Looking for advice about a job interview

[Jade]

Ok, so I just got asked for an interview, to work at a major lingerie store. I applied with my male name, since it asked for my legal name, and wasn’t asked if there was a preferred name or anything. When I go to the interview, should I present myself as I feel most comfortable? I’m feeling like I can dress a bit cuter, and wear some minimal, professional looking makeup, but I’m just not sure how that will go over. I feel like my feminine presentation gives me a distinct advantage at this job, and would help me fit in with the clientele and co workers. I just don’t want to overthink this. What do y’all think? What would you do?

[Becky]

OMG, that sounds like a dream job! Especially if it comes with employee discounts. I would struggle not to spend my entire paycheck.

If possible, you may want to do a reconnasaince mission, and peek inside to see how young and "hip" the place seems. If they seem like a "woke" bunch of hipsters, you could absolutely try an androgynous makeup. There are a lot of good tutorials out there for guys making themselves look fierce.

If, however, you spot a lot of older, somber-looking women working in the store, best to do the stealth thing. If you don't have a chance to snoop around beforehand, I would go with as minimal a makeup as you can stand. Remember, you can be as feminine as you want inside your mind (or under your clothes). Do what you need to do to beat the dysphoria, then if you get the job, you can test the waters a bit more.

That's my own opinion. I'm looking forward to what others would say.

[Trinity]

Feb 28, 2019 5:24:26 GMT 8 Jade said:

Ok, so I just got asked for an interview, to work at a major lingerie store. I applied with my male name, since it asked for my legal name, and wasn’t asked if there was a preferred name or anything. When I go to the interview, should I present myself as I feel most comfortable? I’m feeling like I can dress a bit cuter, and wear some minimal, professional looking makeup, but I’m just not sure how that will go over. I feel like my feminine presentation gives me a distinct advantage at this job, and would help me fit in with the clientele and co workers. I just don’t want to overthink this. What do y’all think? What would you do?

Lol.

I'd panic.

I agree with Becky.

[Ativan Prescribed]

You didn't say, so it depends on the position.
Out front sales and such is going to be a different thing than any other position there.
Best thing is to just be in the interview mode and don't push anything one way or another, neutral.
If you can get some idea by asking what they expect for the position, then you can easily just go into whatever mode works for that.
If it works for you, then it should work for them.
Remember that an interview is not them doing an inspection of you and your personal life, it's a job interview and all they want to know is that you can do the job better than the next person.
A job interview is just as much you interviewing them as they do you, there is a mutual understanding that needs to be met first, then the details.
And those details should be only in concerns for the position, nothing else is on the table.
What they want to know are your strengths, weaknesses are a beside the point kind of thing unless it prevents you from doing the job.
Interview, not an interrogation. If it starts to become that, then excuse yourself and leave, if they are that way in an interview, you don't want to work for them because down the line it will just get worse.
But very rarely does it ever get that way, for some jobs that lack any kind of skill at all and you get to be a half hour trained monkey for them, then they want to know if that half hour is going to be wasted.
Just pick up on the things that are your strengths, look presentable and don't feel like you have to look like they want you to, because they probably don't have a look in mind.
I walked in on a sales job when I had never had one before and they said it doesn't matter, that they will work with me and show me what they want.
I was hired because I had the ties to the scientific community of engineering types, other professionals, I was on that level of knowing people, that part of the sales they wanted was that up and coming sort of group for them, so the sales wasn't the thing, they wanted someone who could just relate to several groups of buyers that they wanted to attract, it all worked out, I was there for years.
So all in all you don't need to just be interviewed, you need to interview them so that you know what it is they are looking for, more than the usual song and dance, the more get to the point of it.
That gives you the chance to relate your experiences with what they really want, and hopefully it will be a mutual thing that you want the job and they really want you because you're perfect for it.

[Jade]

So, here’s an update. I just got home from the interview, and it could not have gone better.I went completely as myself, just a little conservative. No mistaking that I was dressed very femme, light makeup with a nude lipstick, and nude colored nails to match. I was a little nervous, but was immediately made to feel comfortable and included. The woman interviewing me was kind, understanding, and appreciative. She even complimented my lipstick, and made me tell her what it was so she could get it. I’m so happy that i stayed true to myself, this really gave me a confidence boost. Best part, is that she asked me to return for a second interview, and that shed love to have me on the team. Cross your fingers for me, this may turn out to be a dream job.

[Becky]

Mar 2, 2019 3:20:30 GMT 8 Jade said:

So, here’s an update. I just got home from the interview, and it could not have gone better.I went completely as myself, just a little conservative. No mistaking that I was dressed very femme, light makeup with a nude lipstick, and nude colored nails to match. I was a little nervous, but was immediately made to feel comfortable and included. The woman interviewing me was kind, understanding, and appreciative. She even complimented my lipstick, and made me tell her what it was so she could get it. I’m so happy that i stayed true to myself, this really gave me a confidence boost. Best part, is that she asked me to return for a second interview, and that shed love to have me on the team. Cross your fingers for me, this may turn out to be a dream job.

HOORAY!!!!

That manager sounds fantastic!  I truly hope you get the job.  Forgive the pun, but it would be a perfect fit for you.
<3

[Trinity]

Mar 5, 2019 3:01:48 GMT 8 Becky said:

Mar 2, 2019 3:20:30 GMT 8 Jade said:

So, here’s an update. I just got home from the interview, and it could not have gone better.I went completely as myself, just a little conservative. No mistaking that I was dressed very femme, light makeup with a nude lipstick, and nude colored nails to match. I was a little nervous, but was immediately made to feel comfortable and included. The woman interviewing me was kind, understanding, and appreciative. She even complimented my lipstick, and made me tell her what it was so she could get it. I’m so happy that i stayed true to myself, this really gave me a confidence boost. Best part, is that she asked me to return for a second interview, and that shed love to have me on the team. Cross your fingers for me, this may turn out to be a dream job.

HOORAY!!!!

That manager sounds fantastic!  I truly hope you get the job.  Forgive the pun, but it would be a perfect fit for you.
<3

LOL

Took this long for me to get it.

[Jade]

Well, looks like I was lied to. The manager that interviewed me seemed very nice, but I’m guessing she told the other manager about me, and they changed their minds. Now I haven’t heard back, and she won’t return my phone calls. I should have known it was too good to be true. I just wish she’d been honest with me. Why even get my hopes up. Thanks for all the support, though. Looks like it’s back to the drawing board. Job hunting sucks, and it’s made so much harder being a marginalized person.

[Trinity]

Mar 5, 2019 21:21:28 GMT 8 Jade said:

Well, looks like I was lied to. The manager that interviewed me seemed very nice, but I’m guessing she told the other manager about me, and they changed their minds. Now I haven’t heard back, and she won’t return my phone calls. I should have known it was too good to be true. I just wish she’d been honest with me. Why even get my hopes up. Thanks for all the support, though. Looks like it’s back to the drawing board. Job hunting sucks, and it’s made so much harder being a marginalized person.

First thats a great avatar pic.

Second, while the job thing sucks, its better than the setups and shaming I have dealt with.  Sooner or later you'll get ypur match and if it is as who you really are, you may be able to avoid a bait and switch scenario.

Its taken two years for me to recover from my own job loss.  I enjoy what I do now.   But trans is a reason I choose to work freelance instead of behind a desk in public eye.  I got tired of the constant warrior mode.

So yes its tough, but the positive is that they bit on it, just didnt pan out is all.

Being us isnt a lot of fun, but its who we are so we deal with it.

Good hunting...

[Jade]

Awe!! Thank you!! I’ve been working freelance as an Uber driver for almost 2 years, and it was great for my transition. But they have started cutting driver pay so low, that its not sustainable anymore. I’m happy with my look, and how things are going, but most jobs don’t seem to accept it. I don’t really have the resume or job skills for much in the way of freelance work. It’s why i started driving. I’m sure ill be ok, I’m just feeling hurt by the whole thing.

[Ativan Prescribed]

Mar 5, 2019 21:21:28 GMT 8 Jade said:

Well, looks like I was lied to. The manager that interviewed me seemed very nice, but I’m guessing she told the other manager about me, and they changed their minds. Now I haven’t heard back, and she won’t return my phone calls. I should have known it was too good to be true. I just wish she’d been honest with me. Why even get my hopes up. Thanks for all the support, though. Looks like it’s back to the drawing board. Job hunting sucks, and it’s made so much harder being a marginalized person.

Sometimes they are taking their time deciding on which person they want.
I've had the no return calls before, and then suddenly got called back to come in.
And don't be so fast to count yourself out, you don't know how they decided if they did already, you could have been the next in line if they did hire someone else.
I'd say if that's true that they did, then you are just a step away from getting a good job.
As far as how you should look for an interview, it depends on the job and the place, some you can be more free to be, others have to be more conservative.
Some places don't have all that much of a dress code and you'd fit in easily, but in the interview stages they expect a more professional look, more conservative.
It's a tough thing to have to just wing it every time, but when in doubt, ditch your look for the matrix one that they likely expect.
In a lot of jobs they expect a certain look that isn't that casual and they are conservative and think it is disrupting, but the job can be a good one that pays really good, so going along with them gets you that.
Most jobs are like that, people can't wait to get off work so they can just be themselves, and a person's look can change a lot, and not necessarily NB, just ditching the job look is standard for a lot of people.

[Jade]

Maybe you’re right. The reason I think they’ve moved on, was that she was so short on staff, and told me that she’d like to start me working as soon as possible. She was trying to get me to come back the same day. She even called me that day, saying she got busy but still wanted me to come in ASAP. My guess is she she showed my resume to the other manager, and that’s where it died.
I’ve been going on other interviews, and dressing accordingly, but I tried to be myself for this one, as I thought they’d be accepting. I was wrong. It’s ok, I’ve moved on to other opportunities. I’m just guessing that being myself is a bad idea, if I want a job. I just have to find a way to deal with the depression it causes me. Seems that finding a job that will accept me for me, is not going to happen.

[Becky]

Mar 6, 2019 22:06:44 GMT 8 Jade said:

Maybe you’re right. The reason I think they’ve moved on, was that she was so short on staff, and told me that she’d like to start me working as soon as possible. She was trying to get me to come back the same day. She even called me that day, saying she got busy but still wanted me to come in ASAP. My guess is she she showed my resume to the other manager, and that’s where it died.
I’ve been going on other interviews, and dressing accordingly, but I tried to be myself for this one, as I thought they’d be accepting. I was wrong. It’s ok, I’ve moved on to other opportunities. I’m just guessing that being myself is a bad idea, if I want a job. I just have to find a way to deal with the depression it causes me. Seems that finding a job that will accept me for me, is not going to happen.

It makes me sad to hear all of this.  It sounds like one manager was accepting and supportive, and the other was stuck in a cisgender mindset.  I'm still hoping they realize that you're the best for the job after they speak with others, but it may be overly optimistic.

I'm sorry to say you're probably right - the next interview will have to be without makeup.  Just be sure to paint your toenails some vivid color and wear a satin bra and panties underneath guy clothes.  They can't use any of that against you, and it may tone down the dysphoria a bit.
<3

[Trinity]

Mar 7, 2019 2:35:32 GMT 8 Becky said:

Mar 6, 2019 22:06:44 GMT 8 Jade said:

Maybe you’re right. The reason I think they’ve moved on, was that she was so short on staff, and told me that she’d like to start me working as soon as possible. She was trying to get me to come back the same day. She even called me that day, saying she got busy but still wanted me to come in ASAP. My guess is she she showed my resume to the other manager, and that’s where it died.
I’ve been going on other interviews, and dressing accordingly, but I tried to be myself for this one, as I thought they’d be accepting. I was wrong. It’s ok, I’ve moved on to other opportunities. I’m just guessing that being myself is a bad idea, if I want a job. I just have to find a way to deal with the depression it causes me. Seems that finding a job that will accept me for me, is not going to happen.

It makes me sad to hear all of this.  It sounds like one manager was accepting and supportive, and the other was stuck in a cisgender mindset.  I'm still hoping they realize that you're the best for the job after they speak with others, but it may be overly optimistic.

I'm sorry to say you're probably right - the next interview will have to be without makeup.  Just be sure to paint your toenails some vivid color and wear a satin bra and panties underneath guy clothes.  They can't use any of that against you, and it may tone down the dysphoria a bit.
<3

You might not want to be wearing open toed stillettos for that....

[Ativan Prescribed]

Mar 6, 2019 22:06:44 GMT 8 Jade said:

I’ve been going on other interviews, and dressing accordingly, but I tried to be myself for this one, as I thought they’d be accepting. I was wrong. It’s ok, I’ve moved on to other opportunities. I’m just guessing that being myself is a bad idea, if I want a job. 

There are just not that many good jobs out there that anyone can be who they are.
It's just a given thing that everyone is going to be the stock version of that employee.
The stereotypes for almost all jobs is pretty strong in the who you appear to be parts of them.
the best jobs I ever had always came with a kind of dress code and attitude was also a big thing with them.
They were all pretty different from each other but that constant of fitting in with everyone else who was fitting in because fitting in is expected.
It's a part of what the Matrix does, standardizes the ways people can be, you have to play the part if you want to get the better money, so appearing to be a part of the matrix is necessary sometimes.
Styles change over time, I'm old and have seen a lot of changes that are for the better in stuff like this, acceptance where before it wasn't just not acceptable, in some cases illegal.
The way to get ahead is to play the game, doesn't mean you have to actually become one of them, and the trick is to do just that, not become one of them.
It's play acting, it's the kind of thing you should be laughing inside at them because they think you are one of them who fits in, but hell no and that is the way it is for a lot of people.
Play the game, understand the rules of the game and then use those rules to get ahead for better money, just don't fall into the trap of becoming one of them.