Holiday interrogation training

[Laura J]

Okay, I AM needing advice..!   

With the Holidays coming up, lots of us have plans like dinners etc. which will include strangers who don't know us.? Well, I mean know Me..? 

I AM going to be wearing something trans, probably a neckless(trans emblem) and maybe bracelet also... I wish I had one of those cool T-shirts that say: SOME PEOPLE ARE TRANS.. GET OVER IT..  (rofl) But my wife would probably take issue with that since most are her friends are from her church.. 

So what is the best reply when someone asks, "oh thats a pretty emblem in your neckless, what does it mean".? 
Should I just subtly say Transgender or Trans equality or something like that, and change the subject, or just blurt out, "I'm non binanry, which is one of the many gender identities within transgender.? 
Or maybe just go stealth, wear my jewelry under my shirt, and smile and pretend to have a good time, like usually..? 

This is my first year at this stuff, and it's a lot more difficult talking about it with people in real life, than it is typing messages on Facebook and the such.... 

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[Deleted]

From personal experience I would suggest that you ask her, she needs to be kept inside the loop, her thoughts on the matter will determine the right course. Since they are predominantly her friends you don't want to embarrass her in front of them. If she's fine with it then yes, keep any response to a single short sentence, something like "celebrating my transgender awareness". If anyone is interested to know more, they would more than likely ask you in private out of politeness.  Low key has always worked best for me and being considerate of one's life partner is a crucial part of keeping the relationship together.

[Deleted]

I agree with Shan on this one. Since it will mainly be her friends and from a church setting. Ask her what she thinks. Personally I may wear something really subtle and small and if asked , just say you thought it looked pretty cool And if they notice it then they may be a little more on your side of the fence. But I would definitely as my partner How she would feel. That is the key. Sleeping on a couch will do in a pinch but sleeping on the couch for a week hurts.

[Laura J]

Thanks Shan and Jamie..

That does seem the best approach, after thinking about it more..
I don't think my wife would be mad at me no matter what I said, as long as someone else started the topic and was asking questions, but no, I don't want to make waves with her or her friends.
My wife used to be quite traditional and had set in stone opinions, but I'm happy she's become quite open and accepting of the trans and LGBT issues, its really nice not being at odds like some couples I'd read about..

I really do want to make some kind of impression though, in a caring positive way..

Im optimistic its going to be a great holiday season this year..!

Thanks so much..

[Ayla]

Mark

I think that Shan and Jamie give good advice. From painful experience I try to avoid surprises or potential embarrassment Trust and partnership are important here. A major statement is high risk

If the symbol is noticed you can always talk to it without outing yourself if your wife is uncomfortable with disclosure over the holiday

Safe travels

Aisla

[Laura J]

You are right, and thats great advice Aisla.. Thank you..

[Ayla]

I have a sense or perhaps more of a sneaking suspicion that my father has spoken to my brother re my non binary identity etc. I can feel the family inquisition heating their irons and preparing the rack and being put to the question. Not a good way to be thinking about the upcoming festive season. Perhaps this will move things forward and I can work out who will respect me or have a problem with my identity and expression. I feel that I am at a pivot point and apart from my family I have neither avoided coming out or being deliberately inauthentic ie if I think that that my identity is relevant then I will share it. However I have stopped short of a public broadcast.

Safe travels

Aisla