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Post by Trinity on Apr 14, 2019 4:04:10 GMT 8
YMMV.
I'm fine with the mirror until someone cuts off my hair.
Yes I'm still mad about that. Really mad.
Generally the experience we were told to expect was to look at your sisters and mother and expect one cup size below on Full Out HRT.
As to the face, most folk I know that did it had a pretty decent change. Mine was subtle, I think age can play a part there.
And it takes 7 years for full fat redistrubution. But that changes pretty well early too.
Mine has changed very well.
Its easier for me, because my physical dysphoria is pretty bad, binary.
The only thing is, I present and act male in public most of the time, and even full out sh'e, there is a lot of male that reads through unless I consciously supress that or more like, let h'er have full control.
And I have no problem with being male andro in public. None.
So for me, its a peice of cake to have my cake and eat it too.
Here's the thing, at home, I am when at rest, always in female presentation.
Out the door, no.
But in the house, its sh'e. Which I think is my center.
I am so aware that I am not a guy, not a girl, so clear on being nonbinary trans, androgyne. On what I want and need, and that's pretty static.
I think I am very greatful for that.
Odd that I don't get dysphoric about shaving my face. Legs, yes. Hate stubble there. and going outside sh'e, yes.
But otherwise, it just doesn't bother me overly, its not like the standard trans narrative of throwing towels over the mirrors.
I wonder if nonbinary dysphoria is a little easier on us than it is on binary trans.
Interesting thread here.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Apr 14, 2019 10:15:52 GMT 8
It would seem to be easier to be NB and have some dysphoria than to be binary trans and have dysphoria. But then it is a matter of how dysphoria manifests and even whether it is dysphoria and not just using the word to say you don't like the way you are. It has become a throw word over the years and depending on how it is used, it can mean a variety of things, but as the strict definition of it, I would think it is harder for Binary Trans. There is a lot of things that would be harder if your entire life was in the wrong body, where for NB it is just somewhat that way, it can be full on one day and not the next, can be that fifty fifty sort of thing. But for most binary trans that I read their stuff at the old forum, the legit use of it is pretty strong for some of them, more than the throw word ones. Here it is used more in the throw word use than in the disorder version of it, but then it is as the throw word, used a lot in the sense of unease, rather than disorder. Both ways would be right, but at times it should be clarified as to how it really is, as a disorder it is debilitating for some, as a throw word for others, it is annoyingly unease at how you see yourself. If it is used as the version that we would like to look like this or that, then we all pretty much do that anyways, it doesn't have to be a trans thing, it's just wishful thinking on our parts that if we could wave a magic wand, we would like this for now, but there is the reserve that we might want to be a different way after that, the never ending want to be what we aren't thing that is pretty basic human thinking, the grass is greener for those who look like this and that. That NB can easily blend when they want and stand out at other times is that relief from the constant of the usual definition of dysphoria. It does get to be confusing when people use it wrong and then expect that others will understand what they mean, like when it isn't and they just mean that they would prefer, rather than have an obsession that is in the range of a disorder than keeps them from things in their life. Like it's be nice to be able to look like that person one day and look like this person the next, and really really want to, but it isn't like it is affecting your life to the extreme that you have a hard time coping with some things. Dysphoria is elusive to many because they simply don't really have it, but they do have a strong desire to look differently, but then a lot of people do who are far away from being trans, look at the fashion industry to see how that works. Some people live and die for the latest greatest, but it isn't the first priority of their day everyday, they take time off from it because they can. Some people have the need to have what they think is acceptable fashion awareness so that they can feel better than those who don't, the one ups thing. But those are just the mind games that the industry sets for people to play with, as if being a better person is tied to your looks, especially the ones they prescribe as the have to have look of the day, that makes them rich. If it is a thing that you would be satisfied that you could just be the person you want to be in the mirror without the fashion sense of things, just want to be a boy no matter how bad you look or a girl no matter how bad you look, then that is dysphoria at it's worse. Of course everyone wants to be the handsome prince or princess, and so doesn't binary cis, but if you are more than willing to settle for being a boy frog or girl frog, then sure, that is pretty much where the buck stops there. But as a throw word, it gets over used in the trans circles and to be honest, it has lost a lot of its meaning because of it, and there isn't a replacement word or disorder that can cover it. But it is a lot like where a person is coming from as to whether it is a recognizable thing, and for most NB, being this or that is subjective and usually not on the level of a disorder, we tend to accept an awful lot of ourselves and the objective is to learn to live with that rather than go off on a tangent of having to change ourselves or what is the use in living kind of disordered thinking that can come from something like dysphoria. Like seeing myself in a mirror or reflection isn't the kind of thing that just makes me want to curl up and die, I'd just rather not have to deal with it at the moment I see that mirrors reflection of me, but it is still me and it doesn't matter that much, but if I can avoid it, I will. Wikiwhatever blurb that summarizes it and is distinct from all the thousands of other kinds of dysphoria that the word can be used for, this at least takes some of the confusion away from it, but then it leaves the rest to wade through. Gender dysphoria
Main article: Gender dysphoria
Gender dysphoria is discomfort, unhappiness, or distress due to one's gender or physical sex. The current edition (DSM-5) of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders uses the term "gender dysphoria" where it previously referred to "gender identity disorder", making it clear that they no longer consider the gender identity to be disordered, but rather the emotional state of distress which results from the gender identity.
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Post by Trinity on Apr 14, 2019 10:28:23 GMT 8
Main article: Gender dysphoria Gender dysphoria is discomfort, unhappiness, or distress due to one's gender or physical sex. The current edition (DSM-5) of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders uses the term "gender dysphoria" where it previously referred to "gender identity disorder", making it clear that they no longer consider the gender identity to be disordered, but rather the emotional state of distress which results from the gender identity. This as well as the entire writing that I didn't quote only to save space, is very interesting. I am nonbinary, and I have accute gender dysphoria, and that's documented by two different psyche folks. Both the nonbinary part, and the gender dysphoria part, the latest diagnosis was that I was a nonbinary transgender woman. The funny thing for me, is that in my head, you can't use nonbinary and woman in the same discription, because woman is a binary condition, and nonbinary contradicts it. So I never considered myself with this, nothing ever fits. But my point is, I have acute gender dysphoria, and that required the modifications, and its a big deal, every time I look in the mirror its a big deal. Regardless of what I do socially. Its a big deal. I think its a gift that I can be socially comfortable, but its also a gift that I got to transition. There are mental tricks I can do when dysphoria really bites down, it bit down hard today, I spoke to my wife about it, she gets it. Things are a lot better at home than in the beginning. But yeah. It is crippling, for me. Its so much better now on HRT. More later.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on Apr 14, 2019 10:47:17 GMT 8
Nothing ever fits when you're NB, kinda the point of it. I have several kinds of dysphoria, if you want to see what all they can be, just google the word and then go to the wikiwhateverthing that is always there for some reason and see what it is all about, gender dysphoria is actually fairly tame relative to some kinds. You thought that the only way you could be was as a woman very early on, once you realized that it isn't the case, you still went for the body transition, but as far as gender dysphoria as gender identities results, you found out it wasn't the thing years ago. But to be able to quiet the things that you are convinced that you are binary trans on one hand and NB trans on the other, it has been the way to get those changes that you thought you always HAD to have, and more power to you. But they aren't in that realm of have to have, they are in the area of really really just gotta have, but I doubt that everything else in your life would have suffered otherwise. But that's just me seeing it the way I do, I originally did the very same thing, but once I stopped pursuing it and just got on with life and made the allowances I needed to stay sane, I found out that as a dysphoria, it wasn't all that much. But the narrative that if you don't like the way you are is because of dysphoria is not the same as actually having it, there is a lot of grey area in that, and I think each person needs to really come to grips with what it is they are trying to do. The regret of so many trans binary is the result of being so determined that life is just going to be right once they get it all done for themselves is a huge downfall, someone shouldn't have led them down that Susan path like they were led to believe was the only way. Every once in a while I feel like I need to pull those reins back a bit on the dysphoria thing for NB, so that the narrative isn't one that you have to do this and then that to have a life worth living.
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Post by Leena on Apr 14, 2019 11:37:05 GMT 8
That everything will be better isn't something I really expected. At the same time, that push may be what leads them to not take as long as I have to do certain things.
I just want to do the best I can to alleviate the dysphoria. I used to think dysphoria wasn't that bad for me, but it really has been, it can go away for times but then I often start acting and presenting more masculine, and feel compelled to stick with that presentation until the situation ends, especially if it is a work situation.
I'm really thinking more what if it isn't as bad as I imagined. Maybe I can find a meaningful work and social life here as a visibly trans woman...
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Post by Trinity on Apr 15, 2019 2:37:06 GMT 8
That everything will be better isn't something I really expected. At the same time, that push may be what leads them to not take as long as I have to do certain things. I just want to do the best I can to alleviate the dysphoria. I used to think dysphoria wasn't that bad for me, but it really has been, it can go away for times but then I often start acting and presenting more masculine, and feel compelled to stick with that presentation until the situation ends, especially if it is a work situation. I'm really thinking more what if it isn't as bad as I imagined. Maybe I can find a meaningful work and social life here as a visibly trans woman... You don't need hormones to find that out. Do you think just living it out might answer the questions you have? Even if for a time bound period, a month or so, just to see how it feels?
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Post by Leena on Apr 15, 2019 4:25:57 GMT 8
That everything will be better isn't something I really expected. At the same time, that push may be what leads them to not take as long as I have to do certain things. I just want to do the best I can to alleviate the dysphoria. I used to think dysphoria wasn't that bad for me, but it really has been, it can go away for times but then I often start acting and presenting more masculine, and feel compelled to stick with that presentation until the situation ends, especially if it is a work situation. I'm really thinking more what if it isn't as bad as I imagined. Maybe I can find a meaningful work and social life here as a visibly trans woman... You don't need hormones to find that out. Do you think just living it out might answer the questions you have? Even if for a time bound period, a month or so, just to see how it feels? That's basically what I've already been doing. Taking a break from electrolysis has allowed me to live mostly out for long periods of time and this doesn't work. I don't think I can really socially transition without hormones, I thought I maybe could with just electrolysis, but I have enough of an idea of how that might be now.
I probably also need FFS, and a boob job, while I possibly could find some surgeon to do those without HRT, the best ones want you to be on HRT for at least a few years. I guess it's that I don't feel like I'm even trying my best. If I try my best and still don't pass it's one thing, and I don't know how well I can deal with that, but right now, it's just I know that I'm not where I would have been had I not chickened out on calling for to schedule an appointment to HRT a few years ago and every other time I felt like this. I took it to be fluidity, and it doesn't mean I'm not still genderfluid, it's just I don't want a masculine body. Even when I am feeling masculine, I don't want to look like a middle aged guy, much less like an old man. I was semi-OK with looking like a young androgynous guy, but those days are numbered. When I was younger, I never expected to live past 30, much less live past 40. The idea of being bald and having gray facial and body hair disgusts me and always has.
I think I'll be fine on HRT even if I do have a masculine flip. It's really just the SRS that would be a problem, but it's not like it's easy or cheap to get, or even all that important for the things I want and need to do in my life. It's stuck in my head though, and perhaps always will be, but most of the time, whether I get it or not, I'll have my clothes on anyway so it doesn't really matter.
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Post by Trinity on Apr 15, 2019 6:02:45 GMT 8
You don't need hormones to find that out. Do you think just living it out might answer the questions you have? Even if for a time bound period, a month or so, just to see how it feels? That's basically what I've already been doing. Taking a break from electrolysis has allowed me to live mostly out for long periods of time and this doesn't work. I don't think I can really socially transition without hormones, I thought I maybe could with just electrolysis, but I have enough of an idea of how that might be now.
I probably also need FFS, and a boob job, while I possibly could find some surgeon to do those without HRT, the best ones want you to be on HRT for at least a few years. I guess it's that I don't feel like I'm even trying my best. If I try my best and still don't pass it's one thing, and I don't know how well I can deal with that, but right now, it's just I know that I'm not where I would have been had I not chickened out on calling for to schedule an appointment to HRT a few years ago and every other time I felt like this. I took it to be fluidity, and it doesn't mean I'm not still genderfluid, it's just I don't want a masculine body. Even when I am feeling masculine, I don't want to look like a middle aged guy, much less like an old man. I was semi-OK with looking like a young androgynous guy, but those days are numbered. When I was younger, I never expected to live past 30, much less live past 40. The idea of being bald and having gray facial and body hair disgusts me and always has.
I think I'll be fine on HRT even if I do have a masculine flip. It's really just the SRS that would be a problem, but it's not like it's easy or cheap to get, or even all that important for the things I want and need to do in my life. It's stuck in my head though, and perhaps always will be, but most of the time, whether I get it or not, I'll have my clothes on anyway so it doesn't really matter.
Boob job you need a couple years full hrt. Otherwise its not good...
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Post by Leena on Apr 15, 2019 6:39:24 GMT 8
Boob job you need a couple years full hrt. Otherwise its not good... I realize this, apparently having breast tissue gives them something to hook onto, though it can be done if you don’t, at least on cis women. I’d prefer not to have it, but I’m also starting to see how much boobs have to do with how I am gendered. Padded bra helps to a degree, but again it’s not the best I can do. I could start HRT soon and will have big boobs a few years from now, one way or the other. I could have had them now if I hadn’t gotten too depressed to function a few years ago, I just can’t go back to that, the idea that maybe I can socially transition is largely what is getting me out of that...
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Post by Trinity on Apr 15, 2019 8:23:34 GMT 8
Boob job you need a couple years full hrt. Otherwise its not good... I realize this, apparently having breast tissue gives them something to hook onto, though it can be done if you don’t, at least on cis women. I’d prefer not to have it, but I’m also starting to see how much boobs have to do with how I am gendered. Padded bra helps to a degree, but again it’s not the best I can do. I could start HRT soon and will have big boobs a few years from now, one way or the other. I could have had them now if I hadn’t gotten too depressed to function a few years ago, I just can’t go back to that, the idea that maybe I can socially transition is largely what is getting me out of that... I would personally consider it, though I have something thats ok My question is scarring and if i can slerp on them. I once had sex with a girl who hsd them back in the 80s. I felt like i was lying on a pair of hard plastic frisbees. Nice to look at but a turn off in bed. I think they are better now, more squishy.
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Post by Leena on Apr 15, 2019 9:46:08 GMT 8
What's funny is I don't personally find big boobs that attractive. It's not even something I look at, living as a guy, guys I've worked with and such commented on how big some girl's were and I just don't even notice that.
I do notice a pretty face and good hair though...
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Post by Trinity on Apr 15, 2019 11:20:11 GMT 8
What's funny is I don't personally find big boobs that attractive. It's not even something I look at, living as a guy, guys I've worked with and such commented on how big some girl's were and I just don't even notice that. I do notice a pretty face and good hair though... Lol A boobs a boob, if its there, i like it. Mine included.c
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