The Dreaded Mid-Party Gender Split

[Becky]

Whenever I’m at a party or other social function, I live in fear of the unavoidable “gender split” that happens mid-way through. You know, it’s the moment that the women congregate in the kitchen and the men are expected to go out to the deck in back.



The men fold their arms and begin to speak in some kind of foreign language. I can make out a few words dealing with sports or car engine parts, perhaps a phrase or two about how someone tiled their own bathroom, but the rest is all gibberish to my ears. I nod my head, feeling like an undercover policeman who’s about to be discovered.



It’s at times like these where I would give anything to go back into the kitchen with the ladies and talk about Project Runway, good books I’ve read, or why Lash Paradise is the best freakin’ mascara EVER.



Do any of the rest of you have similar feelings about being lumped in with your biological sex in social settings?

[Leena]

Oh yes, though I never really understood why supposedly heterosexual men would prefer to hang out with other guys. I generally hang out with the women, and frame it like that if any of them say anything.

It did bother me if I went to one of those parties where it was all guys. I have little understanding of those things guys talk about either, and don't really care to.

[Trinity]

Mar 26, 2018 4:27:22 GMT 8 Becky said:

Whenever I’m at a party or other social function, I live in fear of the unavoidable “gender split” that happens mid-way through. You know, it’s the moment that the women congregate in the kitchen and the men are expected to go out to the deck in back.



The men fold their arms and begin to speak in some kind of foreign language. I can make out a few words dealing with sports or car engine parts, perhaps a phrase or two about how someone tiled their own bathroom, but the rest is all gibberish to my ears. I nod my head, feeling like an undercover policeman who’s about to be discovered.



It’s at times like these where I would give anything to go back into the kitchen with the ladies and talk about Project Runway, good books I’ve read, or why Lash Paradise is the best freakin’ mascara EVER.



Do any of the rest of you have similar feelings about being lumped in with your biological sex in social settings?

What a wonderfully written description of why I no longer go to my wifes family parties.

YES.

[Petri]

Im not frequent in social gatherings, and my family is quite small so everyone just sits in the same room and shout at each other to try and get their voices heard. Maybe this is a dumb question but I'll ask anyway; what would happen if you didn't go with the guys and went with the women like you want to?

[Becky]

Mar 27, 2018 1:42:28 GMT 8 Petri said:

Im not frequent in social gatherings, and my family is quite small so everyone just sits in the same room and shout at each other to try and get their voices heard. Maybe this is a dumb question but I'll ask anyway; what would happen if you didn't go with the guys and went with the women like you want to?

It's not a dumb question at all!  In the Southern US, gender roles are old fashioned and rather inflexible.  I've actually stayed with the women on a couple of occasions, but I often feel that I'm being judged by the other men.  There's this concept of being a "real man" versus being a "sissy."  It's a shame issue that I even have to fight inside myself from time to time.  I don't think my friends are intolerant - they just don't know any different.  It's one of the things holding me back from coming out.

[Petri]

Mar 28, 2018 8:44:42 GMT 8 Becky said:

Mar 27, 2018 1:42:28 GMT 8 Petri said:

Im not frequent in social gatherings, and my family is quite small so everyone just sits in the same room and shout at each other to try and get their voices heard. Maybe this is a dumb question but I'll ask anyway; what would happen if you didn't go with the guys and went with the women like you want to?

It's not a dumb question at all!  In the Southern US, gender roles are old fashioned and rather inflexible.  I've actually stayed with the women on a couple of occasions, but I often feel that I'm being judged by the other men.  There's this concept of being a "real man" versus being a "sissy."  It's a shame issue that I even have to fight inside myself from time to time.  I don't think my friends are intolerant - they just don't know any different.  It's one of the things holding me back from coming out.

It feels like the US is a different planet sometimes (I've never been there so this is completely me being judgemental). Of course there's a destructive macho-culture here in Sweden as well but the gender roles are not as cemented and there's not as much of a danger in being different. ..or maybe I've just been lucky?

[Von]

It was often like this for me during my school years. I often partnered with guys for group projects (if they weren't lazy asses anyway), and eagerly jumped into conversations about internet funnies and videogames. The girls didn't care that I wasn't with them - I was another planet to them, as they chatted about makeup and crushes and reality TV... The only push back I got was when the guys wanted to talk dirty about girls - I'd get this look like, "Can you go somewhere else?" To them I was an ugly girl, but still a girl and OBVIOUSLY must be straight and not allowed to have an opinion on Becky's sweet ass.

Now my circles are much more integrated, and the dudes DO see me as partially a part of them, knowing I'm NB. It's nice, not being pigeon-holed anymore. I don't *do* functions where men and women go separate ways. And I'd much rather stay glued to my boyfriend in any case, because *social anxiety*.