[ti]tree[/ti]"What fuels my wish to change"

[coco]

Life is a journey.. I would sometimes say this to myself. It's organic, moving, it flows like a river. Sometimes fast and almost in a rush. Then, bending, with lots of trees on the sides, rippling along. How can I explain myself what is happening at the moment? In my thought, my heart, even my body? Tried to be a 'pretty' woman all my life, to be accepted by men. Yet all I found was the urge to have sex. Physical satisfaction, but never able to build up a steady relationship? I wanted to be friends with them, too. But it never happened, as men couldn't just be 'friends'. They see boobs and poef! gone is the friendship. Is this the deep underlying root cause - the inner man in me? Could this be the reason for all my depression earlier in life? For the lost relationships, the constant misunderstandings with male and female alike? The restless wanting for acceptance and, love? What is love? To me, love is unconditional. Regardless of how one looks or presents themselves. Love is not just sex. Do I love, accept myself? No is the true answer. I am too tall. Too tall to wear high heels. My shoulders are so broad, I could be a rugby player . I dreamed lately of having manly facial features, would like to cut my hair half short on one side and colour it vaguely pinkish grey. Am I turning mad? Or do I finally give myself the space to become myself? Am I just reacting to my past failure, in frustration or is this a step toward a better future? Should I take hormones for instance? I am glad I can share my thoughts about all this on here. There must be a way to find out, what fuels my wish to change, before actually doing it. Can I be sure to make the right decision? How do you know?

[Ativan Prescribed]

Be who you are, it might seem difficult, but then a lot of stuff does.
Maybe it takes a lot of years, maybe it just happens, but the true acceptance of yourself is very key to being happy.
That doesn't mean that you can't change things about yourself, go ahead and change, same thing, accept that you do and are going to, you always have been.
If you think about the future to much, then it goes right by while you are busy doing that, it is a winding path and it is like floating along in a river somewhere.
But it isn't always like that and that's because things always change, not in idyllic ways, float along till you hit the rapids, then what? (adventure)
Be aware that the future is right now coming at you, but also realize that it turns right into the past just as fast.
The only thing a person can do is to just stay in the moment, be in the now and stop worrying about what the future could be if only...
You are not to tall, you don't have wide shoulders, just because that one person hasn't shown up yet doesn't mean they won't.
Wear heels and look down on those guys looking up to stare at your boobs, laugh at them if you catch them, do what you want to do and don't worry about what others might say.
Be the you as only you can be,, don't let others judgments be your guide to life, live yours and it is a grand adventure if you just let it, it's right there in the future waiting for you to get there.

[Trinity]

May 25, 2019 2:53:27 GMT 8 coco said:

Life is a journey.. I would sometimes say this to myself. It's organic, moving, it flows like a river. Sometimes fast and almost in a rush. Then, bending, with lots of trees on the sides, rippling along. How can I explain myself what is happening at the moment? In my thought, my heart, even my body? Tried to be a 'pretty' woman all my life, to be accepted by men. Yet all I found was the urge to have sex. Physical satisfaction, but never able to build up a steady relationship? I wanted to be friends with them, too. But it never happened, as men couldn't just be 'friends'. They see boobs and poef! gone is the friendship. Is this the deep underlying root cause - the inner man in me? Could this be the reason for all my depression earlier in life? For the lost relationships, the constant misunderstandings with male and female alike? The restless wanting for acceptance and, love? What is love? To me, love is unconditional. Regardless of how one looks or presents themselves. Love is not just sex. Do I love, accept myself? No is the true answer. I am too tall. Too tall to wear high heels. My shoulders are so broad, I could be a rugby player . I dreamed lately of having manly facial features, would like to cut my hair half short on one side and colour it vaguely pinkish grey. Am I turning mad? Or do I finally give myself the space to become myself? Am I just reacting to my past failure, in frustration or is this a step toward a better future? Should I take hormones for instance? I am glad I can share my thoughts about all this on here. There must be a way to find out, what fuels my wish to change, before actually doing it. Can I be sure to make the right decision? How do you know?

Asking the hard and right questions....

I needed a therapist for mine, and this board.

Its very physical with me.  And my relationships with men didnt go far.

There was one that was kinda close.  Butthen i met my first fiance and that changed everything.  Lost my virginity with her.


It could have been very different.


Keep asking...e