What surprised you the most about your journey?

[Trinity]

We all had misconceptions about what it would be like.

What surprised you the most in your journey/ transition/ acceptance of being you and living your truth?

I suppose for me it is how normal it has become, how comfortable it is being real.  And also how large my bone structure is, makes it very androgyne as opposed to she trans, though the fat distribution certainly leaves no doubt.

I also never expected to land comfortably in the NB zone the way I did, I always thought I'd go all the way, which I did with the hormones, but I certainly have not followed the trans narrative, I followed my own narrative instead, with a heck of a lot of help from some people here.

I didn't expect the organized hate either. 

[Ativan Prescribed]

Life is always a surprise for me, I get bored with things and I change it up and do other things, but NB is a constant for me, clothes I wear can be sometimes a very personal thing but that has never stopped me, sometimes things in the closet and sometimes not.
But I have never planned out a life for myself, mostly because it never works like you want it to, and because it just takes the sense of life being an adventure away.
I mean I went to college and tried to make me a something and majored in two different things, neither of which became a career, but I did use and still use the knowledge gained, and it helps in surprising ways all the time.
I've just never wanted to know beforehand what was around the next corner, if I happen to, it just makes my expectations lazy as can be and that in turn goes into some sort of thing where the next expectations don't pan out so life becomes a frustration.
What am I going to be doing tomorrow? I only have a clue and hate scheduled things anyways, its like if you are expected to show up you just do and then half the time it coulda been called in sort of thing, life is flextime for me as far as even showing up for work, I hate that I even have to call in if I don't go, expecting me to be on time is just a joke to me, the sooner the boss realizes that I will be there in time to get the work out and that I'll even stay late if I have to, the better we get along.
Back when more places started going to flextime, I was considered to be on super flextime, at least my boss called it that and even then nobody actually expected me to be there when they were, hell sometimes I was leaving the building when some of them were just showing up because I was working all night.
It's like taking a trip, I might take the route that is the planned one, but odds are I get sidetracked with a more interesting one because interesting isn't exactly listed as to what I think is interesting on any map I have ever seen.
Life is a lot better now that I don't work, I pay rent sorta in the beginning of the month, bills are automatic for everything, they just take my money and never even say thankyou but thats america, they treat you like you owe them and they don't owe you, fucking capitalists.
I don't even make a plan for day to day and certainly don't make a plan to go to the store this day or that and I don't just go to the store, I might walk over there or over there further and I can always make a couple stops along the way and fuck it, if I feel like just standing on the sidewalk and looking and staring at the absurdity of this tiny town, I do and I don't necessarily stand on the sidewalk, although it is not smart to stand in main street, not stop signs and no lights, barely a crosswalk and the ones there are ignored by the people speeding through town because they simply don't stop people speeding here, if they did then the cops would be wasting their paychecks on fines each month because of all the people guilty of speeding and just driving like assholes, its the cops, once in a while they use the siren and lights but I suspect thats just to get people to get out of their way on their way to lunch.
But I like it like this really, there is very little rhyme or reason to the patterns of the town, nothing open and closes on time, the bars stay open late because its a business after all and likely that fat bastard with the loud mouth and gun on the bar is just the chief of police anyways.
There is nothing going on and at the same time everything is going on and most people just ignore most of it all the time, I watch and laugh at it all most of the time, its no wonder the kids graduate and leave and never come back, why would they, nobody gives a shit about them now, why expect they would later?
But myself, I have never owned a wrist watch, and had a pocket watch once as a present from some clock watcher, but I realized right away that I would look at it and then someone would ask what time was it and I had to take it out on my pocket again because I didn't care to begin with.
nope, knowing what is coming at me is less important than what is still chasing me and for the most part, I could give a shit about that as well, the past is in the past and isn't going to change, the future isn't written and I wouldn't buy the book if it was.
What and where I am and where I have been is not the deciding factors of what I am going to do, if I want to do something and can or probably can, maybe can. I probably will and I don't want to know before then.
It isn't cynical in the least and it isn't just some old persons thing, I barely ever got to school on time and when I did, I usually stopped and had another cigarette before going in because who wants to be ontime for shit, I make my own time and use it well, your time is your time and I won't take that away from anyone, just don't expect me to be using the same fricken clock you use, because you probably set it early in an attempt to fool yourself that you are late, why do that when you can just be fricken late anyways?
I seriously think people who set their clocks ahead are the same people who bitch incessantly about having to change their clocks because of daylight saving time, which they use as an excuse to late for an hour at least once a year.

[Becky]

My biggest surprise has been discovering the true me. For the longest time, I thought I was putting on femininity like a costume. "Oh, good! I get a few hours to turn into Rebecca and feel happy." The deeper I dug, the more I discovered that I wasn't putting on feminine clothes and mannerisms, I was shedding the masculine layers that I'd put on to "protect" myself. I wasn't turning into Rebecca...I was revealing that I've always been Rebecca.

This shift in thinking has changed everything. It changes the way I think about and use clothing and makeup. It changes the way I carry myself. And...most importantly...it changes my self esteem. I absolutely LOVE myself, now, and that has made a huge difference in my life.

[Leena]

My biggest surprise was that most of what I perceived to be social anxiety went away when I stopped trying to be seen as a masculine guy. It was something I was constantly aware of and often caused me to not act or say things because they might not be masculine. I was a bit concerned presenting feminine would bring similar feelings, but it really doesn't feel much different going out presenting more feminine than when I was presenting more androgynous. I just am what I am, and living my life.

The other surprise is that peoples' reactions to me IRL are a bit different than I thought they would be. It's hard to describe, but it's much better than I thought it would be in some ways. Most people don't even pay that much attention to me when I'm presenting feminine. I kind of feel like people paid more attention to me when I was presenting masculine. I got way more negative attention when I was perceived to be a feminine gay guy, and I was expecting it to be much more like that.