Wormmms
Junior Member
Posts: 72
Gender: Other
Pronouns: They/Them
Orientation: Bi/Ace
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wormmms
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Post by Wormmms on May 17, 2017 14:45:13 GMT 8
I went shopping with my mom for Mother's Day. It was nice, but it's always stressful shopping with a member of my family because I'm worried that I will somehow spark suspicion with my clothing selection and have to have a hard conversation. I ended up finding some stuff I liked, but those full length mirrors in the dressing rooms... brutal.
I also briefly wandered around the "opposite" gender's section of the store, but I felt overwhelmingly like I didn't belong there and had to leave. Which was ridiculous, because obviously anyone of any gender is allowed to shop in any section of the store. I never feel this weird if I'm buying a gift for someone else, but if I'm looking for clothing for myself it feels like people can tell (even though they definitely can't and it shouldn't matter anyway!)
This experience made me think back to shopping experiences when I was a kid. I had this intense, acute anxiety when I even went near the "opposite" gender's section in the store, which even back then I knew was NOT normal, but I just decided it was too overwhelming to analyze. Basically my child-brain was like "Whoa, that's weird. Better not think about it". Sometimes I feel self-doubt about the way I identify currently because I wasn't especially gender nonconforming as a child in any visible way, but then I think back to how much anxiety I had about even the slightest bit of transgressing gender norms and I know that there were extenuating factors influencing my gender expression as a kid.
Anyway, the moral of the story is that online shopping is a godsend. I'd love to hear about other people's experiences with this.
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Post by Taka on May 17, 2017 21:26:30 GMT 8
if you force yourself to get used to it, shopping in the "opposite" gender section is real fun. and you can take those same clothes you find there to the "right" gender section to try on.
go out and have fun.
only my sister has much experience with online shopping in my family. half of the clothes don't fit well, and many end up with my daughter who's shorter than her. they interestingly have the same hip size though, my sister's just way too skinny...
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Post by Trinity on May 17, 2017 22:49:47 GMT 8
I do online shopping for bras and lingerie, but generally track down a retail source and buy them there. I am extremely picky about what I want to wear. But having said that, sometimes I do buy unlined bras on line, and 36A's are really hard to source.
I have yet to use a womans dressing room in a store.
It has gotten easier in time, but it also still has me hyped up, I go into trans warrior mode. Just like I do any time I go out in public, there is a body language that goes with that. Daring the matrix...
I want to see it, feel the fabric. And forget about shoes. Definitely store for that.
Usually store shopping I am presenting male androgyne. I don't think I have shopped as a stealth female yet.
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Post by Valerie on May 17, 2017 22:53:39 GMT 8
I know exactly what you mean, and about growing up as a child thing too! I always remember thinking to myself I wish I were a girl just so I could enjoy playing with dolls, watch the more "girly" shows like powerpuff girls, totally spies, Sabrina teenage witch, etc. I also would always choose the female characters in video games! I use to think that I had crushes on all the females, but now I recognize it looking back on me just admiring them, and wanting to be like them! Same with all male characters/actors like I was a HUGE James Bond fan, and watched the movies/played video games and omg I admired bond so much and I love pierce Brosnan, but now looking back on it I recognize it as a huge crush haha! Poor child me didn't understand the feelings I had toward the same gender. But anyways this thread is about shopping so let me get back on topic haha Yea at first with trying stuff on I was the same way! Like I'd feel so anxious, overwhelmed, and uncomfortable if people saw me shopping in other genders section. Like really bad! But I pushed through because I really wanted cute fem clothing! I've actually gotten a bit better so far I've looked through more feminine clothing section at goodwill and Plato closet! Dresses make me feel so uncomfortable though only because of my broad shoulders & I hated what I saw on mirror of "man in dress" I definitely enjoy skirts much more though! But like the short skirts that stop around thighs & above knees! I also wanna get more short shorts! Speaking of shopping I been desperately wanting to go clothes shopping and update my spring/summer clothing! They're all masc looking uggghhh! I'm thinking of getting a bunch of my more masc clothing together in bag and taking it to Plato closet and see how much store credit or cash I can get and then use that to get more fem looking stuff! Like I recently bought a ton of fishnets & stockings from hot topic and so in my mind I'm imagining more outfits with stockings/fishnets and short shorts or a skirt! Very more punk/alternative style I'm wanting to pull off! I also gotta get new shoes!! I'd honestly love to try online clothes shopping, but I can't figure out my size and I seem to fit in so many different kinds of the same size in women jeans! Like it's soo frustrating ugghh so I don't wanna buy something and have it not fit right! But then also I've lost a lot of weight recently, and being on hormones now I wonder how much my hips will change in few months? I gotta keep in mind about hormones making changes while getting clothes... hmm but yea no definitely need more skirts and short so I can look like a trashy punk! That's my aesthetic haha
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Post by Yuki on May 18, 2017 9:46:32 GMT 8
I'd honestly love to try online clothes shopping, but I can't figure out my size and I seem to fit in so many different kinds of the same size in women jeans! Like it's soo frustrating ugghh Get used to that with women's clothes.. nothing fits the same! Even the same size in the same brand. Also, no real pockets for anything unless you're really lucky. And, the only reason why celebrities look amazing in everything is because they have everything custom tailored. That's why they can pull some things off, but you could look terrible in it! It's not you. They just have more money than you. Not everyone knows that though so then they think that they're ugly because the dress or top or whatever isn't flattering on them. Not true! It's just not made for your body, because everyone's body is different and there isn't a one-shape-flatters-all option. Anyway, I don't feel weird shopping in the men's section, anymore. I think having someone go with you who is supportive, if you have someone, really helps get past the initial anxiety.
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Post by Ativan Prescribed on May 18, 2017 10:26:52 GMT 8
They don't know who you are shopping for, not any more than the online stores. You could be shopping for a friend, a sibling, you could be shopping for just about anyone. There is no reason at all why you can't shop where you want.
There isn't a law, maybe the fashion police and the occasional gender police who are easily dismissed with a F___ Off. Even if it is for you, the sales help are there to sell, they aren't going to turn you down, unless they are bigots, and you can call them out real easy. If sales help is bothering you in a nasty way, talk to the manager, can't get anywhere there? leave and never go back, go to the store next door...
Second hand places are really friendly, I used to shop in one that was just for women, tried stuff on, asked how it looked, nothing outrageous, but still. The sale help in those places depend on the sales, they aren't going to push you out the door.
For some stores, they are blending things to a point, there is no real line you cross to get from one gender to another. If you look at most places, there are people of both genders shopping for stuff, again, they don't know who you are buying for.
Even if they ask about size, just tell them the person your buying for is the same size as you, which is true, but even if you tell them it's for you, they either help or go away, if it's a big enough store, the next person will get the sale.
I know it's hard to do this at first, it gets easier as you go, and it takes a lot less time to find what you want, you know what you're looking for. Sizes are difficult, and going to the fitting rooms can be a pain... But again, you get used to sizing things and shop where it's easy to bring stuff back if it doesn't fit. Online stores, from Amazon down have pretty good deals on returns, if it's a store brand you buy it from, they want you happy so you buy more.
Don't let the gender thing get in your way of buying the stuff you need and want, honestly most people aren't paying attention except for the people who want a sale, and they will remember you and if you stop in again, go to them, build up a relationship, it's like having your very own sales assistant.
Just keep your head up and do look until you find what you want, tell the sales help what you are looking for, don't blow them off if you don't have to, if you need help, let them help. Makes it a lot easier, again, they want the sale. If the manager see's them not helping,.. they are there to sell, they can judge later if they want, besides, once they have it figured out, it just might change their minds for the better. It really is pretty easy once you get it down, go and look even if you're not buying, get used to it.
Easy enough for me to say? Not really, I have a very masculine look, yet I do and have for years bought feminine things for myself, asked for help when I need it, but if there is ever a person who sticks out in the 'woman's' dept, it's me. Just the fact that I do stick out, I seem to get better help because of it, I get hit almost right away. If they seem to want you to leave, ask them if the manager is available, and simply tell them that you are leaving because of that person, you won't have any trouble again from them. If the manager wants you to leave... then do it, spend your money where they are more willing to take it.
Consider this, you go to buy a vehicle and you present feminine, but you want a pickup truck not a small one a big honkin' tough truck. Are you going to settle for anything else? Would you feel out of place doing that? Do you think other people care? Buying clothes is about the same thing, don't let the few and far between who stick their nose into your business stop you, ask them if they are the gender police, ask them if they have a problem, just make really annoying noises at them, just don't let them get away with it...
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Post by Taka on May 18, 2017 12:40:05 GMT 8
come to think of it, i have only good experience with pharmacies. i walk in as what looks like nothing but a woman, and ask for my prescripted testosterone. and every pharmacist i've met in that situation has absolutely no reaction except for that genuine smile which they meet every customer with. it's almost as if they think it's perfectly normal that i should take this hormone supplements.
and whoever sells clothes would rather hope that you buy something you want than just look at your favorite section from afar. unless they're complete idiots who never should habe gotten that job. i believe their boss would be interested to know if you're not treaded with the same respect even if they notice you trying on clothes from the "opposite gender" section.
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