Post by Amber Marie on Aug 26, 2018 12:33:31 GMT 8
Having ASD, I use metaphor a lot to communicate ideas across the neurotypical \ Aspie divide. This is how I explained myself and my journey to my mate. She seems to get it, so perhaps it will help others?
Most people, not all, but most, look at a person as a whole. Mind, body, spirit, it's all one. Change an aspect, and you've changed the whole. In relationships, the physical identity presented, is not seperate, it's part of who a person is perceived to be. So altering our body, changing gender physically or in presentation changes everything. It can be seen as abandonment, betrayal, or even death.
We who have lived mismatched lives, where our minds bodies, spirits, don't all match, don't all fit, tend to see these things as seperate. We are our core, or spirit soul, what ever name we choose. We are unique individuals independent of the body we Inhabit. We are the drivers, our bodies, merely the vehicles. Change the car and the driver can be more comfortable, fit better in the car, or move with traffic that provides more ease of comfort. Regardless, the drivers are us.
We are desperate to be seen as the drivers we are, desperate for validation and acceptance of our cores. We need to be accepted in the traffic flow that comforts us. We need to be recognized as we perceive ourselves.
To us, curvier fenders, bigger or smaller tires, they make us more comfortable more at one and more at peace, but they don't change who we are.
Yet to much of the normative world, changing the car changes everything. Someone who's been involved with us before change can feel lost, abandoned, betrayed. They mourn, often going through the stages as if they survived the death of a loved one. When it affects gender perceptions, it can even involve phobias.
It's hard and complex, but it all boils down to our plea "love me, accept me, the driver not the car. See me the driver, not the car. Cherish me, the driver, not the car.
A lot of people don't get that because their perception focuses on the whole. This is just my opinion.
I am not a package with short hair and dangly bits. Others are not packaged with long hair, padded tops and other bits. We are the burning souls filled with love, thoughts, ideas, etc...
When we transition, many will not be able to handle it. I believe that if we can get those people we wish to stay in our lives to see us, the drivers, seperate from the cars, we may be able to better save ourselves, our loved ones, and our relationships.
So often in these past months I've heard my sisters and brothers cry out in anger frustration, and sadness, over relationships falling apart because they can't see the drivers and love them alone.
If This makes any sense, please share it. Transition is very hard on everyone. Not only must we work on ourselves, but if our relationships are worth saving to us, they're worth the hard work of saving them by creating those bridges of understanding.
Again, just my heartfelt belief that's helping to keep my mate at my side where I need her to be.
Sent with love,
Jackie
Most people, not all, but most, look at a person as a whole. Mind, body, spirit, it's all one. Change an aspect, and you've changed the whole. In relationships, the physical identity presented, is not seperate, it's part of who a person is perceived to be. So altering our body, changing gender physically or in presentation changes everything. It can be seen as abandonment, betrayal, or even death.
We who have lived mismatched lives, where our minds bodies, spirits, don't all match, don't all fit, tend to see these things as seperate. We are our core, or spirit soul, what ever name we choose. We are unique individuals independent of the body we Inhabit. We are the drivers, our bodies, merely the vehicles. Change the car and the driver can be more comfortable, fit better in the car, or move with traffic that provides more ease of comfort. Regardless, the drivers are us.
We are desperate to be seen as the drivers we are, desperate for validation and acceptance of our cores. We need to be accepted in the traffic flow that comforts us. We need to be recognized as we perceive ourselves.
To us, curvier fenders, bigger or smaller tires, they make us more comfortable more at one and more at peace, but they don't change who we are.
Yet to much of the normative world, changing the car changes everything. Someone who's been involved with us before change can feel lost, abandoned, betrayed. They mourn, often going through the stages as if they survived the death of a loved one. When it affects gender perceptions, it can even involve phobias.
It's hard and complex, but it all boils down to our plea "love me, accept me, the driver not the car. See me the driver, not the car. Cherish me, the driver, not the car.
A lot of people don't get that because their perception focuses on the whole. This is just my opinion.
I am not a package with short hair and dangly bits. Others are not packaged with long hair, padded tops and other bits. We are the burning souls filled with love, thoughts, ideas, etc...
When we transition, many will not be able to handle it. I believe that if we can get those people we wish to stay in our lives to see us, the drivers, seperate from the cars, we may be able to better save ourselves, our loved ones, and our relationships.
So often in these past months I've heard my sisters and brothers cry out in anger frustration, and sadness, over relationships falling apart because they can't see the drivers and love them alone.
If This makes any sense, please share it. Transition is very hard on everyone. Not only must we work on ourselves, but if our relationships are worth saving to us, they're worth the hard work of saving them by creating those bridges of understanding.
Again, just my heartfelt belief that's helping to keep my mate at my side where I need her to be.
Sent with love,
Jackie