Respectful proposition to change the "They/Them" Pronoun

[Ativan Prescribed]

You can however use any pronouns you wish to use, but requesting others to change for your sake is not going to happen.
They use the ones they wish to use and you can too, but using something completely different is not going to be readily accepted.
I personally don't care what you use so feel free to use anything you want so long as it is not abusive to other members.

[Leena]

"You" is both the singular and plural second person pronoun in standard English, even if "y'all" , "youse", or something similar is commonly used in some regions for second person plural. Have you considered looking at the singular they/them like that?

A fair amount of nonbinary people do use other sets of pronouns, xe/xem and ze/zim perhaps being the most popular.

[Ativan Prescribed]

I deleted the conversation previous in here because it was getting abusive by a 'former member'.
As described by the individual, they have a disability that makes it hard for them at times to understand and even cope with certain things.
I have a limited experience with the same types if disorders but at the same time I have experience with them from places I have lived in the past.
The need of this person was expressed as and then demanding that the use of they them needs to be corrected because they simply can't deal with they them as singular.
They are self described as speaking Flemish, which is the basic language in northern Belgium and I have some experience with that as a former customer of mine who also speaks english as well as several other European languages describing flemish as very hard to understand for others.
He would come over to the US about once a year and bring along several of his friends and although they could speak relatively fair english, they did have trouble translating some words but managed in a conversational way.
That the former member refused to accept that they them can indeed be used in a singular way and became exasperated at the way I simply explained how it can be and grew abusive in insistence that it can only be used in a plural manner.
My experience with Asperger's syndrome people is that the simpler the explanation the easier it is for them to begin to understand some things, but also that they get 'stuck' on simple points at times and it takes time for them to form the reasoning as to why some things work the way they do, they can get abusive at times due to the frustration they experience, I didn't want this conversation to go to that extreme so I deleted them and the conversation because it was an experience in futility.
They were developing a frame of mind that I was being 'brutal' towards them by simply trying to explain the use of they them in a singular way, which happens sometimes with people who have difficulty with their syndrome and quite possibly with the lack of translation from their language and ours in this country.
To keep the conversation going was as I explained a frustration in a futile way once that level is reached, I felt it best to just reset the conversation as it spiraled down into how things would be so terrible from their point of view if we replaced the word car with airplane, a lack of comparability and also a part of the exercise in futility.
People with Aspergers and related disabilities often navigate by sets of rules that they develop for themselves in such a way that is customized to their needs and experience.
I'm fine with that and although it can be somewhat confusing for others at times it is rarely misunderstood and I respect that individuals rules for themselves and yet they refused to respect mine and ours and it was spiraling into demands of accepting theirs.
At this point instead of it becoming more of an experience in futility, I chose to delete as a way of ignoring the building frustration they were experiencing, it wasn't in a desire to punish the person at all but rather to create a space between acceptance and demands.
The very best way to quiet the frustration is to let it go until the individual has enough time to process the conversation, which they needed.
While some things are universal in the formation of rules, math being a good example, words are and have been a fluid concept since the very beginning, if it was a universal set of rules to follow, we would all speak the same language.
And in that vein, we would in some ways speak with the language of cavemen as such, that dictionaries are updated on a regular basis with new words added and old ones deleted for lack of use, language remains a very fluid medium to express thoughts.
The internet has spawned some very interesting words over the last couple decades beyond the usual adaptations seen otherwise, on one hand people have a more common use of some words and at the same time have a boatload of new ones.
But there are no rules for language as there are for say like numbers, 1+1=2 and always has and probably always will, but language is fluid and is constantly changing, we all speak in a lot of different ways than we did say fifty years ago.
Catch words and the way we phrase our sentences is always involving into something different, we could actually replace the word car with airplane and given the way the internet works, it could take a short time and the use of car become forgotten.
Some things are always going to remain the same, like math as an example, but even our understanding of the universe is evolving and rightly so, we are evolving as a species just the same, its an exciting prospect that we have the ability to do so.
While some groups of people want things to return to simpler times, it isn't because the simpler times were better, they lack the innovation to change to whatever the future brings, I feel sorry for them overall and yet I can see their point of view.
But to demand that we all drive '55 Chevys for the sake of rules would be ridiculous. The same goes for the use and meanings of words, it's a constant fluid changing medium and acceptance that it is means we can move forward, the entire point I think.
Just because some words are in constant use does not mean they are always going to be used and doesn't mean they always have, language is fluid because it has to be if we are to move forward into the future and not become stagnant drones, we are better than that.

[Yuki]

From a little bit of a different perspective on Asperger’s. Which, speaking of constantly changing language, is no longer its own diagnosis. It is all just considered autism now. Mostly due to issues with the man it was named after. Certain people do still like to cling to the Asperger’s diagnosis for themselves though, for different reasons. One of those reasons is, it’s just what they’re familiar with and used to. Which is fine. Another reason though, is a feeling of superiority to those “other” autistic people. And in some cases, a feeling of superiority to everyone because they see themselves as more intelligent than everyone else. Obviously the latter is a problem.

I’m autistic myself.. or, Asperger’s previously. Being pretty familiar with the community, from this person’s first post, I sensed the superiority in certain ways they described themselves.

I missed the posts they made after, but I can imagine how it probably went and I don’t think their intent was ever to have a civil discussion about words.

Deleting is probably really the only way to handle that kind of person, Asperger’s or not, (often Asperger’s just gets used as an excuse to be an ass in this situation. I’ve even seen these types use it while talking in the community too, as if they forgot we all have the same diagnosis lol) because they already came in here with the mindset that they know better than everyone in here and we are all inferior. There’s no healthy debating that can ever happen there.

[Ativan Prescribed]

Yah, a lot of people who have been on the forum relate to autism in an asperger way, over the years I have seen quite a few mention it.
One of the autism things is a higher percentage have an idea of being NB and probably are, I have talked to several people who question their gender.
I've spent time in psyche units for depression and they just lump in everyone and you get to meet all kinds, so I do have some idea of how to deal with various issues people have.
This person was on a mission to change what they saw as something that needed changing and their self described intelligence was in that superior thinking range, I saw that right away and even hesitated on letting them become a member.
Their argument was the very same as the rights arguments and as is often the case with the right, they are wrong and have no real idea what others think.
I was pushed around as a kid because I had an attitude and was also very often the one who scored the highest on tests and that, I score in the extremes of those kinds of things, but I also know that they are testing for specific things and it never actually means you are over all smart, you just have the ability to score high for certain things. Getting like grants for college courses was easy as hell for me, I had interests that aligned with the testing and they wanted to get the bang for the buck.
But every person who is self described as smart and as stupid all have qualities that set them apart from the average, what you lack or stand out in is usually just a set of things and it is never ever all things.
What you have as a gain is going to result in a negative in something else, what you lack in something is going to give you gains in another thing, personalities are very apparent when it comes to a lot how you deal with the world.
In other words, if you are looking down on someone, look up and expect someone is there looking down on you.
There is that old saying of things could be better and sure they can, until you reach that spot of where it just can't get any better and it's all downhill from there, and the same goes for it can't get any worse, well it can only get better then.....