Post by Leena on Jun 25, 2020 1:05:00 GMT 8
Jun 24, 2020 7:24:27 GMT 8 trinity2 said:
Gender can be a dance, we go back and forth on it, fluidity, gendersplit as I call it when a component fights with itself and things get out of whack.
I like to think of it as a symphony. It all plays at the same time, with melody and beauty. If it gets out of balance, it doesn't sound very well. The whole gender is the music, the orchestra, playing as one, but each peice and contribution can be heard, yet it is one orchestra.
It took years for me to blend and be one, in my gender. Once it integrated it didn't ever really split apart again, but the music can go off.
Really good music is stream of consciousness, it births from inside, its spontaneous, organic.
Wouldn't that be a great gender to have? A symphony?
I like the symphony idea. Maybe though my masculine side only plays one note in the entire song I'm playing right now. Maybe that more masculine part was just the intro to something longer and more beautiful. There might be another more masculine part later on, or there might not be.
I see my fluidity more like that I am trans but was convinced by my parents as a child that it was better to live as a guy. I didn't really have any other options though. I do now, even though life isn't all that great for a trans woman in 2020. It still is more practical to live as a guy, and any sort of internal fight is mainly about that. For a long time though, I did live like that.
I'm not sure how possible it is now for me to basically live as a guy anyway. I was not totally prepared for the idea that I would male fail. I was much more prepared mentally for not passing as a woman. I still don't 100%, and may never, but in my head I envisioned HRT having no effect.