Autism Spectrum and Enbyness

[Yuki]

I'm on the autism spectrum. It's pretty common for people who are to identify as trans in some way. I'm not really sure why, though.

[Trinity]

I know a few others, low percentage of the enbys that I have met.

All of us seem to fight issues though that spin off of our unique genders- societal pressures that have wreaked havok over the years. I could go on about that, it would be a good thread discussion- maybe you would like to launch one.

My demons went in another direction, which I talk about in the private section here, due to my theater connections I don't disclose much. But I've been in recovery from it for decades.

So to center the focus where it belongs, I am not personally affected, but I know trans people that are, and I would make the case that every single one of us has psyche damage caused by societal rejection of trans and bullying.

[EchelonHunt]

You might like Aaron Ansuini, he is a transguy who is friends with Chase Ross, another trans YouTuber. He has recently been diagnosed as being on the spectrum and is opening up more about that. Something that was interesting was he mentioned that in a You're So Brave (YouTube podcast series he runs with Chase), he has always used visual cues with his hands a lot as a child to avoid speaking, he says he was selectively mute and being socially conditioned as female, he was taught that it's a "feminine" thing to do and as he transitioned, he tried to stop doing visual cues with his hands, since his diagnosis, he's realised that he doesn't care if his visual cues with his hands come off as being "feminine" to others because he sees it as an Aaron thing, its his way of communicating in ways that he can't with words.

It struck a cord with me. I had been selectively mute as a child that people almost always comment on how "quiet" I am when I first meet people. It's because I like to gauge people's personalities and their sense of being as a person. If they're nice and friendly, I'll open up, it'll take me a long time to be comfortable with people like I am with family and close friends but eventually, I become more talkative and openly express myself. If they're negative or an asshole, I'll retreat further into my shell, keep my interactions with them to a civil minimum and/or walk away from the situation.

My mum has always thought I was on the spectrum but never really got anyone to diagnose me. I might have traits, I'm not sure? I have trouble displaying emotions - when I'm sad, I always seem to look angry and it upsets me when my mum misinterprets my sadness for anger. I can't watch the news anymore, the whole death, murder and killings thing just overwhelms me, it feels like I'm feeling the emotions of those who have died in that moment, the grief of the family, and my own confusion swirled in on top. I feel like a bit of my soul dies every time. I don't know how people can watch all that stuff and just be completely fine with how fucked up the world can be.

At one point in my childhood, I wasn't tuned into a moral compass that others would, I would usually say things that were insensitive or harsh without meaning to be, I've since learned how to more-or-less adopt a moral compass and manage my reactions and sentences so I don't come across as a heartless being. I'm still trying to navigate social situations, it's exhausting trying to organise the sentences in my head before speaking, I have to do it meticulously so I don't risk any chance of anything I say being misinterpreted or misconstrued as something else. When I try to be friendly with strangers, I have people accusing me of flirting with them. I don't even know HOW to flirt so I think they were full of BS.

I didn't have many friends at school, I was lumped into a group of people who were considered "weird" or "outcasts", tomboys and I remember, one quiet soft-spoken boy who wasn't interested in playing rough with the other boys. We all got along though, it was like, all we had was each other and it was a mutual respect/understanding we had with each other. Sorry this was rambly.