Physical vs social dysphoria

[Trinity]

How does it hit you, the dysphoria, if you even have it?

It hits me pretty hard physically, used to be excruciating socially but  that has gotten better over time, though it still bites me.

And that's pretty much the binary part of it.  The good thing is the nb part of it is fairly comfortable and that is a good thing.

I get it hard if I look down, the stomach, the penis, I seriously do not like to look at that and focus on my thighs instead.  The boobs are there, straight on view not great but they are there, side view looks way better, its the classic mtf bone structure late transition thing.

I get jealous of the women wearing the skirts, not so much a dress, I am a gypsy and I want to be free to be sh'e when I want, and I used to have that freedom but its misplaced lately except in the house.

My face in the mirror is hard on me to see.  Not so bad on film or those skype type things though.

But it can hit me real hard.

Hormones hit hard too, in a very good way, including color perception and mood and sensuality and just being more me.

Dance, I am so fluid, its very interesting.  I truly think my central nervous system is wired differently from males.

I was rereading Ativans book last night, in the beginning, and they were talking about the movement, and it was like- yeah I totally get it.  And I do.  As well as the rage and badass root of their story, I have it as well, just not as bad.

Anyway, how does dysphoria affect you?  Do you have it?  Does it change your behaviour, what you do?  How you live?

[Ativan Prescribed]

I just don't let myself dwell on it very much at all, I'm so much more than just NB, the focus on life is greater than that.
It's like you said that you are a singer who happens to be trans, not trans who happens to be a singer.
Once the flotsam and jetsam of daily living floats on by, there it is out there going away, and thats how I deal with it, let it go, it doesn't have to stick to be NB or trans, dysphoria is a terrible waste of time.
And I can see time running out more and more each year, even if I do feel like I will still live forever.

[Ativan Prescribed]

One of the things about dysphoria is that it stems from the idea that you are living a lie if you don't become openly out in so many ways, and thats just not something that you are required to do.
Knowing yourself is first the more important thing, because if you don't know yourself, how can you be open and out?
It takes finding yourself in the mess that society has made out of something as simple as gender, a bigots way and politically it is a thing for the bigot party, but thats just them in their insecurities of knowing that they don't actually measure up to their hype.
But because of the unrelenting damage they cause, finding yourself and being at peace with who you are is the first thing to do before jumping off into water you don't know if its shallow or deep, learn to swim before you leap.
Because gender is a personal thing for each and every person, even bigots, don't let anyone else tell you what your gender means to them and especially don't let the crazies tell you that your gender is their business, it isn't, never was and never will be.
It's yours, its you and there is nothing they can do about it, they can try, but don't let them get to you, thats the root of dysphoria, their stupid ass shit idea that they have a say in what a person gender should be and look like, the lack of intelligence of that level of thinking on their part isn't a reflection of you, its just another reason why they come off as ignorant, don't let their level of ignorance take your level of intelligence down to the same gutter level as they seem to be at.
Know yourself and hold your head high in the ability to know yourself as opposed to the gutter level thinking that comes from the people who have to have agreement with others to prove they are right, their levels of independent thinking is pretty low in that regard.

[Leena]

I don't have social dysphoria about being trans. Quite a lot of trans people, especially binary trans people, do in a way I do not. In a perfect world, I'd really rather be seen as trans than as cis, though there are times in this world that is unsafe. I did have some social dysphoria about being seen as a guy when I was presenting as one.

I had bad physical dysphoria before HRT and hair removal. I'm pretty happy with where I am physically now, and hopeful that I will be even happier with how I look in the future.

I'm not really jealous of anyone. I used to be when I was trying to live as a guy. I'd be jealous of guys that would get that promotion, or get that girl, because they were able to be the man that was expected and I couldn't pretend good enough. I was never really that jealous of cis women, hopefully I won't be down the road.

[Trinity]

Jun 25, 2020 12:11:02 GMT 8 Leena said:

I don't have social dysphoria about being trans. Quite a lot of trans people, especially binary trans people, do in a way I do not. In a perfect world, I'd really rather be seen as trans than as cis, though there are times in this world that is unsafe. I did have some social dysphoria about being seen as a guy when I was presenting as one.

I had bad physical dysphoria before HRT and hair removal. I'm pretty happy with where I am physically now, and hopeful that I will be even happier with how I look in the future.

I'm not really jealous of anyone. I used to be when I was trying to live as a guy. I'd be jealous of guys that would get that promotion, or get that girl, because they were able to be the man that was expected and I couldn't pretend good enough. I was never really that jealous of cis women, hopefully I won't be down the road.

I am jealous of the young women, angry that I was cheated out of that life, unhappy with my choices.

Its interesting to see the comments, I agree, the issue for me is not to be accepted as a woman, but accepted as a trans woman.  (nonbinary yes...)  But if I had that level of acceptance and no fear associated with it, there would be no dysphoria socially for me.   I've gotten very close, when I was living stealth in NY.

This morning I was pretty happy when I looked in the mirror.  My weight is up 4 lbs and most of that went to boobs and thighs, and its really great for me.   My only issue is my bottom dysphoria and I can cope with that as I have always coped with that.  By pretending it isn't there.  Focussing on the things I have, rather than do not have.

Thats why in the beginning I would only focus on the eyes, because sh'e was always staring back at me, and that is something I have found in common with all of us, when we look at our own eyes, we see our real gender.

[Leena]

Jun 25, 2020 21:23:10 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Jun 25, 2020 12:11:02 GMT 8 Leena said:

I don't have social dysphoria about being trans. Quite a lot of trans people, especially binary trans people, do in a way I do not. In a perfect world, I'd really rather be seen as trans than as cis, though there are times in this world that is unsafe. I did have some social dysphoria about being seen as a guy when I was presenting as one.

I had bad physical dysphoria before HRT and hair removal. I'm pretty happy with where I am physically now, and hopeful that I will be even happier with how I look in the future.

I'm not really jealous of anyone. I used to be when I was trying to live as a guy. I'd be jealous of guys that would get that promotion, or get that girl, because they were able to be the man that was expected and I couldn't pretend good enough. I was never really that jealous of cis women, hopefully I won't be down the road.

I am jealous of the young women, angry that I was cheated out of that life, unhappy with my choices.

Its interesting to see the comments, I agree, the issue for me is not to be accepted as a woman, but accepted as a trans woman.  (nonbinary yes...)  But if I had that level of acceptance and no fear associated with it, there would be no dysphoria socially for me.   I've gotten very close, when I was living stealth in NY.

This morning I was pretty happy when I looked in the mirror.  My weight is up 4 lbs and most of that went to boobs and thighs, and its really great for me.   My only issue is my bottom dysphoria and I can cope with that as I have always coped with that.  By pretending it isn't there.  Focussing on the things I have, rather than do not have.

Thats why in the beginning I would only focus on the eyes, because sh'e was always staring back at me, and that is something I have found in common with all of us, when we look at our own eyes, we see our real gender.

We can't change the past. Sure, it might have been nice to transition when I was younger, it just didn't seem possible. Transitioning back then would have been much harder, and it is plenty hard even now.

I'm not ever going to physically quite have the body I wish I had, but I'm about at the point where it's good enough for me. How I looked before really was not.

Jealousy towards people that have things you can never have is not all that useful. While I'm not jealous of cis women, I am a bit jealous of trans people who are totally out and have jobs and social lives where they are accepted. Those are things that can happen, though putting myself out there will mean dealing with more transphobes than I have to currently.

[Trinity]

Jun 26, 2020 0:17:46 GMT 8 Leena said:

Jun 25, 2020 21:23:10 GMT 8 Trinity said:

I am jealous of the young women, angry that I was cheated out of that life, unhappy with my choices.

Its interesting to see the comments, I agree, the issue for me is not to be accepted as a woman, but accepted as a trans woman.  (nonbinary yes...)  But if I had that level of acceptance and no fear associated with it, there would be no dysphoria socially for me.   I've gotten very close, when I was living stealth in NY.

This morning I was pretty happy when I looked in the mirror.  My weight is up 4 lbs and most of that went to boobs and thighs, and its really great for me.   My only issue is my bottom dysphoria and I can cope with that as I have always coped with that.  By pretending it isn't there.  Focussing on the things I have, rather than do not have.

Thats why in the beginning I would only focus on the eyes, because sh'e was always staring back at me, and that is something I have found in common with all of us, when we look at our own eyes, we see our real gender.

We can't change the past. Sure, it might have been nice to transition when I was younger, it just didn't seem possible. Transitioning back then would have been much harder, and it is plenty hard even now.

I'm not ever going to physically quite have the body I wish I had, but I'm about at the point where it's good enough for me. How I looked before really was not.

Jealousy towards people that have things you can never have is not all that useful. While I'm not jealous of cis women, I am a bit jealous of trans people who are totally out and have jobs and social lives where they are accepted. Those are things that can happen, though putting myself out there will mean dealing with more transphobes than I have to currently.

You've come a long, long way.

Best part is how surprised you have been at being out there, and it not being an issue.

You look good by the way.

Good words, helpful

[Ativan Prescribed]

Something I have considered about bigots is that they suffer from a kind of social dysphoria.
It pisses them off that they have to toe the line of who they are, can't be the people they are inside, have to play the game.
There is really only one thing they can do and that is lash out at others being free to be themselves, it just has to hurt to be the bigot and thats why calling them out as bigots hurts them, they know they are and are afraid to change.
But alternatively, they can accept themselves as being who they are and not play the 'I'm an asshole and proud of it' game, because nobody likes being bullied by them regardless and thats a big part of their fake persona.
So trapped by the endless loop of always climbing that alpha mountain and never ever being able to make it to the top, for them they know if they don't keep the bullshit up that people will see the real them.
It isn't trans or NB who are the snowflakes, its the bigots, always on stage as the assholes and not having the guts to step off it, because they are trapped by that endless loop of fear that people will see the real them, weak.
But people do see it, and they know it, they aren't fooling anyone and calling them out is the worse thing you can do to them, calling them bigots is the same as calling them weak.
So when they say shit like snowflakes and their other stupid ass name calling, don't let it hurt, its their sign of weakness and if it doesn't hurt, then the only thing it is going to do is hurt them, because they came out of the gate weak.
They don't have what it takes to be themselves and certainly are to weak to let the real self be out, consider how much stronger trans and NB are just for being real.