inherit
131
0
1
May 13, 2024 23:20:30 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,582
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on May 10, 2017 7:26:01 GMT 8
I just pulled out of the second show, and I am glad that I did it.
A lot of things are falling apart right now, and a lot of things are also becoming clear.
The role was not right for me, the things that were going down in it, the interactions, it just was not going to work. And as a result I learned a little bit more about myself, and where I fit into a lot of this stuff.
End of June I head back to Florida, NY is totally unsustainable. Three roles have surfaced since I got up here, one I landed, the second, was a 10 month gig in Oregon and is too hard on family to try for, the third was this show, and I just can't do the character right. So if I cannot do the character right, I am not going to do it. And that is what I told the playwright, because if I perform it and its not authentic and is hollow, then its better not performed by me at all.
My gut feeling is starting to comply with what I am in denial about here, and I am starting to see through some things and surrender to them.
So yeah, its just time to pack it up. Head for Florida, and do a reboot down there, when the timing is right and better.
I'm feeling kind of sick about it frankly. But that role, it wasn't right for me, it was a great idea, but it just was not the right fit.
I told the director the truth, didn't lie about it. Just told them that if I did it I'd be horrible in it, and I know I would in this one. It may not have been the smartest thing to do, but it was the right thing to do, I know it in my gut that I was right in letting go of that role.
Odd that by doing that, I feel like I just got away from the edge again. Something was really wrong with doing that part.
Trinity.
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inherit
131
0
1
May 13, 2024 23:20:30 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,582
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on May 10, 2017 8:56:16 GMT 8
One of the biggest reasons I got away from that role was that as a nonbinary transwoman, I just don't fit the whole name change thing, wedding dress thing....those were scenes in it. It also took place in planned parenthood, after pushing through a protest around and against it. My own experience with that was less than nice, it was in the early 90's, I had a vascectomy there. The guy that did it, the doc, well, it belongs in a movie. It was not a positive experience by any means, and I was wide awake when they were operating on my balls and making jokes about it to the nurse that was helping there. And then the novocane started wearing off and they were having a hard time with one of them not being descended quite enough. There are other things way out of my life experience. It just was the wrong fit for me. And all I can think is, what happens if I lose control over the roles I can take? I need to write my own destiny here, one that is concurrent with my spiritual beliefs, my needs. I don't go for the sleaze factor, and its so loose in the theater, so very loose. But I am so well accepted in there, in the purity that I live in it. I'm a little shaken up tonight. I kind of went all in, gambled everything. But in the end, I think that I will be ahead of the game. I think that knowing who you are, and not compromising that, is so important in the arts. I think I made the right choices, all the way through this. I need to start looking ahead, get ready for retirement in 3 years, and keep preparing. And write, write, write. That Gigi vid is throwing me a bit. I am so glad I got enough breast for it to work for me, without surgery. I like being all real, no surgery. Life is weird, isn't it. And I still am kind of famous in the subculture here. Trinity
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inherit
131
0
1
May 13, 2024 23:20:30 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,582
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on May 10, 2017 9:41:14 GMT 8
From my facebook
The power of your identity- understanding who you are and who you are not, is so on my mind tonight.
I had to let go of something special, because in my own identity, I couldn't quite squeeze my life experience into the role that would be played.
It would have come across as false, I think. I can't afford to let that happen, it has to fit, come from core, come from the depth of who I am. I just didn't have the right life experience for it, my path was too different from the character's path, and as an organic actor, working always from truth, it would have failed.
I try to understand the value that I have to the community, what value there is. In theater, here, and on the forum that I write on, where people come in crisis to find out who they are, become all of themselves in the unique way that nonbinary identities do. I know lives are entrusted to me to touch, just as you also have lives entrusted to you too.
Its hard to find the nonbinary truth, in a binary world of gender. I was fortunate to have the best mentors in the world, supporting and loving me. I did find mine, on the diamond tightrope between transsexual and androgyne, living both worlds simultaneously. Its hard to understand or explain, but its also incredible to truly know who you are.
In the end, I think its that knowledge that you are not alone, and that your truth is real, that makes such a big difference. Not just not alone, but loved for who you are, in all of your uniqueness.
I think my calling is to love, and to write, and to have the courage to just be. Some times, it takes so much that by the end of the day I am a bit of an exhausted puddle, every time I step out the door, I face a world that does not understand.
Some do, though. Some do understand, what it feels like, to be transgender.
Let the candles of your love burn so brightly, my dear ones, let them burn away the night, giving hope, giving life, giving truth. Whether in the theater, or in the written word, or in the gentle hug of the support groups, or in the kind hearted eyes that linger on the hopeless a moment, on the lonely a moment, in that window of compassion that moves from eye to eye and heart to heart in the blink of a click of time.
Touch a life. You always do, let that touch leave a memory of happiness, and the will to live another day.
Because when you are transgender, we have a special knowledge of just how much that takes.
Be the difference, in a life. Yours, and those you touch.
Trinity Satin Joy
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inherit
131
0
1
May 13, 2024 23:20:30 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,582
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on May 10, 2017 9:47:51 GMT 8
Maka posted this the other day. Its so in play right now for me. Quote "Thanks Trinity, I'm better now There always be sad or unpleasant times, and times where one might think everything is lost and there is no way out. Actually that's not the case there always are multitude of ways to go on and enjoy the life, albeit a bit different from those one has had accustomed to. Whenever there's a problem, either internal to you or external (from surroundings), that's a sign that something is changing in you, you are no more a person of a past of you, you evolve, and that sometimes means that you are to start a new cycle. I know, you'll get over it eventually, that way our the other, though wish you be your better self once it's over :hugs:"
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inherit
131
0
1
May 13, 2024 23:20:30 GMT 8
7,160
Trinity
DES Trans
14,582
Nov 5, 2015 13:41:59 GMT 8
November 2015
trinity
Non-Binary
Sh'e, H'er, they them, she, he, whatever....
Bisexual
Faithfully Married.
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Post by Trinity on May 11, 2017 3:05:01 GMT 8
I took the show back and they let me back on it.
And everything came together today.
See happy thread
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