Coming Out Advice?

[chandler]

Hi everyone!

I'm new here and really new to Internet forums (I know, I know....I'm a dinosaur but my parents were very not tech-savvy growing up so I've been sheltered) so I'm not sure if there's a better way to ask......sue me.

I'm very single and I'm interested in pursuing this person. To my knowledge, he's cis and I haven't explicitly told him I'm enby. I'm all for "honesty is the best policy" but how have y'all brought up your gender identity/pronouns in conversation with someone you're interested in pursuing?

I realize as a 28 year-old adult, I probably should know this but again......I'm very sheltered and no guy ever noticed me until I was 18. So my experiences are limited. Plz any and all help you can give. Much appreciated. ✌️

[Leena]

I haven't really came out to many people in real life yet. I was not very sheltered and still am not very comfortable talking about gender stuff with cis people.

In some ways, it's a lot less awkward if people figure it out on their own, but not everyone that does is going to mention it.

[Ativan Prescribed]

You have to gauge it according to how are about other things, what you like in life, what you expect in life, the things you do for work, pleasure, etc.
Gender is just one thing about a person and it usually isn't all that important unless they are insecure about their gender, if its a top priority for them, then it is but thats a huge clue to their shallowness.
Honesty is the better way to go, but being brutally honest has its faults as well, over telling a truth that is only your truth can be a bad thing when it diminishes the others persons truths of self.
Try not beating around the bush when it comes up and if it isn't a big deal for now, let it go until you think they are comfortable enough with you and you'll know this by the things they tell you about themselves.
Telling people you are comfortable with that you are NB is a easy thing to do, when gender is the topic or if you bring it up at all, then its a good time to express your feelings about gender and about being NB.
If the other person freaks out about it, then they do and they either are interested or not, this is the point where you either are going to keep up the conversation or basically excusing yourself and walking away.
It isn't like one of those things you have to wear on your sleeve, but it is a matter of importance one way or another to other people, some people freak out on small differences, can be as little as favorite sports team.
But for others it can be the very thing that is a positive to them, they might be trying to tell you and haven't that they feel the same way about their gender, you never know.
Those people who claim they can always tell if someone is LGBTQ are almost always wrong, plenty of people give off the kind of vibes that others pick up on as LGBTQ and yet they are far from it, a feminine guy is not necessarily gay and a tomboy is not necessarily lesbian.
Just because a woman walks more like a guy does doesn't mean they are trans, the lists of this kind of thing goes on and on, the bottom line is that you really have no idea unless someone tells, suspicions rarely are accurate but can be an indicator of a sort, like in not surprised.
But you can't tell if someone has feelings about any issue until you actually talk about it.
So if you want to know, then bring it up to them and by all means let them talk it out and don't make excuses for yourself or for them, gender is really not that big a deal as compared to other things a lot of the time, its a big deal to some, others not much of a big deal but a nice to know.
You have to consider where in all the aspects of people where the importance of gender is, but when considering all that there is, I think gender is not that high on the list of people secure in who they are.

[Trinity]

Hiding is worse than being, imo. Trying to be something you are not to please the other person, is not generally healthy, at least it wasn't for me.

This is why this particualar little forum has always been about a search for truth, and then being true to ourselves and our beliefs.

I gave a big part of myself away because I wanted to be loved, part of me was loved, part of me was not loved, and in the end, that ate me alive, and it still hurts.

At that time, and it was a long long time ago, we didn't even know what nonbinary was, it wasn't in the language, that came much later. I explained who and what I was, she didn't understand it, and then I tried to change because I loved her and she wanted a guy.

That failed about 25 years later when dysphoria almost killed me.

Point is, just being, not necessarily vocally but being you, is the big risk, and it can win you the big prize. Self esteem, true relationship, and nothing to hide. And the vocal things too, those are important, but its about communicating your needs, and if your needs are not accepted, then someone else probably will. But if they are, and if the other persons needs are met by you as well, or you accept them, then you win big time.

Honesty, imo, is huge in relationships. Some things we share with a friend, someone we trust, safe people, that's part of why we have a forum. Some things, we share with the loved ones, unless it could hurt them or us.

It's hard to be vulnerable and to be real. But its oh so worth it.

[chandler]

Thank you all for the advice 🥰
I just returned from visiting my parents (poor Internet service) so I'm just now reading your replies.