The Act of Friendship

[Deleted]

If you can’t confide in someone to talk to about your feelings then what’s the point?

Sometimes, I feel as if my feelings aren’t suppose to matter if they somehow upset someone. The point of being a friend is to comfort them and stand by them; to help them feel like they matter and that everything is worth the effort.

If you feel annoyed by someone’s depression and cut them out of your life, you don’t deserve them.

I thought I had an ally once, but then she evicted me from her life over a tiny difference of opinion and insulted me for having an ambitious and optimistic perspective of the world and humanity.

See… even though I feel dismissed, ignored and alone a lot of the time, it doesn’t make me feel any less optimistic. I believe in people when they don’t even believe in themselves.

No one is hopeless. No one is without potential merit. No one ever truly lacks value. We’re all just doing our best. Maybe some people aren’t, but you know what you can do about that? You can give them a shoulder to cry on. You can give them encouragement and love. You can be there to help them get back up, or to at least try to restore their faith that they can do it themselves.

We haven’t the time nor the need for selfishness and self-centeredness anymore. We need to start treating each other like family instead of strangers. We need to stop thinking about ourselves so goddamned much, because in the end — like This Mortal Coil once said — it’ll just end in tears.

[Deleted]

Friendship. Love, unconditionally. Trust. Speaking hard truth softly and gently standing at the edge. Warning of wolves in the path. Holding during tears, helping during rage, celebrating during love.

A responsibility, a gift, and true ones that stay the course are rare. Divine appointments to help us, to help them. To share burdens and strength, carrying the loads, without falling into the traps of controlling or of too much dependence.

It can be the life giver or the heart breaker, but it is birthed in heart depth, never to take lightly, always to look deep within, us, them, as we make a difference in each other's lives.

You do good here Erin.

Blessings

Trinity

[Deleted]

“When a good man and a good woman

Can’t find the good in each other

Then a good man and a good woman

Will bring out the worst in the other

The bad in each other”

[Ayla]

Arin

Just as we seek support so should we provide it. This can be challenging but it is worth seeking given the growth and reward that usually follow.

The only time when I can't do this is when doing so rewards and encourages destructive behavior. Perhaps I should try harder but I tend to move on and let them talk to themself. Selfish perhaps, but with some damaged folk It feels akin to trying to save a panicked, drowning person. If you can't effect a clean rescue then you often put your own survival at risk...

Safe travels

Aisla

[Ayla]

Apr 13, 2015 18:35:53 GMT 8 @illuminess said:

If you can’t confide in someone to talk to about your feelings then what’s the point?

Sometimes, I feel as if my feelings aren’t suppose to matter if they somehow upset someone. The point of being a friend is to comfort them and stand by them; to help them feel like they matter and that everything is worth the effort.

If you feel annoyed by someone’s depression and cut them out of your life, you don’t deserve them...

...We haven’t the time nor the need for selfishness and self-centeredness anymore. We need to start treating each other like family instead of strangers. We need to stop thinking about ourselves so goddamned much, because in the end — like This Mortal Coil once said — it’ll just end in tears.

Arin

Apologies for the double post but I realise that I didn't address the OP in my first response so hope that this is closer to the mark.

Thinking further on this - sometimes I 'know' that I can't talk to some folk about my feelings.  Perhaps my thoughts are not fully formed, I don't wish to alarm them, perhaps my feelings are not a part of my relationship etc

Examples may be parents (re coming out before you are ready, sought counsel and understand yourself); someone who is damaged, perhaps depressed who just could not handle my sharing; a colleague where the relationship is entirely professional or task related.

Specifically, I know that I can't share all of my feelings with my mother who has suffered from manic depression and would 'blame' herself for my being trans;  I can and have shared with my father - he may not believe it, but it didn't cause harm to him or to me;  I have told some friends and some colleagues and clients, but not all.  One colleague who was surprised that I shared my identity and journey with a new team member (pre hire), asked 'does this mean that you define yourself as trans?"  I answered that this was an aspect, an important aspect that for some to know may be important to them and to our relationship, while for others, not so much.

Not sure where I am going with this - but for me I can share my feelings with some family members, but not all.  I can share with some friends etc, but not all.   I think that I am respecting and protecting them, myself and our relationship.  I don't think this is because I am annoyed with them or am being self-centred, in fact I think it respects who they are, the nature of our relationship and their ability/interest to understand and accept my feelings.  Do you think this is wrong or misguided, practical  or pragmatic, dishonest, or perhaps disrespectful and selling ourselves short etc?

Safe travels

Aisla

[Deleted]

I think it's smart.

It's ok to love a freight train but don't stand in front.of it..old saying..