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Post by Trinity on Jan 9, 2020 8:58:44 GMT 8
I'm curious how we relieve the pressure on us.
I find it high pressure to be trans, if it isn't dysphoria its just life, and its hard for me to juggle it all from time to time.
What are your favorite ways to chill out, take the pressure down, let you hair down or put it up?
Mine stray into obsessive/compulsive/addictive, and when I get wise to it, whether its food, or driving, or music, or playing, I tend to get into it and not stop.
Last night it was a movie, good one, seen it several times and I still like it, The Fugitive.
But it can go anywhere with me.
If I don't relieve the stress of dysphoria, my pattern is that the need for relief takes me over the top.
Latest habit to break was Craigslist, wasn't that easy, now with that broken I'm kind of floating, can see it going toward football or something.
And there are other things that are much more doubtful, that I choose not to do.
So anyway, what's your pressure relief valve?
Obviously, one of them for me is posting here. It has helped immensely over the years.
Your thread, have at it darlings.
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Post by charley83 on Jan 9, 2020 9:16:38 GMT 8
Hmmm.... There are so many things I do that help relieve the stress and pressure. Mostly its working with yarn or just being creative. I love working with my hands. Lately I have taken up singing and dancing. I feel like ive hit an age that I have no need to be shy. I no longer try to blend. Went to store with my beat friend and her 9 month old son. I acted like a big kid while singing and racing the cart down the aisles. Got some weird looks but it was so freeing and fun. Baby laughs are the best. I have been going over to her house more lately just to lay on the floor and play with the baby.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Jan 9, 2020 10:26:56 GMT 8
I was at my best when my kids were infants to kindergarten, and less so after that until everything just caved in on me, their mother is the wickedest of all living things, I wish she'd just die and let the world be a better place. But infants are the best, up until about two, maybe three, I'd hold them in my arms and dance them to sleep with the same music, I'll bet they ever hear that again they will fall asleep pretty much anywhere. My pavlov trick on them to get them to bed. But I don't have to be anything or anyone, I am me and that's however I feel that day, I just don't care and all the guilt we carry in so many little ways about everything, hidden guilt, I find it and kill it, makes my day everytime I do that. I know that some have certain homelives that have to be a certain way even if they are changing, but identifying these little pieces of guilt we have for the dumberst of things, it's stopped some OCD for one thing, seems like it was guilt of the weird kind that caused it. Not everything is all hunkydory, still working on it and its picking up speed as I take the garbage in my life out to the dumpster, that emotional baggage we all carry and don't know how heavy it really is, lighten the load. It isn't like a huge big thing, but seeing how everything is controlled by some guilt one way or another, getting rid of the ones that don't have a reason anymore are the biggest and that frees me up, calmer and less likely to get scary pissed as well.
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Post by Trinity on Jan 9, 2020 10:32:55 GMT 8
I was at my best when my kids were infants to kindergarten, and less so after that until everything just caved in on me, their mother is the wickedest of all living things, I wish she'd just die and let the world be a better place. But infants are the best, up until about two, maybe three, I'd hold them in my arms and dance them to sleep with the same music, I'll bet they ever hear that again they will fall asleep pretty much anywhere. My pavlov trick on them to get them to bed. But I don't have to be anything or anyone, I am me and that's however I feel that day, I just don't care and all the guilt we carry in so many little ways about everything, hidden guilt, I find it and kill it, makes my day everytime I do that. I know that some have certain homelives that have to be a certain way even if they are changing, but identifying these little pieces of guilt we have for the dumberst of things, it's stopped some OCD for one thing, seems like it was guilt of the weird kind that caused it. Not everything is all hunkydory, still working on it and its picking up speed as I take the garbage in my life out to the dumpster, that emotional baggage we all carry and don't know how heavy it really is, lighten the load. It isn't like a huge big thing, but seeing how everything is controlled by some guilt one way or another, getting rid of the ones that don't have a reason anymore are the biggest and that frees me up, calmer and less likely to get scary pissed as well. Forgiving oneself and others is a biggy with that. Seeing through the matrix is another biggy, when someone cuts you down, if you don't agree with what they are saying, their words have no power. Somehow we think their opinions outweigh ours in some things. Yeah, hidden guilt, forgiveness is everything, and for some of us it comes from above and all we have to do is accept it. Chilling here, nice music, might pick up an instrument in a moment, the candles and inscence are coming out, and maybe some football and maybe not. I cherish this time of the night.
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Post by Yuki on Jan 9, 2020 13:08:35 GMT 8
I just realized that most of the things I used to do, I either can't do here, or I just don't do them here, because of living with so many people.
So, I don't know now.
One is probably playing with Jax, just because he's hilarious and is always ready to play.
My husband and I always cuddle at the end of the day until he falls asleep. That's nice, too. So are nice, long hugs if I'm feeling crappy.
I haven't done anything creative in a while, since we've been here, like I used to do. But I am saving a few glass jars and nice looking bottles for crafts for later. Oui started making a dairy-free yogurt, so we got some of those and those little glass jars might be nice for some little plants, like succulents. So I have three of those saved.
Oh, and looking at apartments is kind of nice, I guess. Seeing which ones we can afford and looking at the nicer ones. Also looking at houses for sale, even though it'll be a while before we do that.. but it's nice to look at ones that would be in our price range in the different areas we might end up looking to buy one in. Some of those are nice, too.
That's about it right now, I guess. I plan to get back to a lot of my old stuff again once we move. I just can't manage, and/or they don't work for me right now.
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Post by Leena on Jan 10, 2020 8:39:42 GMT 8
The main thing for me is just going outside. It doesn't really matter what I do when I'm out, I just have a bad habit of spending all day at home on the computer. It probably doesn't help that it is how I make a living, but that's a bit different than spending all day looking at news feeds and other sites. I still think ideally I need to have an office to go to everyday, or at least a coworking space, though can't really afford it.
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Junior Member
Posts: 83
Gender: Non-Binary
Gender: non-binary
Presentation: Male
Presentation: Wouldn't care, don't care
Pronouns: They/Their/Them
Orientation: Heterosexual
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Post by ceremony on Jan 22, 2020 1:15:00 GMT 8
My honesty doesn't feel like self-serving self-pity.
I have done an incredible amount of work to get the self affirming agency that I now have. I find my vulnerability, that I move forward, to be one of my strengths.
The arrogance of misunderstanding lay in an angst to look in the mirror at one's motivation. I'm being bullied, and if that's cool, you do you.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Jan 23, 2020 12:36:48 GMT 8
OK Eeyore, Here's how it goes for virtually everyone, there are no exceptions, the lower you are, there is always someone lower, the less you have, there is always someone with less, this works for virtually every facet of life and existence, there isn't any exceptions, except for one. That there is finally nobody worse off than you are, the entity of humanity is above you, you are at the very bottom. So good, nowhere to go but up then, and thats the way it is for everyone at all levels, you can say that the world is a crushing weight, or you can realize how lucky you are that it isn't any worse. You choose to see everything in what you call a filter as a negative, sorry, but that isn't a filter, thats just seeing to worse of everything in front of you and you look back and thats all you see, its a choice, rock solid its a choice, don't even start up with the bullshit that you don't have a choice, its all a choice. All of trans is littered with homelessness and hopelessness, nobody has the money to get the life they want,, a few do and they seem magical, but you know what? They chose everyday and every hour and every minute of those days and hours that they were going to get where the want to be, and they do and if not close, then they at least tried their hardest. I'm flush with PTSD and for more than just a couple reasons and things, it is a part of my dyas, everyday, but I don't let it get in my way, I've got better things to do with my life than to sit and cry in my wheaties,, there is always something, and if all you are doing is staring at your poor old shoes, thats all you see is the poor old shoes, you just missed a shitload of thingsa that could help if only you were paying more attention to finding than being oh so lost and forgotten and blah blah blah, you are your worst enemy, nobody else is doing anything to you, if they are critical its because you are so fucking self indulgent that the only thing anyone sees is you self indulging. You say all these things can't be overcome, but you never say what they are, and to me that just means they aren't worth the time it takes to say can't overcome, there is always a way so long as you are stepping forward. By the very same token of the being at the bottom logic, being at the top isn't as much of the top as people think, look at trump, he still thinks he is the king of the universe and the chosen and all the rest of his stupid ass shit that makes no sense and what a fucking crybaby, these people said bad things, they are bad people, this this this this this, all he fucking does is complain that nobody is willing to be his buttwiper, no matter the pay, nobody wants the job, because its more than just that, you'd have to listen to all his crap while he took a crap, not even Lindsey Graham or Moscowmitch would be willing, although they are good at goding him into some seriously stupid shit. He has no where to go but down and he see that, he knows it just slides on down from here and he knows that history isn't going to be kind to him. He has nowhere to go but down and nobody is going to give a shit about him on that long slide down, he won't make, he'll die before he has to be below his standards. I say all this because no matter who you are, you either think your shit doesn't stink or that it stinks so bad there is no way to avoid it, but there is, you get up, take a step and then another until you are jogging through life, the bad clings like mud but just falls off because you are headed to where you want to be, not making this powerful world the only existence that there could ever be for you, thats bullshit, nobody thinks like that and ever makes anything more of themselves as just that, unless they get up and start moving forward,, it isn't an impenetrable wall and if it is, find the means to break it down, even if it is one brick at a time, its better than standing there with your thumb up your ass crying that its too tall.
There is without a doubt that every person who has posted here has a story to tell about how fricken bad it is, and some talk about how bad it was, and some say they thought it was bad until they realized they were nowhere near that. PTSD is far more common in trans than in any other group, soldiers don't have as high a percentage, more trans are killed every month than soldiers die for this country each month, and they are killed by hatred for them, it gets so fucling bad that a huge percentage that is higher than any other group of people , they just off themselves and people posting on here have tried and were saved at the last second or someone thought them worthy enough to help them get betterrrrrr, they made the choice to get better, to be better and some have moved on and others just don't make a issue of it, because they are still leaving the shit in their lives behind. Go and listen to the words spoken just before the song Nights In White Satin by the Moody Blues, its the words before the song that make more sense, the last line is you decide which is right and which is an illusion. Self deprecating and then whining that you said you are is the most defeatist attitude you can have, it s worse than if someone actually was slapping you in the face all day, you mentally defeat the desire to have anything better, and just like you can't win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket, you need to buy the ticket to have a life, that one is easy to win, the lottery not so much, but people buy the tickets, know why? because for a couple bucks they can dream, cheaper than street drugs and better for your mental wellbeing, it is a hope ticket, the dream ticket, only a couple bucks, you can't buy enough gas for two bucks to get you out of town. You say that you think, that you think, you believe that you have a small flame of hope, tiny , tiny, tiny speck of self respect, some desire to want to be, how pathetic that sounds Eeyore. Look, everyone has the ability and then some to have a lot of hope, a huge chunk of self, the biggest chunk of self because that's all you have in the end, and the desire to be? Its choice,, rock solid choice, you don't wait for that shit in life, you already have it and you are waiting for someone to light the rocket for you, just do it, you know it and understand it, you talk about it as if it is something unattainable, you have an overabundance of it, everyone does, I've worked next to people digging their family and friends out from under rubble of a massive earthquake, they never gave up hope or anything until they saw the body, and then they made the decision to go on, because they kept on digging out the dead eighteen twenty hours a day. Do you have a concept for what it feels like to dig your child out of rubble, from under what used to be the roof of the house, they just shook loose and went straight down, layers and layers of sticks mud adobe, three four feet thick or thicker, the bodies were as flat as can be, disfigured by the weight into grotesque shapes, and because the people who came to take them to the landfill area they used to burn them in were not always there, you could always dump diesel on them and light them up, you know what it looks like to see a child burning like that, and know that it was you who tossed them on the pile, day after day this went on, and after that it was sickness and hunger, for months people withered away, children became sick and died, the day before you saw them the next day there they were set out for the body to be piled into the back of a truck and brought to what they ended up with as pretty much a mass grave site, they never stopped and even asked for the names. I saw people rise up above that shit and they did everything they could to survive, and they did, it was the weakest who didn't make it when they most certainly could. My day job was sitting up on a hill doing the cover fire for the guys down below who stopped the truck caravan of drugs, it was Nixons new war on drugs, more cocaine than a small village could use in a lifetime, and the people guarding the trucks had pretty much no alternative but to try and get out of it, they carried AK's, if they shipment didn't go through, they knew it was their lives that wouldn't go through as well, dead either way, so fire fights broke out, I have shot as many as fourteen in on five minutes and it was all over hunting trip for the good of the country here, its fucked and its burned into my brain, all of it, the oddest things will set it off and I can do the thousand yard stare for who knows how long, it was so bad that I didn't think I could take it, so I tried to off myself and that started over a decade of psych units, in and out,, sometimes I got my old room again, quick turn around. I ended all of that by trying to do better until I finally did well enough to be seen as stable, but still they kept an eye on me, and at that time, I got online and found the people I know as trans and even some of their families, it grew and grew and eventually the NB moved here after it was started and a few of us have kept it going, because it needs to always be moving forward. It has sucked up a ton of time and we have all gone through every thing that has made life miserable for others as well as ourselves, but its because we care enough and respect each other enough to open and honest about who we are, the names and even where we live isn't a part of it, its about who these people are and they are the ones who have made the thousands of posts over the years, always sharing in what they could to try and help each other, its the most basic things the forum is here for, to save lives, because yes, there are people who post that they don't think they can make it another day and are thinking of offing themselves, if it happens again and again we talk them off the ledge, so see, there are a lot of people here who have been at the bottom and looked up, and each and everyone we could help have moved up in life, we talk and their choices mostly, off bits of advice and knowledge, they take it to haart because they know that we know where they are because they know we have been there, a lot. How about you show up here and join in with the forum instead of dropping the woe is me post and leaving, you just show up here, you have not made the choice to be a part of it because you are afraid of making a forward choice for yourself. We all understand a lot more than you think, so trust in something besides your sourful outlook of gloom and doom, step up, its what we do here, its why people come here, for help and advice on how to do that, for sometimes even the simplest of things.
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Posts: 83
Gender: Non-Binary
Gender: non-binary
Presentation: Male
Presentation: Wouldn't care, don't care
Pronouns: They/Their/Them
Orientation: Heterosexual
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Post by ceremony on Jan 24, 2020 5:52:35 GMT 8
My pressure relief is to listen to my local trans musician Venus DeMars play with her band "All The Pretty Horses".
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Jan 24, 2020 9:13:05 GMT 8
Here's the thing, you go on and on about things that you say you don't want to get into, yet there you are talking about them. You fail to understand that this is a support forum and not a place to unleash your sorrowful musings of why life sucks when you don't say what those things are. Everyone on here has had more than their share of things to deal with and to be honest, the way you post things is just an attempt to have people feel sorry for you when you don't explain why they should. You fail to be a member of this forum in ways that support others, you're to busy trying to get pity instead of trying to find the ways and asking for help, you refuse help, but you continually have these pity you sessions that we can't answer because they are so secret and unspeakable horrors that you never even spell out what they could possibly be. You don't get to tell me what I can and can't post, I offer help and its one of the things you refuse to accept is that this is a support as in helping people get past the troubles they are having, you just go on and on about how horrible it is without saying even what is so horrible. Honestly, you are probably the biggest downer who refuses to accept that people here are geared towards helping and not pitying others, you just want to have that pity party going on and on as long as you can, you fail at accepting help and then ask for pity when you don't. Maybe there is a reason you think its like your despicable and hateful wife, maybe she is just trying to build a fire under you so you get up and be a part of the life around you, you never say anything other than she is the reason you hide in the basement, that sorta paints a picture right there. You can't be a member of a support forum if you refuse and argue about getting support. I ask you to stop interacting with the forum like some black hole of pity you because of no real reasons you have given, until you can take a step back and see the people here and who they are and then decide if you deserve the pity you seem to thrive on, interacting with me is not your problem, not interacting with life is yours. It isn't like others haven't had their times of need of some pity, but thats a temporary thing and the whole reason they come here and post is not for the pity, but directions that they might be able to use, you don't ask for even the slightest bit of direction to take you further on down the road, because you can't get up and take the first step. People come here looking for choices that might be out there they haven't considered, sometimes all it takes is simply asking what choices you have and then picking one, there are always choices and that is something we tell people, to tell them there is no choice is to just let them kill themselves because they don't have a way forward. But to continually post and not take anything other than the woe is me approach to everything isn't doing yourself any good and it isn't a function of the forum to do things for you, you have to do them yourself, nobody is going to do anything for you if you don't at least try to do something for yourself. There is no scapegoating here and what you seem to mean by that is beyond me, because that is your life, being the scapegoat, you claim to be very new at this and yet in the same sentence say that you have been working on this all your life, and then you say that finding yourself as NB is new, people here have known most of their lives they are. And I have had a lifetime of therapy and you do not get to say that yours is needed more than one or anyone elses, your trauma is not any worse than anyone elses, maybe different, but trama only reaches just so far and that's it, you can't blame your life on it, if that was possible then everyone would be as bad off as you say you are, but I doubt that. You have no idea what brings others here, this isn't fucking summer camp for nb, this is where the rubber meets the road buddy, you either stand up and at least try to appear like you are willing to take a step forward, or you are wasting everyone's time. Here's your speak, you have these secret tramams that are obviously worse than anyone elses because you can't say what they are, have you been homeless and slept in a parking garage for nights on end in subzero weather? Have you ever had it so bad that society shunned you as nothing more than a derelict and bum and called you worthless scum? Have you ever been beaten to within an inch of your life and still can't remember it? Have you ever sliced your wrists in shame for who you are because people told you that you should? Have you ever had a hard life at all, because you don't sound like it, the hardest thing is finding your ways to not do a thing about it, stay on cruise control. I can be this way because I have been there and I have seen and done the unthinkable, not very many other people would even put up with this life for all of it like I have, they give up and depend on someone else to carry then for the rest of theirs, that just isn't what I want others to even think this place here is about. It's about as uplifting as it can be because anything less would not be good for a lot of people who come here, and over the years, I have heard a lot and it brings tears to my eyes that it is as bad as it gets and yet these same people only ask if there is another choice they can make, and they get all kinds of them from the people here,, because they asked for them. That is what this is here for, to help save lives of people in need, and it gets dire at times, we don't know if some people die or just wander off, but we do know about the ones we save and that is the number one reason we are here, because people need us right now. This isn't some trans forum on the ideals that there should be, this place here is a matter of life and death for people all the time, its real and it doesn't need the pity party, it means that everyone helps everyone else, all the time, not when its convenient and they are done watching a movie and reading a book, it happens in real time in this place. I am not the person who will coddle you and neither is anyone else here, if you don't at least communicate about what it is that you are here for, nobody is really even going to read your posts because there is no substance to them other than asking for pity when you can't even give a reason why. Don't think that I am the only person you ever met online that treats you with the intention of getting you up and moving, if you are not willing to even try and take a step forward, then why would anyone ever bother to even offer you the pity that you seem bent on getting without even taking that step forward with reasons why anyone should? We have people here who just up and left to move across the country to find the things that will be better for them, more than a few have, you have no idea the lengths that people here have gone to just find solutions and not just drown in their own pity piss of sorrow. You insult people with how you go on and on and then refuse to even help yourself, if you aren't going to get involved enough to do just that, then why are you here? Pity is all I can think of and I reserve my pity for people who are trying and failing, for those who have tried and failed and are willing to try again. You don't get to just sit there and say how bad life is when some people who have been on here didn't have a place to even be, using coffee shops and libraries to be able to post and ask for possible solutions, they don't ask for others pity, they earn it, you on the other hand have done basically nothing for how many years to better your situation? You cry about it being so tough because you have some problems, your biggest problem isn't even defined for anyone here to give you anything other than pity and do you see how many people do that? You are the oh so typical person who cries about m=not having it the way you want when you have it better than most, not enough money, get morte, work on it, not getting the help you think you need, then at the very least try, just fucking try moving forward and not depending on the pity of others to get you through life, doesn't happen that way. You have no idea the things I have had to endure in my life and I doubt you would have survived the first day, because you don't even let yourself try to comprehend that so many people in the world and here just have so many more problems to overcome besides finding the time from movies and reading and playing games to be able to get off your ass and engage in life. I don't even think you are a real person, for all I know, your just another pity troll looking for anywhere to land to get the pity they need to go on to the next day looking for more, because those people don't need help, they certainly don't need pity, they need a life and if they aren't going to look for one, nobody is going to look for them. You don't get to bring this forum down with your need to find pity without reason, if you want to get any of that, then engage in it or go find somewhere that they will give you the hanky you need to wipe the tears I doubt you even have, if you really were even close to what you say, then you wouldn't be just saying the same thing over and over. I don't and neither do anyone else here have the time and energy to float you along in your pursuit of doing nothing, taking forever to get what done? What have you gotten done in the last month? t he last year? d o you need to have your hand held while you take your time deciding if you want to be a part of life or just suck the life out of it. It doesn't matter because you just want your hand held because you find it too hard to at least get going forward. You decide to move ahead with your life and I'll give you credit for it, but if all you want is pity, then you aren't getting anything more than what you are getting, being told to take the step forward that is going to change your life, you don't get credit for taking them if they don't get you anywhere. You don't get to say you are trying when you don't even say what that trying is, what is is for, and how it is going, people here talk to others, ask questions, ask for help even and they get their needs taken care of as best can be done from here,, but they don't wallow in self pity 24/7. I'm sure there are forums dedicated to just that, if it exists, you can find it online, but that would mean you actually have to go and look.
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Post by Trinity on Jan 24, 2020 11:33:41 GMT 8
Self pity can be fatal.
Trans can be fatal and often is, but there are the fighters and survivors and warriors and we win through.
But to surviva and be trans, be nb, takes guts and those that don't rise to the challenge can and do die.
We have choices to make and they are ours. And a lot of folks are balancing on the knifes edge, we have seen it over and over.
And those of us who fought our way back from dire places, and I am one and just about everyone is here, we made the choice to not be victims but to rise above.
Trans is no joke. So even though the tough challenge can be unpleasant, theres a reason for it.
I've buried a lot of folk but i also have met the strongest and most courageous people in my life here.
Trans is not a kind way of life. But it can be very rewarding if you have the guts to see it through.
Not all of us are nice people here. But we all are fighters and have our scars. We focus on what we win and keep on going.
The past is the past and is dead and gone. The now is all we have.
Make the best now you can make, rise above, life is too short not to and can be over in the blink of an eye.
Seize life by the balls and squeeze until you break the chains you choose to keep.
The choices are yours. We all made them. The only thing we didnt choose is to be trans/nb. What we choose is what to do with it.
You can be a star, or another stat. And the ones that became a statistic arent helping anyone, they are just gone.
Your call. Star or stat.
Self pity is lethal.
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oldbutwise
New Member
Posts: 19
Pronouns: He/His/Him
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Apr 13, 2020 17:32:47 GMT 8
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oldbutwise
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Feb 19, 2020 1:58:37 GMT 8
February 2020
oldbutwise
He/His/Him
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Post by oldbutwise on Apr 9, 2020 0:05:28 GMT 8
I love to play role playing games both for fun and sometimes to relieve stress. Actually that's the best genre of game we can play. So many players play a mix of male and female characters that people stopped assuming a long time ago that male characters are played by men and female characters are played by women. Nobody cares and nobody asks. All we care about is whether you're a good person or not. And if you're not word quickly spreads about you and before long nobody will have anything to do with you. So you either have to play a multiplayer game by yourself or move on to another game. Most western mmorpgs and single player rpgs let you choose your class (role, what your character does in the game) seperately from your gender. Now I'm not saying it's a good place to go saying you're trans because even there you have to be very careful. If anybody wants a list of good mmorpgs (and there are some decent free to play ones out there too) or rpgs just let me know. I've tried literally almost every single free mmorpg out there and a number of the pay to play ones too. And I also play on my android phone so I've tried a number of them too.
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