Exclusion warning in Chicago

[Amber Marie]

Attached is a copy of the email I sent after being ejected from a meeting of the Transfeminine Alliance at Chicago's Center on Halsted. It seems that for their moderator, a welcome depends not on understanding and acceptance, but rather what ones original equipment anatomy one had. I guess I'm still a bit old school, but I believe that shutting and rejecting someone I love is a personal affront. Please read below.

To whom it may concern,
I am a 59 year old, AMAB, person who identifies feminine of center. I'm also in HRT transition. If That wasn't difficult enough, I'm also a functional Aspie. In New situations, I find it helpful and comforting to have my spouse, who's been my best friend for over 53 years at my side. Nowhere will you find a more loving, understanding, and accepting person as my Janice. This evening, we attended a T-fem meeting. It was my first ever and the first time I'd tried reaching out to in person to others who might understand.

Instead of understanding and acceptance, all we found was rejection from the moment we introduced ourselves. The moderator made it clear that we were unwelcome and so we left without a single person questioning.

I rechecked the website for your group and found no warning. There should be one so no one else has to drive an hour and a half in rush hour just to be hurt. That I can get anywhere.

Not that it matters to your group, but I will advise those on the forums and at the Howard Brown Clinic I go to to warn others away.

[Leena]

*Big Hugs*

I've avoided local support groups because I was afraid it wouldn't go well because I don't quite fit certain criteria.

It's really wonderful that your spouse is by your side. Perhaps they aren't wanting to deal with a spouse who isn't all that accepting and is pushed into going there...

[Von]

Wow, that's a really shitty thing for them to do.
I'm glad you have a wonderful spouse - they shouldn't be ousted just because of criteria nobody was made aware of.
Kudos for standing up for yourselves.

[RAYtch]

Aug 22, 2018 12:37:12 GMT 8 Amber Marie said:

Attached is a copy of the email I sent after being ejected from a meeting of the Transfeminine Alliance at Chicago's Center on Halsted. It seems that for their moderator, a welcome depends not on understanding and acceptance, but rather what ones original equipment anatomy one had. I guess I'm still a bit old school, but I believe that shutting and rejecting someone I love is a personal affront. Please read below.

To whom it may concern,
I am a 59 year old, AMAB, person who identifies feminine of center. I'm also in HRT transition. If That wasn't difficult enough, I'm also a functional Aspie. In New situations, I find it helpful and comforting to have my spouse, who's been my best friend for over 53 years at my side. Nowhere will you find a more loving, understanding, and accepting person as my Janice. This evening, we attended a T-fem meeting. It was my first ever and the first time I'd tried reaching out to in person to others who might understand.

Instead of understanding and acceptance, all we found was rejection from the moment we introduced ourselves. The moderator made it clear that we were unwelcome and so we left without a single person questioning.

I rechecked the website for your group and found no warning. There should be one so no one else has to drive an hour and a half in rush hour just to be hurt. That I can get anywhere.

Not that it matters to your group, but I will advise those on the forums and at the Howard Brown Clinic I go to to warn others away.

Oh that sounds awful Jaxi, what a disappointment and a horrible thing to experience. Theres some who are very one dimensional in their views towards groups of people and the problem lies completely with them. I feel gutted for you that you made the effort to go and especially as it was you’re first one.. they’ve let you down. People like us, we all need each other no matter how we define ourselves, whether it’s non binary, bigender, tranwomen etc etc. An example is, without having this forum/board at the moment with kind people to chat to, I don’t know where I’d be! I’ve yet to go along to any support group or meet up group to seek help but I remember times in the past where friends within the lesbian community have made negative comments about transgendered people for which I was very surprised. Infact I was quite taken back and angry with them at the time (before I even knew about myself). In hindsight they probably touched a raw nerve with me as underneath perhaps I did know hence being so angry. I was surprised this exists within this community of people as surely people would be understanding or know better. Try to remember though that people like this are in the minority. Don’t give up Jaxi, don’t let them set you back as there will be other groups who will welcome you in. I hope they give the right response to you’re email etc. 

[Amber Marie]

There is an excellent closed group on Facebook called Non-Binary Gender Pride, where I posted the same issue and E-mails. The traffic on that post, yesterday and today was extraordinary and mostly incredibly supportive. There's a divide between the Neurotypical and Neuro-diverse, but with the help of such sites, our issues get much better discussion and understanding. I highly encourage other Enby's to consider expanding their community to include that group.

As to TransFem. I got a very short e-mail response that they will discuss my e-mail at their September 4th meeting. I sent a second e-mail below.

To whom it may concern,



I am told by some, mostly neurotypical, that you are owed an apology, by others mostly on the Autistic spectrum, not. I will go with my feelings here and simply say that any group that practices such blatant discrimination is one where I am not safe. If your mission was one of outreach and understanding, you failed, but if it was similar to the militant feminist movement as one of exclusion, you made your point. 

  I needed my companion there, one time, for two measly hours of your lives, to get used to you all, to try and calm the sensory overload and learn the dynamic. I've been paying for who I am all my life, learning where I can't go, hiding and trying to fit where I never will. Just when I think maybe, there's some place for me outside of my small insulated life, you've reminded me that it was just a dream.

   So here is my apology. I'm sorry that I spent three hours driving round trip, I'm sorry that I offered you trust. I'm sorry we darkened your door. But I will never be sorry for bringing the one human being I can trust to help me.

  I'd turn the other cheek as the good book says, but it's just as badly bruised already.
 
Sorry to have bothered you,

Jackie Greenberg   

To which they replied: We are a group that speaks as a group. That is why our responses will be brief until the group can comment as one. This message will also be shared.

My last e-mail to them was:

Thank you for the brief, businesslike reply. I do not know any others like myself to come with and I no longer hope to believe your group is a safe environment. As such, I do not at present see myself attending.

I will however extend this offer, though I highly doubt it will be accepted. Should a member of your group wish to meet either at my home or at a public location, I would make every effort to connect and give the benefit of the doubt.

My Social circle is so small that I don't worry about being outed. Those that matter already know. Those that don't, don't matter.

Should you wish to review the commentary, go on Facebook to the closed group Non-binary pride. I'm certain someone is aware of the group. You can look me up on Facebook by searching Jackson Greenberg.

There is my olive branch. It's the best I can do. You see, I may not be much, but I'm about all I can manage to scrape together.

Sincerely,

Jackie Greenberg

I'm not a betting person, but I'd still bet no one contacts me. I do not have any Trans friends. Truth is I have only had a few friends in my life. All but one were women. The one male passed on 15 years ago. Being me makes connecting in real life very hard. I adore my mate, but our world is so small, we do get lonely. Still finding someone that can accept mine and my mates issues is a herculean task. She has anxiety issues, I'm ASD, Trans, Enby, and sometimes feel older than dirt. Heck of a cocktail of non-normative life.

Love to all,

Jackie