self care and down time

[Trinity]

Nonbinary can be very stressful, either with being brave all the time dealing with the world, or hiding, or creating a personna, or isolating.

Depression and anxiety can be a thing, loneliness can be a thing, resentment can be a thing too, a big one.

And as time goes on we may see the casualties.  But we may also see the successes.

In all of this, there is therapy, there is treating ourselves nicely, there are pop valves for stress.  Many things.

Some may be out of reach for us, trans in general is a class that suffers greatly, certainly in the US.

And there is a lot of psyche pressure on us right now.

So....

What do you do for self care?

[Ativan Prescribed]

First off is letting the idea of trans taking you down, NB isn't that much of a trans thing in the eyes of the public.
They compensate for it by using their wrong logic and then passing it off as a fem guy or a tomboy girl, they can see themselves in a lot of it.
The stress isn't there unless you act in ways that create stress, if you can't handle the reactions, then don't be the reason there are reactions, just back off and life is a lot easier.
Going into it as if it is some kind of battle that has to be won is the wrong way to see it, being assertive to a point that is acceptable is the easiest way to go.
You don't owe anyone anything that is an explanation of who you are, if people demand or even ask for an explanation and you don't know them well, then just turn the thing on them, tell them to explain themselves to you and then do a lot of eye rolling if they try.
People want to have others that they can shit all over if they get the chance, and trans is the bottom of the barrel to many of them, race isn't even close to the same thing to them, trans is the devils work and you must die a horrible death to satisfy them, don't let them get to you, get to them instead, they say shit and you just walk away like you didn't hear them, let them have to chase you saying stupid ass things that just make them look like the ass clowns they are.
Certainly bucking the system that they think they own is going to be seen as giving it to them as in giving them the finger or the like, it isn't you as much as it is the concept and that don't understand it and are afraid, so they act out in hateful ways to do a power play on you, if they can shit all over your day, then you can't do the same to them, but think about it, you can and you should, they bring up stupid, you counter with confusing them and making them doubt themselves, tell them you thought they were trans when you saw them, tell them they have that trans look about them, like they are wearing poanties or something, it totally puts them on the defense and they will almost always walk, and if they don't, then they weren't going to let you get away without shitting on your day.
Screw them, don't let that crap get to you and if it does, then back off a bit to keep from being a target, they look for the people who look like a target, they aren't smart enough to actually know, because they don't.
All of the stress from others is the reason for depression and everything else, the resentment turns into that cycling of it over and over, rumination, and I know you do it, everyone does, just know that you aren't alone, its to the degree that you do it, get it over by cycling it and come to the conclusion and then drop it, it's in the past and it is going to always be there, so just making it a small thing in the scheme of things is the best most people can do, unless you are plotting revenge and that is a whole nother problem, but if done right can just make your day, week, month, maybe it'll last forever, but it has to be done right, if not, then it is a hollow victory and that sucks just like what you are trying to get rid of to begin with, so revenge is something that has to thought out in every detail and you have to understand how it is going to affect you.
And that right there is most of it, letting things affect you, you aren't the only person and everyone has these shit things going on even if they don't show it or talk about it, trust me, they do it for their reasons and it amounts to the same basic thing, being cis holyier than thou just fucks with their heads, they know there is more to life than toeing the line.
And the line they tell you to toe up to is there for you to step across, dare them to do something about it, if you can get away with it, then do it, there is nothing better than crossing the line at least a few times if you know you are right.
Don't look back, leave the past in the past and only bring the lesson learned to the now, and stop pretending like you know how the future is going to play out, you have no idea, you just think you do, but think about it more, you really don't.
Get out of the stable sameness and go through life with your eyes open and be ready to take the opportunities when they show up, and they always do, the whiners who say they don't get a break are the ones who let those things go past them and they lost their chance, so they whine and if they do it enough them maybe you'll create a chance for them at another opportunity, but again they are spending their time whining about how hard it is, it's hard for everyone, there are just those who pay attention and take the breaks, and those who are too busy feeling sorry for themselves to see the breaks as they pass them by.
And don't let the politics of the clown circus get to you, the bigger majority of people by a long ways is for your treatment as a person right up there with theirs, by far people want to see this discrimination stop, they are sick of it even more than they are sick of trump.
Politics is using you as something they can break so that you don't fuck with them, for republicans today, if they can't have chocolate ice cream before bed, then they will burn your house down to show you they can.
If you let politics get to you then they win, beat them back by just voting and stop voting for the ones who cheat their way through life, which is the basics of republican 101, screw the somebody so they can get ahead, screw you before you can screw them but they always claim you are screwing them over wn=hen it is actually the other way with things like taxes, dollar for dollar, the republican states get more from our taxes than they pay in, because that is how a republican works, take and take more, take more than they need and always promise to pay you back just as soon as you give them a job that pays better than the job you have now, it's how the dirt side of politics works and you are seeing it in action in the white house, and it has never been whiter, they want to deport people by the millions now, another fake statement by trump, the king of fake, the originator of his own fake news, for years he impersonated his agent or something like that and always called in these bullshit stories about himself in the hopes that he could make them fly, like his stupid art of the deal that is full of just trump shitism, and I have read it, it is stupid and deals don't work that way, but the sales were shit and so he called in and declared that he was going to run for president to generate publicity because the book couldn't, so it worked and people bought his stupidity and they still do.
Don't let the way people are having their thinking done for them change your life and make it worse when it should be better than theirs, and maybe that is why they don't ;like us, because all in all, they are tied to the rope that the rock is tied to and someone is threatening to throw them off the dock, so they have to have someone to do the same to because they can't think their way past the shit, so they think of you as their target, don't let them, remind them that they are a bigger target than you are and tell them to take a long look at their life that isn't.
You have more things going on in life, simply because you don't do the conventional to start with, you have a way that lets you have an expanded consciousness, you are more together than the average person is, you simply are by who you are.

[Leena]

I wish I could say I have a nice balance, though I really don't.

I don't know I quite see it as "I pamper the living crap out of myself because I am worth it" even though that's how I voted, just that the whole point of it is to distract yourself from your life situation and that's not going to work too well if you aim to balance it. I'll take all the time I need.

I don't even know that pampering is what self care is to me. Mostly video games are probably the best to get me not thinking about reality, though sometimes watching fiction TV/movies or even watching sports can work.

[Leena]

I'd like to add that if I don't pamper myself either because I'm depressed or don't have the time and let things go, especially let shaving go, it will make me dysphoric and I'll need the distractions.

[Ativan Prescribed]

I have a lot of distractions and I use them all the time, for me that is a part of self care.
If it is taking the edge off things for a person, then it is self care to me.
Even going to the grocery store can be a distraction, I never time these things out or have a point where I am forced to do something.
It happens, but mostly it is just breaking up the boredom of being in a small town in a desert of small towns.
I have projects of all different kinds going and I can deep dive youtube to get my mind off of everything, that's just too much of going to the weird side.
But the things that are self care for NB are really the same thing, it's all rolled into one, none of it is separate, I may not be presenting as anything but old, but my world is always NB.

[Von]

I do just what's needed. Shower, teeth, hair if I have to go out...

I wouldn't call my loafing in bed all day self care at all.

relevant:

self care wolf