the devils in the workplace

[Trinity]

So, we had a Christmas party and my wife and I were invited.  This is at the place where I publically transitioned, where I have enemies and friends, allies and haters.


I have been away a long time, and my wife insisted on me going guy mode, though mercifully she did not insist on me getting a haircut.


It was at Disney's Polynesian resort, and was dinner theater, which I enjoyed but basically was watching under a microscope, I have auditioned for their casting agent about 4 times, good auditions and solid, but no call backs.  So professionally I was examining it all, the dance, the writing, the vocals, the band, the works.


Interesting that the band members all played multiple instruments, and they were using a synth to do the Hawaiian strings and slides.


One thing I figured out real quick is I would never get cast in that show, the men all were topless and I don't play cis female roles so I am out.


The owner chose to sit across from my wife and they had a wonderful time chatting.  The entertainment was solid professionally, and the men wore native clothes, so they danced in skirts.


The guy that tried to block me from being rehired, who the owner told to shut up and get out of high school when he tried to interfere (which in Orlando is extremely illegal because of Pulse laws, it is the only Florida city where lgbt rights are protected and specifically trans rights) - well he wound up sitting behind me with his back to us.

Of course he spent the time at this very expensive venue mouthing off about the guys being in skirts, I can just imagine if the boss heard it, she put out thousands for the company gathering and all this asshole could see is guys wearing skirts.

But what got to me, and I didn't find out until the next day, is that his freaking wife was staring at mine the whole night, and she wound up having nightmares all night long about being chased again by the bigots.

I go in on Wednesday morning for the company meeting state of the business, and its my choice how I present, I have been to that place in heels.

I don't intend to do that, but I am picking up my hormones after, and I may come in with a bit more than they have seen before.

The post is this.  Have any of you experienced discrimination in the workplace for being NB and or trans?

I have big time, and triumphed over it, but it is still there and its about as fun as swimming with the aligators.

Fucking low blow, to screw with my wifes head, when its taken literally years for her to be brave enough to be with me in public without being ashamed of who I am.

Devils in the workplace.  But in that company, the people that matter, they don't do that shit.

I almost got that guy fired when he tried to block me from reengaging the business relationship.   It would be pretty easy to set him up, but he isn't worth it.

The man has to be hollowed out.  I strongly suspect he got molested as a kid or something.

Anyone else have to dance with the devil and step on his toes?

[Ativan Prescribed]

I'd tell the boss about how it went down, that its his business if he wants to be a bigot, but him and his wife have no business bigotting people at a function like that, it isn't like he didn't realize what an ass he was being and for what end?
He embarrassed the company there, he didn't just make you and Geeta uncomfortable, he made everyone uncomfortable.
You know that people just don't want to hear bigots bigotting, its sickening no matter if they are bigots as well, there are social standards that people have.
If he was with a bunch of bigots and they wanted to see how much they could out bigot each other, then he is with his kind, but out at a business function in public and acting like a complete moron and being the only one talking loud enough to ruin others good time is more than just wrong, he should be called out by the boss and take whatever she dishes out to him, he was warned once before.
He is worth it to do that to, his entire intention was to get to you, more than just making weird remarks that he knows are just bigoted shit, its the thing that bigots think they are getting is attention, and yah it is the wrong kind, but not for him, its his intention that others need to know how he feels is different than them, he wants the argument, he is saying he wants the argument, he is daring anyone to argue the point, in other words, he is being the bully bigot and by letting him go when it is personal is wrong, he thinks he won something.
He thinks he has taken something from you and he is gloating about it, he'll be telling other fucked in the head bigots what he did to get his high fives from them, so that they can then go out and do it even more because if there is one thing they need to do, its to be more of a bigot than their bigot friends, they have to be more of the bully if they want to even think they are allowed to be a bully, bigots thrive on that shit.
Let him go and he'll just keep at it until he is told to stop, and he'll take it a little further each time, until one day either he will or one of the bigot buddies will get a rifle and go hunting like at Pulse, you know?

[Trinity]

Wednesday morning, high stakes meeting, very high stakes for the company, he will be there, and I will be there.

And its not a time for bullshit, far far from it.

But if the boss asks how much my wife enjoyed it, I'll tell here we loved it, but Geeta had a hard time with some of the people looking down on her for being with me.

She is the bosses favorite, it won't go well for whoever it was. The problem I have is that I can't be certain who it was that was doing the staredown thing, the company is full of bigots, and that was part of what was getting to her, it was the shear number of people there that are anti LGBTQ.

[ceremony]

Dec 16, 2019 10:25:18 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Wednesday morning, high stakes meeting, very high stakes for the company, he will be there, and I will be there.

And its not a time for bullshit, far far from it.

But if the boss asks how much my wife enjoyed it, I'll tell here we loved it, but Geeta had a hard time with some of the people looking down on her for being with me.

She is the bosses favorite, it won't go well for whoever it was. The problem I have is that I can't be certain who it was that was doing the staredown thing, the company is full of bigots, and that was part of what was getting to her, it was the shear number of people there that are anti LGBTQ.

I feel for your wife. She was happy at the outset, only to have a bigot stare. I'm sorry to hear that, she has my compassion, as you do. Companies are a head-trip. I can't say I know much of anything, I won't stand for bs very long. Your sense of what's going on shows in your share. That vulnerable concern, and the firm connection that your wife has garnered bode well for you, the boss seems ideal. I can't stand bullies anymore, though, I've still a lot of trauma to process before I believe I'll engage in a way that I think I'm worthy. Trauma in childhood has tentacles throughout living. There's always more, though, this isn't about me. 

I hope Weds. morning goes well for you, and the boss will seem cordial and firm in support of your presence, participation and concerns. 

[Trinity]

Dec 16, 2019 11:18:57 GMT 8 ceremony said:

Dec 16, 2019 10:25:18 GMT 8 Trinity said:

Wednesday morning, high stakes meeting, very high stakes for the company, he will be there, and I will be there.

And its not a time for bullshit, far far from it.

But if the boss asks how much my wife enjoyed it, I'll tell here we loved it, but Geeta had a hard time with some of the people looking down on her for being with me.

She is the bosses favorite, it won't go well for whoever it was. The problem I have is that I can't be certain who it was that was doing the staredown thing, the company is full of bigots, and that was part of what was getting to her, it was the shear number of people there that are anti LGBTQ.

I feel for your wife. She was happy at the outset, only to have a bigot stare. I'm sorry to hear that, she has my compassion, as you do. Companies are a head-trip. I can't say I know much of anything, I won't stand for bs very long. Your sense of what's going on shows in your share. That vulnerable concern, and the firm connection that your wife has garnered bode well for you, the boss seems ideal. I can't stand bullies anymore, though, I've still a lot of trauma to process before I believe I'll engage in a way that I think I'm worthy. Trauma in childhood has tentacles throughout living. There's always more, though, this isn't about me. 

I hope Weds. morning goes well for you, and the boss will seem cordial and firm in support of your presence, participation and concerns. 

When I first started transitioning and folk began to talk, she called all 50 employees out together, and told them that I was "a transgender", and that she would tolerate no bullshit, and that if anyone had any questions or problem with it they should go talk to her in her office....implication being, she would kick their ass.

Which she did once to this same guy already.

But when she did  that meeting, I was shaking like a leaf, mascara and feather earing and all, and she also brought it up with the Orlando Business something or other, where all the biggest business folk owners meet, and asked if they had ever come across this, which they hadn't, so my transition had a huge impact on the Orlando businesses because it set precedent and policy for a zero tolerance of bigotry and discrimination in the workplus, plus it happened right when they were passing the anti discrimination laws in Orlando.   I don't know who the transfolk were that were part of the law thing, but I do know that when they were done with the public hearing to decide about the law, the entire panel was crying.

And when she had finished, I found out later, that after that meeting setting the boundaries in the office with all those people, she went out into the parking lot and cried herself.

This stuff isn't easy.  It takes a lot of guts to be trans and outs, its dangerous, but it can be soooo worth the battle.

[Leena]

Dec 16, 2019 11:30:25 GMT 8 Trinity said:

This stuff isn't easy.  It takes a lot of guts to be trans and outs, its dangerous, but it can be soooo worth the battle.

I wish I could say that I'd stand up to transphobic people in the workplace, but I haven't even really stood up to transphobic cashiers yet.

I haven't really done so good so far the handful of times I've been confronted about being trans. It happens so rarely that I feel like I'm not prepared. I mostly just tend to avoid confrontation in general though. It might be part of why I took so long to transition. That said, I know I can deal with confrontation when properly prepared, I used to work in a call center, and that basically is listening to people complain and having them become irate and complain even more when I told them I wasn't able to do what they wanted me to.

There was pretty intensive paid training for that job, I don't know quite how to train for being visibly trans in a professional environment. There was a whole set of scripts I learned to deal with certain common situations for that, there maybe needs to be one to fall back on when dealing with transphobes.

[Trinity]

I had the big company meeting today, about half or more were there in the old day of the other big meeting when it was anounced that I was trans and transitioning and there was to be no bullshit about it.

Because of the bigotry of that one individual the other night, I decided to go in full out nonbinary sh'e. Not transsexual, mostly, but totally trans sh'e and out.

It was wonderful. Other than that one guy, who I treated as invisible and he did the same with me, which was perfect, the acceptance level was just off the charts, they were all really glad to see me, one guy wanted to know what happened to my camaro that I gave him a ride in and had jumped over the railroad tracks with. I told him the motor and transmission were in the new one and he could have another ride any time he wants. Big tough guy from the rough part of Orlando, carries, not a person to mess with, love this guy, a welder. Totally acceptive of me, gave me a hug.

As far as appearence, mascara, knee high boots, womans blouse but laid back a little, really good for andro, tight jacket, tight womens jeans, feather earing and hair in female presentation.

I had ZERO issues, only respect and happy, and had a productive one on one training session with someone who is an ace detailer for the shop drawings I am responsible for.

The CEO shook my hand, first time he has seen me like that, interesting the change in that shake, it was a soft shake, not the macho kind, it was an acknowledgment of who I am.

I picked up good business tips, its all good there.

Seriously, the respect I have in that place is amazing.

Then off to pick up my hormones, which I got under grant money so I save about 200 bucks or more there and got 3 vials. Come to think of it I forgot to take my shot today.

Then I went to a music place because I wanted to touch some keyboards, that was really good, took the edge off and confirmed my thoughts about a lot of things there, and it clarified just how powerful my studio set up really is, craigslist built and really I can do just about anything with what I have, I don't need any more boards, maybe I'll add a synth later but I already can create any sound out there.

So that was good because it takes the compulsion out of it. In that place, however, they were thrown by my appearence, yet my appearence is similar to a lot of rock artists, I just ignored it and blew by it and actually, now that I think about it, they weren't really reacting much at all. Certainly no snubs. More like a curiousity kind of thing, not bad.

Then home, burnt due to sleep deprivation, here in the office with music playing and an old board here tied into a soft synth set up, Christmas music playing, robe on and still in the jeans, and pbs nature show on the big monitor cause I am burnt.

So that's my nonbinary trans life, full transition and all.

They use he pronouns. Doesn't matter to me, they knew me as a full out guy, why fight any of that when I have their respect for being who I really am without hiding anything at all?

Loving hugs to all tonight, time to kick back and listen to jazz and maybe throw some chords on the synth just because its fun.

Its been quite a day, hasn't it?

[Ativan Prescribed]

I remember back when everything could have been a problem for you, there was the constant coaxing to get you where you wanted to be and even that wasn't defined very well.
but one of the things I saw, was the ability to just walk in somewhere and be yourself enough to not show the kind of worry that bigots and bullies use to make themselves the idiots they are.
The way to get out of the mode that the world is a scary place and bad things can happen and have, is to know who you want to be and then practice being that person.
This is a fundamental way of getting through the rough spots, but it takes saying to yourself in your talking to yourself that this is who you want to be, who you are when you are that want to be.
It's the inner dialogue that forces your reality to be one that isn't how you'd like it to be.
Self talk is the big killer for mental diagnosis that people can have, only a few of those are likely to be permanent, but to keep them from being that, you have to change that inner dialogue, the self talk.
You have to change the way you look, away from those fears and stand up straight, look at the world with the eye of the person you want to be, this is natural, it is how people become who they are, none of us are born like the way we are.
You develop a view of the world as you get through those first few years, you develop your sense of gender at about three, but it can be later and around five, kindergarten stuff...
What you think in your inner self talk is how you appear to people, you shrug inside, people see it on the outside..., you have a fear of something and it shows, its very hard to hide the inner self talk.
Who you want to be is a learned thing and you have to teach yourself to be that person, it doesn't just happen in the course of events in your life, you have to peel those bad layers off and become who you are.
The best thing you can be for yourself and who you want to be is to be the warrior who won't accept no for the answer, you have to push back when people push you, you have to push back when society pushes you.
A warrior isn't some person who goes to battle with weapons, a warrior is someone who overcomes the difficulties in life, doesn't let the bad of the past become the future, They see the future the way they want it to be and carve a path to it.
Everyone has this ability and you see it all the time in others, they can be as gentle as anyone, yet they have that something about them that you know they are the winner more often than not, they are sure of themselves.
They are that gentle spirit because that is who they want to be, they got there by becoming their own warrior to get them to the place in life they want.
Self talk is where everything in your life starts from, and shrugging off the things that have held you back is always coming from your own self talk, the inner you, that part of you who wants a better future.
The movie Caddyshack, that scene where he says be the ball, its funny sure, but in the context of it in that part of the movie is huge, be the ball.