Gender therapy and gender therapists

[Physics Buff]

Not sure where to create this thread. It doesn't seem to me to fit with "Medical Transition", for example.

I just screened about a hundred psychotherapists on the Psychology Today website, reaching out to 17 of them explaining where i am coming from and that I want help exploring my gender identity. I am open to suggestions from you, regarding the best way to conduct this search. Some of my criteria are obvious: I want a therapist who embraces the LGBTQ community and doesn't think transgender status is a mental illness.

I have been in therapy for decades for a variety of problems, most of which evaporated last winter. But I am still seeing my therapist and intend to continue with her while I see a gender specialist. I have asked her to help me in my search.

[Leena]

I'm interested in how to best screen for this too.

Really, the hard to screen thing I would need most is someone I could feel comfortable talking to, which rules out a lot of people, but otherwise it is just going to be a waste of money.

[Trinity]

I always wound up networking.

I've had two gender therapists. One diagnosed me with autogynephelia, which is discredited, but it got me my hormone approval letter and down in FL they wont give you hormones without it.

Up in NY I had another gender therapist, an ftm man. I actually got way more out of the one in FL, disagreed with him a lot, but he was helpful, though I hated what he said about what would happen to the marriage, and also about what typically happened with transition, which was the inevitable mtf push that costs you everything you love.

Nonbinary wasn't really mentioned, but he was the first to mention gender outlaw by Kate Bornstein. And that was spot on, just wish I had read it.

But I did background checks, mostly on internet, forum. Checked around, asked questions.

It wasn't easy finding either of these guys.

Bottom line, one got me my true diagnosis (I have a letter stating I am a nonbinary transgender woman and should be allowed access to bathrooms and locker rooms matching my gender identity), and the other got me my transition.

The term "woman" I think is just the way things had to go with the letter. Its a safety thing. I could never bring myself to say that I am a woman, though I do enjoy it when someone calls me one.

[Physics Buff]

After screening the 100 therapists, I have not gotten much promising response from the 17 I contacted. However, in the Facebook group for the local genderqueer group I got a reminder about an excellent clinic that specilizes in LGBTQ issues, Live Oak Therapists.

Here is my screening letter, edited. I only got messages back from two or three people (other than "call us to make an appointment").

"Hi,
I am an assigned-male-at-birth person who is exploring the possible feminine or female side of their identity. Because I am interested in possibly receiving estrogen, my new friends suggest I seek something called "gender therapy."

I have been in therapy for decades for anxiety and severe depression, which has however gone into remission. I started to feel better last winter. I am still seeing an LCSW weekly. So the gender therapy would be a kind of adjunct.

Do you think you may be able to help me clarify my gender identity?

Money is a bit of an issue because... Ideally, cost would not be a factor in choosing a gender therapist.

Do you think you can help me explore my gender identity? I am looking for a therapist who embraces the LGBTQ community and doesn't view transgender status as a mental illness."

[Ativan Prescribed]

It all goes down in the first few minutes of the ten they usually give you for an introduction.
If they feel like they could be a friend, then it is positive, if they just feel like they have a sympathy empathy kind of attitude is isn't going to go anywhere.
A therapist is the person you are going to confide in, and you have to comfortable as they do as well.
Anything clinical about it is a negative, like if they want to convince you of their credentials.
That isn't the point, they are what they are, but to be able to use them you both have to click, like feeling good when you walk out.
always give it a day or so to decide, pull back and think it through with how it feels over what they say they can do, if it doesn't click, there is little they will be able to do.
They should feel like if you met them at a bar or something, that you would hit it off as friends.

[Physics Buff]

I don't think I need a gender therapist; the relationship I have with my regular therapist is very helpful in my exploration/transition. I really love talking with her. For example, today in session I realized that my restlesness in recent days comes from an almost universal concern: I do not know how people are reacting internally to the changes in my social presentation. That is, how they perceive me. This frustrates me. Even if I knew what people thought of me, I could not control it. So the challenge is to accept the fact that I cannot know or control how most people feel about me.

If I decide I want estrogen - and it doesn't look like I will - I will see what kind of professional endorsement I would need to satisfy the endocrinologist.

Nevertheless I would be interested in hearing, either in this thread or in private messages, how your therapy benefits your gender journey, gender exploration, transition, identity, etc.