social fluidity

[Trinity]

I find that in certain circumstances I present or live in one way, and in others, in another.

I take advantage of the gender roles or strengths associated in them in different social conditions.  In tough business, male.  In soft areas of support, trans female.  In everyday living, nonbinary.  At home, mostly nonbinary trans female.

How is it with you?

[Leena]

I still present as a long haired guy in some situations, mainly ones with family and ones where I know I am going to be called by my legal name.

Other than that, I'm presenting increasingly more feminine when I'm out though I still don't feel comfortable wearing dresses or skirts.

[Jamie Quinn]

I present as pretty masculine most of the time, occasionally as neutral-ish, but that means I still am effectively male by other people’s perception. I’ll dabble a little in private, but not enough to be consistent. Still getting comfortable.

[Becky]

I present fully masculine in public, although I occasionally allow my painted toenails to show.

In private, when possible, I prefer to be very feminine in presentation. It makes me feel calm and confident.

[Trinity]

It goes a bit deeper than expression for me, I think, in the fluidity. But more and more I am aware that the core is not changing, that happened down here in FL, where I really have to deal with the part of me that was the one that copes with everything. But there are times when I go far to the physical side of me, which is sh'e. And there is a personality shift.

My kids say my personality did change once I transitioned, maybe and maybe not

But I generally immerse in presentation, and on the street, it is all Trinity, not much of a trace of Perry there. But once off the street, its a lot of Perry as the core me, but the body language is entirely Trinity as well, and I mean all of it, the way I move and all that. That is very sh'e.

I am quite comfortable in skirts on the street. Feels really good to me. I do have the legs for them lol.

But here is the thing, and what I wanted to drive at with the thread. Presentations change based on environments with me. But so do personas, if I understand that word, or the way I interact with the world, that changes, a LOT. Yet the deep core, is always there, and that is me. Which is nonbinary and trans.

I am always aware of that core, there can be overlays on it, gender presentations or even coping mechs in public, but the core is always the same, multifacetted like the diamond, but always there. Like a quiet commentary or observer.

And there is who I am in the middle of the night, and sh'e is most assuredly very trans.

[Trinity]

And in the deep relaxed state, when I get the muscles to really release, its also very sh'e. Its like sh'e needs permission to exist, take the defence mechs down, and there sh'e is. Still nonbinary, and just who I am. And I do love being who I really am, shaming me doesn't work any more, all the bs does not work anymore. I very much esteem and value who Sh'e is, this nonbinary trans human that has no label, and looks like a mature gypsy, and I love h'er for who sh'e is and wish sh'e had been able to be freed decades ago.

But I am freed now....as I sit at the kitchen table, no makeup except some mascara that typically is there, I am not really into lipstick, and I have a short robe on and physically am as I described h'er. Yet as I type, I am accutely aware of that nonbinary core self.

Interesting, to me, how it all worked out.

[Ativan Prescribed]

I see no reason to get all pissed off because some asshole bigoted trump voter wants to ruin someone's day.
It could lead to more than just them throwing out insulting words, I've had standoffs more than once and for other reasons I have had lots of them.
I just can't let that kind of crap just ruin my days, I'm old and I want all of them for me and not have some dickhead in my head, and that is exactly what those kinds want.
So outside, I am always the same, and inside I almost always wear a long skirt, kimono robe usually, and any lingerie stuff I want if I feel like it, sometimes I do.
But the entire thing about being who I am isn't hinged on whether I can or can't wear something I like, there are jobs that have dress codes, so the same thing.
Society is numb to the fact that they as the individual sheep they are, are not the ones that others model themselves after, to them, if you aint a sheep then something must be wrong and they get scared.
But I don't even think about what I have to wear, I just have inside and outside clothes, which makes a lot of sense to me and outside I don't think about it at all.
Presentation for me isn't what it is about, knowing myself more than just saying I'm NB is more important and since I am, what is the big deal if I am dressed one way or the other.
Standing out has never been a comfortable thing for me and I have had to the one standing out way more than the usual, and when it comes to trans anything, I'm not going to paint that target on me, but I won't let others do it either to me.
And that happens, it isn't as though I realize how I am walking or any of that, like the clothes, I don't really think about it, feminine guy to some maybe, but then most don't notice a thing anyways, so not enough to think about.
But if you feel like you are making a stemant, then fine, make one, but if you think that you are outing yourself and that it can all go wrong, why bother, there are other ways to use you time.
If you let dysphoria rule your life, then you will always be thinking about it when in the real you wouldn't be, like so many things, the more we try not to think about it, the harder it is to not.
Ear worm anyone? Still watching the TV when the show has changed and you don't like what's on but don't want to change the channel because you are halfway through it and now you need to see what happens? It's TV.
So pushing anything like that to me is just wasting the time I have on it, when I can be doing things that I don't have to worry about, but still do because I tend to do that, another reason to not go out fem'd up.