Accepting ourselves

[Trinity]

In the old forum, the binaries insisted that full transition was inevitable.  Personally that is not my experience, although physical transition for me was necessary to remain sane.

That idea, or insistance, destablilized the heck out of me and pushed me very close to the edge.

What I would say though, it that it is imperitive to not fool ourselves, and to understand the cost and consequences of being nonbinary, and what we can do to better our lives once we come to grips with this.

In the last few days I have been in trans meetings hearing one marriage after another come to an end, due to binary transitions.

I have the freedom personally to remain the half and half, the transitioned androgyne, and comfortably present and exist in a way that is familiar to my family from before, while at the same time, spending much of the day often in a satin robe over lingerie of some kind, usually a night gown or a chemise.

For me it was a glacially slow transition, or at least it felt that way.

How do you do with accepting the truth of who you are, coping with it, and making decisions or sacrifices based on your needs and the needs of those who love you?

[Ativan Prescribed]

I have always doubted the idea that you have to transition from one binary to another, that there is nothing in between, but thats where everyone comes from to begin with.
If you need to move in one direction anly, there is nothing about that to justify having to move completely, you will always know who you are and where you came from, and sure for some to fully transition is the only way, but it is not the the one and only way.
The old forum insisted that you have to give up everything and become a different person, you have to do it step by step and don't get the steps out of order, you have to sacrifice everything in order to transition.
While that might be for some, they actively stood in the way of NB because it wasn't a part of the plan, but that plan is just horrible in its lockstep fashion, it doesn't allow for the individual to just be themselves.
What they saw and probably still see is the threat that NB is to their plan, just like how society is so sure that NB is the ruin of all there is, when the truth is, we have all been here as long as there have been people.
Its just that some people can't accept that NB is legitimate in its self, that this is where they likely come from as trans binary, it isn't a threat other than it is where so many people are to begin with, and don't need a plan, don't need anything to change, just need to be able to be free in who they are.
Hiding behind this mask of the plan, that old forum has ruined countless lives and they take no blame in it, they see themselves as above it all because they followed some stupid plan steps, when the truth is, the entire time Susan was in hiding, never did any of the steps that you had to take.
This alone is the truth they will never share with anyone, but that all came to pass once someone stepped up and offered to pay for transition for her, until then, she was just hiding behind old pics that were taken that one time she wore makeup and was still hiding out on some boat, know why there were never any other pics? You already know the answer, so this forum of hers and the plan is as phony as she was for all those years and probably still is, the truth is that she promoted and promoted but never did the plan herself, whats that tell you?
Whereas on here, people come and go and once they find out that they simple need to be themselves however that is, they can do that as best they can and the realization is that nobody gets to live the perfect life, there is always something, always.
So living your truth is as simple as just living it, you don't have to look or walk or talk any different, you just have to know your truth and live life accordingly, there is no plan for NB, there is no need for one.

[Ativan Prescribed]

This is the farce of gender, that it is a real thing and you have to live by its rules, its a nothing thing, a construct of society and nothing more, stop living the lie that gender is something you adhere to, its made up to satisfy some perverse need that society has to have, when society doesn't even check to see if your chromosomes match up to you genitals, and they don't, they have as much to do with gender as anything else does, its a made up thing that for some reason people believe is true, and we all know what lies are told by those who think they know.
If you believe something is not right, then it probably isn't, if you support blind trust that society knows best, then it is going to swallow you up whole and spit you back out, because society is just a concept itself, we just live in the shadows of it and try to stay out of trouble, but what works in one part of the world doesn't work in another, what works in one family doesn't in another, what works for one person doesn't follow that it works for the next person, so all it is, is a collection of things that people have in common and nothing more than that, no rules that say it has to work for each and every person, we all live our lives and nobody gets to say things like gender this or gender that, because its just a set of guidelines that are loosely based on a loose society of thoughts, so nobody gets to tell you what your gender is, not anymore than you get to tell them theirs.
Your gender is what you think it is, What you think.

[Trinity]

When I see the hoops people jump through to transition it kind of upsets me at times. The surgeries, face, bottom, the electrolysis, or losing the boobs or growing them, if its something folk need, then it is, but if its based on pressure to conform, then thats a thing there.

I think there is a desire to become invisible in a lot of folk, to blend, be accepted. For us as NB, I am not sure how much we blend, but in this decade of the 20's, the young folks don't seem to care at all about it, they are much more free or much less worried about it.

The older folk though are matrix enforcers in general, can't seem to think in other ways.

It's like voice modding, or body language modding. I prefer not to do either, just do what is natural. My body language is something different anyway, you see it when I dance. It actually comes across as NB or male, on stage, but there is great fluidity too. Hard to explain it.

As time has gone on, there is less and less need for me personally to live as a binary female, and I really don't want to. I am having way too much fun being myself. I also really like being out, being Trinity in certain meetings with the cis, because that's real as well, and I don't play games and do false mods.

Key being false. For some it's not false.

I make the sacrifices, but to the extent that it's fair and not feeding bigotry. Its more about sensing the needs of others, and if I can fulfill that, then yes, but my own needs also need to be taken care of as well.

[Leena]

Nov 30, 2020 11:11:46 GMT 8 Trinity said:

When I see the hoops people jump through to transition it kind of upsets me at times. The surgeries, face, bottom, the electrolysis, or losing the boobs or growing them, if its something folk need, then it is, but if its based on pressure to conform, then thats a thing there.

I think there is a desire to become invisible in a lot of folk, to blend, be accepted. For us as NB, I am not sure how much we blend, but in this decade of the 20's, the young folks don't seem to care at all about it, they are much more free or much less worried about it.

The older folk though are matrix enforcers in general, can't seem to think in other ways.

It's like voice modding, or body language modding. I prefer not to do either, just do what is natural. My body language is something different anyway, you see it when I dance. It actually comes across as NB or male, on stage, but there is great fluidity too. Hard to explain it.

As time has gone on, there is less and less need for me personally to live as a binary female, and I really don't want to. I am having way too much fun being myself. I also really like being out, being Trinity in certain meetings with the cis, because that's real as well, and I don't play games and do false mods.

Key being false. For some it's not false.

I make the sacrifices, but to the extent that it's fair and not feeding bigotry. Its more about sensing the needs of others, and if I can fulfill that, then yes, but my own needs also need to be taken care of as well.

So why do you think the things you felt you needed to do(HRT and dressing feminine) are somehow better than the other things you listed?

It's just for some people without those procedures, you are read as your AGAB by almost everyone. Before electrolysis, I was a guy wearing makeup and women's clothes and called sir by everyone I encountered. It was way more important than HRT for me.

Voice modding is not fake, it's just a skill that can be learned. Even more so body language modding, it's really just unlearning masculine mannerisms and learning feminine mannerisms. It is my real voice, I was basically almost mute with my male voice because I hated it so much. The feminine mannerisms came naturally to me, but I had to hide them because people were always calling me gay because of them.

I think more and more that it is very unhealthy to maintain ties with bigoted family members. While I think the rules that you have to get divorced in order to go on HRT in some places are a bit too rigid, I do think it is generally a good idea unless the spouse is totally accepting. I don't get why anyone would stay with someone that's not accepting. I have a hard enough time talking to family members that aren't accepting on the phone. Beyond that, how can staying with someone who isn't attracted to you be healthy?

As for if full transition is inevitable, I'm not sure, but I find partial transition to be impractical. People are either going to read me as a man or a woman. I don't want to explain what nonbinary is to everyone I meet. I tried just being genderfluid for over 5 years before resorting to HRT but everyone just either stared or avoided me. Really, life was much better in the closet. I'm hoping life as a trans woman will be better, but I have no idea at this point, because life in 2020 sucks no matter what.

[Trinity]

Dec 1, 2020 4:32:00 GMT 8 Leena said:

Nov 30, 2020 11:11:46 GMT 8 Trinity said:

When I see the hoops people jump through to transition it kind of upsets me at times. The surgeries, face, bottom, the electrolysis, or losing the boobs or growing them, if its something folk need, then it is, but if its based on pressure to conform, then thats a thing there.

I think there is a desire to become invisible in a lot of folk, to blend, be accepted. For us as NB, I am not sure how much we blend, but in this decade of the 20's, the young folks don't seem to care at all about it, they are much more free or much less worried about it.

The older folk though are matrix enforcers in general, can't seem to think in other ways.

It's like voice modding, or body language modding. I prefer not to do either, just do what is natural. My body language is something different anyway, you see it when I dance. It actually comes across as NB or male, on stage, but there is great fluidity too. Hard to explain it.

As time has gone on, there is less and less need for me personally to live as a binary female, and I really don't want to. I am having way too much fun being myself. I also really like being out, being Trinity in certain meetings with the cis, because that's real as well, and I don't play games and do false mods.

Key being false. For some it's not false.

I make the sacrifices, but to the extent that it's fair and not feeding bigotry. Its more about sensing the needs of others, and if I can fulfill that, then yes, but my own needs also need to be taken care of as well.

So why do you think the things you felt you needed to do(HRT and dressing feminine) are somehow better than the other things you listed?

It's just for some people without those procedures, you are read as your AGAB by almost everyone. Before electrolysis, I was a guy wearing makeup and women's clothes and called sir by everyone I encountered. It was way more important than HRT for me.

Voice modding is not fake, it's just a skill that can be learned. Even more so body language modding, it's really just unlearning masculine mannerisms and learning feminine mannerisms. It is my real voice, I was basically almost mute with my male voice because I hated it so much. The feminine mannerisms came naturally to me, but I had to hide them because people were always calling me gay because of them.

I think more and more that it is very unhealthy to maintain ties with bigoted family members. While I think the rules that you have to get divorced in order to go on HRT in some places are a bit too rigid, I do think it is generally a good idea unless the spouse is totally accepting. I don't get why anyone would stay with someone that's not accepting. I have a hard enough time talking to family members that aren't accepting on the phone. Beyond that, how can staying with someone who isn't attracted to you be healthy?

As for if full transition is inevitable, I'm not sure, but I find partial transition to be impractical. People are either going to read me as a man or a woman. I don't want to explain what nonbinary is to everyone I meet. I tried just being genderfluid for over 5 years before resorting to HRT but everyone just either stared or avoided me. Really, life was much better in the closet. I'm hoping life as a trans woman will be better, but I have no idea at this point, because life in 2020 sucks no matter what.

No not fake and I shouldn't have said it that way, but for me, it can be.  Point taken and I hope I did not offend.

The whole point I think is that we often have to make hard choices and decisions in order to be happy with who we are and stay that way.

For me, partial works, but that's just me.  And I have enough acceptance and love in the family for it to work, and with those who don't accept, I have distanced myself from them.

I think life for you as trans female will be better.  

Sorry for the triggers.  I was trying to get something going again on the board, its been dead.  

Sad really.

[Leena]

Dec 1, 2020 5:23:02 GMT 8 Trinity said:

No not fake and I shouldn't have said it that way, but for me, it can be.  Point taken and I hope I did not offend.

The whole point I think is that we often have to make hard choices and decisions in order to be happy with who we are and stay that way.

For me, partial works, but that's just me.  And I have enough acceptance and love in the family for it to work, and with those who don't accept, I have distanced myself from them.

I think life for you as trans female will be better.  

Sorry for the triggers.  I was trying to get something going again on the board, its been dead.  

Sad really.

I'm not sure partial acceptance isn't worse than outright hate. When there is some love there, it's harder to let go.

It is sad this forum has become so slow. I don't quite understand why it has, it seems to get even slower when I don't post, though I'm not sure I'm not too close to binary trans at this point. I still am genderfluid, I just never really was able to really go back and forth presentation wise like some people are.  It fortunately doesn't make me dysphoric to flip masculine when I'm presenting feminine, though the other way does much more now than it did before.

I didn't really flip to somewhere other than the two binaries much. I thought it would have been ideal to be able to present as either binary, but I think just presenting as a woman works better for me anyway. If I still could get read as a guy, I would have felt a lot of pressure to just do things like I was doing 5 years ago, which was mainly being in the closet except for the occasional weekend.

[Trinity]

Dec 1, 2020 8:05:47 GMT 8 Leena said:

Dec 1, 2020 5:23:02 GMT 8 Trinity said:

No not fake and I shouldn't have said it that way, but for me, it can be.  Point taken and I hope I did not offend.

The whole point I think is that we often have to make hard choices and decisions in order to be happy with who we are and stay that way.

For me, partial works, but that's just me.  And I have enough acceptance and love in the family for it to work, and with those who don't accept, I have distanced myself from them.

I think life for you as trans female will be better.  

Sorry for the triggers.  I was trying to get something going again on the board, its been dead.  

Sad really.

I'm not sure partial acceptance isn't worse than outright hate. When there is some love there, it's harder to let go.

It is sad this forum has become so slow. I don't quite understand why it has, it seems to get even slower when I don't post, though I'm not sure I'm not too close to binary trans at this point. I still am genderfluid, I just never really was able to really go back and forth presentation wise like some people are.  It fortunately doesn't make me dysphoric to flip masculine when I'm presenting feminine, though the other way does much more now than it did before.

I didn't really flip to somewhere other than the two binaries much. I thought it would have been ideal to be able to present as either binary, but I think just presenting as a woman works better for me anyway. If I still could get read as a guy, I would have felt a lot of pressure to just do things like I was doing 5 years ago, which was mainly being in the closet except for the occasional weekend.

I sometimes wonder if I overpowered it, too many posts and too much Trinity.  It is true that when you post, it breathes again and we get to talk.   And the diversity gives us something to talk about, or it would be boring, so where you are with binary vs nonbinary vs presentation and all that, its more healthy than anything else because we can talk and accept folk where they are at and make sure we don't insist one way or the other is the right way, because that's the thing that kills forum and sometimes people.

And as far as the pressure thing, I'm curious what you mean by that.  Internal pressure, or external, what is the root on that one, I don't understand.

The other thing is that a lot of my nonbinary identity is a combination of truth and adapting to conditions as they are.  When i was fighting for my hormone letter, I did not meet the diagnosis of a transsexual and they had problems with that, because I never insisted that I was a woman, and I am not a woman.  I am a trans person, call it whatever.  Like you, I did not walk away from my identity, kill the past, start over as sh'e.  I don't reject the past, I embrace it and use it.

When I hang out with binary trans people I am really struck at how different I am from them, and also at how the same I am to them, in many ways, but still not.  I have always been the anomoly, the odd one out, the different one.  But I do find total acceptance among the trans people, IRL, and this is something that I cherish.

For me too, I have segmented parts of my life.  My meetings are as Trinity.  My construction work, is as the androgyne.  And my public stuff with strangers is as this rocker male kinda guy, the old actor, entertainer.

Now where it can get interesting is to ask this one.   Are those all real?  Parts of me?  Or constructs?

I know how they feel, and they feel like me.  The more relaxed that I am, the better I feel, nothing pushed.  If I push anything, and that's where the question of falsity can come in, then there is something a little off with me.  And that's where I become uncomfortable with voice modding, because its not natural for me, it can be in certain circumstances, the airy whisky voice, but mostly its not.

[Leena]

It really sucks that you have to make the decision to transition without knowing how well it will work for you. Perhaps I just didn't want to get my hopes up, but I was much more prepared to deal with HRT having little to no effect. I figured I'd just take a job in guy mode and still hit the mall or wherever presenting feminine on the weekends.

I feel like it sounds like I'm bragging or something when I say this, but guy mode is no longer really an option. I definitely don't want to feel complelled to "correct" people and say I'm a guy when they call me ma'am. I didn't really have a plan for if most people reading me as a woman even when I'm presenting masculine.

You are a singer. It's understandable that you don't entirely hate your voice. I focused my musical energy on other instruments in part because I hated mine.

[Ativan Prescribed]

The forum always does better the more people post, and it is slow but I think people have reverted to silence because of the political right bashing anyone and everyone who isn't one of them.
There is no one way to be trans. Period.
We encourage people to find their paths, to step forward on that path and live their life.
We don't tell people they can't do this or that, the forum has always been open other than for a few people who challenged it politically and also from a strict binary perspective.
Binary trans has always been a part of the forum, the title was changed to what it is because it was redundant, the overall perspective of the forum is that everyone has a path that is just not the standard cis binary one they insist on.
If someone falls into what they consider of themselves to be binary trans, so what, everyone can have something of a feel for binary as well as NB, I highly doubt that someone just does a binary presentation that is stealth and they forget where they came from.
How you see yourself is up to you and if it changes to any degree for yourself, I would call that growing, stepping forward, defining your path... Stagnant is not what the forum is about.
Everyone grows and it is in this growth that we have commonality that can be discussed and referred to, but nobody's experience is better or worse than the next person.
It is in the differences that we can discover and try if we choose to see if there is something that fits us better than what we thought fit, we take and we leave, we collect and cast off what we don't need, that casting off is personal and doesn't mean it is unwanted, just unneeded for that person and that person alone.
Here is the thing, as we move on our paths, we encounter things that are along the way, inherent to that path maybe but not necessarily exclusive to it, we pick up the things that we see that work for us, that we need, that we might be able to use, and at the same time we drop the things that are old for us now or have outgrown or just plain don't need to have, it is a constant flux of picking up things and dropping things,.. and it is the stories and reasons why that we post about the experiences of picking and dropping.
This is how life is for everything and for everybody, it is the fool who holds onto things past their expiration date for them, it is the fool who refuses to pick something because of other opinions.
As trans or just NB or otherwise in any way shape or form, any and all of these things are topics for the forum, it isn't solely for gender related things, thats merely a focal point of the forum, but here everything can be put on the table, because we all sit at the table, we share.
I hesitate to post things sometimes because they have little to nothing to do with gender, but I post things for their worth or possible worth to someone, not everything is gender centered, its just something that might be of interest to someone.
But the forum is the place where people who have something other than cis binary gender interests, gender is a focal point to be sure, but its more than that, the forum is a place to just hang out with others who understand that gender is much more than cis binary defines it as.

[Ativan Prescribed]

Dec 1, 2020 10:54:30 GMT 8 Leena said:

It really sucks that you have to make the decision to transition without knowing how well it will work for you. Perhaps I just didn't want to get my hopes up, but I was much more prepared to deal with HRT having little to no effect. I figured I'd just take a job in guy mode and still hit the mall or wherever presenting feminine on the weekends.

I feel like it sounds like I'm bragging or something when I say this, but guy mode is no longer really an option. I definitely don't want to feel complelled to "correct" people and say I'm a guy when they call me ma'am. I didn't really have a plan for if most people reading me as a woman even when I'm presenting masculine.

You are a singer. It's understandable that you don't entirely hate your voice. I focused my musical energy on other instruments in part because I hated mine.

Singing with a modded voice is a great way to practice using it as modded.
Based on the last pic you posted, it would be hard to see you as anything but Ma'am.
You took your time and you still feel that things can be better, it just takes more work, but thats how we grow as people anyways, we are striving to make ourselves better all the time, at least we should be.
You inspire people with your posts, nothing is overrated and there is certainly the work involved, but the changes that you like are turning out better all the time, this is stepping forward on the path you have chosen, that is inspiration.

[Trinity]

We are trained from an early age not to accept ourselves, I think, because since we are anomolies in the gender Matrix, we are in general not encouraged to be how God designed us, but rather, how men or women want to make us, based on their social norms and compulusory behaviors.

Not only are we trained not to accept ourselves, but we are trained in many instances to hate ourselves, or at least, such was the case for me.

So for us to cast of the Matrix of Enforced Gender Behaviors, MEGB, lol, we have to first realize that there is nothing wrong with us, we are different.

But in an effort to be accepted, and to be loved, we often mold ourselves into something that we are not. In order to be safe, we cloth ourselves with learned behaviors, and perhaps clothing, so that we can fight it out and survive.

Dare the Matrix, and we may choose to protect ourselves in other ways. I do.

So the first step in becoming freed from the Matrix is self acceptance, and learning to love all of ourselves, even those parts that are deemed as unacceptable by the Cis binary.

Dogma can hurt us, especially that which is in error. For we were called to live truth, and to some they can only ask in puzzlement "what is truth?"

If we choose to live the lie, then that choice has consequences. If we choose to live the truth, there are also consequences. If we live the truth early in life, we don't have to maintain the burden of the lie. Later in life we may throw off the lie, but then, our loved ones have the consequence of having been lied to.

In my case, I was told trans was a choice, was cross dressing, was scornful, was sin. Many things. The truth is that it is a medical condition, but the Matrix has so enforced its own dogma that it is difficult to fully let go of the lie, the lie takes on its own power, haunts me.

So for me the ultimate betrayal was the one where I was told it was a choice, and it is not, it reality, it is who I am, the choice is only what I am to do with that knowledge now that I know that I cannot change who I am, cannot any more ignore the core, where soul and spirit live and commune with God, if I free the connection that is usually only shut down by fear.

So not fearing the truth becomes the key to acceptance.....and living the lie, becomes bowing down to the lie, and this is spiritually unacceptable.

Using a persona for protection is acceptable and necessary, for we are marginalized or hunted folk, that is not cowardice, it is blending into the jungle, it is learning how to survive, and then, we find in safe places when we can reveal the truth, or we can reveal the truth to challenge the Matrix, if we are so strong as to do so.

This is how I live my truth.

[Ativan Prescribed]

People are all different, everyone is an individual, no two people are alike.
Society was never given the role of gender police or any role other than to live as a society.
That some choose to live this lie that only the chosen of them can be allowed to have all the freedoms that society has to offer is in choosing themselves and turning away all else who do not fit their ideas of what is and isn't.
Try as the might, the right has never been able to definitely make a case against gay, it will destroy the country they said, you can't have gay marry gay, it will destroy the fabric of society, so far, not one of their prophecies has come true.
Nobody much gives a shit if you are gay or not and coming out is not a big deal, and this is where trans is at right now, it just isn't a big deal and it isn't destroying the fabric of society, its doing what it has always done just like gay has, it enriches society.
The absurdity that any one group of people will destroy the fabric of society and life as we know it will be gone, the end times will happen and all that bullshit, its the ones who rally around something different and cast blame on that because they can't look at themselves in the mirror without seeing that they too are different.
Bigots hate to be called bigots because the truth hurts them more than they can use bigotry to hurt others, all groups of people who are opposed to some other group are certain that all evil comes from that other group of people, but their hatred for those people is far worse than anything and everything the others can possibly do.
Politics uses religion and religion uses politics, neither is self righteous, neither is correct in that the fault lies with others, the fault lies within, they are the ones tearing down the lives of others and for what?
We are not so much different as they are abhorrent to the very nature of people, they are more different than those they claim are different, they ride on one simple lie and carry that as their banner of righteousness when it is not a banner of that at all, it is hatred, plain and simple hatred.
It is in their insistence that gender is the same thing as a persons sex that disqualifies it as a thing at all, there is no real definition of gender, it is what you want it to be and nobody has the rights to claim their definition as right, because they can't define gender to begin with.
It is in the far reaches of religion that they have drummed up some lame thing here and there about gender and gay and trans, you can take anything and everything out of context and make it into a weapon, which the entire idea that somehow trans and gay is a sin, it isn't written as such in any bible or religious text anywhere, it is the word of mouth bullshit that people use religion for their hatred, it simply defies what the message really is, and hatred runs throughout the old testament, the entire reason Jesus said to ignore the teaching of that wrathful god they used as their excuses and called it religion, it defies the entirety of the message, you can't on one hand say love and the other hate, religion is not a political thing and yet it has been turned into just that and vice versa, politics uses the hatred they built into religion as a tool to motivate their voters, hatred is the only result.
We are not different, not anymore than everyone is different, can one single thing be used as an argument that this group is different, you can use that very same logic on virtually any group of people, as in those people who live in cities are different because they live in a city, those people over there who live in the hills, they are different because they live in the hills, you can go on and on and on with that logic and yet it carries no weight to it, it amounts to a so what.
Gays get married everyday and nothing has happened other than people have decided that there is no reason to make them out as different because they are gay, if they are different then people who are not gay are different by the very same logic.
This is where trans is at right now, the very same place gay was over a decade ago, and muslims were almost two decades ago, and people immigrating up here from mexico and central america have always been, they were here and lived in this country before the whiteman decided to move west and make those lands a part of the country, they are not different, its the white people who took over and laid claim to the lands and laws that are different, they are relatively new to the area, muslims have been in this country as long as people have moved here, gays and trans have been a part of society since the dawn of civilization and longer than that, not different, the same, what is different is the people with hatred in their hearts who like to claim that there is a difference and that difference isn't wanted, which is only true for them, because they are different, they live with hatred and make it their way of life, you just can't get much different than that,religion aside and politics aside, people basically trust you until you do something that is truly different and gay and trans has always been so what is the different that causes people to not trust? The hatred of those who are the real different ones, they have nothing else going for them, so they lay blame for what they do on others and say those different people need to go, but really, who is the one group of people most likely to always be told to just leave? The people who use hate to live by.
Just a side note here, the actor formerly known as Ellen Page is now Elliot Page.
You just know some dumb asshole TV preacher is going to be asking for money because that alone is going to destroy the world as we know it. It won't but its another step in the right direction to destroy the world of the haters.
They need to live in fear, hatred is less and less accepted as a way to live.
Because people recognize that it is that hatred that is different and has no real reason to be or makes any sort of contribution to the rest of us.

[Leena]

Dec 2, 2020 7:55:15 GMT 8 Trinity said:

If we choose to live the lie, then that choice has consequences. If we choose to live the truth, there are also consequences. If we live the truth early in life, we don't have to maintain the burden of the lie. Later in life we may throw off the lie, but then, our loved ones have the consequence of having been lied to.

In my case, I was told trans was a choice, was cross dressing, was scornful, was sin. Many things. The truth is that it is a medical condition, but the Matrix has so enforced its own dogma that it is difficult to fully let go of the lie, the lie takes on its own power, haunts me.

There definitely were consequences to trying to live my truth as a kid. Being told similar things and that it was shameful to have these feelings made me bury them and feel bad every time they resurfaced.

When I was keeping them buried, life didn't stop though. I can't say I didn't have some fun during that part of my life, and maybe because I occasionally dared the Matrix in ways that were socially acceptable even in rural America at the time. Rural America has regressed quite a bit in the last few decades or so though.

Unfortunately, going back and forth with my presentation makes me want to bury those feelings again sometimes. Life just was easier that way, and is kind of scary as an openly trans person. It's even scarier to me to go far outside the binary, maybe that's why I'd rather just have cis people IRL assume I'm binary trans. I might very well end up eventually identifying as that, but I don't want to be like the ones at the old place that are anti-nonbinary and I don't have to. A lot of younger binary trans people are not like that.

Although I might be passing in the pictures I post here, I do choose the best camera angles. I don't have that luxury in person, and things like voice and mannerisms do make a big difference in how I am gendered. It wouldn't bother me as much if safety weren't a concern, but it is a concern and it is not that much safer here than in rural America.

[Trinity]

Dec 3, 2020 5:48:53 GMT 8 Leena said:

Dec 2, 2020 7:55:15 GMT 8 Trinity said:

If we choose to live the lie, then that choice has consequences. If we choose to live the truth, there are also consequences. If we live the truth early in life, we don't have to maintain the burden of the lie. Later in life we may throw off the lie, but then, our loved ones have the consequence of having been lied to.

In my case, I was told trans was a choice, was cross dressing, was scornful, was sin. Many things. The truth is that it is a medical condition, but the Matrix has so enforced its own dogma that it is difficult to fully let go of the lie, the lie takes on its own power, haunts me.

There definitely were consequences to trying to live my truth as a kid. Being told similar things and that it was shameful to have these feelings made me bury them and feel bad every time they resurfaced.

When I was keeping them buried, life didn't stop though. I can't say I didn't have some fun during that part of my life, and maybe because I occasionally dared the Matrix in ways that were socially acceptable even in rural America at the time. Rural America has regressed quite a bit in the last few decades or so though.

Unfortunately, going back and forth with my presentation makes me want to bury those feelings again sometimes. Life just was easier that way, and is kind of scary as an openly trans person. It's even scarier to me to go far outside the binary, maybe that's why I'd rather just have cis people IRL assume I'm binary trans. I might very well end up eventually identifying as that, but I don't want to be like the ones at the old place that are anti-nonbinary and I don't have to. A lot of younger binary trans people are not like that.

Although I might be passing in the pictures I post here, I do choose the best camera angles. I don't have that luxury in person, and things like voice and mannerisms do make a big difference in how I am gendered. It wouldn't bother me as much if safety weren't a concern, but it is a concern and it is not that much safer here than in rural America.

I had a pretty good time up until it caught me, the traditional trans narrative of "hitting the wall" was true for me.  Towards the end it was getting harder and harder, but I always had hated the mirror.

Going back and forth doesn't bother me in the least.  But the stress of living as a trans person, that is a real thing, I did it in NY full out sh'e, it had its rewards and they were huge, and it had its dangers.  In NY I am not lisenced to defend myself, I could only use my body to do that, in FL I am fully licensed and that does give me a little more peace if it got to a life vs life scenario.

But it does get tiring, the constant vigilance, on guard, being aware of threats.  Where I am now its not bad.

Younger folk don't seem to get hung up on binary vs nonbinary so much.  I think that's one reason the forum is so quiet.  For the older ones, its such a huge deal for us.  And the younger seem to just resent the older folk trying to rule their lives.

One thing I know, the consequence of the stress of being trans has taken a toll on my mental and physical health.  What I need to do about that is the next question.

Your pics look great.