own research, wow... I wondered if she had really researched anything at all. She seemed misinformed about nearly every aspect of GRS. It scares me to think what would have become of me if we had stayed together and I had blindly followed whatever route she went down. *cringes*

This speaks to the business of peer pressure to go ahead and make choices that others have made without really researching and thinking it through thoroughly. ChaoticTribe is a primary example of the horrific things we can have done to ourselves due to peer pressure and having been ill advised by the "experts!" I recall when she was looking for answers in the "De-transition-Retransition" thread on the other site, I responded and we've been friends ever since, she is a darling young woman in recovery. She and I are not here to discourage people from following a course that they are spiritually and emotionally driven toward, but I would hope that they do their homework and spend a lot of time in research and in counseling before making a radical decision that they might later regret. Even now there are unscrupulous surgeons that will remove people's limbs because they entertain some fetish about being an amputee. There is a Eunuch website where people discuss how they have had all signs of any genitalia whatsoever eradicated and now pee through a hole where their penis and testes or their vagina once was. I wonder about the surgeons who all take an oath to do no harm.

[Deleted]

I am nb mtf no op. But i could just as easily be preop. And loaded with female hormones, now. Not even a question, for me its a necessity. Non negotiable.

As to the op, I would go for it if I could, but there is a boundary for the sake of marriage that cannot be crossed. And it is the only reason I don't try for it.

My dysphoria is getting more painful all the time. In here I can admit this, in the old place they'd blow my mind responding.

I will last as long as I possibly can, but I cant kid myself, this thing is a monster and unstoppable in me.

I need my wifes acceptance level in sinc with my pain level to the point that both remain acceptable and we remain together.

A tightrope walk for sure.

Being a nonbinary married mtf is really terrifying.

[Deleted]

I am non-transitioning, non-op MTF. My marriage would simply not survive it (based on our very few discussions of it). And I have realsied I love my family more than I love the idea of me being a woman. So the rpice I pay for love is dysphoria. But given that I found (what for me is as close to perfect) love I am ok with this. However, like Aisla says, life is a process of transition anyway.

[Deleted]

Dec 9, 2014 17:53:42 GMT 8 @cherie said:

I am non-transitioning, non-op MTF. My marriage would simply not survive it (based on our very few discussions of it). And I have realsied I love my family more than I love the idea of me being a woman. So the rpice I pay for love is dysphoria. But given that I found (what for me is as close to perfect) love I am ok with this. However, like Aisla says, life is a process of transition anyway.

Lean on us and we will help you with that. Luna, aisla and I are in similar shoes, though we are on hormones.

Hang in there.

Trinity

[Deleted]

Dec 9, 2014 17:53:42 GMT 8 @cherie said:

I am non-transitioning, non-op MTF. My marriage would simply not survive it (based on our very few discussions of it). And I have realsied I love my family more than I love the idea of me being a woman. So the rpice I pay for love is dysphoria. But given that I found (what for me is as close to perfect) love I am ok with this. However, like Aisla says, life is a process of transition anyway.

My hat is off to you because you have your priorities in perfect alignment with your commitment to your beloved spouse. I have often told this story that I came into the trans world through the side door and had never really suffered any dysphoria to speak of, it's because I opted for surgical castration having suffered the long term effects of excessive Agent Orange exposure. I was introduced to injectable testosterone afterwards which is a synthetic and very harsh, I didn't like the side effects and opted for female hormones, it is essential to have a hormonal base. I became sick going without either over a two year period and am now and have been for some time on a full replacement dose of female HRT and am still pretty much the same person I have always been. Still happily married now for 45 years, so essentially nothing about me has really changed significantly other than some secondary sexual characteristics and I have become a kinder, gentler more understanding person to all. I never encourage anyone to go through all of the slicing, dicing and body modifications of full transition, but since it's a personal decision that each individual has to make on their own I am there for all without any judgment or condemnation. I do respect those who have what it takes to keep their marriage and family intact, it takes heroic effort especially when dysphoria is part of the equation.