deprogamming yourself from antitrans antigay brainwashing

[Deleted]

How do we uninstall the virus in our skulls installed by the ignorant?

I can say all I want that I am ok, etc etc...

The truth is I was taught I was far from ok.

So, bet most of us deal with this.

Uninstalling the poison in our innocent minds.

Important thread, especially to guest views.

Thoughts?

[EchelonHunt]

Sometimes removing a virus won't remove its trace entirely. Much like uninstalling a program won't remove all of its content from your computer.

Changing a thought process, one that has been imprinted from others, it starts by deconstructing its roots. When the first seed planted, how it manifested over the years and bloomed into the creature it is today.

Once the root has been taken away or replaced with something else, the rest should inevitably fall away as it has no base to stand on or it will adapt to the new root, changing the negative intonation to a more positive one.

For example, I was a nice person as a young child. Always friendly, always kind. I thought that if I got hurt, it was better than hurting others. I always said yes, I always put the decision on someone else instead of mutually agreeing. I felt if I voiced my opinion, that I would be imposing on others, being a burden. What it did was make me a people-pleaser, a doormat, a person stuck in a rut and unable to get out of it. I began to harbor resentment, oh boy, a lot of it. I didn't realize that because of my gullible nature, people did what was natural - whenever I spoke, they would ignore me. I didn't believe the words I was saying so why should they?

I tried to change, I thought it worked for a while but old habits die hard, don't they? An abusive relationship uncovered the reality that I hadn't changed one bit. I was still the same person I was years ago. It was evident by how I was unable to express my feelings to my partner and I didn't have the guts to break off the relationship when it had well and truly crossed over into the red zone, even the interior of my mind was falling away and screaming at me in the heavy fog of dissociation.

A month ago, a final anime episode hit a crescendo of character development for a pitiful protagonist who is very much like me, more ways than one... well, brought another reality crashing down on me.

Everything I have done or haven't done, everything up to this point, it all falls on me. My actions and my lack of action are my own responsibility, I have nobody to blame but myself.

The episode also said this, "All the disadvantage in this world stems from a person's lack of ability."

That was the hair trigger that threw my mind into absolute chaos. It kick-started a metamorphosis of sorts, whether I wanted it or not.

All my life, I did little to nothing, never stood up for myself and wondered why disadvantage fell upon me. I hated people and the world but really, I hated myself. Gee, ain't it obvious?

I also realized that my hate towards the world is somewhat justified. I am treated as a freak of nature, as if I am something that is wrong, I should shut up and cease existing. I'm not what's wrong, the world is. The world is a fucked up place and it can't stand me being the thorn in its side - I'll just keep digging deeper the more they resist.

If I can't change the world, all I can do is change myself to adapt to it. Its a necessity for me to survive and thrive.

The core of my virus was fear and wanting to make others happy - even if it meant I fell into misery and lost myself in the process. I figured life is too short to silence myself to please others. I've stopped censoring myself and started speaking frankly about my feelings. I stopped caring about other people's needs, they are responsible for their own happiness, it was never my responsibility in the first place. I began to focus on my own happiness and my identity stabilized. It helped immensely and is so much more fulfilling. I am still supportive of people I care about, I just won't go falling over my feet while I do it.

It will take time or it will take a revelation for things to start shifting in your mind, boxes being moved, papers being shuffled elsewhere... the mind is full of mysteries. The end result is you come out the other end being better for it. I do still have days where I find myself thinking about past events but that's it, I do not find myself slipping back into old habits or gestures, that is a line I am acutely aware of and will never step backwards over it again.

[Edge]

Any anti-trans feelings I had went away with time. When I first started, I felt like people would see me as a liar and like I wasn't "really a man." I kept going anyway. The closer I came to being the real me, the happier I felt and the more comfortable I felt being the man I am. The more others treated me as a man, the easier it got too.
I've struggled with some internal homophobia due to the fact that the media and society in general paints queer men as these effeminate queens and stock characters that I am not and have no interest in being. There's also this idea that a queer man is somehow less of a man. I fought that by looking up queer metalheads and seeing that, yes, there are other queer guys like me and they are no less men.

[Deleted]

I used to have preconceived notions that all gay men were limp wristed flamers who spoke with a lisp, but that's patently ridiculous and not so. Two of my friends are what one might refer to as straight out of Gentlemen's Quarterly, well dressed, dignified and very masculine and privately they are a happy gay couple.