How comfortable are you in society?

[Trinity]

Curious about social comfort levels

[Ativan Prescribed]

I can't answer that, it depends on whether I can play the game that lets be get away with most everything because bullshit is what its all about in general.
Think about it, its the matrix for one, and you do realize that virtually everyone has some sort of shield up and they play the game to make it invisible as if they are the real person they are portraying.
And everyone does this, it doesn't matter who you are or where you come from, there is a character you play depending on different factors.
Only on here can I be odd and complicated at times and still just be about as real as I can be, and even then there is bleedover from the matrix characters.
I used to be really into these different personalities way back when, because I was in sales and they came in real handy to be able to gain the trust needed for people to part with their money.
I was always on or so it seemed, no matter where after work, it was the same thing but different depending on the bar of choice for that night.
Even who I might spend the night with there was a personality or character, just working the situations is all, and it is pretty easy and I noticed that everyone does this to one extent or the other.
But this is also the reason I have the confidence to tackle the problems that come up from other people, and can endure a lot of shit and also dish out even more.
But the comfort level is never there doing it at all, it is having to stay true to the character or else you have to back down and get out of wherever.
All of life is a stage, I heard that one time and it's true, but there are those times where you can be yourself with others, almost to the true self, we all hide shit in our shit closets so to say.
There are things in my past that I want to stay there and am not about to talk and then have to explain it all in detail, because a lot of it is pretty disjointed to start with.
But on here, and I consider it as real as it gets despite that it is online and all, and I find myself at a comfort level of a sort no matter what is going on, I come here as a way to release that off character that can build up for one reason or another.
I have no real interaction with society in this tiny village that is so small they can't afford the fence for the village idiot to sit on at the edge of town... see there how that just comes out for no real reason?
There is that level of comfort here, although I cringe at a lot of stuff I have to say, but its real enough, honest enough, just might not be the nicest of enoughs.
Good topic and I'd like to hear what others think about being here, how it is for them.

[Leena]

Not at all, but it doesn't really bother me. At least now.

It did when I was younger, because everyone always thought there was something was wrong with me, and called attention to me being so shy. Southerners especially seem to do that, since I've moved here, I haven't really had many people comment, except by people from the South. This was often more on my mind when I was younger than my dysphoria, so maybe it was a mixed blessing.

I thought it was something I had to change, and I tried all sorts of self help books and such, and also toxic masculinity. I tried to be the "strong silent type" guy, but that is really not me. I am not a guy and I am not that strong, though while these books didn't help me be more talkative, they did help me with my confidence quite a lot. Also though, when they asked what I would do if I were more confident, the thought that came to my mind was to transition...

Not sure if this was what you were asking though.

I am not yet totally comfortable in my presentation. I took a long series of baby steps to expand my comfort zone to include some clothing from the women's department, but I don't yet feel all that comfortable wearing some things, like a dress or skirt. There are safety issues being perceived as a transgender/NB/GNC person or even just being perceived as a woman that any level of personal confidence isn't going to help much, though being perceived as confident often does keep them quiet...

[Ativan Prescribed]

I say a lot of times to just be more badass than the assholes are, but really, it is all in how you project yourself and confidence is key to any situation.
It's the basis for the looking bigger than you are, it's the thing that throws people off if they come up to you and you keep your ground.
Confidence takes away a lot of peoples powers when they are just trying to be assholes.
Nost of the time, almost all the time, that kind of behavior is over the top for that person to begine with, they are trying to use you to make themselves look impotant, their first mistake.
Keeping the look of confidence in your facila expressions and body actions, you have what they lack and are trying to get by being the assholes, which never works except with other assholes and they all know they are anyways.
Doesn't matter a paersons size, if you don't back away and stare them down, they won't know how to react to that if they are used to people walking away, which they do mostly because who even wants to waste their time on an asshole.
But really, they have no idea about who you are and what you can do, and if you don't flinch, they will backup and shut up, they are afraid of being made to cry in front of other people...
But it takes being steady and a good way to do it is to just get pissed, but channel it into 'the look', take your pick of movie characters that you like and just be that badassed, it isn't hard.
In high stake negotiations, you generally get the other person to give up something for about three times and then you give them an offer and say that is it, there is no other deal to be made.
At that point you just shut up, because almost always, the first person who talks is going to lose the deal, what they say will be defensive and that is where you want them to be, back them up.
Same thing on the streets or wherever, you give them about three things from you that says you aren't about to back away and there is the staredown of a sort if anything, it's stupid, but the first one to look away loses.
If you look away first, you know that just happened and the same thing happens to everyone, stone cold reaction to all of the asshole stuff generally gets the entire thing in motion towards the staredown, and done right, you force them to back away, and they will.
It's the version of chest puffing, making the rooster feathers fluff up, but the one that gets most people is the unflinching stare, nobody knows what is behind it and that scares them, so confidence wins almost always.
The refined versions of that works the same in anything really, it can be friendly as well, but when the negotiation gets to that point, the stare and don't say anything more, try it, it works like magic unless you flinch, just practice it and you'll be able to do it better than you probably do already.
If you have brothers and sisters, then you've played the game already, and to throw confidence out, you have to straighten your spine, it adds inches to your height and gives off that confident look.
Swagger, walk like you mean it and not the just trying to get somewhere, look like walking is what you are doing, because you can, keep your head up and walk in a line, but always sidestep to let others pass and when you do, you always turn towards them slightly.
That shows your intent is good, but the swagger and head held up generally throws off way more confidence than anyone else around you.
When people can see that confidence, and the good intent, then you become a person they look to, that you are probably easy to talk to, and when people just talk to you or even just look at your face, smile, that takes the confidence over the top.
Like I said earlier, to me it's all in giving off the right impression at the right time, and there are more than a couple characters that just come out, not really me, but better than I am, at least I think so.
Always working the deal, even just shopping, get the sales help to actually help and they want to, the sociable part is actually pretty easy to do once you have it clear in your head and actions that the character is flexible enough to be a different one simply by changing the expression on your face, your walk, body language in general, and that is the other thing, learn how it works and how you can use it, actions speak loudly.
I've been accused of being a horse whisperer, but really it is all in knowing what a horse is saying by the way they move, people are a lot easier to read.
But none of it is the me behind it all, it's the learned way to navigate through the crowds...

[Becky]

I have to give a modified answer, because I'm in the closet publicly.

I go out into the world presenting fully masculine, and I'm perfectly comfortable. I'd be personally happier presenting feminine, but I am terrified of how people would react. There are times where I show a tiny bit of my feminine self - bare feet with painted toenails at the town pool, thoughtfully examining lipstick or nail polish at the drugstore - and I'm always uneasy when I do so.

[Iona]

This is a hard one to answer as it's difficult to distinguish awkwardness surrounding gender identity from general social anxiety (which I even get to some extent online).
I too present as pretty much entirely masculine in public, but I have lived with a consistent awkwardness, which I'm recognizing more and more may at least in part be due to not fully or comfortably identifying as(/with) male(ness). But after 40 years or so of doing it I've kind of got used to it, like this dull ache that's always there, in the background.
Part of the way I've done that, though, is by not allowing myself to feel fully present, as if I'm just observing the world around me, engaging as little as possible.
Perhaps, however I may be perceived by those around me, whatever I happen to look like, I could try to engage more. Maybe.
So, in short, I don't really know, but the 'so-so' option seems to fit best.

[Iona]

May 22, 2019 0:46:52 GMT 8 Iona said:

Part of the way I've done that, though, is by not allowing myself to feel fully present, as if I'm just observing the world around me, engaging as little as possible.

As it happens, that's very much what I've been doing here recently, so this is me engaging just a little.