Transitioning and collateral damage

[Trinity]

One of the things I worry about the most is saying something in here and it costs someone their marriage or themselves or their life.  Because IMO trans is a serious deal where it does often come down to that.

So for me I try to share my own experiences and then not say what a person should do, except that they need to find their truth, their real truth, and also to encourage them to be diamond heart warriors for all that is good and kind and true.

It's hitting me today, because I know Hana is having tough choices to make, and I made the choices, and we all did really.

I know of people in the old place that did not survive, and at least of one that offed themselves as a result of a forum share there, not mine thank God but supposedly the trigger was the same person that caused the forest to burn there, one of them anyway but one of the main ones.

And I have my own very strong spiritual beliefs and I don't ever want to compromise that or take anyone down the dark roads and there are dark roads out there.

Its almost moot point, but there are guests that drop in and follow the forum, less and less of them but a few are there, I'll stay because this is where my closest friends are and I'm pretty darned loyal.

But what do you think of all this, and how do you handle all the fall out from it all, for you, for others, I mean, its very heavy stuff, and levity is part of the board too because we need it to keep going, focus on the good, and the choices that we can make.

[Ativan Prescribed]

I never take my self or my advice seriuosly enough, I mean I say things that are not for everyone and yet are the lesser of two things that can go one way or another.
If I thought I had a very good handle on just what is going on with anyone elses lives, I might make a more pointed observation on what I think would be the best thing to do, but I am not thaty full of myself.
I have my own problems and they deal with my own mental stibiklity and depression, which can cloud judgment a lot, so I'm careful in what I say, I say half of what I really think in a lot of cases or a lot of the time.
Vague advice is not much better than no advice, but its still better than none.
But I encourage others to call out my judgement of things, I am by no mewans a know it all or even correct, I think I am giving good adviice, but its only for the very limited things people say on here, its often vague in itself, so...
But I will never steer anyone in the wrong direction on purpose, very far from that, I generally use broad advice that moves around a particular question or problem someone might be having in the hopes that this circular approach finds the mark.
But still it comes from my generally and not always ability to see things not from a this is a problem but from a perspective of this is a problem in the bigger picture of what is being discussed, and that alone leads me to more vague points than i think is needed.
There is the PM's or personal messages available to anyone who wants to discuss something in more detail if they want to provide it that way instead, and for a lot of things its a good idea, no reason to just hand over personal info when you are not comfortable doin that.
Even as a way to just discuss things that you feel I made in error or in bad judgement, I don't hold things against people if they are willing to talk things through, name calling is not big on my list of things, its far to easy to do and far to easy to ruin someone's own judgments.
But yah, those individuals who burned the forest down for their selfish reasons, its why I am here, to keep others from having to bear the brunt of people like that, they did cause deaths and probably still are, I don't know I have nothing to do with them.
But the damage they intentionally caused to people based on their limited knowledge of NB is astounding in how bad their knowledge is and how cruel they are towards NB, they are the evil that lurks out there and its not just cis, it happens that they are a part of LGBTQ, but see themselves as elite and all knowing and refuse to accept that NB is very much a real thing, they fail to even understand how badly they treated everyone and here's the thing, there are far more people who identify as NB than there are people who identify as transsexual, they seem to think they have a lock on it and they are the true trans, as in the leite, but truth is, they are total hacks who are worse than most cis, they should know better just like you'd think cis would but why would cis know better, its totally alien to most of them, but they as a group accept NB better and treat NB better than those elitist transexxuals who burned the forest down, because we are from the forest and they are from the cities of trans, for no other reason than they saw us growing as a group, not because we are better, bt because we were better able to define ourselves.
They cling to the past and thats the trouble, cis clings to the past, any and all groups of people that condemn other groups cling to the past, they are stunted and fail to grow, they are their own failure.
This is why the talk remains loose and is designed to be open ended, open for discussion and nobody is the leader or has the right to say this is the one way and only way, there is no such a thing, everyone is different, everyone has a different life.
This is why there are no mods here, you want to troll us, good luck, nobody gives a rats ass about your trolling, you are ignored because nobody is here to fight, we are just here for each other.
Lesser of two weevils... laughed my ass off...

[Trinity]

It was once said to me, actually by you, that is isn't so much that I am knowledgable about nb, the point is that I care and that is what makes the difference if someone is in crisis, its not what I say or the advice I give, or the life experience I share in case it helps, and it probably does, its the simple act of caring. And that's just something that is deeply in my own nature, a part of me that became stronger when I released me, as in sh'e. She back in the day. And sh'e / I was filled with rage and I still am and try to get past that.

That rage is one of the triggers for collateral damage, people get caught in the crossfire, I remember when I lost it in the old forest, they lit a match and I exploded and it all came out, all the rage, the rage about the stalkings and my kids winding up in psyche units because of the evil actions of predators, I still get angry, how would you like to talk your kid down from a tree because she wanted to jump....

And then introduce transitioning into all that and the incredible stress of it all, the only reason I believe I am still alive is the core of the forum, Jayce was part of that too, a big part, and half the forest got banned trying to protect me because the trans women in the nb section were insisting I was crazy and going to inevitably go all the way. And there was that path, I didn't take it, instead I walked my truth, the nonbinary truth of it. Did fully transition less the ops, but its a different narrative from binary trans, very different and I enjoy it.

But the caring and the passion was the big thing. The forum has been a big part of my life for about eight years, Leena has been her that long and maybe even longer, she was there when I first came to the old forest, she was Veronica Lynne and I was Satinjoy at the time.

Leena is a beautiful name, movie star name....

Anyway, kind of rambling around, we've been much larger but we have seen people come here and their lives have changed for the better, some for the worst, we had our dysfunctions and the battles and stuff, now there's just us but we are ready to help anyway.

I hate the collateral damage, but its been my experience that you can't run away from who you are, it breaks you in the end, it broke me like a twig, I waited until I couldn't stop anymore. And it cost me dearly, collateral damage was extreme loss of income, cost me my mental health for a while, cost my wife hers, influenced the kids to make bad choices by marrying men that they thought would protect them and instead that turned to abuse, though one of the guys is changing and turning around thank God.

There was a ton of collateral damage, but as I recall, for me it was transition or lose my mind. I was so close to the edge I had to grow wings.

[Leena]

I don't think there was much collateral damage from my transition. There was though a lot of damage from the decades of thinking I couldn't transition, and the years I sort of hung on to that line of thinking even after I joined this forum.

I'm still trying to dig myself out of that damage. I became really isolated IRL and that made my social anxiety much worse, and having to isolate myself further because of this pandemic made that much worse. It's been years since I had a real conversation in person, and I'm not sure I'm really capable of it at present.