Roleplay experience

[peanut]

So I always roleplay, it's always been a space for me to explore gender. This isn't the first time that I have roleplayed nonbinary, I have before, but this is the first time that I have decided to roleplay a nonbinary character in a tabletop game with my friends.

I haven't come out to them yet, I just don't know if I can deal with the lecture and explanation that comes with explaining my gender, especially when putting it into words is hard enough when I am confused by it myself. I never specified my character's gender on purpose, whenever asked I just give them "I'm whatever I wanna be". I guess they are genderfluid, I haven't really decided, but really it feels like I am talking personally when I am asked that. It's an interesting way to test the ground on how your friends might react or think about your coming out. I know, of course, they would be more respectful if it were myself telling them that I am nonbinary than a fictional character in a semi-humourous roleplay but it's shining light on who's more open to it.

We've played a few sessions already, several hours. One friend said "I direct the girls away" to which I responded with "Excuse me?" "Well, whatever gender you are, I direct you away". The DM jokes "yeah, what even are you? What kind of hole does your character pee from?" which shows how he's yet to be enlightened. Later there was a scene when we were looking for uniforms and the DM quips up "but yeah, you can't find any because they are all gendered". Sigh. He's a good guy, he just comes out with ignorant things about sex and race it's not all that surprising. I came out to his twin brother who is much more openminded to these things. I don't know how I would approach talking to the other about it and what it means to me. I didn't even need to explain nonbinary to his brother when I came out.

No point to this thread, just wanted to share this idea and experience.

[Ativan Prescribed]

Mar 2, 2019 8:37:34 GMT 8 peanut said:

So I always roleplay, it's always been a space for me to explore gender. This isn't the first time that I have roleplayed nonbinary, I have before, but this is the first time that I have decided to roleplay a nonbinary character in a tabletop game with my friends.

I haven't come out to them yet, I just don't know if I can deal with the lecture and explanation that comes with explaining my gender, especially when putting it into words is hard enough when I am confused by it myself. I never specified my character's gender on purpose, whenever asked I just give them "I'm whatever I wanna be". I guess they are genderfluid, I haven't really decided, but really it feels like I am talking personally when I am asked that. It's an interesting way to test the ground on how your friends might react or think about your coming out. I know, of course, they would be more respectful if it were myself telling them that I am nonbinary than a fictional character in a semi-humourous roleplay but it's shining light on who's more open to it.

We've played a few sessions already, several hours. One friend said "I direct the girls away" to which I responded with "Excuse me?" "Well, whatever gender you are, I direct you away". The DM jokes "yeah, what even are you? What kind of hole does your character pee from?" which shows how he's yet to be enlightened. Later there was a scene when we were looking for uniforms and the DM quips up "but yeah, you can't find any because they are all gendered". Sigh. He's a good guy, he just comes out with ignorant things about sex and race it's not all that surprising. I came out to his twin brother who is much more openminded to these things. I don't know how I would approach talking to the other about it and what it means to me. I didn't even need to explain nonbinary to his brother when I came out.

No point to this thread, just wanted to share this idea and experience.

You aren't obligated to explain anything to them about whatever gender you want to be, are they explaining  themselves to each other and you?
And besides, it is a long drawn out conversation that isn't worth it unless they are very close to you.
Best thing is to just be yourself and say the things you are already, that you can if you want and there isn't any big deal about it.
If the unenlightened ones can't come to grips with it, just know that the biggest reason why is that they can't come to grips with theirs either.
Because they can't, if they see someone who they can get to explain it for them, then they will because they can't come up with any good reasons for any of it let alone their own.
Just be yourself and if they demand an explanation, tell them that there isn't an explanation, that the world is a spooky and confusing palace and you won't hold it against them for being afraid of it.