Whats it like for you out there?

[Trinity]

Ya know, for me, i'm pretty old.


But we just got a bunch of newbies and youth and its been a while, so I wanted to stir the pot a little.


For me, when I came out and all that, I was already mid 50's.  It was a huge big deal, like such a big deal that the job called all the employees together and laid down the rule that nobody was allowed to talk about me transitioning.   The stigma was huge, but also there was respect for having the guts to do it.


But I have no idea what its like to be out there living nonbinary as a younger person, whether folk are like accepting, or crazy, or how it is for folks new at this.


How is it going for you folk right now with all of this?  Is it scary?  Exciting?

[Ativan Prescribed]

I would think it matters if you live in Bigotville or not....

[Iona]

Dec 9, 2020 11:07:10 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Ya know, for me, i'm pretty old.


But we just got a bunch of newbies and youth and its been a while, so I wanted to stir the pot a little.


For me, when I came out and all that, I was already mid 50's.  It was a huge big deal, like such a big deal that the job called all the employees together and laid down the rule that nobody was allowed to talk about me transitioning.   The stigma was huge, but also there was respect for having the guts to do it.


But I have no idea what its like to be out there living nonbinary as a younger person, whether folk are like accepting, or crazy, or how it is for folks new at this.


How is it going for you folk right now with all of this?  Is it scary?  Exciting?

well, I'm not exactly young anymore, and not very out, but...

As always, there's so much to say I dont know where to begin. The changes I've seen in public consciousness since the 80s is astounding. It is still obviously so far from great, but I do believe we're getting closer to a better world, at least thanks to the inescapable multiplicity of voices and stories about ways of being that challenge, transcend and ignore the binary. They're liberating, and so appealing to many. But then also still terrifying to so many - and unfortunately they tend to be the ones that hold the power. Power they're scared to lose.

which means with every step forward there's a (powerful) push back.

But thats all kind of abstract. In practice... I moved from London (uk) to rural canada 4 1/2 years ago, and when I first started coming out (here) I idealistically missed London's diversity and openness. But of course it's still not easy there. Every day I would fear violence and abuse far more there than here (and so that's just another reason I'm so happy to be here).

But still, the thought of being out here fills me with fear, as well as excitement. I know there's still a massive lack of understanding and fear out there, but also, people can surprise you....

I'm not sure I really answered the question, but perhaps that doesn't really matter. I'd love to hear some other perspectives!

[Trinity]

Dec 9, 2020 11:12:54 GMT 8 Ativan Prescribed said:

I would think it matters if you live in Bigotville or not....

I think we have some folk here  that do....

[Trinity]

I live in central Florida, in the suburbs near the rural.

Most of the time I am out presenting ando or he or this kinda hippie rock person.

I am known in the theater here as Trinity, and respected there where they know me, but have been very low profile. In NYC, I am well known among the trans stars.

In NYC, it was dangerous as hell, but I was living fully sh'e. I loved it. But in certain situations, like getting food in Staten Island, for my safety I would be out stealth he.

Otherwise I was stealth she.

In social situations, I was trans sh'e and out.

Here in FL, in the Matrix, in the social constructs of this area, bible belt and republican, I am most likely to be under the radar, yet unappologetically out androgyne. Just not pushing it too hard, its comfortable for me to be fully sh'e under my outerwear and still rock jeans and either a leather jacket in the dead of winter (male or female coat) or with normal boots, normal sandals, knee high boots with moderate heels, womens sandals, I wear whatever I want, and if safe have a feather earring.

I also have a concealed carry liscence and am armed all the time.

I have had no problems in Florda. Zero. In NY, I have been spit on, hit on, left to bleed to death in a hospital, resulting in a call to the attourney general of NY to try to get the operation to stop the bleeding from a ruptured hemorhoid, I have had attemped public molestations (resulting in the guy being on the ground or thown off if I remember right, he was trying to grab my tit and might have, happened pretty fast in the subway). I also have been fired without explanation or cause, right after the third outpatient operation fixing the hemorhoids. We had non gender related issues in NY as well that were dangerous and life threatening.

Growing up in rural NY near Syracuse out in the sticks, small town USA, it was bad news. Because I was born an androgyne, could not tell if I was male or female back then, wish I had puberty blockers and E but oh well, different era, but when I grew up, the bullying was incessant, dangerous, and you could be killed for being trans and nobody would even say anything, even if they lit you on fire. It was not a good time to be trans in the 1970's.

In NYC, in the early 80's, it was dangerous, but you could get away with more, but if you were trans, you were most likely going to be a kept woman on the she side, or forced into prostitution of some kind just to survive.

I won't tell you how dark it all got for me, except to say that I barely survived the 80's, and was forced to live stealth for 30 years as a guy, and constantly shamed for being "effeminate". That resulted in a pile of resentments and rage that has been very difficult to overcome, but I do that through my Christianity, which I managed to keep even though others have used it for their own means to cause even greater harm than all the rest of what I just said.

So for me, now its carrying the message, trying to be there for others who are trans, I don't do the community center but I remain online, and I try as much as I can to make a difference, this forum being the main place for that, and my art, which is badly affected by business and my family's health, is the other place to fight for trans.

The news is the hardest thing for me, I keep away from it, the last four years have been total hell for that mentally, but the times, they are a changin.

Federal courts continue to defend trans people from bigotry, and I expect that to continue.

So, that's what its like for me. Its no big deal to be outside, I learned how to fly the Matrix, and I am like Trinity in that movie in a thousand ways.

[Ativan Prescribed]

Where I live its just rural and rural and more rural, but I live in a three block by three block little town that half the people are just disgustingly redneck and the rest just mind their own business and could give a shit about anything.
I see younger people who are probably NB or maybe just like the look, who knows, a few male looking with a hint of eye makeup but then there is the 'gansta look' who wear it all the time and the really odd looking clothes they wear as if it is supposed to mean something in a tiny town in the rural, nobody gives a shit about if they are trying to look badassed or not, because they just aren't, as a fashion statement, they just look so out of place that they don't look tough, just weird, like laughably weird to most people.
Had one of them today trying their best to do the gansta walk and to own the sidewalk as I walked to the store, I just moved in front of him everytime he wandered back and forth like he owned the concrete, and I could tell he was getting confused by me actually owning it, bigger than me slightly, a lot taller, but he just couldn't keep the 'I'm badassed and you better respect my gansta shit clothes and walk, if forced him off the sidewalk and on to the street because he couldn't keep up with it, I just moved more and more toward him the more he moved to the side, but thats how it is here, you are the outlier and people have no fear of making it known that you are and since there is no gang related shit within miles and what there is confined to the res among the drug dealers and even they get no respect from anyone, dog eat dog world on the res for drug dealing.
But the more efiminate younger guys kinda hang together I notice but it isn't like they have to and they don't, just not enough people that you can pick and choose who you want to be around, you get ten people together at the same time and its either the bar or its a crowd.
I mean the stands at the high school football field hold maybe thirty people? So within any given group of people, at least one is going to stand out as not like the others and generally because it is rural, half are like that, younger and older.
So really, what a person has for personal beliefs isn't an issue like you'd think, nobody is going to be screaming trans shit because they know they are going to offend the few people who will talk to them in the first place.
But then I just blend in with my urban/rural camouflage look and nobody pays any attention to me, I could wear a sundress and they probably wouldn't say anything, maybe to their friends who would then ask them if they thought I shouldn't and then tell them who cares anyways?
But I do have longer hair than most everyone I have eve noticed with long hair, but the its tied back because I have always tied it back to keep it out of my face, its long because I just hate haircuts with a passion of hate for haircuts, and I'm old and its mostly grey, so nobody really notices it because who notives old people that much anyways, nothing to see here....
Growing up in the 60's if you were effeminate, people just thought you were effeminate and trans was not a throw word and people didn't go screaming into the night out of fear the end times were here because evangelical was not what it is today and nobody cared, they were more concerned that china was taking over the world because Vietnam, years and tens of thousands dead just in our soldiers alone and the countryside either agent oranged to the death look of potmarked by artillery rounds and bombs from B52's and I guess we showed that commie horde a thing or two when we just packed up one day and left them to deal with the huge mess we created there, scared the chinese so bad that they packed up and left as well, pretty much a broken country for a couple decades afterwards.
But effeminate? even the army didn't much give a shit, and they had the draft back then and wearing a dress to your first inspection of your mind to see if you are too crazy for even them never worked, they stuck you in the uniform of the day and made sure you knew how to march and how to kill.
People just didn't get all crazy about shit like gay or trans in the 60's, it wasn't until the evangelicals used both as the call to give them more money so they could pray it didn't destroy the world as we know it, and they have been steadily using it more and more all the time.
But they are steadily losing people who identify as them and wouldn't you know it, all that fucking lying from them has turned people off from religion as a whole, people still believe in god, but they don't believe in organized religion that lies to them just so you drop off more money so their leaders can buy this years now and wow personal jet to fly them to faraway lands for vacation, such is the life of their leaders, like all good republicans, its about their personal money and you have some and they want it, whatever it takes to get it from you is how they define honesty and democracy and capitalism, which evangelical is a business and not a real religion, its take you dollars as in send you paychecks to them and your prayers to god. Republicans, all of them and they wonder why they are a minority political party and a minority religion.
The only trouble that trans and most people who ar not trump supporters is that they rule by fear, that being different is something to be afraid of, because they are the real sheep in humanity, they support trump and thats all that matters to them except if you are not one of them.
It's been a constant of unending battle against everyone but themselves, they have made being trans an issue, they tried to make gay an issue and they failed for the mostpart and they will with trans, because there are far more important things to worry about than trans, but they still use trans as a boogieman and roll out the end times scenarios whenever they get cornerded on their obvious illegal adventures, when it comes to grifting and stealing others money, you can count on republicans and the evangelical leaders to be at the front of the line with their dirty hands outstretched as if you owe them, you don't, what we owe them is the show them the way back under the rocks they crawled out from under and stood on their hind legs and pretend to be human, they are not, they can imitate humans, but their hearts are reptilian to be sure.
So they made it an issue, the people didn't, nobody cared with the exception of fools who are easily led astray by anyone who pays attention to them and especially it seems if they ask for money, who knew?
But its come to the front now and trump is done, he has made some last minute stupid deals that can be undone in a heartbeat on Jan 21st, and likely will be, as bigots everywhere are claiming that they aren't bigots, trump supporters are going to be doing the very same thing, because they know they are losers and playing a losers game and they will lie about it so they don't seem like the losers they are, but remember these people in your lives, now that they are the all time losers to be sure, they will bend over backwards with their spineless selves and want to be a part of the winners in life, shoo them back under the rocks where they belong.
It's time to celebrate once again diversity in this country and to make life miserable for those bigots and trump supporters who are still not fully aware in their reptilian brains that they lost and that they are essentially losers by default.