[ti]happy[/ti]I made a story :) it was very quick but i hope you enjoy

[Luyas]

The wolf....,....,

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You are alone in a heavily wooded forest, your significant other was dragged away by a wolf. You manage to catch up with them only to find them torn on their chest. Luckily you were a nurse and ripped off your shirt to staunch the bleeding. You call 911 and right when they say "911 what is your emergency" You hear a growl and all you feel is searing pain, and you pass out. You wake up on a cold hard table not being able to move. You feel something in your neck and a beep on a monitor. "Are you ready doc" You hear but cant see because there's a curtain blocking your view. You try to get up but your body dosnt listen. you look up and realize there's a tube in your throat "OMG WHAT HAPPENED THIS FEELS HORRIBLE GET IT OUT" you scream yet no one seems to hear you. "Ready to make the incision" All you feel is pain. You vaguely remember the forest and Where your significant other was. OWWW there was that pain again. You feel a knife being ravaged through your lower body. "This seems like I'm in a hospital why dose this HURT SO MUCH" Oh no. You realized what happened. It hit you like a bomb. You remember a story you read about something called "Anesthesia awareness" When you are awake and unless there's a brain monitor, others don't. Alex is the name of your significant other. You hear the doctors whisper "Have you heard, a patient came in with a shirt in their chest to stop the bleeding and you could see some rib bones! How....why would something do that" "Doc are they going to survive" A nurse asks "Well my buddies working on them, they are critical, this patient is critical but will survive." "Wait ALEX" you cry, and no tears flow, You scream and scream, yet no pain shows. You hear a monitor beep, then you fall fast asleep. You dream about a wolf attacking you, ravaging your body, Just like it did to Alex's. If you were to see it happen, how you would be scarred for life. "wake uuuuuup. Wake uuuuuuuup, WAKE UPPPPPP!!1" WHAT" you scream and sit up quickly, shriveling in pain. "No no no sweetheart lay back down, you were in a terrible accident!" But all you cared about was Alex "Alex HOWS ALEX, I NEED TO KNOW NOW!" They made it out of surgery but the doctors don't know if Alex will........ever wake up

[Taka]

neither of the voting options would fit your story. it has enough potential, but it's presented somewhat poorly.

try splitting the text into paragraphs first. one event or main idea per paragraph. nothing more, perhaps less.

i'm not entirely sure how wise it is to write the story in second person. for readers who simply love horror stories, it might work really well. for me, it turns me off as i'm unable to identify that strongly with the mc/victim of such a story.

another way of creating a sort of relation to the mc might be to write in first person or present the mc as someone you know very well. but this choice is up to you, as it's how you will try to create a certain effect.

the story could also use a few more descriptions. what does the wolf look like, is the pain stinging or scorching or otherwise, exactly how hard did you/i try to scream.

the way the story goes is good though. you only need to split it up, perhaps make a few tiny changes, and add some spice.

[Trinity]

It scared me...

[Taka]

i can imagine it would.

unfortunately, i seem to have a naturally twisted way of thinking when it comes to this sort of love, so a horrible death seems more like the ideal outcome than a disaster to me.

i was never even able to like horror flicks until i realized it's also possible to identify with the predator in some of them.

but that's just me, and i only count for that tint minority who'd read deatj panda for the romance rather than the supposed "shock value". don't read it though, it's extremely explicit in almost every way possible.

[Luyas]

Oh thanks for the help

[Trinity]

May 10, 2017 7:15:24 GMT 8 Luyas said:

Oh thanks for the help

I love your new profile pic and message